I will share my near death experience and will make it as brief as possible. In the summer of 1995 in Connecticut, I was alone at home gardening and by accident put my hand into a black wasp or hornet's nest. Being allergic, I went into anaphylactic shock but had enough time to call 911 before I went into full shock.
While in the ambulance, I could hear the paramedics discussing the severity of my condition and the last words I remember from then was, ‘We don’t have a pulse. She is flat lining. If we give her any more medication it will kill her.’ Then some other debate over what to do. Then I was gone.
I went directly to a place of light. It was calm and immediate. There was no tunnel or any sensation of travel. The place where I was I perceived to be analogous in a way to the exterior of an entry way. Not fully in heaven. There was one major being of love and many other beings of love with actual personhood or souls. I could not see much but light and vague outlines in a way. There was nothing but love, goodness, truth, and all things to do with love. There was no room for fear or evil or anything but this love. It was more wonderful than any of my best hopes or experiences on this planet. It was beyond perfect and loving, as we in our human state know it. There are no words to describe it. I was so happy to be there. I was shown a close up picture of my daughter's face and was told that she would need me. I was fifty five at the time and my daughter was in her junior year of college. The major heavenly being of love who I call God, which seemed masculine to me in a way, imparted the message to me directly through thought that I could stay or I could go back.
My sense was that it would please God if I went back to earth. I loved him so that just knowing this made me want to please Him. He warned that it would not be easy for me back on earth and gave me a chance to ‘consider.’ Then the second I decided in my mind to go back, I woke up in the hospital bed.
The hives were like bunches of grapes on my body and I was on oxygen mixed with medication. I was hooked up to tubes. There were many doctors around me. They were amazed at the condition of my body and that I regained consciousness.
Several months after that, I went through a horrible divorce. My divorce attorney as well as the judge was bribed or swayed in some way by my ex-husband to rule unfairly in my divorce. I believe. My beautiful home was foreclosed on and I was left in debt while my ex-husband kept millions. I had to take a teaching job in a dangerous school because of my age and lack of recent teaching experience. It was mid school year. One terrible experience after another occurred that compromised my health and physical condition.
I finally remarried after five years. Then my daughter did need me. She was married and had a dangerous life -threatening pregnancy that left her on complete bed rest, hemorrhaging often and having other complications. Her baby girl was born one month early but was healthy, beautiful, and identified as gifted now at five years of age. The child's chances were about one in a million to survive. My daughter and granddaughter did need me as I cared for her mother throughout her pregnancy. There have been many times that weren't as dramatic where my daughter did need me, as well.
So the hard times, my daughter needing me and the vivid indescribable near death experience changed my life. Now the injustices of this world, the mistakes that I made in my choices and still make are even clearer to me. I can see that those poor choices are not in keeping with the love I knew from my Heavenly God. I see how our heart attitudes need to be aligned with His and how we need to seek a relationship with Him striving toward being one with or in Him.
I can't express all the impressions I gained in earthly words. But the experience made me want to continue my spiritual growth, my work here on earth, to please God and become like Him even more so. I also feel that I want to encourage others on the path to conform to God and His total and perfect love. I miss God and the taste of heaven but I know there is a reason for me to be here. I feel sad that I have not reached the level of being a truly highly evolved loving being yet but I feel that God knows I love Him and I am trying.
There is so very much more that words can't express but what I have written is about the best I can describe of my experience in mere human words. I want to read many accounts of near death or clinical death experiences. Each one is tailored for us, it seems, yet there are common elements. I also wish all others could know that holy and positive experience of my near death or know about it and believe.
Please feel free to ask questions or contact me.
Date NDE Occurred: Summer of 1995
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Allergic reaction Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
Anaphylactic shock from an allergic reaction to multiple black wasp stings.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was told that I could stay in what I perceived as Heaven or go back. It ‘hit me’ or brought home to me that I was not in my earthly place. I also knew that this was a very important decision in some way. But when I sensed God's love for me and for all that probably was the most emotionally intense and heartbreakingly beautiful moment.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
It wasn't like clock time on earth. We were so in the love and in the present in my experience. I did reflect ‘back’ on my daughter on earth and had a warning of what was to come if I went back to earth. Yet there or part way in or just outside of Heaven, there seemed to be the past, the present, and future altogether. To God but it made sense. I can't explain it further.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was such light that it obscured my human vision but it was also soft and part of love, of God. God and the other spiritual beings appeared in translucent type outlines of white or light but I saw no visual details. Everything was focused on love, information, and in a spiritual format. The clarity of vision happened when I was shown my daughter's face close up and in a very very large video or photo type manner. I was almost not interested in the visual or needing it. It felt natural. So hard to explain.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Messages were communicated by telepathy or something like telepathy between God and the other holy beings and me. I felt that no one on Earth was aware of what was happening there.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes There was one major superior being of love which I understood as God. There were a number, I don't know how many, of other loving beings with God. I felt like they were his spiritually evolved helpers or companions. I just don't know the others exact role.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I was immersed in light which also was God, which also was love and the loving perfection of all of everything there. The light was ‘blinding’ but soft to my human self. It was not unpleasant or frightening.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm As I described earlier. There was a beautiful bright yet soft light and almost mist there. The beauty was in God and the total perfect love. The sight of my daughter's face was beautiful to me but I saw no distinctive locations or scenes.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I am crying again. The emotions of love and gratitude toward God was and is overwhelming and sublimely beautiful beyond measure. I felt no fear, which is strange because I get anxious easily on earth many times. I felt safe, known, loved, understood, and cared for like I have never known. I felt euphoric yet calm. I wanted to stay immersed in God's love, to stay there. I had to be reminded of those I loved so much on earth because the love in Heaven was so inviting.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control It was more a prediction that if I chose to go back to earth that I would encounter difficult times and that God wanted me to know that before I made my decision. And yes, I learned that love in its perfect state through God is what is important. I learned that we are always able to evolve and serve God and each other forever. We have the choice to learn about this love, how to become a part of it, and God if we want to do so. It seemed like our relatives are especially important to us for our spiritual growth and journey. All beings seemed to be important, even nature and our precious animals as well as other beings from other realms. That is an impression that almost seeped into me-into my soul. Also, that in our human state, we are so off course and primitive in a way but still loved. That God wants all to be a part of Him and His perfect love. It seemed like a short time and while main telepathy was going on, I was quickly absorbing these other truths by osmosis in a way from being immersed there.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future That I would experience difficult times, that my daughter would need me, and that I had other work to do for God, others, and myself. I was not told the specifics.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes This is a hard question. I could say I almost felt like I had a toe in the door of Heaven. I know I was with God and other spiritual beings of love. That I communicated with them and them with me. I gained knowledge and my heart was breaking with love for God and His way.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I feel that one does not have to be a certain religion probably. The way one can reach our God of love is their religion. I am a Christian, basically, but I respect all.
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I feel that one does not have to be a certain religion probably. The way one can reach our God of love is their religion. I am a Christian, basically, but I respect all.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes God is manifest perfect, heartbreakingly complete, highly evolved love. Yet he is a being with a soul and identity. My sense was that we all are on a path to that love and to God. The main purpose is love and realizing the source, which is God. What can be is so beautiful and right. Others, all others, count even nature and precious animals. Our purpose, our goal is God and his perfect love to continually learn and serve God. We must love and serve each other, love ourselves, and grow spiritually. But we have a free will to not be aligned with God at any point. We must understand God's love, understand the opposite of it and how destructive and wrong it is, then reach toward God to have a beautiful and completely loving existence.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I try to separate the sin from the sinner more, which is difficult as a mere human, but I do try. I communicate with God more, look to Him, ask for guidance more and forgiveness when I fail and fail again. I do not fear death. I fear suffering but even in that I know there is a wonderful ending. A purpose. I love God and others with a new love and try to forgive myself for sins.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There is no human vocabulary, experiences, feelings, spiritual feelings here on earth to communicate my near death experience. This can be frustrating because I want to share it more.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have always had some psychic gifts but I believe they were heightened. For instance, when the phone rang most times I knew who it would be if I already knew the person calling. I felt a strengthened sense of what is right and wrong.
I could hold a photo of someone and get a sense of them. I know that I know that God is aware and loving even through difficult times. I do get specific signs from God often.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Again I will cry. The type of love God exudes and is all about is beyond my best wishes for bliss and perfection and the type of love that human's don't comprehend and haven't achieved. God, love, growing spiritually, serving in love, uniting in love are the goals. In essence, the bottom line or answer. The answer to all things is what I learned is meaningful.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It has been about eleven years. Some people were incredibly affected and encouraged. Others unsure and some skeptical. Mostly positive responses and some familiar with similar accounts like mine. I am always happy to share my experience. I usually cry for love of this event and God and get frustrated because no human words or events can describe my time in or near Heaven with God and His perfect love.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard that my aunt who was an atheist had a clinical death. She was so angry to be back on earth because she loved it there. I was young and do not remember any specifics, and do not know if my aunt came to believe in God. She seemed to always be helping others though.
I also read some of Moody's work out of curiosity. Although my entire greater family was atheists except maybe my uncle, I always believed in God and loved Him.
I do not feel that reading books or hearing my aunt's account second hand influenced me. I truly expected the tunnel and was afraid of that because I don't like tunnels and speed. I did not experience that so God knew that, also.
I did not expect other beings than God to meet me, and if so, I thought they would have wings. I did not perceive wings at that time. The whole experience surprised me and astounded me. I also expected my life to be reviewed which it wasn't and it was something I could not make up because of its unearthly nature and experience. There are none here to compare it with. It was unique to me.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew during the experience that it was real. I knew directly after. I know now and will always know. It was so outside the human box of experiences and so incredibly precious to me. A gift to spur me on to God and His love. I am still a partly flawed human but I strain toward this beautiful God and place of Heaven. My soul and spirit knew and knows without any proof even though God's predictions did come true.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Our life here is only a pathetic approximation of what we can achieve through God and His love. Our love is so immature, if you will, seen through a glass darkly. In God's light, with, and in God love is it. The answer. The total bliss.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Just the thoughts and memories of what occurred and sharing it brings the experience more vividly again.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I feel disappointed when I hear medical people and scientists try to explain away the most important piece that humans need to know. There is a God who is perfect, who exudes and promotes only love and truth. All the vain striving, the egos, the greed, wars, and all the evils only hurt us. God wants so much better for us. The sin in myself is more apparent and can be frustrating when I can't overcome it. The end is a beautiful ending. Know that if you choose.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I don't know how to express the experience well enough. I would appreciate suggestions, if possible. I will begin to read others accounts.