Erin H's NDE

Every time I begin to tell the story one more time I am grasped by the numbness I seem to feel.  I have a series of mixed emotions over the whole issue and am experiencing several emotions. 

As I began to get up my chest began to tighten as it always does when I begin some difficulty breathing with my asthma.  At this moment I had no idea whether it was what I had just eaten or the dust in the air from the trees.  I figured it must be the dust in the air, so I began to gather myself around and got in my car and left.  My Father noticed I wasn't breathing really well and saw that I had taken my inhaler several times.  He seemed concerned, but didn't say very much.  I began down the road and my chest became tighter and tighter, but it wasn't until I looked down at my speedometer that I realized that I was doing only 20 miles an hour and it was requiring more energy to push on the accelerator.  I was holding my chest as close to the steering wheel as possible, sitting upright to catch my breath and increase my oxygen levels by lengthening my torso.  Nothing was working.  I grabbed my phone to call my husband and he noticed immediately that I was in distress.  He suggested that I pull over and asked where I was, I told him what street I was on when my phone went dead.  I couldn't believe it!  How ironic is it that you are in distress calling for help when your phone dies?  I was upset and threw my phone into the seat next to me.  I knew I had to get off the road before I hurt someone or myself and the last thing we needed was crash the car that I was borrowing because mine was having a new engine being put in it.  I pulled into a golf course parking lot and with very little energy I grabbed my epi-pen out of my purse and fumbled to figure out how to work. 

I had done this a million times before with the practice pen, why can't I get this damn thing open?  Finally the needle pops out directly into my right thumb, fumbling some more to re-grab the medicine I punctured myself again in the side of my thumb.  At this time I have blood oozing out of my thumb and I didn't care I just needed to the needle into my leg.  I stab myself in the right thigh realizing that I didn't even feel the needle.  My adrenaline must be so high that I am not able to feel any pain at all.  Realizing what was really going on, and I would need to call 911 without a phone I began looking around to find someone.  At this time I began to pray because my chest and throat were so tight and I was sweating in a hot car trying not to pass out.  I began to honk my horn at the gentleman that standing about 50 yards in front of me trying to get his golf clubs either into or out of his back hatch.  He was very hesitant at first because he wasn't sure why I was honking my horn, but I pressed the button on the door to roll the window down further so that I could lean out and call for help.  He started to move closer to the car and realized I had blood coming off of my hand.  He asked if I was alright and I instructed him to call 911 because I really needed an ambulance.  The epi-pen made me very agitated almost angry-like.  I wanted to punch something and at the same time I was scared.  The gentleman was quite calm for what was going on and became very frustrated when 911 put him on hold.  I wanted to cry at that point because I couldn't believe my luck.  He then called a different phone number and introduced himself as a "Dr.", but I can't remember his name for the life of me. 

He explained to the other person on the line to call dispatch and to get an ambulance out to us "now".  He was my angel that day.  Shortly after he got off the phone my husband and a police officer arrived.  I was instructed to give myself the epi-pen again, the officer believe there was still some medicine left over in the syringe.  This time I gave it to myself in the left leg, and later my husband had stated that he thought I was going to break the needle off into my leg.  I didn't feel anything at this time.  I was very frustrated that the ambulance was not there yet and still praying, thinking in shock that "today may be the day that inscribed on my tombstone".  It was a few minutes later when the ambulance arrived and they were assisting me over and onto the stretcher.  They lifted me into the back of the ambulance and my husband was instructed to get in.  He grabbed a few things out of the car, locked them and got into the back of the ambulance.  I remember feeling really weak and tired, but I was fighting to stay awake.  I was scared and didn't want to lose consciousness.  I remember feeling like if I lost consciousness I would die.  They kept asking me all these questions and my brain felt like it was shutting down.  I was still agitated from the epi-shot and I asked them if they could ask my husband those questions because I couldn't think at that moment.  I was confused and with a lack of oxygen to the brain I felt in a "duh" state.  I remember relaxing back and feeling, "I have help, its okay to let go".  This irritated me, but I went with it. 

