Experience Description

I was very sick with bleeding ulcers. My medical insurance had expired and I was at home for several days trying to rest and hope everything would heal on its own. I have had bleeding ulcers since I was a child, have had several attacks through the years, and know pretty much what to expect. I knew this attack was pretty bad.

On January 5, I woke up with a severe headache and knew my blood pressure was very high. Mid-morning I realized I was very sick and telephoned a close friend to ask them to come to my home. I remember thinking, 'This is the last phone call I'll ever make.' I was very calm and decided to get into the empty bathtub so I wouldn't bleed all over the carpets and make a mess. By this time, I was bleeding through my ears and was bleeding heavily everywhere.

I woke up in a warm, bright place and was confused as to where I was. It took a minute and I remember thinking, 'Wow, I must be dead.' There was no pain. I could see myself; it wasn't like a spirit kind of thing. I looked up and my grandmother was there. She had died long ago (I think in 1967 or 1968), but it was her! She was wearing a purple dress and I suddenly remembered seeing her in her coffin as a kid wearing that dress. There was a Boston terrier dog standing beside her. We had always had Boston Terriers as pets when I was a kid but I didn't recognize this particular dog. I asked her where my mom and dad were (they had both passed away) but she looked at me and said, 'You can't stay - you have to go back now.' I said, 'No, I don't want to leave,' and she said, 'I promise, next time you can stay. You can stay the third time.'

Then I woke up in the hospital. It was very confusing for a couple of minutes and the doctor told me my friend had called 911 after I phoned him and they found me in the bathtub with no pulse. Luckily, I was found in time. I spent two weeks in the hospital and have been in decent health since - although I still have bleeding ulcers.

As a side-note, I went through a big box of old family photos and I found the dog with my grandmother. Her name was Trixie and she was our household pet when I was born in 1956. I don't remember her though as she was put to sleep around 1958. It was definitely, absolutely Trixie with my grandma.

I can't really describe the TONE of the conversation. She meant so much more than what she said. I seemed to understand more than what she said.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: January 5, 1998

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Everything seemed brighter, more THERE. I seemed more alert somehow. I seemed to understand not just the words but the tone of her conversation.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From start to finish. I remember everything.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There didn't seem to be a sense of time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I was standing in a white place - but not like standing in the clouds. Everything around me was just a brilliant white.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, then relief, then happiness. Then disappointment when I had to come back here.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Nobody told me but I felt I knew what life was all about, and what I was all about, and why I was here. I DO know that somehow, someway we do go on. I'm not sure where or how but it isn't bad.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am still a high-strung, demanding, quick witted person. However, I am a lot more patient and tolerant of other people. I tend to argue a lot less and accept other people for what they are. I seem to WANT to treat people better.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I can't describe the overall feeling I was left with; it's too complex for words.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I still wonder why my grandmother was there and not my parents. Why that particular dog? I feel like I had a great chance to learn something and I missed it. What were they trying to tell me?

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes When I was three years old, I 'drowned' in a public swimming pool in Fall River, Massachusetts, USA. My grandfather had to run into the pool fully clothed to pull me out. A lifeguard got me back. It was always a family story about my drowning and how they almost lost me. I don't really remember it except for tiny pieces and parts. My grandfather old me I had no pulse when they pulled me out.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It WAS real, no question. It bothers me to talk about it because it seems very personal and I tarnish it every time I talk about it. I do think about it every day though.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. See above.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was real and it did happen. It wasn't drug induced or anything. It wasn't my imagination. It was real. It was such a strong experience it's always in the back of my mind. I feel lucky to have had this experience.