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Demi B NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

 My family was camping at Cape Lookout near Tillamook OR right on the ocean.  I believe I was about 14 yrs old.  I'd met a girl from another family camping there my same age and we were playing in the ocean together.  I was in waist deep water when I stepped into a deep sinkhole and was pulled under by the current.  I was terrified and fought desperately to reach the surface, but the current was too strong.  Soon I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and love and literally was aware of my soul leaving my body through the top of my head, there was no distress involved in this and I felt no sorrow or sadness for the body I was leaving behind, I didn't even look back at it.  I was immediately embraced by an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance and was in a tunnel like space surrounded with indescribable colors and music.  These were not colors or musical notes I'd ever heard before, there was NO fear, just an unbelievable sense of love.  Ahead of me was a very bright light and I remember thinking that it was so bright that if I looked at it it would hurt my eyes, but it didn't.  I didn't yet realize what the light was but immediately knew that that is where ALL things come from and it is where all things return and that when I was back inside the light I would know and be everything.  I didn't see any people or sense their presence, I didn't see any sort of buildings or anything other than the beautiful colors, and I didn't hear anything other than the music.  I was given messages, no one gave them to me, I just knew them and the closer I became to the light the more anxious I was to be in it, to ""return"" to all love and all knowledge.  The first message I was given was that the single most important thing in the Universe is Love, that love is all that matters, that we are all the same and that we are all love.  The message that caused me the most curiosity was that we are all the same, and it went on to say that I was exactly the same as everything in the universe and was specific enough to tell me that I was exactly the same as every blade of grass.  Then I was given the message that it wasn't my time to be there, that I had things I needed to do here on this plain.  I was upset by this news because this was the most indescribable and loving and all encompassing feeling I'd ever had and didn't want to return.  I even remember protesting but being gently told that I had to come back to complete the things I was sent here to do.  I had no sensation of returning to my body, my first memory was of being grabbed by my hair by my swimming companion, the girl I'd met on the beach and being pulled back up to the surface.  My initial reaction was anger because I didn't want to be back, I wanted to be in the light, my second reaction was fear over what had just happened. 

As I grew up I never spoke of any of this because I thought people would think I was crazy, it wasn't until the seventies when Kubler-Ross came out with her book 'On Death and Dying' did I really start to think about it, so many similar stories, maybe I wasn't crazy after all?  So as the years went on I struggled with what the message about me being specifically the same as every blade of grass, I took college science, physics, biology, chemistry and math classes to seek answers.  I learned the specific differences between a plant and animal cell and could find no connection whatsoever.  I knew love was the foundation for everything but had grown up with a Pedophile for a Father and all of the trauma associated with that type of abuse.  I became pregnant at 16 and married my then boyfriend who used to beat me up.  I divorced him and married a very controlling man who had no joy in his heart and had my second child with him, divorcing him 33 yrs later.   

In my new life after my divorce one day I was flipping channels on the TV and came across a program on physics, which I love, and stopped to listen to it.  The discussion was about 'String Theory' and it hit me like a ton of bricks, after all those years and all of my searching for answers to the blade of grass message I had my answer.  It was like being hit over the head with a baseball bat it was so clear to me.  When I was in college one of the great physics findings was the discovery of Quarks, the smallest part of atoms, how nothing smaller could exist but I had this profound feeling that if a Quark could be discovered and measured, on any level, then it had to be divisible and that there had to be something inside them.  The TV program explained that inside every Quark are thousands if not millions of strings, which are pure energy, they are different shapes, closed like rubber bands or open and that depending on the shape and vibration of the strings inside the quarks inside the atoms determined if something was ""going to be a rock, an elephant, a person or a blade of grass""!!  That was my answer, I knew that we were all made up of energy, I understood the laws of physics, I knew quarks were divisible and they used the same verbiage, we are the same as every blade of grass.  It became completely clear to me what my long ago message had meant, and even though I'd always accepted and known that everything was the same now I knew why.  Plant and animal cells are totally different, in all my searching for answers in my classes there was never an explanation to me until then. 

