It was 1971 or 72. I was very depressed having been raped by two men and unable to tell anyone. I hated my body and life became too miserable to keep on living. A friend of mine had stolen a doctor's black bag and brought it to me. In it was enough medicine to put 30 people to sleep. I took the drugs and soon after it felt like blocks of ice moving up my body. It was about midnight.
I was lying across my bed with the legs hanging down. The ice block was felt there first. Then it moved up my legs and when it hit my chest, my bed opened up and I slide down through a tunnel. After a while, I realized I was traveling through space. Somehow, I knew I was traveling very fast because of the movement of the stars.
I traveled over an orange/red glow and I thought to myself, ''If it's true what Christians say, I'm going to hell and should conjure up some fear.'' But the universe was peace and fear had no place. I don't remember being with anyone, arriving anywhere or speaking to anyone. I remember that my thoughts had a voice.
The following evening I found myself slammed up against the kitchen door. I don't know how I got there but I had an incredible headache. I was very angry to be back on earth. Then a voice inside my head spoke to me saying, "Suicide is no longer an option for you." As a young university student, I had embraced existentialism and devoured the writings of Nietzsche. From him I learned that suicide was always an option for leaving misery behind. There have been times since then when I have wanted to die but know that suicide is not an option. I am learning to choose life every day.