Terre D NDE

Experience Description

It was night. About seven of us kids were playing this game of breathing hard and fast and holding ourselves tight around the chest. The goal was to pass out, and when/if you did, the other kids were supposed to count to ten before trying to revive you by slapping your face. I don't know who introduced the game, but I bet they never played it again because my reaction was so scary for them.

I don't remember actually passing out or falling to the ground. I was just suddenly up about ten or twelve feet looking down on the scene. It was like I was floating face down, though I wasn't directly over my body. I don't know where north really was, but if my body lay north-south with my head at the north end, I felt my location was perpendicular to it and about ten feet back, or 'east' of my body (and ten-plus feet up).

I saw my body lying on the ground and the other kids circled around and counting. It was night-time, but it seemed like the scene below was lit up with the edges soft and feathering into the night. It was like everything was in shades of gray, no color.

I could see everything within this lit area very clearly. My first thought was that the only thing up there was my eyeballs and me. I knew there was no other physical part of me there, but that it was me up there, and the body below was not me. I could hear the kids counting, eight one-thousand, nine one-thousand... so I may have been unconscious for about ten seconds by this time.

Where I was it was dark. I was aware that there was a layer between me and the scene below, like a two-way mirror, and another opaque layer about ten feet or so above me. Everything between these two layers seemed infinite. I felt drawn to the right, though I was not aware of any lights, spirits, or anything else. All the other directions in this plane seemed darker than dark. Nothing there. This direction off to my right, in relation to the scene below, would be the direction my body's head happened to be.

First, there was amazement that I was there and looking down through the only physical element I thought I had, my eyeballs. I thought of them briefly as a floating pair of eyeballs.

There was this great, great feeling of unconditional love. I totally understand what religious people say about God's unconditional love, this feeling that death is going home. It is like being embraced and loved absolutely. We never belonged anywhere when I was a kid because of all the moving we did as a military family, and my parents really weren't affectionate or attentive. None of that mattered up there though, except that I felt thoroughly loved in that place. More specifically, I felt I was part of that love, that energy.

I also felt very wise. As I looked down I thought, 'Don't worry! It doesn't matter, it's okay.' I remember feeling amused when the kids started to panic, but in a compassionate way. Sort of, tsk, poor kids, they just don't know. I didn't think of my family at all, and how it would hurt them if I died. I didn't think of death at all, really. Though I knew the kids were freaking out because they thought I had died.

Then suddenly I was whisked away, and felt simultaneously that I was caught in a stream of energy flowing around a planet below and to my left, and also within a giant tree on a hill and all its parts, from roots to leaves. At this point, I knew I was pure energy. Infinite, because I could see the planet and was part of this powerful stream of energy, at the same time I could feel myself part of the peaceful, gentle energy of the tree. This stream of energy was fast and powerful, and looked like lights in a wide bright band out in space but curving around the planet, which was reddish. I could see other planets and stars, and the space between was black. As part of the tree, I could feel every leaf rustling in the breeze.

Then suddenly I was back in my body. Now I could see through my eyelids. I remember marveling that I could see through my eyelids at the kids bending over me, but I could not open them or otherwise move. A few seconds later, I was able to open my eyes and sit up. The whole thing must have lasted only a minute or two and some kids who were just leaving to find an adult came back when I woke up.

I tried to explain what had happened, but everyone thought I had faked the whole thing and got mad at me. We never spoke of it after that. I didn't tell my parents, and soon we moved again. A couple of the kids were cousins of mine, but I didn't see them again until I was in my forties.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: about 1966

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Several kids were playing a game where you breathe really fast and held your arms tightly around your chest in order to pass out. Other I don't know for sure. I don't think I lost oxygen to the brain. I'm not even sure if I stopped breathing. All I know is that I was unconscious and out of my body.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the time I marveled at being up there and looking through my eyeballs and through the trip around the universe. I had no consciousness before or after, until I was back in my body but couldn't open my eyelids.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I'm guessing the whole thing took only a couple minutes, but when I was out of body it felt more like there was no time. If I put a time on it now though, it would be very short, with just a second's vision of the energy stream and tree, though the knowing or awareness of them felt complete.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Even though it was dark outside, the scene with my body and the other kids was lit up and I could see clearly, though I don't remember any color. At the edges of the light there were things like the corner of a building and bushes; we were in a little flat grassy area. I don't remember there being any artificial lights around, though it wasn't completely dark either. Everything otherwise seemed normal in the scene, no transparencies or anything like that. Just this big, soft-edged bubble of light (I was in the dark though, on the other side of the 'two-way mirror').

