Gail T's NDE

Experience description: 

        I was given anesthesia to perform minor superficial surgery to burn some cysts through the vaginal canal.  After the surgery was completed successfully, the doctor told me that I began to cough violently.  He told me that when He covered my mouth I could not breath through my nose.

 I only remember the last cough!  I coughed myself out of my body and saw them working on me on the operating table.  Then I went through this dark whatever.  I don't remember that part so well.  I only remember that all of a sudden I was floating in an eternal river of life-sized translucent geometric forms.  All of them were different shapes of polygons but no circles, and no triangles.  These forms were luminescent in pastel colors:  light yellow, pink, baby blue.  I could see this infinite river and knew I was in it. 

 A terrible sadness overcame me.  This was a very strange place for me and I thought about my parents and my brother.  I knew they would never see me again.  I didn't want to stay there...I longed for our physical world where I could see a table as a table, a chair as a chair etc. 

 Instead, I felt very lonely.  I was lost in infinity forever.  It was like being in solitary confinement in eternity with nothing but my thoughts and emotions.  I could remember everything.  ( I did not have a life review).  I was too busy longing to come back to the physical world.  Maybe this was somewhat frightening to me.  I always hated being alone.

 I was aware that there was a specific point a little beyond me and that if I crossed it, I could never come back.  The point was not marked, but yet, I knew it was there.  I could also see beyond that point and knew that it was exactly the same there as it was right here where I was.

 All of a sudden, I felt a tremendous force push me back into my body through my anus.  I felt tingling first in my feet, then in my hands. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw were the three triangles formed by the corner of two walls where they joined with the ceiling.  The walls were a lighter green and the ceiling was a darker green.

 The doctor came in to see me and told me I had scared a whole hospital.  He said that I was "purple" with my eyes bulging, and that he had already taken my US Passport out of my handbag to advise the American Embassy to let my next of kin know that I had died.

 After this experience, I talked to my Father's best friend, who was a Dr. of Philosophy and formerly the chief Rabbi of Lima and Mexico City .  He told me that this wasn't a dream.  If it were a dream, he could explain it to me.

 Another friend was a Psychiatrist and a Writer.  He told me that it wasn't a hallucination either.

 I came back to the U.S.   I became ill with repeated upper respiratory track infections and finally, I had a rhinoplasty to repair the deviated septum to get rid of the infections.

 I began a mad search, reading, joining different cults and religions looking for answers.  I got books on the Kabala...  My search, however, seemed to be guided.  I still go through stages of spiritual excitement and growth followed by periods of spiritual quiet.

 I know I have spiritual guides now.  I know when they are directing something, or when I suddenly meet someone I was supposed to meet.

 Shortly after the experience, I seemed to know some things that I had no way of knowing --- it's like pure instinct, or a capability of some telepathy only with certain people --- not everyone.

 For example, when I lived in Caracas , Venezuela , I went to a party at a Senator's home.  His son was my friend.  I was very bored with the superficial society parties and found myself in his Father's library looking through books.  I was particularly intrigued with a paperback copy of "Seth Speaks" by Jane Roberts.  When my friend saw I was reading the book, he offered that I could keep it.  Seth helped explain a lot. Today, Seth is quoted in Quantum Physics circles because the strings were described by Seth before our Physicists knew they existed.  My guides even sent me a friend, who is one of my best friends and guides now, and who is a Chemist, a mathematician, and primarily a Quantum Physicist.  Naturally, like many of our great thinkers, he is Italian and fortunately, visits us twice a year.  This is where I sometimes am guiding him, and he explains advanced concepts to me. 

 I also was called by one of my brother's friends and invited to go to a weekend course in Mind-Control.  The room was filled with Doctors, Dentists, professionals etc.  At one point, he was discussing Spiritual Guides.  I raised my hand and asked "who are these guides?" The seminar leader was always very hard on me, whenever I asked any question.  In fact, sometimes, he was outright insulting. A girl in the back tried to defend and protect me from his abuse, and said to him:  "Maybe she's new to this and doesn't know!"  To which he replied:  "Who, this little girl?  She doesn't know?....  I want you all to know who this little lady is.  If all of you had sat down, each one of you, and read, for the past 10 years, you wouldn't know what this little girl knows!  Her knowledge concerning metaphysics, esoteric etc. is almost encyclopedic!"

