Desiree B's NDE-Like
Edited for clarity by Simon 11/16/11
11 Nov 2003
I was in a very deep sleep, surrounded by total darkness, very intense. Even in
a dreamless sleep one could expect to see something. I was far away. At 4.00am I
became fully awake; there was a light so bright that I could not stand it for
long. Everything moved past me.
12 Nov 2003
Still very tired, feeling dizzy, detached.
13 Nov 2003
I felt very restless. I fell quickly asleep again, still feeling dizzy. Lunch was brought to my room. Then wow! I felt something which really moved me! My heart was beating very fast; then there was a buzzing sound and I was outside my body, about a meter distant... I re-entered through my head. I cried and cried in misery.
I fell asleep again, a deep but strange sleep. Shadows came and went, then it became lighter. It was not dark as previously. I felt God's presence. He summoned me there and I also knew He wanted to be with me. There was also a good angel there. Years ago when I felt quite lonely, God let me know that we are never alone, there is always Someone with you. While the angel was there I said to God that I knew at least that an angel was with me. Though I could no longer see him, I still felt him clearly... he wanted me to make a choice whether to stay or not. I wanted to leave the choice to God's will, and not decide myself. I wanted Him to know that with all the suffering of human experience, I was not incline to go back, but I left it totally in His hands.
The previous evenings I had eaten well. But the thought came to me: "...the shadow of death".
During each "absence", I was at first in intensely dark surroundings; I could not determine the size of the space. But I felt no anxiety, I just knew for sure that God is with me; as he is everywhere, so he is here. So I felt quite calm... Suddenly I found myself in a large light space, standing in a sort of entranceway, near a door, but I had no memory of coming through the door, I was just there. To the left was a kind of barrier, and beyond were a number of angels, and God Himself.
I felt completely welcomed, as if coming home after a long trip away. I felt total communication from them but without wanting to be a part of them. I felt enormous love and warmth and an intense feeling that I could be completely myself; here there was no need to hide anything, I was accepted just as I am. I even felt equal to the angels and to God Himself, there seemed no distinction between them and me based on appearance or manners, as we have here on earth. I even felt completely free to speak my mind to God. When he asked me whether I chose to remain above, or return below, to my amazement I dared to speak my mind. I gladly left the choice to God, to send me back as He willed, and to do it in the way He thought right. He consulted separately so that I could not hear what was said, though I saw the outcome was good. Whatever was said against me I could not hear, though I knew some things were said...
The “angels” and “God” and even I myself were not all radiant white; the whole space was radiant white; there were no shadows, but it was dazzling. Yet I could see no faces. That would be a detached and impersonal experience here on earth, but there it was absolutely not; there was no necessity for faces, or bodily form. God means "I Am" and that is what you experience too, that you "am".
The space was quite large; I had the impression of a great light dome over everything, but with no glass; it was an open space, but with the appearance of containing you, a feeling of protecting everything.
The shadows that dispersed from me were also quite separate. The room below, where my body lay, had no sunlight at that time, but the shadows around me seemed good... I would gladly have stayed with God but I could not cross that barrier, I came back. I was given to know that it was not my time. When I think of it now, a year later, I feel an intense homesickness for His presence, that enormous source of love...
I had another experience 4˝ years previously, with great spiritual and physical implications, where God asked me whether I wanted to pass above or remain below. Our son is confined in a psychiatric clinic, and at that time I wanted to be taken up to heaven; it was the most difficult time in my life. I chose to stay here, because my human self has ties here; we have 3 children with ADHD/autism. I was then told that He would bring us to calm waters and green pastures. It gave me great comfort, as I was about ready to crack up. I realized that God looks after our son, that there was a purpose in what he was going through.
During the NDE, God was involved in a dialogue with the angels concerning my choice whether to stay or go back. Some of it I was allowed to know, as it concerned me directly, but not all of it. My choice to come back here was received joyously. I was given to know that there would be a greater joy in store for me. I was awed to feel that the celebration of my presence there led to my coming back here... In the bible it says Jesus stands attendance on his bride... Now I can feel what that means. I look forward to this in awe. For now I have a task still to accomplish here below.
kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes Some aspects cannot with words spoken, written or on which artistic
manner portrayed become. I have compete felt, that I cannot describe really.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Almost the whole time.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: I was totally myself; for this reason was adapting is I myself always to men me off; at what it necessary. Above is everything confesses and could I total myself be; that meant that my eyes actual and finally opened became for/by myself.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? No
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, HEAT, JOY, RESPECT, EQUIVALENCE, THE TEGENOVERGESTELDE VAN SOLITUDE, PERSONAL INVOLVEMENT, JOY
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes I was in a quite black surroundings. I said against God;" Gentleman, also here YOU are bee me" and then I began this to say, saw I far away a light point. After I this said had, was I in the large light dome with God and the angels. I felt total no fear or whatever. I felt myself quite calm.
see a light?
Yes Far away a light point.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes We were in the large dome. God stood stood right for me and the angels (a group) left for me. (Thus right of God!) I (here) knew not she. Would god early on me; "Set that you be able to choose now, you would want to remain or go back Here then?" This was not said in words against me, but I knew communicated became what there. What kind of me meant, I and what "heard not" was was for me meant, not. I asked on a moment or I poet by Him might come. That could not would can, told God me, because I the life here no longer on then. Between the angels and God there, or I communicated became well or would not remain.
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes The kind of light dome; that quite clear, as if you was stands outside in the sun, but really it as if you appeared was within; it felt protect whole. There were also no shadows. There were them to me also walls and doors for my feeling, but that not saw them to me I really also again. Perhaps came that, because it no shadows were?
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes It became me yet! Clearer what the target of this live is; nl. Gods learn know and live so closed possible by Him. How more you Him knows, how closer you just now by Him can be. How solidly your relation with Him is, how more you of Its Magnificence can see. That lies not at Him, but at how you self with Him want go around. He is infinite LOVING. He know you through and through; by Him, you can be so appalling yourself.. This is not describe can thus, what I.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes More understanding in about which men compete do, as they they do. I Feel also much more emotion, especially also over others.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes When I not yet knew what it had been; have I the mine man told and the psychologist. They understood had been then also not yet what it. After that have I one time hidden away, but a year later on came it again back; when am I about it firstly with my man and the psychologist will talk. First found they the difficult, but after they self in it went broaden and there me saw, what it with me did, changed that. Now that I talk about it always more easily.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read about it once in a while something, but by my own BDE, I recognized nothing from, except of the tunnel.
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real It was clear a much clearer experience then a dream b. v.
the feeling was so intense deep and uniquely, that you that cannot think away.
It was never get such profound experience, that you more rid!!
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, That the contact with God so personal was; that He you so through and through knows and you good find as you are!! The joy over that you Above are! That you "back of cleared off" are..
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real God regularly want to feel me also now yet, who He is and what does He. In me and in other men. I feel, live turns is about which this here all round and that so particular.. As miseries, that many men it do not want to take, what He us serve will!
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes More intense and more valuable.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I had yet a vision of the heaven; a trip with a bus with my man together; over a beautiful bridge. We stood all in a long line, but there nobody had been hurried or distressed. We enjoyments of the view from the bridge; a beautiful surf, with waves that on the rocks hit; really fantastic.. Later on it as if we appeared sat in a train, but then open and without gedengedengedeng.. We looked at "living buildings". Eén had at the top the top a steel construction where there in the hands! Clapped became, in honor of God. There was also music outside the buildings.
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Do not know.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes