Esterlein B NDE
Narrative and Answers
edited for clarity by Judy Shea
Before I talk about my NDE, I must begin by saying that when I was very small,
just five years old, I was in bed with a high fever and became delirious.
Suddenly there were four young girls dressed in white around my bed. They were
talking to me and singing to me, as if they were the Sirens of Ulysses or
something of the sort. Their faces were unclear, so I don't really know what
they looked like; but I do remember that they had long hair and seemed very
nice. I cried out and my mother heard me and came quickly to my bed; and right
then, they disappeared. I then felt very fearful, and my mother thought that I
had had a nightmare.
Then, when I was 19, I woke up one morning feeling a bit dizzy. I went into the
bathroom, shut the door, and there I fainted.
Here is what I remember: I was suspended in a kind of starry sky which had the
form of an ellipse, and around me were those same "women" that I had seen many
years before when I was in bed. They were holding hands and circling and
circling, singing to me. They took me towards a very distant light; it was as if
I were floating in space. Since then, I've read that others sometimes go through
a tunnel, but that is not what my experience was like.
I felt very good. I cannot describe the state I was in, because I had never felt that way before, and have never felt anything like it since - so I have nothing to compare it to. I just let myself be carried and I was very, very happy. I had no fear at all.
Suddenly I heard some banging and voices shouting, and immediately I felt an immense force "sucking" me in and bringing me back to my body.
I awoke on the floor of the bathroom, and at first I couldn't remember anything at all of what had just happened. But I did notice that my head was really hurting and I had a bump on my temple, and I supposed that I had hit my head on the washbasin.
I got myself off the floor and opened the door, and my sister and mother, who had been trying to get in, tumbled onto me. They were crying, because they hadn't been able to open the door with my body blocking it. They had heard a very big noise; and then when they had tried to get to me, they couldn't; and I had not been responding to their shouts, either.
When they joined me, I began to cry, and suddenly the whole experience came back to me. I had an incredible collapse of morale. I could not stop crying; I was inconsolable. The extreme sadness I felt lasted for quite a few minutes.
When my family witnessed my sadness and crying, they became even more alarmed; they didn't know what was going on. They thought it must be the blow to my head that was causing all my crying and were worried about whether I was all right or not.
That's my story. I have never again felt anything like it. And I'm scared to think that it might happen again...
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes. The feelings I
had, I have never felt anything equal to them, or even similar to them.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I heard my mother and sister banging and shouting at the door. Up until then, nothing.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:
When I heard my mother and sister banging and shouting at the door. Until then,
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes. Where I was, my field of vision was not the same, I was merged with the
"cosmos" (in a manner of speaking), and saw in a different way, not with my
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? Yes. I did not hear in the normal way. One could say I heard their singing with my whole body.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Difficult to explain, a feeling of extreme fulfilment, extreme wellbeing, joy, all the good feelings we can have, all at once. While in that starry ellipse, with the women circling and singing, I had no memory of anything or anyone in my world, nor did I remember who I was.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Uncertain. It was not a tunnel, it was like the cosmos in movement, circling around me. They drew me towards a very distant light. But I did not manage to get near it; I saw it in the distance.
Did you see a light? Yes. From far off, the light drew us towards it - me and also those who were around me. We kept circling and approaching. And singing.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes. I don't know who they are, they were women - I think four of them, but I'm not sure - dressed in white and just full of light. I could not see their faces; they had long hair, and seemed like elves or nymphs, speaking in song, in a spiritual way.
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes. A kind of cosmos with an elliptical form which turned and turned.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes, completely. At times I believed I was turning for a long time, but other times it seemed that I was only conscious for a few minutes.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No, it seemed like there was one, but I did not reach it.
Did you become aware of future events? Uncertain. Sometimes I have the feeling of intuiting things which will happen, bad things. And then I feel bad, very sad. But I don't know if this bad feeling is a product of my apprehension or of the fact that something bad really is going to happen. At times, I have been right.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain. At times I seem to notice something of a paranormal nature, but I'm never sure whether it's just my imagination.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. Some believe me and others think I have made it up. I think that only my mother and sister completely believe me, as they were the ones to see my reaction when I began sobbing after I woke up.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain. It may be that I had heard about all the wonderful light in an afterlife experience, but even so, in no way would I have expected the women that I had seen when I was little, and even less the same song.
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. The experience and sensations were completely convincing. What I am less sure about is why they occurred; I don't know if it was a mystical experience or just an hallucination, very well-orchestrated by my brain. In spite of how sure I feel that it was real, I can't help that my mind produces doubts.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real. It was completely real.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? No
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes