Prior to the experience I had on Christmas day 2010, I had been practicing a certain form of meditation whereby my focus was on concentrating on what I call the 'space' that is between my thoughts. What I was trying to accomplish was staying in that space with an attempt to reach a state of mindlessness. After many hours of practicing this, one day (prior to the experience), during one of my sessions I felt a very strong wave of energy go through my entire body. The first time that this happened, it scared me, and as it was happening, I immediately resisted the feeling and bounced back out of the deep state that I had reached during the meditation. After thinking about the experience, I did not know what to make of it and I thought that I might have been at the threshold of death itself. Weeks later, it happened again and I began to become very curious about what would happen if I did not resist the energy that was overtaking me. I began to work up the courage, in preparation for the next time that this happens, to surrender to the feeling without any resistance.
On Christmas day 2010, I was experiencing some difficulties with my family and we were not speaking to each other. I was single with no children and feeling very alone at that time. You might say that I was willing to explore where this state would take me because at the time I felt alone in the world and other than my belief in God, I was feeling very lonely (particularly because of the holidays) and unloved. This I guess helped me to have the courage to not resist this should it happen to me again. On the day that my experience happened, I was lying down and I began to focus on my meditation when I felt what I would describe as walking through a door. A door that led from being in a conscious state that included various attachments to what I would call a pure state of only awareness. Upon entering this state, I remember being awe struck at the shear feeling of what I can only say is far beyond words. Trying to describe it would be pointless and very misleading to anyone who has not experienced this for themselves.
Subsequent to this experience, I have yet to be able to reach this state a second time. However, I have not tried many times because if I were to reach this state again, I might not choose to return. It is also very difficult (at least for me) to reach this state, as it takes a lot of concentration. Since then I have also decided that I am not ready to leave this earth or this body yet, however I feel that if I were, that it would be possible to do so via this path. This experience has shown me something that I would like to attempt to describe in words. What I believe is that while we are in this body, we are equipped with the consciousness that comes with it. The difference between how I view what this consciousness is, in relation to my view of what awareness is it is two different things. Awareness for me is what is behind the consciousness that comes with the functioning of mind and body. The awareness behind it however is of a much broader, infinite nature. The thoughts that we all have in our consciousness appear to be a constant stream that is continuous and linear in nature. However, upon intense concentration on what is an iota of time between our thoughts, I believe that what I have experienced was a gateway leading out of consciousness and into the hidden spectrum of pure awareness that lies beyond. While in this state, I have no memory of breathing, or any other bodily functions that would be obvious in a normal state of consciousness.
Date NDE Occurred: 'December 25, 2010'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Other: Deep meditation.
My life was not threatened, however I could have chosen for it to end with regard to my physicality.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No The experience was void and yet all-encompassing at the same time. It was a state of de-manifestation with the seeming power to re-manifest should I choose to introduce thought. It was kind of like this; I wasn't thinking but if I did think, I would become what I was thinking. Therefore, I dared not think about anything because that would have meant that I would have manifested out of total awareness and bliss. Being in this state was beyond bliss, you want to stay there and not do anything to disturb it.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal I only chose an answer to question 4 because it is in red. None of those answers would actually be correct. The correct answer would be 'no consciousness, complete awareness, and something far greater then alertness, more like a complete knowingness.'
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was not experiencing consciousness but rather the state of awareness that lies beyond consciousness.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time. Time had no meaning there; in fact nothing really had any meaning, in the normal sense of the word.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Question 6 is wrong and only answered because it is in red. There were no thoughts. Question 7 is also wrong, as there were no senses. The best way that I can describe it is that this state was beyond the need for thoughts or senses. Thoughts and senses are things that in my view pertain to consciousness. Where I was, it was a state of pure awareness; beyond consciousness and therefore the need of thoughts or senses.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did not hear, think, or experience, in any way, anything that could be compared to my everyday experience. Awareness (or the state I was in) is beyond all of that.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No I did not pass through a tunnel. It was more like letting go of something that I was stuck to. It was as if I was a balloon that was tied down and then suddenly released to begin floating; as if I was carrying a heavy weight on my back that was finally lifted. This was the feeling right at the point of entry. What followed was the state that I could never fully describe in words.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No I did not see anything. What I became was essence.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I entered a place of essence; awareness without form.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? None; this was a state of infinite power that leaves all emotions way behind. When I think of emotions, I think of feelings that are brought on by certain events or perceptions. Here, the state I was in was well beyond this. It was a state of total awareness and knowingness. When you are already aware of everything that there is that pertains to you, there is nothing left to be emotional about.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Questions 26 and 27 do not describe the state I was in. The words united and understand don't describe this state. I did not unite with the world or universe. I was the world and the universe, and everything else. There was not anything to understand. This state was beyond that. To 'understand' is to imply that you understand this but you don't understand that. Here, there was nothing to understand, there was only everything to know.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No When I returned to life, it was not a conscious decision. The consciousness did not resume until after my return. What brought me back was the love I had for the people in my life that would suffer from their perceived loss of me. I was pulled back out of love. I did not make a 'conscious' decision to go back because I was out of the state of consciousness and in a total state of awareness.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was raised Catholic but I have not practiced any organized religion in years. At the time of my experience I would have descibed myself as very spiritual. Although my experience was not brought on by any illness or near fatal accident, the description of it is very similar to other examples of NDE's that I have read about. While in the state that I was in, I felt that I had the option of staying there if I chose. what caused me to decide to return was my concern for the people in my life who care about me. I did not want them to experience any suffering as a result of my passing.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes What has changed the most is that I no longer see anything as something that I have to 'get'. Rather, it is now a question of what I am willing and capable of allowing into my life based on my current needs and what is most beneficial to my soul's evolution. I may consciously think that I need more money, but what the deeper needs of my spirit may say could be something altogether different. The idea is to be in tune with your true needs, not the ones perceived by the ego/intellect. This is the key to staying with the flow of my purpose, and not against it. Any suffering that is derived from this process will dissipate once my true needs are realized and obtained.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Since the day of my experience, I have moved beyond what I would even describe as being "spiritual". I veiw everyone as being part of the same "whole" and rather then beleiving in spirituality I see only levels of ignorance which stand between others and the realization of who they are. I still struggle with my own old belief systems which still need to be at times questioned and discarded. The difference now is that through my increased awareness I now "know" that these beliefs are just that, as opposed to mistakenly taking them as reality.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience In my experience, I had no beliefs. That is just what made the experience so different from the beliefs I had before it. All of my beliefs, thoughts, and attachments were surrendered going in.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Two things come to mind here; First, what I learned is that there is nothing to seek, there is only plenty to discard. Second, there is nothing to seek because there is nothing that you don't already have. What we are is an incredible-unimaginable-boundle
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Awareness. I discovered the infinite awareness that lies behind my very limited (and ignorent) consciousness.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes What I experienced was essence. How do I describe essence? I will try, but again this is a very feeble attempt that is only worth mentioning for the sake of wrighting something in this box; Essence: a continuous melting pot of unlimited unmanifested power, capable of becoming anything- ANYTHING!- at the spur of the moment, being aware and knowing at all times everything that ever was, and ever will be possible, including the seemingly impossible (there is no such thing as the impossible except that it is impossible for God to not be God)Essence: Pure love, for lack of a word that is beyond love.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was greatly humbled in my realization of the following; all my life I have strived to acquire knowledge and attempt to retain that knowledge consciously. What the experience made me realize is that much of the knowledge that I thought I was retaining was in fact not knowledge at all, but only a concept of what I thought was knowledge. I realized that all true knowledge is a function of the Universe and it can be accessed only through awareness, not consciousness. Consciousness serves to only distort true knowledge because of the sensory perception that knowledge passes through in our everyday lives. This is why I stated earlier that my life has changed from striving to achieve (as perceived as necessary through consciousness) to trusting and allowing things to happen through the Universal forces that are available through awareness. This does not mean that I always 'do nothing'; it means that the actions that I do take are based on intuition and trust in the universe as a whole and not my individual intellect.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I am crammed in this body and almost completely blinded by consciousness-ness. The word should be "consciousness-Mess". My purpose here is to help myself and others (one and the same thing) clean up this consciousness-Mess, and go home to the infinity whi
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes As stated earlier, what I experienced was the passing through of the space between my thoughts, which led me from the state of consciousness that comes with being in my body to the state of infinite awareness that lies behind consciousness, a state in whi
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes We need to forget all that we think we know through consciousness. We can never know anything through consciousness. That is wisdom. We can be aware of all there is to know through awareness. That is love.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes It is are attachment to ilusions that cause our suffering. We are unable to tell the difference between what is real and what is not. We don't know what the truth is because our consciousness actually precludes us from the realization of what we actually
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love was the entire experience. It was beyond love.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life My experience changed me in that I no longer see events that occur the same way. I am now living with the confirmation that there is far more going on then what I am capable of experiencing consciously. My life is now a function of trusting and allowing rather than doing and achieving. I have realized that belief in what I already have is my true nature rather than striving for what I perceive to not have.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No My relationships have not changed because I cannot change anyone else. What has changed however is my level of awareness within my relationships. I find that I am no longer in as much conflict with my relationships as a result of accepting the fact that it is consciousness that we are all subjected to, which creates most of the conflict in the first place. Instead, I usually just come to the realization at the onset of a conflict that it is like two blind people arguing over what they both think that they see. The truth is that they both see nothing, so what is the point of arguing about it?
