A long time ago, more than half my life, I went through an experience that
shocked my soul to the core.
In the ventilator ward,
the only conscious patient amongst the crash victims and the guy with tetanus,
laid out almost totally paralyzed, yet fully conscious, being kept alive by the
air pumped into my lungs via the tube cut into my trachea.
I'd been having physio.
As was common, I had bad pneumonia, so the physiotherapist used to come around
every day and beat my chest with cupped hands. I grew to like the percussive
rhythm and the contact.
While she beat away
with her rhythm, another nurse would disconnect me from the ventilator and "bag
me" manually with a balloon type gizmo attached to the tracheotomy tube. Every
so often she would disconnect the bag and insert a suction catheter down into my
trachea while the physio pushed down on my chest to simulate a cough. They'd
suck all the crap out, attach the bag and do some more percussion.
While this was going
on, the ventilator technician would service the machine.
This time when they
hooked me back up to the machine, something, I don't know what, went wrong. I
wasn't getting any air. Every cell in my body started screaming for oxygen, the
physical panic was a tidal wave that ripped through me. As the panic wracked
me, sight faded, body sense faded, sound faded and then came the calm.
I found myself
disembodied, floating above a crystal clear lake. It was only small, the water
shallow with smoothed stones about the size of a spread hand. Lush green foliage
with small shiny leaves overhung the water. I was as conscious and able to think
as I am here now writing this. Yet I was suffused with the "peace that passes
all understanding". This was something of a revelation to me and I didn't want
to go back to the horrors of the HDU.
Body sense and sight
slowly returned. I was left stunned and with a terrible head ache. But the fear
had gone. It never came back through the rest of a long illness and recovery,
and to this day, I am able to tap a certain fearlessness when it is needed.
Thinking back, the disembodied feeling was an amazing sense of freedom also.
Like one was no longer weighed down by the matter and the slowness of the
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes Unless someone has experienced a similar feeling, then the words used to
explain the experience do not mean the same thing for the speaker and the
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
I was fully aware through the whole experience.
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
Normal consciousness and alertness
I was fully aware through the whole experience.
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes mostly a bit clearer, sort of vibrant, but nothing weird.
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
you see a light?
you meet or see any other beings?
you experience a review of past events in your life?
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
Yes See above. Floated above clear shallow lake with overhanging trees.
Utter peace and freedom.
you have any sense of altered space or time?
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes I came away with an imprint in my being that dying was easy, it was
living that was hard, but necessary for learning.
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
you become aware of future events?
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes Almost as soon as I could. Haven't had much reaction.
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes I'd been interested in religion/paranormal stuff
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
Experience was definitely real I lived it.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
guess the removal of fear. And the experience of the peace.
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was probably real There is always doubt after one has time
to see it in it's context
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
Yes Lots of little glimses.
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
was the best thing that has ever happened to me, at the worst time of my life.
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?