EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
I had just come out of a very difficult surgery with necrotic small intestines,
peritonitis, and listed in critical condition. I woke from anesthesia between
actual end of surgery and recovery room. Woke and sat up abruptly, choking
violently. One nurse came to me and pushed me back down onto the stainless steel
table I was lying on, and simultaneously pulled a ventilator from my throat. I
instantly flew out of my body and found myself standing outside of myself at my
right shoulder. I watched as another nurse grabbed a bottle(s) off a shelf. Next
recollection I have was a presence (dark with wings?) enveloping me from behind
and telling me "NO." Then I felt suspended in some sort of colorless void
without any senses, but a feeling of peace (or absence of fear). Slowly over the
next two days I had a dawning awareness of being enveloped in a warm white
light, cocooned in that golden white light, safe. Eventually I came to and
everything in the room was white. I had a narrow window high on the wall of the
room that allowed light to stream into the room. My nurse was a gay man, very
loving and attentive. It was a very slow process of days before I was fully
awake and present.
Prior to the surgery,
during the diagnosis phase in the ER (day 2 in an emergency room --the first
emergency room missed the obstruction totally) while suffering with gangrene in
my gut, if I was allowed to be left alone, I left my body somehow and felt no
pain. When the hospital staffed touched me at all and brought me back to
consciousness, the pain was way beyond unbearable. I was at peace with dying. No
fear, no pain so long as I could be left alone.
I
didn't have anyway to understand the void until I heard someone on Donahue
describing their near-death experience and the "void" at which point I had a way
to understand what I had experienced. I confirmed with the MD surgeon that in
fact my heart stopped when I woke in the surgery room and began choking. This
incident greatly complicated an already dire situation.
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Yes Small bowel obstruction that had gone undiagnosed for 36+ hours and had
become gangrenous with peritonitis.
At
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
and alertness?
When standing beside my right shoulder when I first left my body, I think. This
is a difficult question to answer.
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
Less consciousness and alertness than normal
If
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was
different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please
explain:
When standing beside my right shoulder when I first left my body, I think. This
is a difficult question to answer.
Did
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Uncertain I just don't know how to answer these questions. The
consciousness was qualitatively different from what I have in my everyday life.
The void is difficult to adequately describe.
Did
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
etc.)?
Uncertain Only heard the "NO" as a strong sort of whisper.
After that don't recall sound in the void or the warm white light space. As I
came back to consciousness in the white space, the voices and sounds of the
hospital were at first seemingly far away. Over a few days sounds normalized.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
Peace, no upset whatsoever. Sort of matter-of-fact like.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
No Don't recall any tunnel, only the void first, and then the cocooning in
warm white light.
Did
you see a light?
Uncertain After the void, I don't have any timeline really for how soon I
felt the warm white light, or how long that lasted. I only know it took a couple
of days before I returned to consciousness (as was reported to me by my family
and the staff).
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
Yes The sort of winged presence behind me as I entered the void that told me
"NO"
Did
you experience a review of past events in your life?
No
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
Yes I described to the surgeon what I remembered about choking, the nurses
scrambling, leaving my body. I asked him if I died and was resuscitated, and he
confirmed that my heart stopped briefly. He seemed sort of unsettled by my
questions.
Did
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
Yes The void was nothing like I have ever imagined and there are no earthly
words to adequately describe the space.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
Yes I know the entire process was over 48 or so hours but my experience of
it was not bound by the limits of earthly time.
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Uncertain Not until months later, and it's continually a discovery
process all these years later. I've always had a sense of peace since then.
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes The presence behind me as I entered the void.
Did
you become aware of future events?
No
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain Stronger intuition and acceptance of a larger universe. Not sure
how to answer this in a meaningful way really.
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes I didn't share the experience with others openly until more than 5 years
later when I was around people who were open to hearing it. When I first shared
it with my MD, he seemed a bit freaked out or distanced himself from me.
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Uncertain I don't recall every thinking about this kind of thing
prior to the experience.
How
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real I just had no way to understand it. It
confused me.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
The
experience of being cocooned in warm white light (kind of golden white). The
void concerned me for many years, as if I didn't do something right or wasn't
permitted the tunnel, and I didn't understand what the void was (and still
don't).
How
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real It has stabilized me, given me a sense of
peace. I don't fear dying, but I do fear leaving. I've had other catastrophic
illnesses since then (including gangrene in my small intestines a year later,
and three years ago lung cancer). I was able to find my purpose in life. None of
this absolutely takes away all my fears, but it has changed me forever. I love
the work I do. While I want to live and fear leaving, I know if I do there will
be no physical pain or fear.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
Much
more meaningful
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
Broadened immensely
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
Uncertain I just am not sure about this. Definitely not as clear as the
experience of 1978, but during lung surgery I felt some sense of knowing and
peace.
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
No,
thank you.
Did
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes
Are
there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?
It seems thorough. Thank you.
