I had been severely depressed for some time after the birth of my youngest child. I just wanted to end the pain and took the pills.
I took the pills wanting to end the pain, said 'goodbye' to my children and got in a hot tub of water.
I felt myself nodding off and finally felt relaxed mentally. I started to feel a physical sensation of tingling throughout my body (almost an electrical hum) and it concentrated at the top of my head. As it got stronger, I felt my 'self' begin to rise upward. I got frightened and willed myself back into my body. Then the humming got stronger and I rose again. I felt my 'self' rise higher and I looked down at my body and felt nothing for it. It was just a shell with it's face almost in the water.
I did this several times, rising and falling into my body. Then I went up as high as I could. I looked down and saw a body with it's face half in the water and I realized it was me, but I felt no fear, I felt nothing for it. I decided to leave then. I was rushing through a tunnel of blue swirling mist and saw a bright light at the end, brilliant white and blue, no words could describe it, and I felt love emanating from it. Then I was in a vast expanse of blue and gold and I saw bright stars blinking around me. I saw a city in the distance near a sea with a sparkling beach. I felt my husband calling for me and I went back. I felt pain, sadness, and fear every time I was back -- I decided to leave. I rose up as high as I could, through the ceiling and then through walls and saw my children reading in their bedroom. Then I flew down the stairs and kissed my youngest on the forehead, he giggled and smiled. I glanced at my husband who was asleep in front of the TV watching baseball. Then I left, I felt a tugging of sorts to leave this place and I went up into a tunnel. It was like a swirling mist of white and blue and it got extremely bright but didn't hurt my eyes. Then with a BAM! I was in a blue expanse filled with bright points of light. Such incredible hues and serenity was there! Then I went further and saw a wonderful city beyond a misty blue sea and I could hear a lilting melody of profound beauty. No choir in the world can match it.
Then I felt a jolt and was back in my body. My husband was slapping me on the face and the back yelling at me to breathe and not to go. I was cold, it hurt to breathe, and my heart felt it would explode. He laid me on the floor and I felt the cold tiles seem to bite into me.
He ran out of the room and I wanted to go back to the peace and beauty. I felt a shock and I was back in the blue misty expanse -- but I felt and saw a presence there. There were three figures seeming to be waiting for me. I spoke with them and they said I had to decide if I was done with my task. I saw parts of my life race through my mind, and saw I was not meeting my goals. They told me that I had picked this life as a test. They said that I could choose to return to my body or get another body, but the goal was to be the same. These three figures were also blue and wore darker blue robes. They were blond, tall, and radiated love and compassion. Almost an emotional hug was given to me.
I felt they were my guardian angels. I decided to go back and it happened instantaneously. I was back in my body looking at a florescent light while a man was telling me I was going to make it but that I scared him at least three times en-route to the hospital in the ambulance. That my heart was almost inaudible and irregular and I was barely breathing. He thought I was dead, when he got to my house my lips were blue and my nail beds were blue and I was cold to the touch.
I ended up being in intensive care for three days because of heart and breathing problems. They let me go home since I was under the care of a psychiatrist. I didn't tell him of my experience I was afraid he would lock me up nor did I tell my husband he is not religious or spiritual at all -- very grounded -- I did tell my brother, my mother and my best friend. They are all very supportive of me and what I have been through. I was very angry being back, especially at my husband. That has gotten better now that I fully realize that it was my decision to come back and finish here. The funny thing is my husband said he woke up and had a fear of me leaving and not coming back.
Date NDE Occurred: 5/2/98
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Life threatening event, but not clinical death
Overdose in an attempted suicide.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes See main narrative.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Unconscious.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Seemed to be in space or another realm, I was there forever in my mind, eons -- only unconscious for a few hours.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. A humming at times, even when the electricity is out in the whole house, I hear it out of doors as well, but I hear it more clearly inside.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes See main narrative. No wind or abnormal temperature, felt a rushing though.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes See main narrative. I did feel I knew them but don't know from where, they were familiar.
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes See main narrative. Was blinding white and blue but didn't hurt to look at.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm See main narrative.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear at the beginning, then curiosity, wonder, peace, serenity, elation, love.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe All are here for the same reason -- unconditional love -- we pick our own goals on how to achieve that, we are far from it as humankind goes.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control See main narrative. That I committed suicide before, that I needed to change my lifestyle, no drugs or sugar.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Became aware of droughts occurring before the year 2000; many earthquakes where there were few or none before; boundaries of countries disputed; US military aid sought. Illness at length for me, to do with my eating habits. (I found out my metabolism is abnormal this past January have lost seventy-three pounds in weight since on new diet and off antidepressants with no relapse for two years!)
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will See main narrative.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist raised conservative Jew....bounced around for a few years between reform and conservative now....I'm not sure...man made religion seems not to fit in the scheme of things. I am still spiritual though.
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Jewish
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Our religions don't even come close to the experience, emotion or description of love. The spirit 'self' lives on.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No words to describe the beauty, love and wonder of the whole experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Mild clairvoyance, premonitions, knowing when a person is trying to call.
Electrical devices act up when I'm around, switch on and off, flicker, I'm having a hard time with the computer tonight!! This happens at other peoples' homes as well so it's not the wiring. Feel a tingle throughout my body when these things happen. I have seen misty figures at the edge of my vision a few times, once with a feeling of love, two more times with a feeling of longing.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best going and the worst was coming back.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Mom, brother, sister-in-law, best friend, all very supportive.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? There are NO words to describe!!
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Only if I could go back and take the world with me for a guided tour!