CL Possible NDE
I did not have the full experience that others report, but it was definitely a life changing event for me. I was in grave condition. In hindsight, I know now that a ruptured cyst caused an artery or vein to rupture and that I was slowly bleeding to death. Due to the abusive living situation I was in at the time, I did not get medical treatment until about 10 hours after the cyst had ruptured. By that time, the pressure of the blood was putting pressure on my lungs and I could barely breathe. I had very little blood and almost no blood pressure and they had an extremely difficult time finding my vein to get an IV going. The thing that stands out is that I was keenly aware of my grave situation and was told point blank that I may die. While I was in the ER, they assumed I had an ectopic pregnancy, but later learned otherwise.
During this all, I was calm and felt very much at peace. In the elevator on the way to the operating room, a priest was saying prayers that I did not understand because I was not and am not religious. But, I took comfort in his presence and knew that what he was doing was right and good and that I was safe. Once in the operating room, I didn't come out of my body, but I'm told that I was barely conscious. Even so, I remember the details in the minute or so in the operating room with vivid clarity. I could see the doctor on one side of my holding a knife or scalpel. I could see and hear all of the other people and all of the commotion going on around me. I'm told that I wasn't conscious during this time, but I remember it clearly. Then, the doctor/surgeon apologized to me. He said, "I'm sorry honey, but I have to do this." I'm told that because of my condition, they were having difficulty getting the IV for the anesthesia started and I was going into cardiac arrest. The doctor started to operate on me before I was under anesthesia. For a few seconds, I could feel the doctor cutting me. It was an incredibly hot, hot feeling. I was aware of what was going on and the fact that I could feel the doctor cutting me, but I could not communicate this with anyone. I could not speak and I could no open my eyes or move. I'm told that that probably was the anesthesia starting to work.
Anyway, the next thing I knew, I was waking up and I had this incredible need to
write down all these images and voices and feelings that I had had. I spoke to
the doctor and one of the nurses who were in the operating room and they
confirmed some of the events that were so vivid to me. I don't believe that this
was a NDE like others report, but if there is a 'pre' stage, I think I was in
it. I was hyper aware and sensitive, and just felt this overwhelming peace. For
many months after this event, I felt 'different'. I felt a gratitude and
'knowing' that I can not explain. I had this strong sense that I was spared for
a purpose. Unfortunately, I was drinking heavily and after a few months, my
whole life was a haze because of my drinking. I am currently sober, have been
for 4 years, and look back at this experience and believe that it was the first
of many chances I was given to make a footprint on this earth before I leave it.
I no longer fear death, but I do regret that after this experience 20 years ago,
I did not immediately 'get it'. But, that's what addition does...robs you of all
your best intentions...among other things.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No When I came to, I just HAD to communicate it all. I was afraid I'd forget it. My bedside table had a box of tissue and I started writing on the box. I wrote on anything I could get my hands on for the first couple hours after I came to.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I had bled out almost everything and was in shock. I had been asked if I wanted a priest present and said yes because I had a sense that I was dying. The priest rode in the elevator with me and the nurse when they transported me from the ER to the OR
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the time when I was told I was actually Unconscious. When I went into cardiac arrest
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: At the time when I was told I was actually Unconscious. When I went into cardiac arrest
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Uncertain I saw everything all at once, but with so much detail and clarity
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Uncertain
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm, at peace, no fear
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? No
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes The conversations that took place in the OR were confirmed later by the surgeon and one nurse
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes Immediately upon awakening I had this urgent need to write down and share this experience and feeling with others. It was hard to put words to, but I knew that it was important. I was told that not only my recovery was remarkable, but also how quickly I 'came to' and had all my mental capacities was pretty remarkable according to the medical staff. I've had many surgeries in my life and there's usually a good 1/2 day period where you're groggy, sleepy. I woke up from this experience and was mentally sharp and focused and began writing
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? No
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with whomever would listen for several months following the event. Then, due to my decline a/c alcoholism, I was ashamed to share it. Felt like I had blown the opportunity God had given me to make a difference. Felt like I had let God down. This is the first time I've shared this again in almost 20 years
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read one book by John Edwards. I think it was called Crossing Over
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real I had no doubt that it was real. And, others collaborated the stuff that I was aware of, even though I had lost consciousness
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Just the sense that death is not scary. I had always feared death and imagined it to be painful and traumatic. But, this experience just gave me a 'knowing' that it is peaceful, and happy, and calm and not scary at all
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real It was real. As I am now 20 years older and am experiencing the death of close friends and relatives, I find comfort in my past experience. Again, I don't claim to have had a full fledged NDE, but I was in a place that was very close, I believe.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain As I mentioned, I am newly sober. My whole life, relationships, has been and continues to change in sobriety.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain They did briefly right after the experience. My beliefs and practices remained dormant for almost 20 years after, though, as I struggled with alcoholism. I am newly 'spiritual', not religious. I believe in heaven and have faith in a higher power, but can't say exactly how I define God
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I can put myself into a state of 'sleep' where I'm dreaming yet still aware of what is going on in the present. It's weird and people think I'm crazy when I tell them about it.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes