I had been suffering horribly from a chronic case of Lyme disease since I was in high school and I was now 31 years old. I was so sick of being sick and had deteriorated to the point of needing someone to help me with basic daily tasks such as eating, bathing, walking, etc. I was in a wheelchair for the most part by this point in my life and I was miserable. I had started taking my prescribed pain medications and Ativan excessively just to escape my life. On this day my mom found me laying back in a recliner and in her words "barely breathing". She reports that I was breathing about 3 or 4 times a minute even when she was shaking me trying to wake me up. She called 911 and I'm told that the paramedics came and rushed me to the hospital ER. I do not remember any of this. My memory begins when they were wheeling me out of the ambulance and into the ER.
I remember thinking I was dying and I felt totally ok with that. I remember feeling completely at peace and enveloped by love... that it was ok... that EVERYTHING was ok. I had no fear whatsoever. I have moments that I remember, sort of like snapshots in time... and I have a general memory of how I was feeling. I was told later that my eyes were not open.. that I was "unconscious".. but I could see. The doctors assumed that I had probably had an accidental or possibly intentional overdose of pain medications so they told the nurse to give me a dose of Narcan. Nothing happened. I heard the doctor say "oh shit" and told the nurse to give me another dose. Nothing happened. This is confirmed by my mother who never left the room.
I felt no pain. I felt
as though I was a part of this experience physically and at the same time not a
part of it. Like I was in it AND I was watching it or something. It's super hard
to explain. Apparently it all happened quite fast but to me it felt like it
happened over hours. I was calm and then after they gave both doses of Narcan
with no response somehow I suddenly realized I wasn't "done" here and I begged
"God" to let me stay. I told "Him" that if "He" let me stay that I would do
something really good with my life and that I would fight to survive my Lyme
disease. I felt like I was "hugged" at this point and then suddenly I was fully
in my body alert and aware and kicking and screaming and in a massive amount of
pain. I do not remember much after that for a couple days. I am told they kept
me in the hospital overnight and are still unsure what happened to me from a
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes It feels difficult to "remember".. like it was an experience but did not have time constraints or exact moments.. it was more about emotions and something that I cannot use our words for..
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I was found barely breathing and taken by ambulance to the ER.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt the most alert when I was feeling so at peace.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: I felt the most alert when I was feeling so at peace.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes It seemed like things were blurry and vague.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? No
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? as described in my statement... extreme love and peace and joy and a sense of calm that I have no words for... and then at the end I had fear that I was not going to be able to finish what I needed to here (whatever that is)
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Uncertain
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? Uncertain it was more like in one moment I understood my entire life to that point and knew that I was not "finished" here
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes the doctor telling the nurse to give me more Narcan and then saying "oh shit"
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes like it was slowed
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes I had a sense that God IS love, that God is not anything from religion like I had ever learned. I knew my purpose was much more than I had thought and that my life was going to be about other people and giving love. I knew "God" to be absolutely real and that death is not to be feared.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain I am still very confused about it all. I have difficulty with the concept of time itself (it feels so unnatural to me that we all rush around and sleep then get up and rush around and then sleep and then do it all again etc) and I feel like I have very strong "gut reactions" to people.. I often feel that I am excessively empathetic.. like I take on others' emotions somehow but I have learned to separate myself from it.. I also feel extreme sadness when I see cruelty in the world so I have stopped watching the news or reading the paper. Sometimes the world seems extremely harsh.