I am reading Anita Moorjani's book ""Dying to be Me"", her experience was so similar to mine in so many ways, most importantly the unbelievable and indescribable feeling of love and of being literally a part of everything that it brought it all back to me.  I've certainly never forgotten any of it, but it really made me remember the specific experience and love.  It wasn't just that I felt unbelievable love, I WAS unbelievable love, God is love and that God was within me and all of us.  I am not a religious person, because of  my experience to me the answers do not lie in any organized religion.  I know that every society, no matter how remote or how primitive, all recognize a higher power, whether it be a tree, a rock or waterfall, or the ceremonies in organized religion.  To me the answers lie within us, but even with this knowledge and even with having actually been on the other side and gaining such knowledge, I still  live in the human form and it is far too easy to get caught up in life's events.  I saw your website in her book and literally closed the book and went to this site to share my story.   

It is real.  It is unexplainable.  It is the most amazing experience I'd ever had, or ever will have while on this plain, but I know it's real because I was there, if only for a few moments.  I know that similar experiences are different for different people but I also know that there are enough similarities and shared experiences that it's real.  And I know because I was there, it is real. 

My goal for myself is to remember it all, to share with those who are open to it or interested in it.  My husband was very much a skeptic and made fun of me so it was never discussed with him.  I want to work on myself and honor my messages and work on not letting myself get so caught up in life stressors.  I was working at a very stressful job, an Office Manager in an assisted living community.  The job was overwhelming, the Corporate folks demanded unachievable goals and berated you when you were unable to do them.  The pressure was non stop and my spirit was at an all time low about a year or so ago.  At that time I was diagnosed with stage three melanoma from a mole on my shin that had spread to two lymph nodes in my groin.  I took leave from work and went through several very large and painful surgical procedures, one of which becoming infected afterwards and spending two more weeks in the hospital sicker than I'd ever been in my life.  But I recovered, my follow up PET scan shows no Melanoma, but I do have several suspicious moles, one of which I just had another pretty big surgery to remove from  my thigh.  So, as time goes on I will most likely have to have more removed, but of course the trick will be to catch them early enough, my initial site did not look suspicious, it had changed but not in any of the ways melanoma does.  When I went to my GP to have it removed she looked at it and said ""I can guarantee you it's not Melanoma"".  But it was, and a rare form that doesn't present like the text books say.  During this process I was very in touch with my near death experience, in this plain and in this life, I didn't want to die and I certainly didn't want to die a painful death from cancer, however, I understood that whatever happened was supposed to happen to me.  A wonderful surgeon came into my life, his energy when he first walked into my exam room assured me that if this could be OK, that he'd be the man to make it so.

I was fired from my job in July of this year for a ridiculous reason, I'd been there five years and had endured stress levels that made me sick, but I did my best.  The afternoon of the day I was fired I was told that my recent biopsy was positive for melanoma but it was in the very early stage and non-invasive but a bigger surgery would be required.  Being fired and finding out you have more cancer on the same day was a pretty big hit, I'm coming to terms with the job, all of my friends and family are glad I'm out of that environment because it was  making me sick and some feel it may have been the cause of my melanoma.  More likely it was caused because I was a fair haired child who played at the beach any chance I had, which is why I had my NDE.  An unknown girl rescued me, a profound life altering event happened to me, and I know it's real. 

Since being fired I'm attempting to rediscover my joy, which has always been hard for me starting from a very young age because of the sexual abuse from my father.  Going through trials and tribulations of life, being in two bad marriages, always feeling ""less than"", trying my hardest but it never being enough.  So, at age 65, struggling financially, I decided that my partner and I needed to so something just for us to help us both re learn to laugh and slow down and love our lives.  We bought a pair of tricycle motorcycles, we're going to take our safety classes and we're going to zip around this beautiful Island on Puget Sound that we live on, and I am going to work on decompressing and loving everything.  I will be stopping to smell the roses much more often and winking at the grass because I know our secret!!!!

 At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  Caught in undertow in the ocean, unable to surface.

 Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     I don't have the words to describe it, there aren't any words to really describe it, we're not aware of that love and acceptance and beauty in this plain.

 At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I felt myself expanding and realizing that I was returning to the source of all love and all wisdom.

 How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I felt a love I'd never felt, the colors and the music were so amazing, I knew I was part of all of this.  I didn't really understand but knew that when I got into the light that I would know all and be all, that it was where everything comes from and returns to.  Love was everything.

 Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   During the experience was pure joy and love, immediately prior was pure terror as I knew I was caught in the ocean current and unable to breath, I fought as hard as I could.

 Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   My hearing during the experience was heightened, the music I heard was nothing I'd ever heard, and I didn't just hear it, I was it.  Immediately prior I was underwater and have no specific recollection of hearing anything.

 Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   The tunnel with the amazing colors, the bright light ahead, the beautiful and unknown music, the overwhelming sense of love and warmth, knowing I belonged there and that I had come from there.  The messages I was given, including the fact that we are all the same and specifically that I was the same as every blade of grass.  Being told that I couldn't stay, that there were things I needed to do before I could come back.

 What emotions did you feel during the experience?   LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Pure love, acceptance, warmth, peace, knowing without any doubt that this is were we all came from.  Sweet, sweet love, all love.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Yes   A tunnel of colors with beautiful music.

 Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   A very bright light ahead of me, I was concerned that it would hurt my eyes if I looked at it, but it didn't.  I knew that everything came from the light and returned to it, and I knew that when I was inside it I would have all knowledge, that I would be all knowledge and love

 Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I didn't so much hear a voice as I sensed it.  It was very clear and I knew it was real and right.

 Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
 It was indescribeable.  But the most important thing I can say is that it was real and that it was total, all consuming love.

 Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
 Because I was rescued quickly I know I couldn't have been there for more than a few seconds or maybe a couple of minutes.  It seemed as though I was a part of time, that it had no meaning as we know it.

 Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
I understood that love was the most important message and that we are all the same, I was told that I, personally, was exactly the same as every blade of grass.  Many years later, after much research on how this could be possible, studying in college to see how my cells could be the same as plant cells, I learned about "String Theory".  I saw the light ahead and while I already felt I was gaining knowledge of the Universe, I knew when I got to the light I would be knowledge.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
I was given the message that it wasn't time for me to be there yet, and that there were things on this earth that I needed to do.  I remember being so disappointed and questioning this and being told that I had to come back to complete the things I was to do.

 Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will

 Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   As I approached the light I knew that was where I had come from, where everything had come from, and that everything returns to.  I knew that I was a part of and connected to everything, that everything was love and energy and that we are all a part of it.  I knew through the laws of Physics that you cannot create or destroy energy, and I learned that in my experience, that we are a never ending energy force.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I didn't see a God like being, I saw no beings, but was immediately aware that there was a power there that has been described as God.  This energy was communicating with me and this energy gave me very specific messages.  This was also the same energy that told me I had to return to my body, that I hadn't completed the things I was sent to do.  I felt totally at one with this energy, it was a part of me, as if I was the energy source and was communicating with myself, but I knew it was a much higher power that I was a part of.  I feel that this energy, or God like awareness is within myself and that being in the tunnel I became one with it, or somehow my spirit allowed this awareness to return to me. I knew that all knowledge was in the light and that once there I would be and know everything and was anxious to enter it, it was like going home only magnified a billion times.  I was comforted, accepted, loved and I felt a total connection with the supreme energy force.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   That love is the most important thing in the universe.

That I am the same as everything, specifically being told that I was the same as every blade of grass leading me to a lifetime of research to try to understand what that meant.  Then in my 50's watching a TV program about physics where the String Theory was being discussed and learning that there are strings of energy inside every quark inside every atom, and that depending on the shape and vibration of the strings you become either a rock, and elephant a person or a blade of grass.  I also learned that there is indeed a plan for all of us, we are not able to know what that plan is for us but we need to complete it before being allowed to return to the light as I was told I had to come back and accomplish my tasks.  I learned that everything is connected and the same.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   Absolutely yes!!!  We are all connected to every single thing, that we are all the same, that we continue after earthly death.  I do believe in reincarnation, but received no messages regarding it.  My belief is that while in the light we choose which life to come back as, that these choices will provide us either with the lessons we are to learn or the lessons we are to teach.  When we go back to the light I believe that we have an amazing ability to know everything including the lessons we still need to be involved in on earth and that we choose when and how to come back.  Not in the way I would choose to have an apple instead of an orange, but a profound understanding of choice and knowledge.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Yes!  It was total love, everything is love.

 During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I knew I was to love and to help people.  I'm coming to realize that I've endured a tremendous amount of hardship in my life, however, I do think I've helped people to deal with their life situations on several occasions.  I was asked, very unexpectedly, to speak at a gathering of women when the speaker didn't show up.  I wasn't prepared, I had nothing of interest to discuss, but I wasn't frightened or nervous.  I had never spoken before a large group before in my entire life and I had a very large audience of women looking at me with love and acceptance. They knew the speaker hadn't shown up and that I was not prepared, but their energy gave me the confidence that they appreciated whatever effort I was about to make and I began to speak.  I was part of a group called "Women in Transition" at that time, I took this class when I was going through my divorce and I can't tell you how much it helped me.  This event was connected with that class although most of the women were not enrolled in the class.  I introduced myself, spoke of how all of us women were in continual states of transition, touched briefly on my own path which included talking about my sexual abuse, my unhealthy marriages and other life issues.  Duriing my talk I noticed several women in the audience wiping tears away!!  How could this be possible?  I'm not important, I bring nothing, I'm just Barb and was asked to speak at the last minute.  But I began to feel like I was a part of all of them, each of them had had their sets of experiences and hardships, and I really think that they all connected with me in one way or another.  Perhaps they'd been sexually abused and had never uttered a word about it to anyone, maybe hearing my words helped them, maybe they were in bad marriages and feeling helpless as I had.  I feel  my purpose is to offer kindness, love and happiness to people, even if it's just a smile to someone in the grocery store who hasn't been smiled at in awhile.  Years after my Women in Transition course I ran into a woman who had been in our class, at the time she was a very frightened little woman who had NO power and was afraid of her husband and everything in her life.  When I re connected w/her I couldn't believe it was the same woman!  She was strong, and empowered, she had divorced her husband and started a new life and was happy!  As we chatted and caught up I told her how happy I was for her, and how strong she had become, that she'd taken her own power back and could now live in joy.  She then told me that I was the reason.  I was literally shocked and had no clue what she was talking about.  She went on to say that during our class she listened to my story, that several of the things I said resonated in her and that she knew that if I could do it she could do it.  Over the years, every time I see her, happy now, re married to a wonderful man, she thanks me and can't tell me enough how I helped change her life.  That is powerful and very humbling.

 What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I'd had beliefs, I was a child, but in this experience I was given knowledge.  A belief is a belief, knowledge is power.

 How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   It was the single most profound experience of my life.

 Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I have the luxury of having been blessed by this experience at a very young age.  Over the years, while I do tend to get caught up in life's struggles, I have the ability to return to my experience to remind and re set my thinking on the true thing important in life.  Love.
My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   That everyone is the same, that all of us are connected and that we all need to remember that love is truly the answer.

 Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   That love is everything, that we are all exactly the same and that we all have tasks to complete here on earth.

 Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I've had a few psychic experiences, but one stands out. I was driving home from work one afternoon and I got a vivid picture of my daughter, who was married w/a family, standing in front of her stove.  She was barefoot and wearing shorts and stirring a big pot of spaghetti sauce which she spilled all down the front of her causing sever burns to her lower body.  I couldn't get home fast enough, this was well before cell phones and I called her the moment I got home.  I asked her what she was doing and sure enough she was cooking spaghetti sauce, barefoot and in shorts.  I think my call saved her from severe injury, my vision was so clear, I even saw the clothes she was wearing which were accurate.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     That love is everything, that we are all exactly the same and that we all have tasks to complete here on earth.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  This happened when I was about 14, I didn't discuss it with anyone until well into adulthood.  It wasn't ever something I just brought up for no reason, but if the conversation lended itself I would talk about it.  Whenever I have spoken of it I always preface it by saying that I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, that I would just like to share my experience.  Some people have been moved to tears, some people skeptical and some downright disgusted and telling me how wrong I am.

 Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I was overwhelmed.  I didn't say anything to anyone, I never even told my Mother what had happened in the ocean.  I knew I'd had a life altering event and had been shown amazing things but I kept it all to myself until well into adulthood.

 What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   It was real, I was there, I had the experience.

 Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I don't know how to explain it, I feel like there have been times in  my life when my experience has helped me to get back in touch with the reality of it all when I've been consumed by other people's actions and behaviors.  I feel I've been able to help people, and I believe I've shared the message with the people in my life who were ready to hear it.

 Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   I was only a kid, my parents made me go to Sunday School which I hated.  To me they were all hypocrites.  One of the most "religious" men I knew was our next door neighbor who tried on multiple occasions to sexually abuse me.  He'd have the Bible in one hand and his other hand under my skirt.  As a kid I think I believed in a higher power, but knew it wasn't to be found in a church, at least not for me.

 At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No   I wish it would.

 Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes