Experience Description

I remember it being a lovely day, weather-wise, and I was very happy that my mother was allowing me to take a nap in my parent's bed, rather than my own, which was on the floor and hard. Their bed was nice and soft, and high, they had pillows, and I loved it. I knew I should lie down and go to sleep, but I was too excited. I started jumping up and down on the bed, and noticed there was a bottle of medicine on the (very tall) bureau, next to the bed.

I tried to see if I could reach it. I could. I knew I shouldn't touch it, but I did. Then I began playing doctor and patient. The doctor in me would prescribe, and the patient in me would take the pills. This continued until the bottle was empty.

I don't remember passing out. I do remember suddenly seeing myself from above. In the middle of the bed, on my side, legs and arms positioned as though I was running. I didn't feel anything in particular about being out of my body nor looking at myself. I remember, clearly, thinking that it was funny that I looked as though I was running when I was actually 'sleeping'.

Suddenly, I was 'sucked backwards' (at warp speed), as though 'through the roof'. Then the blackest black - nothingness. I saw no tunnel, no light - just blackness. It didn't inspire fear. I felt perfectly fine, and somewhat like a detached observer. Everything seemed to be happening to quickly, I didn't have time to think.

Then, I was Home. Earth and this life were a bad summer camp, in comparison, and I knew I wanted to stay. I didn't want to go back to camp. That's all I knew. I didn't 'see 'God,' but I felt as though I was sitting in the lap and wrapped in the arms of the most wonderful, loving (giant) 'parent'. This is where it gets frustrating, because there are not, now, and will never be words to convey how this feels.

I detest using the word 'God' because of the great perversion we humans have made of the concept, but I will use it from this point onward, merely for the sake of expedience.

I was 'sitting in God's lap', wrapped in the warmest embrace, and immediately involved in a 'conversation'. We communicated telepathically. I don't know how else to describe it. I didn't want to come back. That was my focus. I was Home, I liked being Home, just let me be Home. God was holding me tighter (in the best of ways), and showing me the life to which I must return. My field of vision was akin to being inside a TV screen watching a movie.

Though I knew, then, that it's what happens, I was three. How much could I have done? The only thing I can remember in terms of a 'life review' is seeing myself standing at my baby brother's crib, on a chair, looking down at him. In terms of emotional attachment, he could have been an uninteresting rock in a pile of uninteresting rocks. I felt nothing, and that 'made God cry,' which is literally Hell. Immediately, I knew that love is the only important thing. At different points throughout the experience, I would suddenly know massive amounts of information. Again, this is difficult to describe in words. Words seem more a blockade.

After making God cry (and I say that in good humor) my life was shown to me in the form of a long road - and it didn't look like a road I'd choose to travel (though I knew I HAD chosen the road). I saw many of the different places I'd live and people I'd know. Jobs. Experiences. Too much sadness. I didn't want it. But God just kept gently showing me that I was going back.

The movie kept running and the road kept going - so fast - so much 'information' that was both, personal and universal. Most of the information was about Thought and Love. Way down the road, late in my life, it seemed the trip would become more enjoyable. God told me (crappy earth translation ahead) to stay true, 'follow the clues', and all would be well. The totality of God's love for me was the predominant feeling/understanding, at all times (luckily, that feeling has stayed with me, though I don't necessarily understand it, any more).

The next thing I remember is sitting in the front seat of the car, between my parents, leaving the hospital.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: June 1965

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I took an entire bottle of medication. Don't know if, by 'associated' you mean in addition to the medication, or in addition to the NDE.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I was 'sitting in God's lap'.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was 'sitting in God's lap'.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time was only a device used to 'create sequence' for the movie. EVERYthing was 'altered'.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember colors being any more vivid, or vision being more clear, but I could 'see' with more than my eyes; I could see into buildings, I could see things clearly though they would be the equivalent of miles away, I could see that time was used - to give the appearance of sequence? Again, difficult to explain in words.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. As with sight, I seemed to 'hear with more than my ears'. I could hear thoughts. I could hear anything I was meant to hear. I don't remember loud noises, nor anything jarring (besides the fact that I would have to return).

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I got 'sucked backwards into God's lap'. There was a definite feeling of 'travel,' but I did not experience a tunnel, per se.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I only met God. I saw many other people, and I could see them talking to others, but they were in this life, not there, at Home. I didn't see any departed relatives nor angels nor any other beings. I never really saw God, either. I felt God. I was in God's lap, but my back was to God and my eyes were in the movie.

