Bret B NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I was a very serious athlete all of my life and knew my body very intimately, i.e. injuries, physical limits reached in different sports and activities. I was practicing with my softball team and noticed that all of my muscles were hurting, I was having trouble running and I had no power when I was hitting the ball.  This was very odd as I had always hit with power.  The next day I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss this.  The prior situation was extremely out of character for me.  My doctor wanted to do blood work and get back to me.  The following Tuesday I received a phone call from him which was very unusual since his nurse was always the one to call if there was something to be done or to let me know everything was OK.  He very quickly told me that my CK enzymes were at 27,000 when they should be only a three figure number.  He told to leave work right then and check myself into Sacred Heart Hospital as he felt this was something that couldn't be handled in an outpatient manner. r that this phone call had indeed happened and the urgency was very clear, I left work and checked into the hospital at 3:30pm and three hours later I suffered the first of six heart attacks I would experience over a four day period.  The first one was that I had no unusual experience, apparently I had been talking with my roommate and his wife and I just stopped talking and they knew something was wrong and called for a nurse and the crash cart crew.  I was out for a couple of minutes before they brought me back.  The following morning I was talking and sitting up as the doctor was telling me what they were going to do as far as tests and my family and I listened.  All at once I experienced a cold feeling and knew that I was going to pass out and fell back against my pillow. 

Again I was gone for a couple of minutes before they could get me back.  During this attack I was aware that something was very wrong and a lot of people were in the room.  Now the doctor said that they needed to get me into ICU stat. During the periods that I was awake I felt OK and was conversing with my family.  My cell phone rang and I answered it and it was one of my supervisors calling to see how I was doing.  As we were talking I got that cold feeling again and told my supervisor that I had to go and closed the phone and handed it to a nurse on the way down to a laid out position. 

This time the experience was much more involved in that I knew I was clinically dead and was floating just above the bed by a few inches. After one hit with the paddles I was now in my bedroom in the house where I was last married.  I felt that I had done something wrong and asked my wife (actually now she was my ex) why there were so many medical people in our bedroom.  Then another try with the paddles and I was in a black void with nothing but my thoughts.  I thought that I wasn't going to come back from this one and my thoughts told me I was gone from this world.  Another try with the paddles at full strength I was told and I was awake and very groggy.  I was stable for a couple of minutes when again I went out and flat lined this time I had no memory of being out and don't remember much from it.  This time I was out for a very long time and I could sense that everyone in the room was very worried.  Full strength on the paddles and I was back.  Once I was stable they were putting syringes full of medicine into my IV and I felt odd.  I don't know how else to explain it but I was clearly not myself. 

That was the last of the episodes for that day and my family told me that they were very scared and concerned for my well-being.  The next day was uneventful and I was much more myself and didn't hurt but was told that was because I had been given a pain killer along with my IV.  The next day was the life changing experience from all of this.  I was talking to one of the ICU nurses when she said I went limp and out.  Again I was out for a very long time and remember hearing voices but did not know where they were coming from.  I was in that black void again with my thoughts and began to believe that the soul was the piece of the puzzle that made me I didn't feel pain or sorrow but was curious where I really was.  It took them awhile to get me back and I remember feeling like I was being tested by the Lord.  As I regained consciousness I saw a very scared look on my favorite nurse and began to get a little scared.  After all, this had been a four day affair and they had no idea what was going on.  Now for the life changing experience. 

There was a few minutes that passed and I began to speak when I abruptly stopped talking and was gone.  This time I was overhead looking at myself while one nurse was giving orders in a very stern voice and a lot of paper being ripped open and thrown to the floor.  They were putting syringes one after another into my IV and I continued to watch as I was not responding and there were a lot of people around the bed moving very quickly doing there respective jobs.  Another shot from the paddles and I was now in the most serene place I had ever been in my life.  I was happy and I didn't feel any pain from my bad back and actually didn't feel a physical body at all.  It was beautiful in that the sun was shining, I felt as though I was floating with the clouds and the most at peace I had ever been in my life.  Without voice the Lord asked me if I was happy with what I had accomplished in my life and did I want to stay.  I have to be honest in that I really did want to stay, I didn't feel any of the aches and pains I had from back surgery previously as well as the frustrations I felt from every day life.  I thought about it and then told him I had unfinished  business there on earth. 

I had a ten year old son that I needed to raise and protect him from the psychological and emotional battering he would receive from his mentally ill mother.  She was a functioning psychotic, alcoholic and in general messed up woman.  In an instant I was literally slammed to my bed, awake and receiving the paddles at full strength.  I raised up just a little bit further than they had me (they had one paddle on my chest and the other on my back).  I spoke to the nurse that was on the right side of my bed saying "Please don't do that again !"  She shouted that I was back and had a look of relief and exhaustion at the same time.  I remember hearing somebody laugh at my response and the air in the room was much more relaxed, I guess if that could be the way to describe it.  Because of all this frantic activity and my not responding to the treatment they had called for the Chaplain and he was with my mother and father as well as my ex-wife.  Later my mother told me that she was sure I was gone and went numb and couldn't respond to the news that I had returned. 

I have felt ever since those four days that my wiring had been seriously messed up and I was diagnosed with PTSD along with depression and anxiety.  This was in part due to the fact that the doctors never figured out what was causing these attacks so they made the decision to put a pacemaker/defibrillator in my chest for insurance.  Not knowing why really troubled me and I have flashbacks to that last day when so much was going on.  Sometimes I experience these flashbacks for a couple of hours and then sometimes they will haunt me for a couple of days.  Watching similar experiences on TV gives me a jolt of PTSD and I have to get up and leave the room.