Riding my bike past the golf course, I watch as the van runs the stop sign; however, I'm unable to swerve out of his way. I'm staring through the van's windshield at the driver and hoping he doesn't hit his brakes. He does though, and now I'm flying. Time seems to slow down, and I feel as if I am watching myself, as I am myself (does that make any sense?). I am flying through the air like some awkward, flightless bird, yet my visual perspective is from outside of myself, almost like watching a slowed down movie.
I don't remember hitting the pavement because I am distracted by the intensely bright column of white light shining out of the top of my body's head. I have only a moment to fully grasp that I'm outside of my body, and then, swoosh! I'm sucked up into the column of light like an envelope in a pneumatic mail tube. The light is brilliant (brighter than the sun), yet I am not afraid. In fact, I'm curious and happy.
I'm standing in a place of love. It's completely enveloping, and I'm thoroughly immersed in feelings of loving acceptance, calmness, and of being home (of belonging). The feelings that flow around me like a cocoon, like a warm woolly blanket, are very intense.
What I see around me is simply shadings of white and gold. There are no real distinguishing features; in fact, I'm not even really aware of any floor, ceiling, walls or anything else. It's simply a more diffused white light. It was broader, no so focused as in the column/tube/tunnel.
There's a glow of golden light ahead of me in the distance, yet I can't even really determine how far distant, but it doesn't feel very far away. I need and want to get there. But as I take a step forward, a golden being blocks my way. There are no features, just a vague humanoid shape without face or gender. I also become aware of another being - a ball of blue-white light that hovers near my shoulder.
I sense a type of musical speech emanating from both of the beings. The music is pretty, yet disturbing at the same time, so I try not to listen to what it is saying. Instead, I focus on moving forward toward the glowing horizon and the feelings of acceptance and love that I feel coming stronger coming from there.
Now the glowing orb is in front of me, and it lightly touches my forehead. Very distinctly, the singing evolves into words and feelings. The words are, 'it's not your time,' while the feelings are of sorrow and apology. It's telling me in emotions and music, rather than in words, that something has changed, that my plans must be altered and I can't leave yet. Disappointment fills my very soul. I don't want to go; I want to stay here. I feel that this is my home. This is where I belong. I want to continue living here where I'm not weighed down by physicality, worries, or anything. I want to be like they are, all light and music.
'Later,' it says; 'later, we promise.'
I'm devastated. I don't want to go back. I want to stay in this place of love. 'No, pleaseàI want to stayà' I think back to it.
Suddenly, there is a horrible shrieking sound that pierces my head.
I'm back in my body, which is lying on the street, and I'm screaming. There are emergency medical technicians and other people hovering around me, and the driver of the van is on his cell phone.
I was only gone for a few seconds, maybe a minute, yet it seemed longer, and the feelings of disappointment, of missing out on something stupendous, were strong and stayed with me for a long time.
Date NDE Occurred: 12/24/1999
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening
I was riding a bicycle and was hit by a van (it was brand new and the owner wasn't paying any attention to his driving). The impact caused me to land on the hood of the vehicle, and when the vehicle stopped, I flew forward onto the pavement, head first. I passed out, but came to within moments of the accident.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw myself flying toward the pavement. I saw myself lying on the street and the driver of the van yelling at his passenger. I remember seeing some golfers from the nearby golf course start toward the accident, and then my attention was fixated on the light beaming from the top of my body's head.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I say more because everything seemed so focused, so intense. I 'knew' things without anyone telling me; I knew that the beings who came weren't aliens or anything to be frightened of. I even knew where I was and why. It was as if several more levels of knowledge were suddenly made available to me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Probably from the moment that time slowed until arriving back in my body. Once back I had problems seeing clearly and had a difficult time answering the emergency medical technician's questions coherently.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
While viewing the body and the accident, time seemed to have slowed way down. However, in the other realm, there were no feelings of time per se, at all. There was no hurry, except my own impatience to get to the area of golden light.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I'm not sure that more vivid is accurate. There were less distractions, but during the event I definitely didn't need my glasses to see what, where, and who. Everything was clear, clearer even than when I wear my glasses. (I need glasses for seeing at a distance and also for reading, and did at that time, too.)
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was nothing to hear. The music and voices seemed more mind to mind than auditory. There were no smells, either. There were only the emotions, lights, and the longing to remain.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes A tunnel of bright white light; though I think of it as more of a beam or column than a tunnel. A tunnel, to me, implies darkness, and there was nothing dark about this. It was bright, bright, and bright.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I've never seen or experienced lights on Earth like those from this experience, but they didn't feel alien or anything like that. They were brighter than any light I've ever seen before, and beautiful, and instilled with love. It's weird, but the light seemed infused with emotions.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt calm, peace, loving acceptance, a feeling of being home, of belonging. I felt disappointment at having to leave.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others Having returned, I can easily see when someone is immersed in a particular type of drama.
I'm not sure how to explain this...I can listen to, or observe, people and see that they are in the midst of a lesson such as deceived/deceiver. I also seem to have an innate grasp of what lessons I need to fulfill and what choices to make to fulfill those lessons in the least disruptive way to everyone involved.
I also understand how time functions, and how all instances of now (including what we call past and future) are occurring at the same moment. Yet, to put this information into words is...well, just not easy. I see how the plays of our lives work, and how they're structured, and I see the bigger picture in all of life.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain There were definitely two different areas: the area of white light and the area of golden light. While I wasn't restricted by the light, but I was held back by the beings of light who were there.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I did and do believe in a higher power, but I did not (and still don't) believe in organized religion. At the time of the accident, I had an affinity for reincarnation and had read the books by Jane Roberts about Seth.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated After this experience I am certain that we return for multiple lives; I have a greater understanding of how time works, and that past and future lives are lives that are happening right now, only we find it difficult (as human beings) to perceive or grasp the concept of multiple nows.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had had several earlier OBEs (during bad car accidents), so was somewhat familiar with that feeling. However, I had been raised Lutheran and so always thought I had a more traditional expectation of what the afterlife was about. This was nothing like that. However, perhaps what I experienced is more in keeping with an afterlife taught in the Eastern philosophies of karma and reincarnation? (not sure.)While I felt (and now know) that reincarnation was true, I had never really given a thought to what it would be like once the physical form was discarded.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No I had dabbled in philosophy and Eastern religions, now I read everything I can including psychology and science so that I can better understand the 'why' of people: why they do the things they do or make the choices that they make.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin They didn't feel mystical or unearthly to me. They just were. There was a golden being with no features, just a vague humanoid shape without face or gender. There was a ball of blue-white light that hovered near my shoulder. Both of them seemed to be made of light that was formed into a specific shape. I almost feel as if the golden being were in a humanoid shape to make me more comfortable, that the normal shape would probably be more spherical.
There were no ears or face, just the shape. But since they spoke internally (mind to mind), they really didn't need faces or ears.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I knew I had been at this stage/place before. This was not a "new" experience, and there was absolutely no hesitation by me as to what I needed to do or where I needed to go. I was never confused, at a loss, or questioning. I also knew (and still continue
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I'm going to say yes because I felt a larger than universal oneness. I felt connected to everything and everyone on Earth and across the universe. I felt as if anything I said or did had greater repercussions than I could ever realize.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain Again, nothing specific...simply the feeling of connectedness, that everyone and everything is connected to something bigger than myself.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Not sure about the question, but I had a sense of knowing that because my mother had died too early that I couldn't exit at that moment. (My mother had had leukemia and had tried an experimental treatment. It caused her to die sooner than she would have, had she not tried it.)
I knew that there were several chores I needed to do. This work would aid me in some lessons and help my family recover more quickly from my mother's death.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes to overcome our fears. we need to love and accept ourselves and each other. the actions and choices we make can either be from love or fear--love is golden light, fear is darkness.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain There wasn't anything specific, simply the knowledge that I was trying to move on to the next step of "evolution" for my soul and I was not to proceed at that time. So, just in that awareness, I am certain that this life is but one of many, and once each
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain I'm not clear on your question, but if you mean did I see any future events, no.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes to overcome our fears. we need to love and accept ourselves and each other. the actions and choices we make can either be from love or fear--love is golden light, fear is darkness.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life At first, I was very depressed and angry because I didn't want to come back. Now, I meditate, read everything I can about different philosophies and religions, try to be more patient with people, read everything I can on science and try to relate it to philosophy and spirituality. I see answers to questions I never knew I had. I also try to help others overcome their fears of death and dying, and I simply try to make life a bit better for everyone around me. I have a sense of the threads that tie people and events together. I can see the choices that people have available to them as energy threads; I can also read people's auras and tell you what fears from previous lives might be impacting this current life.
My experience directly resulted in moderate changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain Initially, I was more loving, but then I grew depressed because I didn't want to be here. But then I finally grew to understand why I had to be here and what I needed to do, and while I may not be ecstatic to be earthbound, at least I'm content, especially knowing that I'm helping other people understand that death isn't something to be afraid of, and it isn't the end.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes At first. It's only been in the past few years that I've been able to express it better than just -- it was extraordinary ;-)
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I couldn't tell you much about the EMTs, the man in the van, nor do I even remember the name of the street on which I was riding. But the emotions, the sights, the sounds of the "voices", those I remember. I can still, sometimes bring forth those emotions through meditation and remembering, and it always gives me hope when I'm blue, and faith in the knowledge that life is eternal. We are not our bodies--at least not these physical ones. We are something beautiful beyond compare, and there is so much more to existence than this world.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I guess you could call them psychic gifts. I simply call it being more aware. I am more aware (more sensitive) to the subtle energies that make up our world. I can see the threads of energies that connect certain people together, and I can read the mood of a room, person or place.
