I remember waking up in the recovery room with 2 nurses hovering around
me, talking to me, trying to get me to wake up. As I opened my eyes I could see
them looking at me and one of the nurses gently nudging me on the shoulder, she
then looked at my throat bandage and said to the other nurse "get the
doctor, she's bleeding". At this point I felt very disconnected from my
body, and could hear a loud rushing sound filling my head, I turned my head to
the left, toward the doorway of the room and saw a very bright light growing in
the entrance of the door. It was brighter than the sun, and continued to grow in
intensity. Then I heard someone yell "She's crashing!" and I was aware
of at least 4 nurses and doctors surrounding me. I turned my head again to the
left and now the light totally engulfed the doorway of the room. I saw a figure
standing in the light, a being tall and serene, Christ like in stature and form,
and a profound feeling of peace and joy filled me. With that I felt myself
lifting from my physical body and started to move toward the Light and Light
Being waiting for me. However, I could only get about 2 - 3 feet from my body
and felt like someone was holding me by my left arm. I turned and looked down
and I could see the doctors working on me, pushing down on my chest, and my Mom
sitting beside me holding onto my left arm with both hands, pleading with me not
to go. I was torn whether to continue into the light or return to my body. The
next thing I knew I woke up in my hospital room, with my parents sitting beside
me. I felt like something significant had happened and was surprised to find
myself still in my physical body. I had difficulty talking to them about it
since I was in and out of consciousness due to pain medication. 2 days later
when the effects of the anesthetic had worn off, I had memory flashbacks of the
event in the recovery room and felt confused and saddened that I had not been
able to go into the light. My Mom told me afterwards that she had not been in
the recovery room with me; she had been sitting out in the hallway by the
recovery room. When she saw my surgeon and doctor rush past her into the
recovery room, she sensed I was in trouble and "projected" herself to
my side to assist me. She denied the fact that I had died, but said I was very
sick and they almost lost me. The day after surgery, while in my room, the woman
next to me went into cardiac arrest and died.
It was the first time in my life I had ever been present when someone
died, and I "saw" the woman's spirit form leave her body. This
disturbed me greatly since, I realized I had also been in that form and not been
able to go "home". My doctor came to speak to me since I had shared
with my nurse the disturbing memory flash backs I was experiencing and having
trouble sleeping after witnessing my hospital roommate die. He told me it wasn't unusual for people in the state I was in
to have such experiences and yes, my heart had stopped for a few minutes,
and that they were very lucky to have "saved" me. As far as what I saw
in the room when the woman next to me died, he told me they should have moved me
out of the room and apologized for subjecting me to this. However, I explained
to him that it was ok, and I knew the woman had gone on and was
"home". He just smiled, patted the top of my head and said it was
probably just my "imagination" and ordered the nurse to give me
something to help me sleep. I decided at that point to not share my experience
with anyone, since no one seemed to believe me, but I know what I saw, felt and
experienced was the "truth". What we experience as physical reality is
a vastly small portion of who and what we truly are and that there is life after
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to
affect the experience:
had just come out of surgery for sub-total thyroidectomy (Grave's Disease) and
was still under the effects of anesthetics
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
What was it
about the experience that makes it hard to communicate? Found
it difficult to articulate the experience to my parents and health care
providers since they did not seem to accept or understand the experience.
At the time of the experience, was there an associated life
While in recovery room post-op, I went into "thyroid storm" and
throat incision opened and hemorrhaging occurred. Blood loss and symptoms of
massive influx of thyroxine in system caused my heart to stop requiring resuscitation.
I was told post event that they "almost lost me" and that my heart had
stopped for a few minutes.
Due to my age and physical condition, responded to resuscitation
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the
Despite the grogginess caused by the anesthetics and other medications
they were giving me at the time of the event, I felt my sense of smell, taste
and hearing were hyper acute. However, I felt very disconnected
from my physical body, like I didn't belong in it anymore.
Was the experience dream like in any way? No.
The "flash backs" post event had the feel of a vision/ a remembrance
of something that had taken place, but I was one step removed from it -
witnessing it from the outside watching it play out before me.
Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body? Yes
Describe your appearance or form apart from your body: When
I was above my body looking down, I could see my spirit arm legs and torso as
being filled with light and transparent.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Mixed
- at one point when I felt myself moving toward the light and the Light Being or
Christ figure standing in the doorway waiting for me, I was filled with extreme
joy, love and peace. When I realized I couldn't progress forward because my Mom
was holding my arm, I felt very torn...not wanting to leave her and my family
but desperately wanting to join the figure waiting for me in the light.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? The
noise I heard was a loud rushing sound, like standing right next to a waterfall.
