My first son was born on January 7, 1984. He was premature, and had down syndrome and was expected to have open heart surgery in about a year. We were preparing to take him home from the hospital by end of week. While visiting my son one evening, I began hemorrhaging heavily. It felt like a faucet had been turned on. All day I had noticed large soft balls of blood coming out of me, but I was young and had my son on my mind.I went to the ladies bathroom to clean it up but there was no stopping it. I left a trail of blood as I walked back to see my husband who was holding my son. It didn't take the nurses long to figure it was me. I was becoming afraid. It wasn't stopping and I was quickly becoming weaker. At this point, I was at the hospital for my son's care. The nurse called my doctor, who demanded that I be brought to another hospital. He felt I would get the best care from him and he was going to meet me there. I recall as I was taken to the hospital I was in and out of consciousness.They immediately took me to a small room in emergency and I recall the pain, the yelling of my doctor and nurses on either side of me trying to give me medicine. However, my veins had collapsed. What happened next changed me forever. I was above my body and could see very clearly. I could see all the doctor and nurses working on me. I knew I was going to die. I felt no fear. I was very safe, peaceful, and warm. I saw a light and wanted to go towards it and I did not feel like I was alone. I was feel conflicted. My son was a few miles down the road at the other hospital and coming home soon. He was very sick and had a life of health problems. My conflict was who would care for my son? My husband was so young and immature. I was worried. I was then pulled back into my body. It was a shock of cold reality. They stopped the bleeding and then gave me blood.A couple of days later, my son got an intestinal infection. He died in my arms twenty-four hours later. I felt as though our lives had flip-flopped. The feeling of being in the light changed how I viewed death and life for myself. It's hard for me to explain the overwhelming peace and unconditional love I felt in those moments. I have no idea how much time had passed. I could see and feel all around me, but had no sense of time.
Date NDE Occurred: 01/20/1984
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
My son who was born two weeks before this event was very ill and had down syndrome. He had a hole in his heart as well.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Just a tunnel of light and the feeling I had loved ones with me.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was completely different than anything I have ever felt before. My ability to see, comprehend what was going on in my body, as well as in the room and with my son, and having a feeling of total calm, safety, and love.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was above my body and surrounded by light. I felt like there was so much more to experience, however, I did not go further due to the conflict I felt with my son.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I felt like a lot was happening but time stood still. I had no sense of time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see beyond what my eyes would normally take in.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could feel everyone and hear what they were thinking and saying.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was at the beginning of a tunnel. I felt like I did not go far. There was much in front of me.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I felt and saw the light that led to a tunnel.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, joy, peace, safety, and warmth.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others It was more of a knowing, or clarity.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I felt the conflict about my son and knew I had to return to life.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe so. I am drawn to being more open, more loving, and more compassionate.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age Very spiritual
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I never new, I felt when you passed you were gone. I have also considered being reborn, but did not feel that either
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I took life slower, and I focused more on people and experiences.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I knew I was not alone. It felt like several beings with me.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I felt as though I was part of something bigger and broader - I felt as though I was included as part of verses separate as I do in my physical life
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Yes I knew I would continue, but not in the same physical way. It was simply a knowing. I felt as though I was on my way into that existence and was aware and happy
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain Yes I felt an unconditional love, that is part of the safe feelings I had.... It was not said but felt completely
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I became more compassionate to others. I no longer made material things my focus. I became more interested in sharing experiences.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Yes Deeper sense of myself. I tend to build relationships with people who are open and more aware.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was so much more than my words can express. The feeling was amazing.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience This was huge for me. At 24 years old I have never had the awareness or experienced anything like this. In fact for me to feel so much pleasure, love, safety in an experience like this is amazing and something I want to keep with me. It the feeling that I remember the most
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have a strong sense of others emotions. I can feel what others feel. I tend to attract people who trust me with their stories.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The beauty and comfort in knowing.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Throughout my life. After the experience, my son died within days. My focus and conversations became about the loss. It wasn't until later that I opened up. Friends and other people find comfort in what I share.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It just was and I never doubted it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I can still feel the light. Now that I am older, I can appreciate it in a different way. I am grateful that I had this experience. I never considered myself worthy and yet this experienced helped me to see that I was worthy of love.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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