Judith D's NDE

Experience description: 

           I was in the Army when I received a series of injections prior to deployment.  One of these (which doctors believe was the Anthrax vaccine) caused severe damage to my heart.  The damage resulted in 3rd degree AV Block, leaving me with an average heart rate of 7 beats/minute.  This necessitated the implantation of a permanent pacemaker.  All went well during the first two surgeries, however six months after the second, a lead in my pacemaker was dislodged and was causing misfiring in my ventricles.  The doctors needed to fix it immediately, so I went in for surgery again.

     The physicians failed to provide a back-up pacemaker for surgery for when they disconnected the original.  This caused immediate cardiac arrest and clinical death of approximately 3 minutes (according to the surgeon).  When this happened, I felt a tug on my chest and then heard many voices in the distance.  I felt as if I were falling down and backwards, but only the top portion of my body.  My legs stayed firmly on the table.  I was grasping with my arms trying to reach the table when I realized my arms were tied to the table right by my side.  This is when I noticed I was looking at my body on the table. But I was very close to my body, almost as if I were sitting on my own shoulder (minus my legs).  But I could see the entire scene of the operating room.  It was fairly dark and extremely peaceful.  I remember thinking that everything is fine and everyone would understand later.  There wasn't an ounce of fear associated with this experience.  It was wonderful! 

     Then I woke up as they were wheeling me down the hallway to my hospital room.  I was extremely confused and kept telling all of the doctors and nurses that something happened and they had to tell me what it was, as if they had all of the answers.  I just wanted someone to tell me what I had experienced.  With time, however, I started to sort it out myself, and at first I hadn't even realized that I had a near death experience.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that that was exactly what it was. 

  Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  I was in heart surgery, so I'm not sure...but I don't think so.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Because I am seeing it through my "eyes" and it is very hard to explain, although I can visualize it perfectly.  No one can understand.  I've tried drawing what happened to let others get a better idea, however this doesn't always work.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  Heart surgery

  What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  At first it was a little "muffled" (for lack of a better word!), then it was a clear as anything one can imagine.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Not at all.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  See above.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  See above.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  No, just at first the people in the room talking (but i couldn't understand them), then everything was silent.

  Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Maybe a dark tunnel going upward from where I had "fallen" off the table, inside which I was grabbing for the table.

  Did you see a light?  No

  Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

  Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

  Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  The tug on my chest was the disconnection of the wires leading to my pacemaker. 

  Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I just felt extreme peacefulness.

  Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I didn't understand what was happening at first.

  Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Uncertain

      Describe:  All I knew was that it was absolutely no problem at all to die and that if it is that peaceful, I need to tell others not to be afraid of death.

  Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

  Did you become aware of future events?  No

  Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I'm not sure if the reaching for the table had anything to do with returning to my body.

  Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I have been able to foresee certain events, but I am likely to pass this off as coincidence!

  Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Death is NOT scary or horrible, in fact it is peaceful and wonderful.  I seem to want to thank whoever or whatever it was that gave me the chance to see this.

  Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  A friend recently told me that I seem very bitter towards my health predicament (with my heart) and that I should not feel as if I am a victim (even though I have since the incident occurred).  This is the first time I am actually writing out my experience, and it seems to be very liberating.  Hopefully, sharing my experience with others can help them to understand they're not crazy!

  Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  The only thing I can say is that they want to know more...and I cannot give them any answers.

  What emotions did you experience following your experience?  I was very elated and I could not get the experience out of my mind.  I felt as if I needed to thank someone for letting me stay alive.  As soon as I could walk, I went to the nearest church (I don't even know what kind it was) and sat for about 3 hours.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The worst was awakening and not knowing at all what had just happened.  The best part is that I now know that when you die, you don't "just die".

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I think I've said it all.

  Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  See above.

  Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

  Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes