Was severely depressed. Attempted suicide by overdose. Was discovered by neighbor about 4 hours later. Ems arrived on the scene - I was already unconscious. O2 saturation was 50%. I remember floating above the ambulance watching the paramedics cut off my clothes. My next memory is that of going down a dark brown/green cloudy/smoky tunnel. Then I was at a place that I can only describe as being outside. I could look in and see the entire universe galaxies, stars, planets, and the Earth. I had an overwhelming sense of aloneness accompanied by a feeling of wrong. I was utterly alone, without the presence of God. I felt something behind me or I knew there was and felt that if I turned and looked that I would be there forever. It was not a comfortable place. I saw the universe being destroyed before my eyes. Turning from brown to fire from right to left starting at the Earth. It was my universe that was being destroyed. Not yours or anyone else's. And I knew the destruction of mine would have no effect on anyone else. I then found myself in an emergency trauma room. I was standing about 6 feet from my head on the right side. I could see myself on the gurney and the nurses were washing my body as I had charcoal everywhere. (NDERF Note: oral charcoal is routinely given to treat oral medication overdose due to the charcoals absorbent properties) I distinctly remember watching them roll me onto my left side so they could was my back and buttocks.
My next memory is of waking up intubated, back in myself in the ICU.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience: Yes
Explanation: Overdose of Soma (muscle relaxer) taking prozac
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate? The concepts were just known. Like trying to describe a smell.
At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes
Describe: Suicide attempt. Took an overdose of muscle relaxers - about 150. Found about 4 hours later. Taken by ambulance to park and transferred to helicopter.
Intubated in-route cardioverted X3 in-route. Unknown if cardiac arrhythmia or asystole.
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? Comatose
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body? Yes
Describe your appearance or form apart from your body: I'm not sure, but I was not aware of any change in my form, etc...
What emotions did you feel during the experience? 1st - aloneness, isolation
2nd - wrongness
3rd - a total absence of God
4th - embarrassment/regret
5th - profound thankfulness
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes
Describe: Dark, murky, cloudy, ?smoky. Dark green, brown.
Did you see a light? No
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Uncertain
Describe: Washing the charcoal from my body and back.
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes
Describe: Just seeing the universe from outside.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes
Describe: I knew that time had no meaning in the place I was.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes
Describe: That the universe existed only for me. That all events on Earth occurred solely for my benefit, in my universe. That every person exists in their own personal universe. The may interact directly with each other but that each person's takes a different path based on the decisions one makes, but exists apart from all others...... Hard to explain...
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
Describe: If I turned around, I could not come back.
Did you become aware of future events? No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body? Yes
Describe: I knew that what I had done was wrong. That I would be forever without God, if I chose to stay. But, I knew I had a choice.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? No
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes
Describe: To be more spiritual. To leave the American dream and be happy in life.
Has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices etc.? Career choices? Gave up trying to reconcile with exwife.
Sold business (medical practice).
Sold house, ranch, etc....
Moved to Canyon Lake.
Driving my tractor for a living.
Feeling more content and alive than I ever have.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Describe: Some believed, some didn't....Not sure about influence.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? Profound gratefulness at surviving and remorse at my attempt.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? Waking up and waking up.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain
Explain: Seems sketchy. Like trying to describe a smell.