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I sort of remember hearing them. In fact, I know I did because I was later able to tell them what they had said while I was unconscious. That's part of why they thought I was faking, I guess. It's funny how the hearing seems now so much less significant than the sight.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I've wondered about this, how others say they went into a tunnel. My experience couldn't really be described as a tunnel. More like layers, me between layers. I definitely felt that I could not pass through the layers above and below me, though I don't remember that as a conscious thought. I was just where I was, with no thoughts about going anywhere. I knew I was separate from everything while at the same time I was part of what I would have called God at that time, what I now think is more accurately called the Great Spirit.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain The stream of energy felt like lots of energies together. I've since used the analogy that I was like a drop of water joining a river made up of uncounted other drops of water. The stream didn't sparkle really, but there were points of light all throughout it that were brighter than the stream itself. The tree was also a being.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain Not like others describe, as I understand it is a light at the end of the tunnel kind of thing. I saw the scene below lit up, and I saw the stream of energy as a stream of light. Space was black; the planet was brightly lit and reddish. Also the tree on the hill, it was daytime. I could see the view this tree had all around for miles.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The stream of energy flowing through space, around the planet. The tree on the hill.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Marveling at first, that I was there and at what I was seeing. Unconditional love, deep and kindly wisdom, gentle amusement. Your question #14 asks about joy. I think I did feel joy and happiness and the answer I gave is the closest choice, but it was really the all-powerful feeling of unconditional love.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain There was no boundary like the ceiling of a room kind of thing. There was the boundary of the layers my spirit was between, and then too when I was in the stream and in the tree. Both of those had what seemed like physical edges or boundaries.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'Not sure how to categorize. We were a military family that moved a lot, trying different Protestant churches wherever we went. We kids had to go to Sunday school, but our parents didn't go to church.'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes My spiritual beliefs were certainly impacted this experience. I believe in the Golden Rule, but I'm not Christian except for a brief conversion in my early teens. I don't believe in karma, because it seems that what happens down here doesn't really matter from the other side.

I remain uncertain about past lives. Although I knew briefly but absolutely that, I was a holy man and another time a prostitute, that doesn't prove to me that I am a single soul that stays intact through time. Maybe my soul is like a single water molecule. But I think we mix it up with other spirits, like water mixes up all the molecules that are at different times a cloud, a river, a snowflake. I think we've all been holy men and prostitutes, killers and saints. Maybe certain lives, of all the lives we might have been part of, resonate for us. Some people remember their past lives these lives. Being part of God, you could be part of any life, maybe all lives.

Having been part of that tree, I also believe that the Great Spirit exists in everything, from the densest metal and rock to the void of space. I'm not religious in the sense of ritual, but what little ritual I do is mostly along the lines of Native American or Pagan things, like hugging a tree to celebrate nature and life, or burning sage to create a sacred space.

I don't know what that river of energy was about, because it was separate from space and the planets I saw, and yet it was a life force with all the wisdom and knowledge and intent of something very powerful. I like the description of life and death as the sheet of paper, which is one thing but has two distinct and essentially separate sides. Things can show through from the other side, and that's psychic awareness, maybe spirit guides and angel helpers.

I believe in being a good person, in trying to be happy and bringing happiness to others, because this feels like the unconditional love I felt up there. I do believe that love and joy are emotions to cultivate because they bring us closest to God and help us realize our dreams. (I'm a fan of The Secret, Bob Proctor, Science of Mind, all that line of thinking.) I am ethical and kind, helpful and supportive, but I do suffer from depression and can lose my sense of humor and zest for life. I am always able to see the beauty of the world, no matter how dark I feel, but I credit this mostly to the fact that I am fortunate to live in a beautiful place and have a nice life. I do feel horrified when I see something like abandoned factories and hordes of people that have ruined nature and replaced it with something ugly.

What is your religion now? Liberal nature-based

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes My spiritual beliefs were certainly impacted this experience. I believe in the Golden Rule, but I'm not Christian except for a brief conversion in my early teens. I don't believe in karma, because it seems that what happens down here doesn't really matter from the other side.

I remain uncertain about past lives. Although I knew briefly but absolutely that, I was a holy man and another time a prostitute, that doesn't prove to me that I am a single soul that stays intact through time. Maybe my soul is like a single water molecule. But I think we mix it up with other spirits, like water mixes up all the molecules that are at different times a cloud, a river, a snowflake. I think we've all been holy men and prostitutes, killers and saints. Maybe certain lives, of all the lives we might have been part of, resonate for us. Some people remember their past lives these lives. Being part of God, you could be part of any life, maybe all lives.

Having been part of that tree, I also believe that the Great Spirit exists in everything, from the densest metal and rock to the void of space. I'm not religious in the sense of ritual, but what little ritual I do is mostly along the lines of Native American or Pagan things, like hugging a tree to celebrate nature and life, or burning sage to create a sacred space.

I don't know what that river of energy was about, because it was separate from space and the planets I saw, and yet it was a life force with all the wisdom and knowledge and intent of something very powerful. I like the description of life and death as the sheet of paper, which is one thing but has two distinct and essentially separate sides. Things can show through from the other side, and that's psychic awareness, maybe spirit guides and angel helpers.

I believe in being a good person, in trying to be happy and bringing happiness to others, because this feels like the unconditional love I felt up there. I do believe that love and joy are emotions to cultivate because they bring us closest to God and help us realize our dreams. (I'm a fan of The Secret, Bob Proctor, Science of Mind, all that line of thinking.) I am ethical and kind, helpful and supportive, but I do suffer from depression and can lose my sense of humor and zest for life. I am always able to see the beauty of the world, no matter how dark I feel, but I credit this mostly to the fact that I am fortunate to live in a beautiful place and have a nice life. I do feel horrified when I see something like abandoned factories and hordes of people that have ruined nature and replaced it with something ugly.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes This was the awesome thing, and the thing that has me most puzzled. I don't know how to parse this great, peaceful, loving feeling with predator-prey relationships, for example. War. Disease. How does all this fit into that, if that is God (what I call the Great Spirit)? Now, I think that all this pain and suffering on Earth doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. Except, of course, it matters very much to us here. I have pretty bad rheumatoid arthritis now, and it pulls my spirit down to be in pain all the time.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No I was so young that my personality was still somewhat unformed. I've always been leadership oriented, have always loved nature, and have always felt in myself the pull of a quiet life close to nature, like a wise woman of old with knowledge of herbs and healing and mystical things, who might have lived alone in the woods. When I was a girl, I wanted to be a boy, mainly because of their freedom. Now I love being a woman who happens to be a lesbian in a long-term relationship.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I do feel I have a small amount of psychic awareness. Nothing like being able to find lost things, see the future (beyond what my mind can imagine based on knowledge), or seeing old murders. I am fascinated by the subject though, and believe the people on 'Psychic Detectives' and 'Haunting Evidence' are genuine. I've also read about psychics like John Edward. I love that stuff. What I have is small flashes of knowing things that can't be known by fact alone, and some amazing coincidences, and strong intuitions. I do have room for the possibility that these are the result of a sort of hyper-consciousness that tracks things I experience but don't think about until it adds up to a knowing about something I don't really know about.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? How it all ties in with questions about spirit and God and afterlife. Karma? Past lives? Proven psychic vision? Years later I found a passage in the Bible that talks about 'the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations' and that has special resonance for me because of being part of that tree, which might have been something like the tree of life. I think all these commonalities among different beliefs throughout human history are grounded in visions like this.

That tree was significant, very old and broad and vital, deeply rooted on top of a hill and completely a part of the natural environment. It was the only tree on the highest hill overlooking a broad sweep of plain, then a forest and mountains. Although the view was far it wasn't infinite. It was a natural view, no sign of humans or animals, though I felt the presence of creatures like birds and bugs on me. But there have been trees just like this on hills around the world and probably on other worlds. I have a special affinity for oak trees. I have planted many oak trees over the years where I live in California to replace lost natives.

I also hope to be a force for peace in the world, have attended peace rallies, and have spent time visualizing peace. I'm hoping for an actual evolution in humanity that will make war seem as abhorrent to the vast majority of us as cannibalism does now. That was once common, and now almost never happens.

What does it all mean, man?!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told friends and family in my early twenties. Everyone was fascinated. My mom was also horrified to hear that we'd played games like that. I've never talked a lot about it, but my brother said a few years ago that the details hadn't changed one bit from the first time I had described the experience to him. My partner has had out-of-body experiences, hovering in the corner of the ceiling in classrooms, though I have not.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I did not know specifically about NDE before it happened to me or really until I was a teenager and started reading about it.

I had a couple other weird experiences when I was young though, that made me think of myself as a timeless spirit. Once when I was about six, I don't remember what I was doing when it happened, but I very distinctly remember suddenly and only for a moment being in the body of an older man who was wearing an orange robe, standing beside a full-grown orange tiger that was like a companion. The tiger was lying down, panting, and we were close to a slow river in what I felt at the time to be India. I felt the heat, though I've never been to India. I felt the stubble where I was rubbing the back of my bald head and the staff I held in the other hand. There was also a young bald man that I knew to be my acolyte or student. Another time, when I heard the last note of a song called 'Downtown' (Petula Clark), a trumpet note I think that is usually cut off when the song was played on the radio, I suddenly found myself as a French prostitute under a stone bridge talking to a short man with the classic chapeau. I was her, I understood what was happening and hoped for success. I was maybe nine or ten years old when this happened.

We had lived in different places around the world and always had been encouraged to know about other cultures, but we were rather sheltered by a proper mother who worried a lot. My mother and dad were protective. They took my health, safety and education seriously. But I always felt I was unknown as an individual to anyone, even today in some ways with my spouse. I say this because I had probably been exposed to images like this by this age, but I don't know if I would have known enough to have a prostitute's perspective. I knew what was coming and was glad about it, like this was my job and I was good at it and looked forward to the payoff. Plus I felt sexy and that was nice. There was no angst or bitterness or sense of danger.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Always the same, though I didn't describe it to anyone until much later. I felt then and still feel sure that NDE is a fact, whether others have experienced it and believe it or not. I don't believe it's the result of the brain taking it's last gasp either, some kind of electrical discharge. The emotion, the visions, the impact on my life having such commonality with so many other people and reports through time. I read Kubler-Ross' last book, which talked about four levels of NDE. I feel by that scale I experienced level one. But it still had the powerful impact on me to want to do good in the world that it has had on others who've experienced NDE on any level.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Well, you know, there's all the quantum physics stuff, and the Buddhist stuff, and the Earth religious stuff about ourselves being part of the whole. I think we are also separate entities, like a drop of water is separate from the river but then eventually finds its way back to the river. And eventually splashes out as another distinct drop that intermixes what might have been my spirit with other spirits. I think we are distinct for a while, but we are still water, and when we die we just become part of the Great Spirit that our spirits return to God.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Once in my twenties I was describing the experience to about ten new friends (my friends were always new up to this point; I've since settled in one place).

They were positively enraptured, not only by the story but by my various theories and questions about it. I had become embarrassed to be holding the floor so long, and said several times that it was time for somebody else to talk, but they all wanted me to continue, and continue.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Thanks for letting me tell the story. I have work to do and this has taken a while, but it seems important to do it. I'm really glad that you're researching this subject.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Some of the questions, #25 for example, would allow me a more accurate answer if I could have selected Both mystical, otherworldly and unfamiliar place. #17 is another like this, where I was both part of a stream of light (you could say surrounded), and this light was bright and clearly mystical/other-worldly. Also the light of the scene below was not Earthly.

For #29 I felt both as one with the universe (not just the world), and as one with nature. Conflict puts a negative spin on it; for me it's not a question of no conflict. The experience was of oneness, being a part of things on an essential level, molecular or atomic as well as part of its living spirit. One thing I forgot to mention is that I came out of that experience knowing that even rocks are full of living energy that is slower than ours and calmer even than trees, but no less vigorous.

#33 I was sent back to life involuntarily, but there was no sense that I was not permitted to cross a barrier, except I knew I could not get past the 'two-way mirror' barrier or the layer above me. I neither wanted to stay there or go back to my body, I was just there. PS: I saw a mention about your site in the July 2007 'Newsweek', 'Back from the Dead', p48.