I came home from Thanksgiving evening and took a few shots of vodka. I walked into the living room and turned on the TV. I quickly looked behind me and saw a fist about to hit my left eye. I felt three hits on my head, remember hearing, ‘F*%k You Die,’ and felt as if my body was being rolled across the floor. I was unconscious at this point. The guy threw me off my third story balcony. I woke up in a trauma emergency room as a Level 1 Trauma victim with a free-flow morphine drip in one arm, and a saline solution drip in the other arm. After I was moved to a regular room, I started flushing out the painkillers and would not allow any more morphine. I'm allergic to pain killers. After my mind became sober from the painkillers, I started to remember my NDE.
I remember spontaneously appearing with no body in a formless place. Only beings of pure consciousness melding with one another were there, along with my consciousness. Those beings directly communicated with me through some kind of intuition, not through thought. It was direct knowledge without a thinking mind. Putting it into words now, what was communicated to my mind was the understanding that, ’I am not supposed to be here yet; I need to leave here and go back.’ I remember wondering, ‘Why?’ ‘What is going on?’ ‘I don't understand.’ Then the beings communicated to me, ‘Everything will be all right.’ They let me know that I am needed on Earth to do something, and they showed me by direct knowledge, or intuition, about the next part of my life up until the spring of 2013.
Date NDE Occurred: 11-22-2001
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack. Direct head injury. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I was attacked in my apartment.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? No Nothing.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I'll explain in terms of my experiences as a Buddhist with states of jhana. About eight years ago, I started practicing a Buddhist meditation, one of those that the Buddha himself taught. The one I practice is not a one-pointed-concentration meditation. It is like that, but in this one, you relax any stress and tension that arise in both your mind and your body by following the flow of whatever in your consciousness calls your attention. Using that approach, as your mind becomes more and more calm and relaxed, you will enter the first jhana. It will be an ‘aware jhana.’ In an aware jhana, if someone touches your shoulder (for example) you will know your shoulder is being touched. But if you use a one-pointed-concentration meditation, when you enter a jhana, (using the same example) you will not be aware of someone touching your shoulder. I practice an ‘abiding in awareness’ jhana when sitting and I try to carry that jhana state right into my active life.
My NDE experience was way deeper than either of the jhana states I have just described. But if I go deep into one of the jhanas, into the ‘formless jhanas,’ say – the realm of infinite consciousness, which is the sixth level of the jhanas – that's the level that matches my NDE pretty good, in terms of alertness and consciousness.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? How can you put into words things that you have never experienced before? There was no human cognition happening. The thinking mind: the ‘I like it / I dislike it,’ the ‘neither dislike nor like’ mind, wasn't operating. My cognition seemed to be turned off and I was simply just there, watching and feeling.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No There seemed to be no time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't see during the experience. There was no seeing; I was aware only of the pure consciousness of beings melding with each other, directly communicating, I suppose, by a sort of intuition.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no hearing. I was aware only of minds – the pure consciousness of beings melding with each other, directly communicating, I suppose, by a sort of intuition.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt extreme equanimity. I had never felt so balanced before in my entire life.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future When I was shown things to come, there wasn't any physical sight. Just a knowing about what would happen. There would be a great calmness in my life for a few years. I would have fulfillment in finding a good friend and what he would be like. I would experience a great awakening and understanding of life itself, (which did indeed happen) a schism in my family, moving, and (now still yet to be seen) something great and wonderful, when I will hand my life over by spring of 2013.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Now I believe in Buddhism.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Buddhist I practice the original teachings of the Buddha directly from the suttas. I practice aware jhanas in meditation both while awake and while sitting in meditation.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was Catholic at the time of my death, but I sure didn't see any god or Jesus... Now that I am Buddhist, My experiences match that of the Buddhist Heavons.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Now I understand that the thoughts which you think make the world around you. When you think or act with bad thoughts, trouble will follow you. When you think or act with good thoughts, goodness will follow you.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I experienced pure consciousnesses melding together along with mine, no physical reality.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God does not exist
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was shown (again: not physically) what would be happening in my life in relationship to events during a period leading up to the spring of 2013.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes My khamma and past habitual tendencies will be transumted into a new life. There is no perminent self or I that survives.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain We are all controled by our khamma and habitual tendencies... We should deviate from causing negative khamma.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Something will be happening by spring of 2013 and I must make a choice and this choice's outcome will be good and bad.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain Love can turn any hatred into love. Hatred can not apease hatred, only love can.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Since my experience, I have started practicing meditation and watching my mind's attention. In my meditations, I have seen individual consciousness arising from nowhere and also ceasing for no reason. I have started to understand something called ‘Dependent Origination,’ a twelve-linked chain of events that happens in the cognition of human consciousness. Large changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I started to let go of people who are good-for-nothing and started keeping around me people who are good at heart.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain How can you put into words things that you have never experienced before? There was no human cognition happening. The thinking mind: the ‘I like it / I dislike it,’ the ‘neither dislike nor like’ mind, wasn't operating. My cognition seemed to be turned off and I was simply just there, watching and feeling.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I can recall the memory of my experience very easily... How ever other memories around the experience I Can't recall easily.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Nothing directly relating to the experience, but now in my meditations, as my mind calms down more and more, I can hear beautiful music such as I have never heard before, coming from a heavenly place.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My karma and past habitual tendencies will be transmuted into a new life. There is no permanent self or ‘I’ that survives. Something will be happening by spring of 2013 and I must make a choice. Depending on what I choose, this choice's outcome will be good or bad. Love can turn any hatred into love. But hatred cannot appease hatred, only love can.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Maybe a few years afterwards, but when I told people, some just listened with a blank look, and some gave me a look like that I must be crazy, and others just walked away. Very few were interested.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real It was just a memory and my memories do not lie.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I know it from my realizations during meditation and from reading the Buddhist sutras. The experience was definitely real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes While sitting in meditation, experiencing deep jhanas.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? We are all controlled by our kharma and habitual tendencies. We should turn away from causing negative kharma. I was shown (again, not physically) what would be happening in my life in relationship to events during a period leading up to the spring of 2013. I had been Catholic at the time of my death, but I sure didn't see any God or Jesus. Now that I am Buddhist, I can see that my experiences correspond with those of the Buddhist Heavens. I can recall the memory of my experience very easily. However, other memories from around the time of the experience, I can't recall easily.