Catherine P NDE
It was a regular school day. I remember feeling slightly sad but I could not apprehend the cause for such sadness. I told myself maybe it was because winter has arrived and it was only natural to feel under the weather. Throughout the day I felt increasingly tired and when I got home, I went to take a nap. I awoke from my nap when I heard that my aunt was paying us a visit. I was interacting with the family for a good half an hour or so.
While facing my mom, I suddenly felt dizzy but I expected that feeling to go away once I find a chair to sit down. Unfortunately, it only took a split of a second before I lost my consciousness. When asked afterwards, the people who were present at the time told me that I had stopped breathing and my pulse could not be found for 2-3 minutes. CPR was being performed but I did not feel any of that. During that time, I experienced a near death experience.
The moment of detaching myself from my body occurred quickly like a click in time. The part about my soul leaving my body and entering into the void was quickly fast forwarded so I couldn't figure out how I arrived to the void. Then I was in a dense hazy gray void -- kind of like seeing the world without colors with poor vision.
I remember the feeling of self-reflection being enhanced. The only emotion present was peacefulness and a faint emotion of melancholy. I had all the time in the world. Physically, there were no boundaries around. I felt stable even though I was in mid air. There was no floor and no sky. I remember feeling alone and wondered what was happening. It was strange how I had no memory of who I was, where I was, how I got there, who I was related to, and what had happened to me. I entered a realm with no recollection. Is this what birth is like?
I was confused when I could hear faint voices of people that sounded familiar but I could not remember who they were. The language that I was so familiar with was received as pure sounds. I could not understand what was being said. These were voices of my parents and aunt who were talking to me. Their voices were accompanied with broken beams of colors. I was frustrated with the poor vision and tried hard to make sense of what I was seeing and hearing. I could not decide if I should search for the colors, walk into the haze, stop to be engulfed with the feeling of "self" or go towards the bright light. The light could not be seen continuously but its presence was continuously there. The gray haze was blocking the light. It's color was so bright it was literally white and bright. Although I could not go towards the light at the time, I could feel how peaceful, and extremely grand and profound the light was. Again, I felt distracted by the different intermittent connection to life.
Suddenly, a female person stood to my left. I felt like I knew her but I could not remember who she was. Because I could not make sense of who she was, I did not trust her. I later learned she was my other aunt who had passed away just 12 days ago. She had a darker presence than me. I felt tamed sadness from her. We communicated telepathically. She instructed me to follow her into a distance void to the left. A part of me wanted to follow her but another part of me couldn't let go of the "interesting" distracting color beams and sounds coming from life.
I remember my dead aunt
rushing me to follow her in a non rushing manner. She urged me to let go of the
colors and sounds because she wanted to show me something. Just then, the strong
and non-broken white light washed over me and separated my aunt from me. I felt
tingly and loved by an unexplainable rush of white light. Before I had time to
make sense of what had happened, I felt myself choke and cry. I began to
understand the sound that was foreign to my ears. My vision had corrected itself
and the broken color beams joined. My memory slowly returned to me. This, I
realized, was when I came back to life.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I was not breathing and my heart stopped.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was at my highest level of consciousness and alertness when I first arrived to the void and was not being distracted by the colors, sounds, and the presence of my dead aunt. I had never felt "myself" so pronounced. I was stripped to my naked soul. I remember thinking about feeling myself and what that feeling was. I felt peace. I only began to become distracted shortly after I felt melancholic. That feeling of peace is comparable to to an eternal of comforting sleep.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: I was at my highest level of consciousness and alertness when I first arrived to the void and was not being distracted by the colors, sounds, and the presence of my dead aunt. I had never felt "myself" so pronounced. I was stripped to my naked soul. I remember thinking about feeling myself and what that feeling was. I felt peace. I only began to become distracted shortly after I felt melancholic. That feeling of peace is comparable to to an eternal of comforting sleep.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes The vision lacked in clarity. Imagine having extremely poor vision and not having access to spectacles that could fix the vision problem. No defined edges. Blobs of blurriness.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes Sounds had no walls to bounce off. Sounds produced are emitted and go off infinitely. I could recognize emotions, texture, loudness, pitch and character to sound but I could not understand what the sound meant. I could only understand the emotions behind the sound, etc. laughing sound meant joy. Communication occurred telepathically and were understood like we understand emotions, not sounds.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace (10/10), curiosity (where am I? What am I doing here? Why can't I remember anything? What do I need to do? Why can't I see clearly? What is happening? (4-5/10)). Loneliness (very faint emotion of it though. 1 on a scale of 10) and melancholy (2-3 on a scale of 10). Fear (.5/10). Joy (10/10. It was very very brief and occurred with the light).
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Uncertain I think when there was a click in time, I was sucked into a tunnel. it was so fast I cannot be certain.
Did you see a light? Yes The light is like a rush of immense joy. It came has spontaneous singular light ray. I had to want it for it to engulf me. If I don't face it, it sparkles like a distant star and becomes more faint if I do not want it.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes I saw my dead aunt. She stood about hand span away to my left. We were side by side. We communicated telepathically.
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes My dead aunt. I had not seen her for 10+ years. Did not see her when she died yet during that experience, I saw her and what she was wearing. I called someone who was with her when she was being buried and she confirmed with me that the person I was describing and the clothing was identical to my aunt when she was in the coffin.
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes I felt like I was transitioning between life and death. There is this tight space in between that looks like what the TV screen looks like when u turn it off. It "blinks" and the picture warps into a small point in the middle of the screen. The void is the other side. It is just space with no boundaries.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes A deep philosophical understand of the purpose of life and its existence. Feel much more knowledgeable, at peace and kind.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes 15 minutes afterwards.
They were surprised and
were interested in what I had to say. they felt enlightened.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain Prior to that I felt like I was "missing" something. The feeling you have when you're saying goodbye. It was like I was saying goodbye to everyone and everything throughout the day till the event took place.
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was probably real At first I did not remember it because I became overwhelmed with my physical ailment. When I had the time to reflect (15 after it happened), I realized how profound and enlightening the experience was. I reflected upon it because I wanted to understand why it happened and what I need to understand and do about it.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes. The realization that life is nothing but a creation of collected minds. There is life, the people who occupy that dimension, the self, and the higher dimension. The higher dimension is where the light comes from. The self is the soul. When I was detached from life, I realized that "nothing matters but joy and peace." It was very important that in order to achieve this, I have to "let go" of "life" and its "burdens and attached complex emotions." Love is not the same feeling we feel between people. Love is the feeling of joy, peace, boundless acceptance and closure to desires.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real Currently I want to make sure I remember what happened and to confirm with myself that it was real because what had happened was no dream and the emotion I experienced from it was so complex and profound I could not just forget about it.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I wanted to be more loving and receptive to people I have taken for granted. Feelings of hatred, dislike, jealousy and such are distant. I just feel a lot of ease, peace and kindness towards everyone.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I used to fear that if I did not worship Jesus, I would burn in Hell because like most people describe it, "Jesus is the only religion." I did not want to believe in a religion that was conditional. I felt deep down that God is unconditionally loving (in a non spoiled manner). That God guides, help us develop, grow and achieve mastery and peace, not condemn, restrict or torture.