Frances' Probable NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I was coming out of surgery for a simple procedure. It was 2 weeks after my baby was born. I was trying to come out of the anesthesia and a heard a nurse say "she isn't awake yet" " let her sleep a little longer"...it was then it happened. I felt so very sleepy, but unable to say I was awake. The next thing I felt separate from my body and woke up in black but only for a second, not even a second. I then was slowly going toward light and as I progressed toward it I felt almost layers of myself falling away....I became lighter and lighter and happier...just so happy. I was in a tunnel of very white light and I saw a group of people who loved me.  I don't know who they were, but they were familiar to me. No words were said but I felt the pure joy of being there...such incredible relief. There were many women young and old. It was short people...maybe children...and then very small beings to very tiny beings the size of a chick.  They were in a shadow, but standing in light. It was like I was not allowed to see them fully.  I wanted to join them so badly...like I just wanted to jump into the middle of them...to be at one with them for where they were standing was in a more happier place than I was in...even thought where I was, was very happy too.  I could not for some reason go further...I don't remember if I was given a choice but someone from both with in the crown in the middle with grey hair was talking to me with out words but was also beside me in my ear...we talked with our heads...our thoughts...we discussed me staying and me going back. It he or she I don't know which reminded me of my baby son just born...I had almost forgotten his need of me.  We talked about how I could choose to stay, but that I should remember that I am a mother.  Not that I was needed per say or that I felt guilty about staying but chose to go back because I wanted to be his mother. I also wanted to the growth I needed from the remainder of my life lived out...as it was conveyed to me I needed more growing...learning.  So I chose to go back.  I felt so sad to leave.  Reluctant but took it on the chin to go back. 

When I awoke it was a real painful experience and I finally had use of my muscles and asked the nurse "where are all the people".  She said "what people" and I could not believe she didn't know.  I was angry she didn't know what I was talking about or didn't see them. I felt angry to be back.  I feel a loss of interest in my life now.  I love my son.  But I just don't seem to care about bonds between me and people as much as I used to.  I can't seem to feel closed to just one person, but feel close to many.  I find myself falling in love with every person. I was already a bit like this, but now I am even more so.  I have been with 5 men since then and each one I feel exactly the same about.  My child as well...I feel no special bond...only my duty.  I love him yes...but just like I love everyone. It scares me that maybe I am not as good a mother as I once was.  Also, I am so much more relaxed...I don't care about time so much, or jobs.  I find myself alone a lot...walking.  I am more at peace, but feel a bit sad I cannot be with those people...I also feel frustrated that my life hasn't changed dramatically or that I haven't some great mission.  I feel like I must have not gotten it all or cheated that I don't have something profound to say...other than I want to go back.  I didn't feel a terrible need to tell anyone. 

I don't think I am crazy or feel ashamed, just felt it was more of extension of who I already am...only intensified...I don't know if any of this is making sense...Now I think of it...I feel alone in it somewhat.  I feel a bit selfish now reading what others have gotten out of it...that I didn't tell people of it...I guess it felt so natural...that it didn't seem important, except to me.  Why did I not see anyone I knew...?  Why was I not allowed to see their faces fully?  Why was I in the light and they were in the light but they were in a shadow barely able to make out? Why was I kept close enough yet far enough away to not reach them? Who spoke to me? and could the smaller beings really be animals? Why did I not get some great life changing mission or personality change? Why am I the same after, if any change...it's one of relaxation...to where nothing seems to matter...not in a sad way, but in an acceptance way?

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     I feel confused. I don't remember words...more feelings.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I was engaged in thoughts conversing...and when I was aware of the world falling away and I was feeling lighter and lighter, happier and happier..

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            When I was engaged in thoughts conversing...and when I was aware of the world falling away and I was feeling lighter and lighter, happier and happier..

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I was close enough to recognize them, but almost like I wasn't allowed to...only allowed to feel them...their presents and make out their shapes within the crowd.  We communicated via thoughts...no words....and via feelings...wonderful love coming at me...a happiness that I was there...there were many many many people...seemed like hundreds...but yet I don't know hundreds of people???

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            Yes     I didn't need sound.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            So very relieved, pure joy. excitement. Love in the purest form.  Sad I had to return, but willing to help myself and also, just forgot this, but to help their person who was talking to me...there was an element of you can stay, but would you please return, to help me...yet there were not specifications of how, only that I had a son and needed personal growth...quite happy to help that person.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     It was first very black but for less than a second...then began a slow gliding journey, like an enjoyable walk into a tunnel that were like white rings...as I passed through he light was brighter and brighter...and felt more relief as I got closer...

Did you see a light?           Yes     very bright light...it was so very good to see it...felt so right...I was so happy to have it and knew it was where I belonged...like I knew it already.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I did see other beings...many many of them...they sent love to me in the tunnel...welcoming me...they were very happy to see me and was sending be love like hugs so clear...one told me many things that I forgot, but that I needed to remember I was a mother. I could go back to stay but if I went I would grow it would be beneficial to me to grow and I wanted to be my sons mother...

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Uncertain      I know we had a very long conversation...but much of which was not understandable to me now...the only thing I think I am allowed to remember is that I was a mother...I was asked politely to come back to help the person conversing with me...and I recognized my desire to be my son's mother. And to grow...do the growing I needed to benefit...not just me but the world.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     When I was there it seemed to be about an hour or two...but when I woke I realized it could not have been that long from when I heard the nurse say " she is still asleep?" and then "let her sleep for a bit more"...for I was aware I was out side my room and then brought into the room and being pushed as the nurses were talking

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            I don't know about purpose...I don't feel I did...other than to grow and learn more as a person and that I have a desire to be my son's mother...and to help the being that spoke to me in a way I don't know about.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain      I think I did as I wanted to proceed but for some reason didn't...I think I was stopped to stopped of my own accord...I was so busy wanting to be with the crowd, to join them that I didn't pay attention to what made me stop. What ever it was, it was very gentle and kind.  I conversed with me...but my mind was on the crowed and my desire to be with them, but then became engrossed in a lengthy conversation with it...him/her...feels like a him

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Just recently like a day ago I posted it in a chat room to see what response I'd get...but got none.  I didn't feel a real need to discuss it...it was like it was supposed to. It was profound but only for me...and seemed like that was how it was supposed to be....

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    At first I thought it is real...then I thought no maybe it was a dream...but only for a second as I feel to sleep...and said it was real. I know it was real...I feel it is.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            Just that I chose to be my son's mother...I wasn't particularly needed...or wasn't allowed to see if I would be...but that I chose him. I chose to be with him here on earth.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I don't know...just that I have never felt such happiness...nothing ever like it....I feel I understand people more. I was allowed to understand people. I know that people are there who love me...I understand and know it is real...I cannot find words to explain how...

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     seem to have a more lateral view of people.  I cannot feel any more for one than I do another....I cannot see wrong in people where others do.  I feel I understand people so much more and it is not for me to judge them, but only love the....also feel a very big sense of freedom in terms of sex...not that I have sex a lot, but I have been with 5 men since and I love them all...and do not feel anymore toward one than the other...kind of confused about this as I should think it is bad, but I don't.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            No           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        just hope someone could shed some light on my questions and I wonder will I ever feel strongly about anyone again? How will I know who I am supposed to love as my partner if I cannot see him differently from others...as well my son...I am afraid he might be cheated as I feel equal love toward other children....it's just I take him home with me...I am his mother...

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes    

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   Did you see faces or just figures. Did you see animals or possible animals.