 I learned how to capture energy in his class, I learned how to heal with my hands and my mind, and we even did exercises to attempt to enter a different dimension.  The technics are basically the same ones used in hypnosis and through autosuggestion (visualization) etc.

I have used my healing powers very rarely.  When I do, my hands become hot and sometimes, I have felt pain go into them during a session.

Here's what I have learned and how I explain my experience:

 When I left my body, I still had thoughts and feelings.  Therefore, the soul, my soul, really leaves the body in a packet of energy (thought/emotion).  I cannot tell you how far or how fast the soul travels.  I am certain that I crossed a dimension - out of the physical and into something else, where experiences are thought/energy.  Each light I saw was another soul.  I was floating in a river of souls.  In the Kabala, God is referred to as the Ein Sof.  The literal Hebrew translation is "There is no end".  In other words, Kabbalistically, God is the Infinite.  OK!  Infinite of What?  All the souls that ever were, that are, and that will be.  Each light is a particle of God, The Infinite!  And the Energy (thought/emotion) is therefore both infinite and Omnipotent.  Now I understand why we call someone "enlightened". 

 Where was I?  In Heaven, or in Hell?  Actually, you go to exactly the same place.  If you can connect to the other lights, then, you are no longer alone, you're in Heaven!  If you cannot connect, then you are lost in eternity, completely by yourself, without connection to anything but your own thoughts and emotions!  To me, that represents solitary confinement forever!  If that isn't Hell, then I don't know what Hell is.  I now believe that Love is the energy that allows you to connect.  It is like the communications protocol necessary to make the connection and communicate with the other souls and to become a part of God (to return to God).  I knew I was undeserving of that from the way I had been living my life prior to the experience.

 Unfortunately, I still slid back into those old ways for a while.  I still needed to grow while I was searching.  I didn't really straighten out until 1986.  In 1987 I met my husband, and in 1988 I got married.  My life and my values are totally different.  My own family doesn't really know me.

 Jesus was right when he said "God is inside, outside and everywhere."  That river of lights was the unity of all the souls.  We are all a part of God and God is really all there is.  In Judaism we say:  Hear, Oh Israel , the Lord our God, the Lord is One! 

 In the Kabala, the soul emanates from God and is on a journey to return.  If you trace this path, you've just drawn the mathematical symbol for infinity.

 In Judaism, we are taught that you are now allowed to pronounce the name of God.  Also, the tetragramaton YHVH (written without vowels in Hebrew) cannot be pronounced, physically, with the vocal cords.  In fact, we pronounce YHVH every moment we live.  It represents each breath.  When we can no longer breath YH in, VH blow out...then we cease to live.

 The other questions I had was:  If I've never been here before, how do I know that point that I must not cross or there's no way back!

 I had a choice to go on, or this enormous desire not to cross that point.  But, If I've never been here before, how do I know this?  The point isn't marked, and I can't remember ever being here?

 My conclusion was that I must have been here before, but I must have forgotten it at the moment of birth.  I still can find no other explanation.  

I asked a very special, psychic Rabbi in Sao Paulo , Brazil :  Why did I come back?  He answered:  "Because the Lord had Mercy on you."

 I still feel I have a mission to accomplish, but I don't know what it is.  What I have learned from the experience is too much for me to write down in just one evening.   It would probably be better for someone to call me.

 Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Yes

      Explanation:  Ketalar is known to cause dissociation from the body and is used for severe burn or trauma patients because of this effect.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  I can describe it in detail to this very date.  What I saw was totally beyond anything I could relate to in this material world of ours.  But I can describe it in physical terms anyway.

I believe I can explain what I saw and where I was after reading volumes and volumes of books and exposing myself to different religious thoughts.  Actually, the best explanations are Kabbalistic and also are first being explored in Quantum Physics.

 What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  I was totally conscious throughout the experience.  My thoughts were clear and I experience terrible sadness.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  The scary part of the experience was that it was totally unlike anything I could ever have conceived before.  It wasn't like anything that my imagination could create.  It was a totally alien environment to me.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I have already described this at length above.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Terrible sadness and longing, nostalgia for this world.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  I heard absolutely nothing except the chatter of my own thoughts.

 Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I went from looking down at my body surrounded by physicians working on me on the table through a brief darkness, I think, right into the infinite river of lights.

 Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  I was in the River of Lights .

 Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

      Describe:  I saw nothing that resembled anything on this Earth!  I was perceiving in a different dimension.  I could see without eyes, and what I saw was more like a kind of cosmic foam.

 Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  I knew about the spot that I must not cross.  Lord only knows how!

My experience woke me up to a new life of searching desperately for explanations and answers to what I had experienced --- and what I learned subsequently definitely changed my life for the better.

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  Things that are written in books, and through different religions.  The Seth books, Lazaris, the bible, Kabala, some Hindu principles and thoughts. 

 Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  A different dimension. As per my description above.

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I was in eternity and wanted to get out.  I have no idea how long my experience lasted.

 Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  Definitely, as per my descriptions above.  Knowledge of the point of No Return, even though I could see into eternity.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  That was that invisible point of No Return.  I did not cross that boundary and I didn't want to cross it.  I knew that if I did, there would be no way back.  I knew and could see that it would be exactly the same beyond that boundary as where I was at the moment.  But I longed terribly to go back.  I was afraid to stay --- this was alien to me and I had no one to comfort me.  No guides, no one!  I was just floating in this River of Light .

 Did you become aware of future events?  Yes

      Describe:  I am still keenly aware of future events.  Many of the things occurring today are things I told my husband would happen 10-15 years ago.  It's really uncanny.  I just get these feelings.

 There are times when I speak about something that I feel that the words are flowing through me, but I don't know how.

 Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes, I desperately wanted to Return!  I missed the World!

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Increased intuition, premonitions, telepathy with certain people and the ability to heal when I put my mind to it.  I rarely get myself into the situation of healing.  I've only gone when I'm told that the doctors have given up and are letting the person die.  I have effected definite changes, and in one case, took a woman who had suffered from an aneurism out of a coma.  I came out of the room and contradicted her doctors.  I said she was going to come out of it --- and she did!

 Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I've already described some above, but that is another subject that I need to discuss more fully with a researcher.

 Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I have a totally different conception of God than most people do.  I accept religion (dogma) as being an accident of birth.  Instead, my view is universal and all encompassing.  I believe that all religions are different roads to the same truth.  There is only ONE truth --- none of us own it separately, we all own it in Universality.  What exists in this world is a lack of understanding and tolerance.

 I do, however, draw the line on any religious teaching that preaches hatred towards anyone.  Especially, those who believe that they are the owners of the Only truth and that all others who don't believe the way they do are infidels and must die.

 We are all a part of God, like a cell in our bloodstream).  Our connection to each other and our only way to Return to the ONE is Love.  It is the Universal Protocol for communication.  Without LOVE, we cannot communicate with each other, much less with GOD.  I respect everyone's faith and do not believe in proselytizing.  We are all inculcated with out belief systems because of an accident of birth.  We are given these beliefs by our elders.  Beliefs are impossible to change --- even through reason.  A person can only change his/her own beliefs because he really believes otherwise and is open to rationality.  Most belief systems have nothing to do with rationality.  They just are.

 Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Interestingly enough, for some reason I only share this experience with people who seem to be predisposed to accept this kind of conversation and thoughts.

 What emotions did you experience following your experience?  sadness, loneliness, and longing

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The newness of the environment was both the best and the worst part.  It was totally alien, and therefore, for me, very scary.

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I stopped being rebellious.  I became more comfortable with myself.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes
      Explain:  I learned so much as a result of the experience that I just couldn't put it all down in writing at one sitting.  I'd also rather talk about it than write it.  Unless I were to sit down and officially write a book about it, with references etc.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  Actually, I seemed to have answered everything in the first segment where you asked me to describe my experience.  Some of the questions were redundant for me, but I can see where some people wouldn't have gone into the description at length, like I did, so that you could get the needed information.

 I have been looking for people like you to tell my story to.  The subject bears research.  My own parents do not believe a word of this.  They don't believe that there is such a thing as Near Death.  I know what I experienced was real.