The night before I attempted to take my life. I took a bunch of my mother's sleeping pills. I did not really want to kill myself, as I made the conscious decision not to wash them down with my mom's bottle of scotch. In the morning, my brother found me and told my mom that I didn't look right. Apparently, she tried to drag me to the car to take me to the hospital but couldn't manage my ninety-three pounds, so called the ambulance.
I remember a feeling of floating through the back of the paramedic as he was straddled over me. I watched him with great interest do mouth to mouth and CPR. As I watched this, I felt myself start to float away from the scene, but not too far, as I was very intrigued as I realized that was my physical body. I felt a voice/presence/force behind me telling me, not giving me a choice, that I had to 'go back', it wasn't my time. I never turned to look at the presence behind me, but also felt a very gentle nudge in the direction of my physical body. I didn't re-enter my body until my 'spirit' as it were, reluctantly agreed. Then I felt the pain of the person pushing on my chest. The next I remember was responding to the pain of the start of the intravenous needle in the ambulance.
Date NDE Occurred: May of 1979
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death
I had CPR.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I could only see my physical body lying on the floor with the paramedic over me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? See main narrative.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, frustration, intrigue and interest, loved the serenity of the sensation of floating/hovering.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal None
What is your religion now? Liberal None
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I definitely believed in NDE's as well as afterlife.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain The presence that was 'behind' me. I never turned around to look at it; I just remember a voice, but it had no gender, just force, but a gentle force, not scary.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I was receptive to 'the other side' and had experienced 'seeing' spirits before this happened to me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I will always regret 'not turning around' to see/experience the presence 'behind' me that day! The best was the detached observation and floating sensation.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Positive responses.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No