I could also hear other voices, singing a song I couldn't even begin to describe
it was so beautiful.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Yes
It was the brightness
light imaginable. White, gold, silver and all the colors of the rainbow mixed
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes
was a Christ-like figure standing in the doorway, with the light surrounding
him/her. I did not receive any direct communication just a deep feeling of love
and peace and welcoming. More than anything I wanted to join this being in the
light, but was held back my Mom from completing the journey "into the
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? Uncertain
though I had experienced many "psychic" type events since a small
child, this event proved to me beyond all doubt, that our physical reality is
such a small part of who and what we are. That what we construe as reality is a
mere shadow of dimensions that we are constantly interacting with. That there is
a continuation of our consciousness beyond death of the physical form.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during
your experience that could be verified later? Yes
described to the doctors and nurses about their reactions to my precarious
situation and before they told me that my heart had stopped described how they
performed CPR on me and saw the nurses squeezing the IV bags of fluid into my IV
lines. I also told them that they looked very scared and upset.
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive
locations, levels or dimensions?
I never was able to fully enter into the light, I do not recall any other
dimensions or locations. Once I saw my Mom and my etheric body above my physical
form, it felt like a trap door slammed shut and there was nothingness. The next
memory was waking up in my hospital room. I have no recollection of events
between my Mom holding my etheric arm and waking up in my hospital room.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
explained earlier, I felt my Mom holding me back, preventing me from continuing
toward the doorway where the Light and Christ-like figure waited for me.
Did you become aware of future events? No
at the time. Since a child I have had prophetic dreams and visions and these
increased in intensity after the NDE.
Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body? Uncertain
I am unsure if I consciously
decided to return to my body or if it was a joint decision between myself, the
Light Being and my Mom.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the
felt more connected to God/Creator. Became aware that life is a precious gift
and not to be taken for granted. That we as humans still have allot to learn
about life and death
Has the experience affected your relationships?
Daily life? Religious
practices etc.? Career choices?
I internalized most of what I experienced since my family and peers did
not seem to want to hear what I had gone through. They seemed frightened about
it. So, I "shut down" for a time. I still believed in a God/Supreme
Being and felt often the presence of what I called Guardians around me. This
feeling of being watched over was particularly
acute when in a church. For a time I was very drawn to the Catholic faith and by
17y.o was seriously considering entering a convent to devote my life to God.
However, my life took a different turn and I immersed myself in more intellectual
pursuits instead of removing myself into a life of spiritual devotion. I went to
university for 2 yrs, then decided to become a nurse. The decision to pursue
nursing as a career was my sincere desire to help people in times of crisis. It
was during my nursing career I discovered that I had "healing hands"
and medical intuitive abilities (see inside the physical body). These
"gifts" I practiced quietly and did not share with colleagues,
since I knew they would not understand. However, I did get the reputation of
being "different" and my nickname in one department I worked in was
"radar" since I seemed to "know" when someone would
"crash" before the the event actually happened. I
have struggled with these "gifts" and never felt totally
confident and secure in sharing them outside a few select friends, who are also
healers, and immediate family members.
What emotions did you experience following your experience?
Confusion, fear, uncertainty and at the same time profound
peace....knowing that there is a reality and existence beyond death of the
physical form. The confusion and fear resulted from the presence of my Mom's
projected etheric form during the event, and somehow she influenced my decision
to stay here in the physical world. I have often felt since that time that I
have been living someone else's life. That a part of my consciousness
did go "into the light" and is existing on that side of reality.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? The
best part of the experience was the gaining the knowledge that we are spiritual
beings having a human experience. The worst part, was not having the
encouragement and support to share the experience with my family and health care
providers - the feeling that they did not believe my experience. Also the sense
of disconnectedness from a part of myself and overwhelming
"homesickness" that sometimes over comes me to the point where I have
at times contemplated taking my own life to return to spirit.
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the
On March, 2001 my Mom died after a lengthy illness. She had just turned
68 yrs. old. We had many times to discuss our views of life and death prior to
her departure and finally came to a place of peace with each other regarding my
NDE. I was with her when she died, and she communicated with me that she
understood why I have felt so tortured during periods of my life. She felt bad
that she had influenced my decision to stay when I was 15, but it was my part to
play in this earth walk together. Part of my soul agreement was to share my
gifts with others and when the time came, assist her to cross over into spirit.
Prior to her death, I was very torn and felt I needed to be on the "other
side" to assist her across. Now, I realize that that wasn't necessary that
I can experience both the spiritual dimensions and physical reality at the same
time and be a conduit for the love and light of spirit, made manifest in the
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your
life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
I often have OBE during the dream state and have been able to reproduce
the OBE experience during meditation. I meditate on a regular basis and have
practiced various forms of laying on of hands healing techniques, such
as Reiki. Most days I have a heightened sense of awareness and can
"tune" into the higher spiritual dimensions. Depending on my emotional
state, I often experience the presence of guides and Ascended Masters in my
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes