Ana Probable NDE
Attempted suicide with prescription drugs. Sensation of floating in spirals, leaving my body, feeling of body-free state, weightlessness. Surrounded by an endless grey smoke, wherever I looked was this kind of gaseous denseness, smoke, it was like swimming in a liquid gas or a smoky liquid. I felt disconcerted not to know where I was, what I was doing there, I was moving forwards or sideways but wherever I looked there was nothing other than that mass of smoke. There was no noise, no other presence, nothing. It was a nothing in which I floated, and these surroundings went on and on however much I moved around or at least had the feeling or intention of doing so. It was like trying to draw back a huge curtain of smoke which would not be dissipated however much I waved my hands. Everything seemed very slow, strange, odd, indefinable. Incomprehensible. My feeling was NOTHING. It was just being, floating. The next thing I remember is staccato voices, noise, roughness. It was the paramedics placing tubes in my throat. I felt aggressiveness toward me coming from them. Then I remember nothing more until I woke up already in the hospice bed, very displeased to be awake. On opening my eyes I felt disappointment at being back in the reality I was used to, it all seemed harsh, crude, clumsy, dense, irritating. I did not want to be there.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain. The state of confusion I felt.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I don't know. It seemed like a dream, but very clear.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: I don't know. It seemed like a dream, but very clear.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any
aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception
degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? Uncertain. I just was aware of an absolute silence.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Nothing, just being there, floating, weightlessness, bewilderment, uncertainty.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Uncertain. The density of my surroundings was smoky, rather greyish. Neither light nor darkness. A boundless zone of grey smoke.
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain. Suspension, weightlessness, slowness.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain. I didn't cross any boundary, there was just gray smoke wherever I looked, but I waved my hands and moved myself, trying to find an end to it, somewhere the smoke would dissipate or come to an end, but I did not find it.
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain. I had to rethink many things after this experience.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. The first time I told someone was years later, and the reply I got was that the experience was the effect of the drugs I had ingested. Someone else suggested that I read about near-death experiences.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely not real . I did not analyze it, I outright rejected what I saw and felt. I was too confused to analyze the experience from a wider perspective.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was probably real. Reading about near-death experiences of others, I am struck by the similarities as to feelings and visualisations, specifically in regard to attempted suicides.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain. They have changed, but I do not attribute this entirely to that experience.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain. Perhaps I was previously more sceptical and rational.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes