Benny G's NDE
The "knowledge" did not repeat as much as it continued. I had no fear. The first thing I saw was a face. It was not a "Jesus" face or a "God" face or a "religious" face, it was like a "universal" face, i.e. it looked like all the faces that ever were/are, male and female, it had the eyes like all the eyes that ever were/are, male and female. If a police artist asked me to describe it I couldn't. It was very close, like 2 feet away. I was so transfixed on the eyes I do not remember if it had hair or even a body, it's didn/t matter.
It looked at me any very calmly asked me "What have you done"?. I replied..."I don't understand"? and, again, very calmly it said "Yes you do". At that instant, like being hit in the face with a ball bat, I began to see things from my past. I didn't have the "my life flashed before my eyes" syndrome, it was specific things in my past, some seemed trivial and some were serious, e.g. trivial in the situation, several years ago, a hungry cat came to my front porch meowing for food and I made it leave. Things like that. Very real and very accurate. (guilty conscience??? I don't know). Serious in the situation that I will not say but there were some bad things I did in my younger life. And I knew that when we go the "other side" we are not "judged" but we "judge" ourselves. That we are judged not so much on what we have done in our lives but what we have not done. That was very staggering in it's concept. Because you can not fool yourself.
Also it was like my head was opened and all the knowledge of the universe was being put in my mind with the volume and pressure of a fire hose. I understood everything. Everything. It was not "God like" it was more of a "cosmic consciousness" event. I could see the "Great Spirit" (if you will) in everything. Everything is alive or is made up of this all inclusive consciousness. The dirt, rocks, the breath of a mountain goat, in the e-coli virus, the wind vapor on Mars, the varnish on my desk, the solar wind from the stars. Everything. Everything.
I am not trying to say that now I "know" everything and you don't and now I'm better than you. That was another eye opener, now that I think of it...we are no better than the lowest microbe, we just think we are. It is our ego that hurts us...but I understand everything. It was like being tossed into an ocean of compassion.
I know this to be true even if no one believes me or not. I don't care. Nor am I going to shout it from the roofs tops or go the "Oprah" show. In fact, I kind of feel sorry that all mankind could not be shown this. But I also "know" why all mankind is not shown this during life. I don't know how to explain this, all this happened just a couple of months ago and I'm still wading through all that I was shown and felt. It is quite staggering, and beautiful, and wondrous and sometimes I find myself weeping for joy over it. Like now. That's why I am having trouble typing this story.
I have only told two people about this...the fellow teammate at work that gave me CPR and first brought me back to life in the training class, and my wife. Three counting you.
I know this...I'm not afraid to die. And we should not morn the dead. Miss them, remember them, but do not morn them. My wife can't understand this part. But that's OK. I don't expect anyone to understand what I'm trying to say.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It was so wonderful, enlightening, mind boggling that no one would believe it. And it was not caused by a "lack of oxygen" to my brain. It was as real as being kicked in the head by a mule.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes
As stated above I had a cardiac event called "Ventricular Fibrillation Sudden Death" and was clinically dead three different times on two separate days. The first time I was registered as "DOA" upon arrival at the hospital. I was shown the paperwork.
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? See number 4
Was the experience dream like in any way? No. It was as real as taxes.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
See Number 4.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? All the emotions that could be. My feelings??? It was marvelous. See number 4.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? I'm not sure if I heard something like a very deep cello sound or not...like far off in the distance. I'm not sure...I was busy with other thoughts.
LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? No
Did you see a light? Uncertain
Now that you mention it, I was so involved with what was being shown and felt that I don't recall if there was light or darkness. Funny that I don't, but I didn't matter I guess
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes
See number 4. That was the only other "being" I recall.
Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Uncertain
No. But it felt like I could go anywhere I wanted to by just thinking, but at the time I was fine where I was.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes
Happiness, wonder, humbleness, mind boggling, great, see number 4.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes
It was like 1 minute "here" could be hours, weeks, months, "over there". Time did not matter.
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes
Yes. I "understand" now. See number 4
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes
Yes. I am now fully at peace. With not only myself but with the world.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Uncertain
As I said above. I "understand" now. I believe life is too precious to take, unless absolutely necessary.
How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I don't think it affected the choices you mention. I feel glad I go to see what I saw.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain
I feel fine, I'm not afraid of death, everything belongs just where it is. I have to work on my compassion.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Three counting you. I don't know if they were/are influenced, that was not my point in mentioning what happened to me. The wonder was so overwhelming
I had to say something to someone or I felt I would bust. At the same time I felt if I never mentioned it to anyone it would be just fine. Hard to explain.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? See number 4
What was the best and worst part of your experience? "Best"? see number 4. "Worst"? there was no "worst".
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I will never forget it and if I do...then shame on me.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. Ask "Would you want to experience it again"? Also ask "do you feel sorry that you "returned"?