I was no longer connected to my body. This was not like an OBE where one would see oneself from above. This was my awareness, my soul - my essence completely checking out of the physical vehicle. Now imagine having your eyes closed, yet having no feeling in the rest of your body while feeling completely whole all the while. That is where I was at. It was like this for some incalculable amount of time that felt like an eternity and a split second all at once.
Second, I saw white.
It was a blinding light. It came at me from a distance as a pin point, and then grew to engulf my entire field of 'vision' (or, better yet, field of awareness). The effect was like that of going down a rabbit hole with a light at the bottom. As the white fully encased my vision, I felt a quickening sensation. One might describe this as flying, but it didn't feel quite like that. It felt more like being flung, without any choice, full speed into infinity. When the white had completely consumed me the feeling of inertia ceased. I felt a peaceful stillness and suddenly all was black again.
Next, I saw a rainbow.
I saw an enormous rainbow, the kind you would see in a children's book. I would describe it as a road, or a bridge. It was not an arc like you would usually picture one to be. At first it was far away, surrounded by blackness. As I slowly approached, it got larger. I felt incredibly attracted to it, almost like I knew I needed to get to it. I felt in all of my being 'The answer lies over the rainbow'. I was distinctly urged by another entity that I could not see, hear, or name, only feel, to 'Go over'. I felt resistance, but I wanted to go so bad. I kept pushing, mentally, to get closer to it. I struggled but slowly it was so close all of the colors filled my entire vision, except for a sliver of black at the top. Everything slowed down to what I can only describe as bullet speed, until I reached the climax. Really.
As I reached the blackness to 'over', everything became incredibly fast. It is hard for me to explain how much happened in this moment, when nothing really happened. It was blackness and the rainbow dropped away. Simultaneously I was filled with a soul shaking ecstasy that vibrated through my entire being. It was as if every cell in my essence had experienced, for lack of a better word, an orgasm. I felt as though I had broken through to this other side. I was experiencing some sort of free fall during all of this. However, it is hard to pinpoint any direction that I was travelling in because, well, there was no direction. It is hard for me to imagine now, even after experiencing it personally, how it could be that one would FEEL so much, yet only have awareness mentally with no physical. From this alone, I can assure you that after death you will feel completely as you do now, whole, even without a body.
Next, the Sea.
Slowly - one, then two, then four, and on, stars lit up in my vision. They were far away and very tiny. They twinkled white at first, and then as they grew in number and I felt I was getting closer there were colors. Colors I have never seen, colors I love, colors I am familiar with. At first, it was like looking at the sky, but as I became one with this sea it was more like a translucent river of stars and colors. They would breathe and undulate and seemed to be as one. They all interacted together like an ocean, with a tide, with waves - rising and falling lazily in space. I became aware of my place among them, floated and relaxed. The most important thing in this place was the feeling of bliss. I can only describe it as the feeling that comes right after climax, that unique relief and relaxation where nothing in the world matters. The only thing different about this was the feeling never waned. It stayed constant. It was the feeling of falling asleep on a summer's day on a hammock in the light of a warm sun. It was the feeling of drawing your child close to you out of love. It was the feeling of seeing a loved one for the first time in a long time. It was all good feelings, and it was ever present in this place. I felt like I would stay in this place for eternity. I felt a welcoming. I felt awareness around me and certainly did not feel alone. I felt that same entity again say 'You can stay here as long as you want'. I wanted to stay. I never wanted to leave. I had been searching for this my whole life. Why had I searched for this on Earth? I didn't care about any of that at the time though. All I cared about was this sea of energies. I felt the entity start to explain 'This is the source'. I watched the sea glitter, and then I saw the colors change. The colors went from many to few. One section of the sea turned purple and pink, the other blue and green. These two felt separated, yet still one. They danced together, rolling around on top of each other. It felt as if they were making love. I realized, this was love. This was a sea of nothing but love energy. This was 'Heaven'. 'Everyone is connected to the source. We come from the source, we return to the source' I heard, in a feeling kind of way.
Then this entity dropped the final few words on me. 'You cannot return to where you were if you stay'. Suddenly everything that I had forgotten, friends, family, physical pleasure, future goals, flooded into my awareness. What I was seeing and where I was had not changed, but I remembered that I was someone before this, and that someone had a life. Surprisingly, I still did not want to go. I became saddened at my dilemma and felt the sea grow further away from me. I sunk lower into sadness. The final straw was the thought of the love I had for my boyfriend at the time. The entity seemed to sigh in amusement, 'You can return later'. The moment I had accepted this answer I began to rewind through my experience. Backwards I went, over the rainbow, to the blackness, back up through the rabbit hole. I hit another patch of blackness and an enormous figure 8 appeared before me. As I got closer to it, I could see that it was a running line of this life's experience. The figure was sideways and made up of clips, like running videos, of different phases in my life. My birth and conception were at one end, with my elderly years at the other. I had a distinct feeling this entire thing had been played out millions of times before. I was suddenly crashing at uncontrollable speed towards these events I felt like I had some control over where I would land, but not total control. In those moments, I knew my entire life story, and I tried to pick a place in the loop to return to that I liked. Finally, I got down to one screen and entered.
I awoke to being resuscitated, surrounded by relieved medical staff and my family. The first face my eyes focused on was my boyfriend's face. He still remembers that moment to this day. I opened my mouth and said 'Here? This time? Seriously?' I scoffed in disgust and closed my eyes.
I have always felt, ever since that day that I picked the wrong time to come back to. I felt like I truly could have gone forward or backward in the line. I recovered just fine from the accident.
Date NDE Occurred: 6/20/05
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Drug or medication overdose. CPR given. Direct head injury Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal This life is a joke in comparison.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The sea of stars.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Multi-dimensional.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No hearing during the experience.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love and curiosity.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I remembered the love I had on earth.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I do not get wrapped up in organized religion. God is the fabric of existence, the rest does not matter.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Pantheist- God is everything.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed in no afterlife.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I value all life as if it is connected to me.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes God is everything. Energy. The fabric of everything.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God is everything.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes We are all one. One is God. The separation of one to two is life.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No I had a distinct feeling this was a cycle that repeats constantly.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes They are a meaningless distraction.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is God.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life A oneness with all things.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Only love.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The love, it brings me to tears. My higher entity - she has been putting up with my crap for lifetimes.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Instantly. Some think I am crazy, some don't. Some believe what I do, and find proof in my experience.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I stopped breathing on medication and had another experience almost identical to this one.