I was in the Army when I received a
series of injections prior to deployment. One
of these (which doctors believe was the Anthrax vaccine) caused severe damage to
my heart. The damage resulted in
3rd degree AV Block, leaving me with an average heart rate of 7 beats/minute.
This necessitated the implantation of a permanent pacemaker.
All went well during the first two surgeries, however six months after
the second, a lead in my pacemaker was dislodged and was causing misfiring in my
ventricles. The doctors needed to
fix it immediately, so I went in for surgery again.
The physicians failed to provide a back-up pacemaker for surgery for when
they disconnected the original. This
caused immediate cardiac arrest and clinical death of approximately 3 minutes
(according to the surgeon). When
this happened, I felt a tug on my chest and then heard many voices in the
distance. I felt as if I were
falling down and backwards, but only the top portion of my body.
My legs stayed firmly on the table.
I was grasping with my arms trying to reach the table when I realized my
arms were tied to the table right by my side.
This is when I noticed I was looking at my body on the table. But I was
very close to my body, almost as if I were sitting on my own shoulder (minus my
legs). But I could see the entire scene of the operating room.
It was fairly dark and extremely peaceful.
I remember thinking that everything is fine and everyone would understand
later. There wasn't an ounce of
fear associated with this experience. It
Then I woke up as they were wheeling me down the hallway to my hospital
room. I was extremely confused and
kept telling all of the doctors and nurses that something happened and they had
to tell me what it was, as if they had all of the answers.
I just wanted someone to tell me what I had experienced.
With time, however, I started to sort it out myself, and at first I
hadn't even realized that I had a near death experience.
The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that that was
exactly what it was.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to
affect the experience:
was in heart surgery, so I'm not sure...but I don't think so.
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
What was it
about the experience that makes it hard to communicate? Because
I am seeing it through my "eyes" and it is very hard to explain,
although I can visualize it perfectly. No
one can understand. I've tried
drawing what happened to let others get a better idea, however this doesn't
At the time of the experience, was there an associated life
Was the experience dream like in any way? Not
Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body? Yes
Describe your appearance or form apart from your body: See
What emotions did you feel during the experience? See
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? No,
just at first the people in the room talking (but i couldn't understand them),
then everything was silent.
a dark tunnel going upward from where I had "fallen" off the table,
inside which I was grabbing for the table.
tug on my chest was the disconnection of the wires leading to my pacemaker.
just felt extreme peacefulness.
didn't understand what was happening at first.
I knew was that it was absolutely no problem at all to die and that if it is that
peaceful, I need to tell others not to be afraid of death.
not sure if the reaching for the table had anything to do with returning to my
have been able to foresee certain events, but I am likely to pass this off as
is NOT scary or horrible, in fact it is peaceful and wonderful.
I seem to want to thank whoever or whatever it was that gave me the
chance to see this.
only thing I can say is that they want to know more...and I cannot give them any
What was the best and worst part of your experience? The
worst was awakening and not knowing at all what had just happened.
The best part is that I now know that when you die, you don't "just
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the
I think I've said it all.