People's emotions sometime overpower my own, and I find I have to back away from them. I sometimes find myself reacting in a strange way only to realize that the person next to me is extremely angry or sad about something and I'm acting out their mood.
I can sense (not see) auras and can touch them to gain information that I wouldn't otherwise know. I can tell people what past lives are impacting this one, or I can tell them what the choices are before them.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The impact of having to come back set me back in terms of attitude for a while. I would say that the biggest impact was (and is) the feelings of loving acceptance, and the knowing for certain that this physical experience isn't the be all end all of existence. There's a whole multitude of realities and lives and existences for us after this. The universe is full of choices; we just have to try to make one. This is not easy.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I first shared this with my husband about two years after it happened. He listened, said he was glad that I had come back, but didn't really want to discuss it. Then about five years ago, I told some friends about it because a couple of them were going through some rough patches having to do with friends or relatives dying. Two of them were skeptical, but not denigrating of it. The other three were interested and open to the concept. It really seemed to help them cope with the deaths better knowing (or hoping?) that what I experienced was what was happening to their friends and relatives.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had two out-of-body experiences during bad car accidents. I also drowned and saw a brilliant light but hadn't followed it. I had never heard the term 'near death experience' or really understood anything about it (other than what you see in the movies, like Ghost et al). However, since the incident, I have done some reading and saw that there was a correlation between what I experienced and what these authors were reporting.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I was positive it was real when it happened, but my husband's lackluster reception of my telling of it, made me rethink things. Then as time went on, I began to doubt the event and myself. What kept me from disregarding it completely was that I could bring up the memory of the light and the beings and experience the feelings of loving acceptance surround me again. It's like a golden umbrella of energy that just flows around me, and I can't keep from smiling. No matter how depressed or angry I might be, when I call up that memory, I'm calm, happy, and feeling wonderful again. If it were a dream or all in my head, I don't think I'd be able to do that, especially not after all these years.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened, and it will again, only when it does, I'll stay. I won't come back next time.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes As I stated in one of the other questions, I have learned to bring up part of the memory and feelings experienced during that event during meditation.
Prior to this event, I had two out-of-body experiences and one almost near-death experience when I drowned. I remember seeing a brilliant golden white light above me, but I turned away from it and followed the voice of my friend in the sailboat instead.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (life after death)? Uncertain There wasn't anything specific, simply the knowledge that I was trying to move on to the next step of evolution for my soul and I was not to proceed at that time. So, just in that awareness, I am certain that this life is but one of many, and once each of them ends, we move forward to another plane/dimension/reality where the energy/soul/ka continues to gain experiences and lessons.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist? Uncertain
Again, nothing specific...simply the feeling of connectedness, that everyone and everything is connected to something bigger than myself.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime? Yes
I knew I had been at this stage/place before. This was not a new experience, and there was absolutely no hesitation by me as to what I needed to do or where I needed to go. I was never confused, at a loss, or questioning. I also knew (and still continue to believe) that this is my last time to be in physical form. I will not come back. The next time I die, I will remain and not be reborn.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist? Yes
I'm going to say yes because I felt a larger than universal oneness. I felt connected to everything and everyone on Earth and across the universe. I felt as if anything I said or did had greater repercussions than I could ever realize.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life's meaning or purpose? Yes
I'm not clear on your question, but if you mean did I see any future events, no.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life's difficulties, challenges, or hardships? Uncertain
I'm not clear on your question, but if you mean did I see any future events, no.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love? Yes
To overcome our fears, we need to love and accept each other and ourselves. The actions and choices we make can be either from love or fear. Love is golden light; fear is darkness.
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives? No
What occurred during your experience included: Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience.
I had had several earlier OBEs (during bad car accidents), so was somewhat familiar with that feeling. However, I had been raised Lutheran and so always thought I had a more traditional expectation of what the afterlife was about. This was nothing like that. However, perhaps what I experienced is more in keeping with an afterlife taught in the Eastern philosophies of karma and reincarnationàbut, I'm not sure. While I felt (and now know) that reincarnation was true, I had never really given a thought to what it would be like once the physical form was discarded.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I couldn't tell you much about the emergency medical technicians, the man driving the van, nor do I even remember the name of the street on which I was riding. But the emotions, the sights, the sounds of the voices, those I remember. I can still, sometimes bring forth those emotions through meditation and remembering, and it always gives me hope when I'm blue, and faith in the knowledge that life is eternal. We are not our bodies, at least not these physical ones. We are something beautiful beyond compare, and there is so much more to existence than this world.