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Expérience de Victor Z

I have had three experiences in all and of these, two come close to those that have happened to others. 

The second and third experiences happened when I was 21 and were two months apart. I usually get up to go to the bathroom late at night.  This particular time I also felt the need to go to the bathroom.  I clearly remember having fallen asleep.  This was no dream.  I am 100% sure of this.  Usually I get up, go down a dark hallway, turn on the light and go to the bathroom.  This time, however, after I turned on the light I somehow found myself still in bed as if I had not gotten up to go to the bathroom.  The third time I tried to get up, I intentionally followed every move I made:  I get out of bed feet-first, put on my slippers, went down the hallway, turned on the light, saw the light come on – but again ended up right back in bed.  After the third try I thought something was wrong.  I was still somewhat confused.  For quite some time I wondered what was going on with me.  And then I wasn’t able to move my feet or my legs or anything at all, for that matter, even though I was lying perfectly flat, and there was no pressure anywhere on my body, like what usually happens when you put pressure on your arm while you’re asleep and then you can’t feel it because you’ve cut off the blood flow. 

It also felt like all the blood in my body had stopped flowing and was sizzling just like vegetable oil in a frying pan.  And then I started feeling unusually light as I started to levitate toward the ceiling parallel to the floor.  I liked this and felt like doing this.  Then when I turned over and saw myself next to myself – despite the fact that the room was dark -- I was seized with terror.  I had never experienced such fear in my entire life and will probably never experience such fear again.  It was the fear of not being able to call out to anyone; I was completely alone and isolated from everything.  Then I started thinking about my parents going into shock when they wouldn’t be able to wake me up in the morning.  Of course, it would be okay if I were in a coma, but what if this were death? 

I desperately started trying to re-enter my body and somehow try to move around.  All at once I remembered my first NDE (although your site calls it something else).  The memory of my first NDE calmed me down a little bit.  I then started trying methodically to move different parts of my body:  First my hands.  One hand wouldn’t move; neither would the other.  My fingers weren’t budging and neither were my feet.  What else was there to move? The shock of re-entering my body had started my eyelids moving.  That’s how I got moving again.  

I tried checking to see if it was really me.  I turned on the light in my room.  I walked around a little and sat down a few times.  Then I went to the bathroom, turned on the light and cleaned out the toilet.  I could feel it when I pinched myself.  That meant everything was normal.  I told my relatives about it in the morning, but they regarded it with skepticism. 

The third incident was very similar to several of the accounts I have read in English on your site.  I can say with certainty that that this was really an NDE.  I was sleeping and dreaming.  Suddenly my dream was interrupted and everything disappeared.  Once again I couldn’t move a muscle.  The familiar feeling like my blood was sizzling in my vessels like vegetable oil in a skillet started up again.   

Insofar as it had been two months since the second incident, I was not frightened, but simply tried to fly around the room.  I often fly in my dreams, but this sensation was  beyond dreaming, because my dream had been interrupted.  I left my body, rose to the ceiling and came back into my body.  Suddenly my eyes started to roll back and then inward.  This sounds strange coming from me.  Prior to this incident I had not been taking any kind of medication;  I don’t even smoke.  This sensation was something like an orgasm, only a hundred times more intense.  It was as if my eyes went deep inside my head and I started to feel like I was being sucked out of my body.  I gave into this force and experienced something like an intense euphoria or total ecstasy.   

Then I felt like I was flying through some kind of dark tunnel.  Insofar as I had already heard about this on American broadcasts and read about it in local papers, I was not surprised, but rather expected it for some reason.  I picked up tremendous speed.  Such speeds are not encountered in life.  My speed increased gradually, yet very quickly.  Shortly thereafter, a light appeared somewhere in the distance and rapidly grew closer.  When I went into the light, it wrapped me up in it.  It was very bright, but not blinding, with a somewhat milky-white tint to it.  I could almost see tiny points of multi-colored light, but they didn’t detract from the bright hues. 

The light was extraordinary.  In it were love and peace.  I was completely enveloped by love and I felt totally secure.  I felt absolutely no loneliness.  Quite the opposite:  if I wanted to know anything about anybody in that light I would instantly know it.  Anyone wanting to know anything about me would know it immediately.  It’s a very interesting feeling when everyone knows everything about everybody.  There are no obstacles to movement or thought.  One can fly about and think freely.  There was also this feeling that it was impossible to lie or be misunderstood even slightly.  A conversation can be conducted telepathically on any topic in one’s  realm of comprehension.  If someone wants to tell you something, he will effortlessly communicate it using your own thoughts, but God forbid someone should try to force his way into your thoughts, because this cannot possibly happen there, simply because it just can’t happen. I can’t explain it; I just “felt” it.  There is none of  the incomprehension or misunderstanding that are so notorious in spoken language. Thought is vaster, more voluminous, faster and more beautiful.  There were all these sensations as if the light could think, but I didn’t see anyone.  Simply the light.  I had seen this light during my first NDE.   

I then returned to my body and started my customary methodical attempts to move myself.  After a few attempts, the big toe on my right foot started moving and I was able to get right out of bed. 

Quite honestly, though, even more interesting are the events leading up to these incidents and their consequences. 

I had been suffering from depression prior to these incidents.  It was 1995.  We were going through a major economic crisis and I was not able to attend college for a free education.  Prior to 1991, everyone got a free education, but I started in 1993.  Despite the criticism leveled against the communist system, it did have its good moments.

I began my studies on contract in a department that trains systems engineers. That was one of the toughest departments at college.  The courses were difficult, because the bulk of the subjects had to do with higher mathematics, physics, programming, electronics and logic.  It had the heaviest course load:  we had to be at the institute every day from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m.  

I managed to find the means for my education. My father was committed to another job for 5 years, in exchange for which funds were transferred to an account at the college I was attending.  When the crisis was over, people had lost their savings, and there were times when salaries couldn’t even cover bread and milk.  All the students would try to get help from large business enterprises but were often turned away.  Many students were expelled from the institute for not paying tuition, even if they were good or even excellent students.  There were literally no special funds in Ukraine at that time. 

Lawlessness and borderlessness became synonyms for all the countries of the former U.S.S.R. 

To stem the tide of students wishing to attend college without paying tuition or who had not paid for their next year at college, there was a secret system of survival.  So much homework was assigned in all the required courses for a (computer science) major that nobody could handle the workload.  Those who were able to handle the large number of assignments, however, got “A’s” – everyone else received failing grades solely as a result of not having achieved the best result (of completing all the assignments).  Studying was made even more complicated considering that half of this group consisted of students who had graduated with straight A’s from various schools and had won (scholastic) competitions.  What resulted was a false sense of competition.  Healthy competition is good; but it’s pretty tough if you have to stand in line to use a computer that’s been in use for 10 years and has difficulty saving your results.  But for this major you needed a computer.  At a time when people’s salaries were around $20 [translator’s note:  the author does not say whether this is weekly or monthly.], where were they going to get a computer that cost $1,000? 

Besides, there was the constant threat of the government drafting young men into the Army.  And despite the fact that we weren’t at war at that time, you could still be killed or come home psychologically impaired.   

Once I had a complete breakdown.  People were bewildered and couldn’t understand me.  I later realized that even had I been in full possession of all my faculties, there would have been no way I could have described to people how psychologically difficult it had been for me,.  I suddenly severed all my ties, became a complete shut-in, didn’t go out anywhere, ate very little, didn’t want anything, saw no prospects for the future and didn’t want to live.  I simply wanted to go to God.  I did not, however, exhibit suicidal tendencies.  I simply did not see the point of my own existence.   

It was only a few years later that I understood that an NDE in such detail had surfaced in my life for good reason.  Some invisible force had opened up new paths along which I must travel, something to strive for, that my life was not in vain, and that I should have goals that fill the needs of those around me as well as my own, and that every day should be filled with good and meaningful activities.   

The first thing I came away with from that light was understanding – the understanding that the only things you can take with you are your thoughts, memory and spiritual essence.  Up to then I was of the understanding that one shouldn’t devote too much attention to material things nor make their pursuit one’s goal in life.  Theory is one thing, but putting it into practice is another thing entirely.  What helped me more than anything else were the teachings of the Bible.  I had not even for one year ever studied the Bible, nor had I ever attended church.  I used to make comparisons a lot between what was going on inside me and what was happening around me.   

My main spiritual breakthrough lasted approximately one to two years.  It continues even today; but it was simply powerful during that time. 

First of all, I understand several shortcomings of “believers.”  Never do anything without being sincere about it.  You need to believe with your whole heart, because nothing can be hidden.  A lot of people are all talk and no action.  There are those who consider it a good thing to give aid to the needy, except for that hostile neighbor who’s been giving you a lot of trouble.  At that time nobody made any effort to first make things right within themselves.  Even Leo Tolstoy wrote about that. 

At this point everything started getting obvious.  I could detect “plastic” smiles, tension, pride, humility – any human quality.  Sometimes all I needed was a quick glance.  It was spontaneous.  And when I started to analyze this ability, it turns out that I had begun to observe the tiniest details and store them for later analysis. It could be anything from eye movements or someone’s expression to a simple blade of grass, a leaf, a butterfly, or the way objects were arranged. 

Despite the fact that I completed music school, I had perfect hearing, and my sense of hearing expanded.  I can now hear sounds beyond the “normal” range of hearing perceptibility; I can determine approximately how much a note has altered in range.  

I fly in my dreams more often when I am well-rested, especially when I am fasting.   

My main goal has become the spiritual development of myself and my surroundings.  I have begun more and more to watch what I think, say and do.  I have gained a tremendous amount of free time due to this alone. 

I can cite countless times when people have observed my actions and followed my example.  I am making changes for the better in the people around me by changing myself first.  See for yourselves how different it feels when people follow the commandments not in word, but in deed.