I shut my eyes and blackness came with a million different pictures flashing very quickly before my eyes.  I felt light and at peace and there was no pain.  It was a beautiful feeling.  At the same time I became mad I had a million voices talking to me, and I could hear them all but now, I don't remember a dang thing they were saying.  I thought, "am I dying?".  I was mad, its not fair!  My kids can not grow up without a Mother!  They need me, damn it I need them!  I remember screaming on the inside and at that moment my eyes opened and I sat forward really quickly.  This sent the EMT workers into grabbing me to try to hold me onto the stretcher.  I grabbed my husband by both shoulders and told him that he might not believe in God but he better start.  I told him, "you have to...you have to believe."  Everyone was looking at me like I was crazy.  I knew my memory wouldn't hold.  I remember telling everyone, "they won't let me remember, I need to try and remember."  I loved the feeling I had just experienced but I wasn't about to leave my kids for it.  Not yet, I had to fight.  I kept asking them to keep talking to me so that I would stay awake.  I had to stay awake.  I was in shock with my experience and happy that I was right.  There is life after death.  I was overjoyed, scared, excited, confused and full of several emotions...pumped full of drugs and I thought my heart was going to explode.  I don't really remember too much after that, and the only conversation I remember holding with anyone during the 6/8 hours I was in ER was with my Mom.  I couldn't believe that I spoke to her for about 2 min's and she got off the phone with me because she had to "get to the golf course so she wouldn't be late".  That sent me even to have less feeling.  I told my husband to call my ex to have the kids to come up to the hospital.  I really wanted to see my kids.  I just wanted to hold them.  I was trying so hard to remember everything about my experience and at the same time I was feeling it slip away. This saddened me but I was just happy to be alive- happy my kids wouldn't spend the rest of their lives without their Mother.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     Yes and No, Not really difficult to explain but even when you explain it they don't seem to really get what you are trying to say.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes            Asthma/Allergy Attack w/ Anaphylactic

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    It took a little while for me to realize what I was looking at.  When all the pictures started to flash before my eyes it wasn't until they were almost done that they were pictures of myself when I was a little girl.  Those pictures were so cool, but they flashed before my eyes so fast and at the same time I could see every single one of them.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            It took a little while for me to realize what I was looking at.  When all the pictures started to flash before my eyes it wasn't until they were almost done that they were pictures of myself when I was a little girl.  Those pictures were so cool, but they flashed before my eyes so fast and at the same time I could see every single one of them.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Everything now seems like it was a vivid dream, but I wasn't dreaming.  I lost consciousness.  Everything was so fast, but so clear.  It was a feather quickly floating in the wind that you can't get even close to.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     My ears closed (not fully) to the surrounding sounds of the ambulance and the sirens and the people talking to me.  The voices and pictures became more clearer the more I paid attention to them.  I could still hear slightly what was going on outside of my body, but what was going on inside of my became clearer.  The selective hearing was there.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Too many to list them all but from my previous explanations you should be able to get an idea.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain     

Did you see a light?           Uncertain     

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      I remember them talking to me, but I didn't see them.  It was over before I knew it had started.  Although I do remember seeing the flashes of my childhood and revisiting it.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     Stated earlier

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     Outside of my body?  Is that question?  Not during that time but after my eyes opened back up I faintly do recall the questions they were still trying to ask me during the few seconds I was under.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     Feel yes, see...only flashes of my own life.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Altered? No time stop?  Yes!

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            This is the part that is hard to explain.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No       At that time I didn't know that was what I was feeling.

Did you become aware of future events?       No            Not really but I felt like I understood my purpose in life.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No       They are more in tuned now, but I have always been quite intuitive.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     But the parts I am unable to remember It is because they won't let me remember.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No       I have never experienced this before or had a desire to, but I have heard of others that have.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real   

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    Not really I just thought It was cool to see myself as a child.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real   

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain            Very possible that they have- but not by me.  My relationship with my husband is more communicable as a result due to his experience with it.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            No            However, the knowledge is powerful enough to maintain the feeling and push for a revolution for peace.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No       No drug or earth-bound chemical can give / repeat a feeling of such.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        It is my job to tell you that there really is life after death, and what we do here matters.  Any troubles that you may have...you need to let go of because they don't exist on that side.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     Some of them.... they helped me remember

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   no...but it is going to take a few minutes for the numbness to go away again.