EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
I woke at 3:15 on the morning of the 20th in intense pain and called an
ambulance almost immediately. It was a cold and snowy night. I insisted the
paramedics took me to the Hospital since that is where I had a tumor removed in
July of the same year. I remember telling the paramedic to get a move on or else
I would die in his ambulance. I got to the resuscitation. room and the nurse
asked me if they could remove my clothes ( I had got dressed while waiting for
the ambulance to arrive.) My last conscious thought was "why are they cutting
off my bra? I would have removed it if they had asked." When I came round I
asked the doctor how many times I had gone and he held up three fingers and I
went again. I found myself in a black void completely at peace. I had no self
awareness, no memory of who I was but I somehow knew that I was separate from
the void. I cannot describe the feeling of completely peace - no pain, no
worries, no sense of self but it was fantastic. I came back to my body with a
huge bang. It felt like I had dropped back in from a
great height and said something to the doctor - I don't remember what. He
told me to keep talking so I rambled on about my famous brother and told some
jokes. Then I was taken in the list and taken to another room where I had a
stent fitted.
Later on that morning the doctor told me that I had been very lucky. He said
that there had been a number of contributing factors to my survival - I had been
very fit; I had called the ambulance very quickly; I had insisted on being taken
to the Hospital which has the best record for patient surviving heart attacks in
the entire county and the whole resuscitation. team where already in the
hospital having just unsuccessfully tried to revive a 30 year old.
I didn't feel very lucky and was really pissed off at being back. At the time I
really would have preferred to stay in the void.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?
Yes
Heart stopped 5 times over the course of
1.5 hours
Was the
experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
There are no words to explain the sense of
peace and it is certainly difficult to explain there being no sense of me.
At what time
during the experience were you at your highest level of
consciousness and alertness?
not sure really since neither of those
words really have any meaning in the context of my experience. While I was in
the void I was aware that I was somewhere but not aware of me. There was no "me"
or "I". No awareness of having been anything before the void but I knew I was
separate from the void and was travelling through it.
How did your
highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to
your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
It was a different sort of alertness and a
different sort of consciousness and therefore incomparable with those states
whilst alive. (I just ticked more so I could explain here)
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that
you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
There was nothing to see - just a complete void which, although I describe as
'black' was actually nothing so I don't know how to compare it with human
vision.
I could 'see' that I was somewhere but not with my eyes
because I had no form.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to
your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the
experience.
Again there were no sounds in the
void. My human hearing is fine.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were
occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your
physical / earthly body?
No
What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
It was total peace in a way that cannot be described; just
total peace.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel?
No
Did
you see an unearthly light?
No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or
presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?
No
Did
you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who
are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?
No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or
alive) beings?
No
Did you become aware of past events in your life
during your experience?
No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?
A clearly
mystical or unearthly realm
ac vast, never-ending void where, although I was separate
from the void; there was no earthly "I", just peace; blissful peace
Did time seem to speed up or slow down?
Everything
seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I somehow knew that I had been there for a while before I
became aware of being there and drifted around being peaceful. There is no
concept of 'time' in the void.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?
Everything
about the universe
Only if by the question you mean understanding
the everything is, in fact, nothing and that nothing is fine; more than fine
nothing is the optimum state of being ( or should that be 'not being'?!)
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did you come to a border or point of no return?
No
Did scenes from the future come to you?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not)
continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?
Uncertain
I don't know if the void was just the
brains way of easing into death or whether it demonstrated a way of continuing
after death - but either is fine with me.
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or
does not) exist?
Uncertain
I wasn't there long enough to find out but
somehow I am sure I would have found out if I had stayed there longer.
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to
this lifetime?
Yes
I had always been scared of death and
dying - having been dead and experienced the complete peacefulness of it I am no
longer afraid. I don't particularly want to die just now but have told my
friends and family that if I do die not to worry - that it is fine on the other
side.
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or
unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?
Uncertain
Probably - if what I experienced as the
void is the sum total of being dead then we are all part of the same great
nothingness
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?
Uncertain
Only that, since life is meaningless and after
life there is nothingness we shouldn't take what we experience through life too
seriously.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?
Uncertain
Only that, since life is meaningless and
after life there is nothingness we shouldn't take what we experience through
life too seriously.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding love?
Uncertain
In the void there is nothing but it is a
peaceful, one could almost say, loving nothing
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information /
awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living
our earthly lives?
No
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?
No
What
occurred during your experience included:
Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had
at the time of your experience
After the heart attack I was talking to a
Christian friend of mine and said that I didn't know if I was a Christian
whether I would have seen the stairway to heaven with St Peter at the top saying
"you're not coming in!" but the experience I had was entirely in line with by
belief system. I somehow cannot believe that, had I been a Muslim man I would
have been greeted by a mass of willing virgins though. SO maybe religious
beliefs have little to do with the actuality of being dead.
How
accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events
that occurred around the time of the experience?
I remember the experience more
accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the
experience
When I came back the void seemed more real
to me than this life and I really wanted to go back. I felt as though I had been
dropped on the wrong planet amongst weird human life forms that were hard to
comprehend. That feeling has faded over time.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life
after your experience:
I have stopped
putting everyone else before myself and have stopped trying to please everyone
all the time. I think being in the void will continue to change my life for the
foreseeable future.
My experience directly resulted in:
Slight changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that
occurred as a result of the experience?
Yes
I know I should be at the centre of my own
universe and am making the changes, slowly but surely, to ensure that I put
myself first. I know this sounds selfish but actually we should all put
ourselves first for how can we really help others if we are not whole?
Are
there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or
significant to you?
Being (or
rather not 'being')in the void was blissful and peaceful in a way that no words
can really, usefully describe.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other
special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?
No
Are there one or several parts of your experience
that are especially meaningful or significant to you?
Being (or rather not 'being')in
the void was blissful and peaceful in a way that no words can really, usefully
describe.
Have you ever shared this experience with others?
Yes
I told everyone from the moment I got back
- all the nurses, doctors, cleaners, other patients my
friends, family and work colleagues. The only person who seemed to be
affected in any way was my mother and it seemed to bring her some comfort.
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes
I knew some people experienced near-death
experiences - ( I hate that name - when I
came back from the void knew I had been dead in the human sense of that word)
What
did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks)
after it happened:
Experience was
definitely real
The experience was real in that I
definitely went to the void - whether there is a 'life' after death or whether
the void is part of the process of dying and the brain shutting down is a moot
point - who cares? I don't
What
do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:
Experience was definitely real
The experience was real in that I
definitely went to the void - whether there is a 'life' after death or whether
the void is part of the process of dying and the brain shutting down is a moot
point - who cares? I don't
Have your relationships changed
specifically as a result of your experience?
Uncertain
I probably view
some of the people I know quite differently post the void, whether or not they
have noticed is now not my concern. They must paddle their own canoe.
Have your religious
beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the
experience?
No
Did the questions asked and information that you
provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?
Uncertain
It's as close as I can get within the
limitations of language and the written word.