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes How do you explain infinity in words? Here is a very feeble attempt; you are an individual ice cube and you are dropped into an infinite ocean of water. Upon entering the ocean you immediately become the entire ocean, including all of the life forms within it, aware of all that is going on all at the same time.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time I answered I don't know to this question because the experience was so different that it's very hard to even compare. The main reason for this is that my memory in everyday experiences is based on my sensory perception whereas in the experience their was no perception. I was in a state of awareness without perception, thought, or consciousness as we understand it. here.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes What I have now is greater awareness and less consciousness. This allows for my intuition to shine through far more easily than it did before. My 'gut feelings', if you will, are far more clear, and I have learned to recognize the meaning behind them and trust in the guidance that comes with that.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? What I probably find the most significant and meaningful about the experience is what occurred at the point of entry into it. It was the surrendering of all thoughts, beliefs, and accumulated dogma, together with the willingness to trust in what I could not see or understand that had the most significant impact. I see the experience as a true gift and not something to take any credit for in any way.
It was something that I had asked for and it was my willingness to surrender that allowed the passageway for me to receive this gift. To put it another way, I came to understand how much my consciousness prohibits me from realizing and positioning myself to be able to accept what is readily available, not just to me but to all of us. We have already been given all there is to have, but in our consciousness I find that we are ignorantly saying, 'we don't want or accept it.' The gift of life is far greater then what we can see because you can't ever see it, you have to become 'aware' of it. When that happens, the joy and the love, the shear awe of it, is overwhelming and cannot be described in words. To even use the words joy or love, or any words for that matter, is an injustice. (There really is no such thing as injustice but I say this, again, as a feeble attempt to try to communicate. It is beyond communication in words.)
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with one or two friends. They thought it was interesting but unless you have experienced it yourself, it is very difficult to talk about due to the experience really being beyond verbal communication altogether.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard of these experiences before, yes. What I believe was a bit different in my case from some of the other experiences that I had heard about. My experience was not brought on involuntarily by a severe illness or near fatal accident. My physical body was not approaching the inability to no longer function, thereby plunging me into this state. Instead, I was able to voluntarily find an open doorway (the space between thoughts), and muster the courage to walk through it. This is what inspired me to answer these questions, as I feel that it is important to know that it does not require a catastrophic event in order to experience awareness or 'who we really are.'
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The experience was the most 'real' experience that I had ever had. I realized that it is all that is not real that stood within everyday consciousness and the place of pure awareness that I was in.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I reiterate what was said in question 56.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No The experience entailed being in the state of pure awareness, and I have not been back to that state since. My consciousness has decreased as a result but it is still present, unlike the state of pure awareness which has no consciousness.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I hope that by my sharing this experience that it will lessen the overall suffering for us as a whole, and bring us closer to the realization that we are all connected and part of each other.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Spell check would be helpful, I'm sure there are lots of typos. Also, ask more questions about unity and how we can learn to love ourselves to the extent that there is nothing left but for that love to spill out onto others. Love is who we are; the rest is all just an illusion. Thanks for the opportunity to share this, and God Bless