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The road of my life seemed like a "real-life" road, but there were many other dimensions. I saw places in Arizona and Oregon that would one day be very important to me, and I could "see" the emotions associated with those places, as well as the "aliveness" of those places. The places were as people, in that regard.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Primarily, an incredible peace and happiness; I felt loved; some sadness and fear about coming back. 'Death' was the best and most wonderful experience of my life.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I saw myself looking at my brother and feeling nothing, as described, earlier. I knew that my lack of feeling for/complete disinterest in him was not a good thing. I knew that I am 'supposed to' feel love for everyone. The horrible feeling of having 'made God cry' made me know that I never wanted to make God cry, again. I don't know how it might have changed my life because I was so young when it happened, and every day of my life, since, has been about that experience. It is always with me. It also tortures me, because I still feel absolutely nothing for my brother, and it's not possible to fool God. I console myself with the knowledge that I have added much love to the world, but I'm far more consumed by my failures than satisfied with my 'accomplishments'. My feelings toward my brother were a benchmark, of sorts, in this experience, and I've managed to change nothing since I was three. Very sad.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Completely accurate, so far. But I'm still waiting for the 'happy ending' I was shown - and question #35 should have a place for 'both'. I saw future events for myself and for the world.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal 'spiritual, not religious'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That would be a book. The basics? Life seemed a kind of boarding school. Each life is a different grade/year, and we live many lives. I saw two of mine. In one, I was some sort of 'Neanderthal' (figuratively speaking). I was strong and big; had long, reddish hair and a wild beard. I loved to fight, and I probably never had a thought that didn't concern my egotistical wants. My clothes were made of fur and leather. I'm thinking this life was four hundred to five hundred years ago. The second life I saw as my own was as some sort of scullery maid, probably in France, maybe two hundred years ago (from the style of clothing). I remember that I was completely happy and content with the simplicity of my life, and I was a very hard worker. To explain how those lives figure into this one, and to detail all of the other things I suddenly knew about life, and the knowledge I remembered once back here, would take more time than I have to devote to this, unfortunately.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I wish that the experience magically imbued me with the ability to FEEL love for everyone. People say I'm the most patient person they've ever met, but I know in my heart how impatient I am. 'Better than others' means nothing. We 'compete against' ourselves, no one else matters. I feel hatred toward no one, don't hold grudges, don't lose my temper. Would I have been otherwise had I not had this experience? I don't know. What I DO know is that it is very easy for me to feel nothing at all for many, and that pains me, deeply. Intellectual love is a different animal. The experience urges me to keep trying, but it also haunts me, because I have failed. I don't FEEL love for all. Simply not hating others isn't enough.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no words to describe it. And, back then, speaking of it only brought ridicule.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I don't know if it was a change, because I've been told that I was a strange baby (born 21), and I was only three when it happened. But I've always had prophetic dreams regarding myself or others or the world (i.e., I dreamed about '911' several times, beginning in the 1970s). I also tend to receive information through the ether. I know it's something anyone can do, but we limit ourselves. Maybe this experience made me not close the channels. Would I have had the same 'gifts' without the experience? No way to know.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of them.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I tried to tell people about it when it happened, but it made my parents angry and other people reacted strangely. I didn't know what it was, I still didn't know anything about 'God' (never heard the word until I was seven years old, and a teacher spoke about God). A few people listened nicely, as I got older, but I could see they were just humoring me. I first heard about NDEs when I was maybe sixteen, and found Raymond Moody's first book. What a godsend!

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was so much to take in when I first found myself back in my body, but it was as real as anything else in my life. For weeks, afterward, I'd get further flashes of information, and 'flashbacks' to the experience, in a manner that felt as though it was happening, again, at the time, but on another level. It was completely real. No doubt in my mind. It was as real as me sitting here writing about it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was the most important thing which ever happened to me, in this life. In many respects, I was given a cheat-sheet for existence. I believe it was real. Why? I don't know. For the same reasons I believe I really went to school, or really lived in certain places or held different jobs. The 'reality' was proved, long ago, when the 'road' ran exactly as God had shown me it would. How could I know all of those things before they happened were it not real?

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Have had many out of body experiences, since then. MDA (not MDMA), in the 1970s, made me feel the love toward all that I wish I could feel when not 'high,' and definitely made it easier to 'see' in the manner I 'saw' when having the original near-death experience. Also in the 1970s, a couple of LSD trips had moments, which were very similar to the NDE. But the NDE, itself, was FAR more profound than anything resulting from the use of 'substances.'

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Just that, throughout the years, many is the time I've wished that I could kill everyone for just five minutes, so they could see and feel what I saw and felt. When I was a kid, I thought most people knew the things I knew. I took for granted that such knowledge was 'normal' (and that only my parents and then teachers had somehow missed the memo). But once I hit my teens I saw that humans being inhuman was standard operating procedure. I've felt as though I'm watching everyone race toward a bridge that's out. I try to warn them, but they don't want to know. I have to remind myself that none of it really matters, but I feel everyone's pain, and I don't know why there has to be so much unnecessary pain. I will never wish that I didn't have this experience, however. I just wish everyone else would have it, too. There would be no more wars, murders, rapes, selfishness, hunger - and then it would be EASY to love everyone! Ha-ha.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Question #35 should have an option for 'both' as well as 'neither.' The two questions about religious affiliations should also have the option for 'none'. I chose 'liberal' only because I had to choose something. But, to me, 'liberals' can be just as controlling as 'conservatives.' What good is 'free will' if others control us? Can't think of anything else. So glad you're doing this work!