I had a NDE at 4 1/2 years of age. I wasn't raised in a house where we went to church. I wasn't taught 'Jesus loves the little children.' I was only told of an angry God who was mad at me for every little wrong thing I did and that I was going to burn in a place called hell for being bad. There was never any talk of God's love or compassion.
After my NDE, I was sooooooo very confused. As I said, I was 4 1/2, and I had just recently had a tonsillectomy and my adenoids removed. Unknown to me or my mother, the area where they were removed didn't heal. I literally bled to death down the back of my throat. By the time we realized I was bleeding down the back of my throat, nearly a week after the operation, I had to be rushed to the hospital. I was lethargic and then started having convulsions. The hospital staff laid me on the operating table and rushed around to hook up the monitors on me.
I heard the faint beeps of the monitors. I was too tired to be scared. I just laid there and looking straight up at the ceiling. I saw dots on the ceiling tiles and just watched them. I was too tired to struggle. Suddenly, the beeps on the monitors faded and were gone, and a louder steady beep came. I felt the cold metal of the table under my back, but the table was rising up towards the ceiling. I didn't understand what was going on, but I could see the dots on the ceiling get closer and closer, then I realized as I saw that they were not dots at all, but were holes in the ceiling tiles instead of dots. I thought to myself, in a 4-1/2 year old mind, 'I'm going to hit my head on the ceiling.'
Suddenly, I was WHOOSHED through the ceiling and was now standing on something that felt like it was solid and I could see though it like glass. The ceiling was gone and no longer existed to me. I could see with a vision that was better than my Earthly vision. I could hear far better too.
I heard the doctors and nurses as they rushed around, and I heard someone yell out, 'We're losing her!!' I thought to myself, 'Why are they saying they are losing me? Can't they see me? I'm right there!' So somehow, I knew it was my body still there lying on the operating table. There was a Being standing next to me on my right. He was so radiating love and warmth was coming from him. It was unlike the feeling of love here on Earth. It was similar to being in someone's arms you deeply love, feeling warm, protected, and happy and then multiply that times 1,000. His love was radiating out and filling me with that same love. (I felt that I still had a body, and since I could see and hear, apparently I did.) Some people say what we see and hear is only because the brain has not died yet since you are in an NDE, but if that's true, why could I see downward and see my body lying there? Why was I able to see and hear the doctors and nurses from a view of looking downward over the top of their heads and not just only see upwards from the operating table?
Anyway, the Being next to me, who I think was either Jesus or a representative from Him, was radiating this wonderful love and warmth, which merged with me, and I was at complete bliss and peace. I felt so much love; I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay there. I had been a very shy child. Yet here, I was with someone who I felt so much love and peace with that I wanted to stay. We spoke to each other through telepathy, and we could hear perfectly. The doctors revived me and I was returned.
That has been over 51 years ago and I've never forgotten it. From the time that happened, I began to experience psychic phenomena. I began to have dejα vu, telepathy, premonition dreams, clairvoyance, and more. From the time I was 18 - 25, I went on a spiritual quest. I wanted to find out who it was I had met in that NDE. He didn't match the God that wanted to throw me in Hell because I argued with my siblings. He didn't match the God that wanted me to burn because I wasn't perfect. I began to read everything I could get my hands on about religion, paranormal, the occult and everything else. I studied Wicca, Jainism, Hindu, Buddha, dark sides of Judaism that conjured up demons, the many vast types of Christianity, read the Bible more than 7 times, read the Koran (once was enough), and continued searching. The closest I could get to what I had experienced was bits and pieces of what I read in the Bible.
At 25, I had a second NDE. I was drinking and drugging and had lived my life on the edge, having no fear of death. During one of my drinking and drugging times, I nearly caused the death of someone very close to me. An extremely heavy object fell on top of me and the air was being crushed out of my lungs. I couldn't breathe. As I died again, this time, I found myself in a place of complete and absolute darkness. The sounds were eerie, frightening, and I was in excruciating pain. I wasn't standing, I was lying on what felt like concrete flooring, face down. There was no fire, no sounds of burning people or souls, but I felt as though I was dying again there. I began to say in my mind, 'I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God.' I repeated that over and over in my mind. I felt like people standing on the left and the right of me was helping me off the floor. They helped me to a staircase and then people who lined the staircase on the left and the right side of me helped me up the flight of stairs.
At the top of the steps, I bumped my head on something solid, like a ceiling of sorts, and they moved me over a bit. Suddenly I was WHOOSHED through a hole and I was back on Earth and out of the darkness, as someone was lifting the heavy object off me. The other person lived as well. I spent the next 17 years continuing to research spirituality, finally coming to terms with being an Alcoholic/Addict and stopped drinking and drugging. Believe me, it didn't happen instantly.
The next 12 years, bringing me up to the current time, have been searching for what I believe in. It doesn't seem to exist in a religious format or theory, and the best I can get is belief in paranormal activity and in a loving God who doesn't seem to fit into the box most people want to put Him in. I don't believe the person who I met in the first NDE was God. It could have been, but I think it was whom they call Yeshua/Jesus or an Angel sent by God or Jesus. I don't believe in a fire burning hell. I do obviously now believe in a place of darkness, but I also believe it doesn't have to be a permanent residence. Why did I go there? I don't know. Could it have been because I blacked out from lack of air? Could it have been because I was drinking and drugging? Could it have been because I nearly also caused someone else's demise? I don't know.
Date NDE Occurred: 1962
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I was 4 1/2, and I had just recently had a tonsillectomy and my adenoids removed. Unknown to me or my mother, the area where they were removed didn't heal. I literally bled to death down the back of my throat. By the time we realized I was bleeding down the back of my throat, nearly a week after the operation, I had to be rushed to the hospital.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was watching and listening to the doctors and nurses as they tried to revive my body. I heard everything they said and saw everything they did.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the moment I was whooshed through the ceiling, my consciousness and alertness was beyond what I experienced in the body. I could see and hear far beyond what I can here. It was amazing.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I didn't feel any sense of time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Wow, totally much less. Imagine a world where there are no walls, no ceilings, no barriers and you can see as far as you wish with complete clarity. It's amazing.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Just like with the vision, the hearing was incredible as well. I could hear absolutely everything very clearly.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I know there was more to my NDE, but I wasn't allowed to retain that memory. I can't say yes, and I can't say no.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I know there was more to my NDE, but I wasn't allowed to retain that memory. I can't say yes, and I can't say no.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was in a place where I could see through the ceiling and watch the doctors and nurses below us. I felt as though I was standing, but the floor was clear or see thru.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt loved, warm, happy, peaceful.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I wasn't raised in a house where we went to church. I wasn't taught "Jesus loves the little children." I was only told of an angry God who was mad at me for every little wrong thing I did and that I was going to burn in a place called hell for being bad. There was never any talk of God's love or compassion.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Because of that experience and my spiritual quest, I have always been absolutely sure of God's existence and His love.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths The closest I could get to what I had experienced in the NDE was bits and pieces of mostly what I read in the Bible, and bits and pieces from other religions.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was not taught about an afterlife at that point. I did not know about dying and experiencing such love and bliss. I did not know about psychic phenomena.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I do not believe that God is an angry God. I believe He is loving and compassionate. I believe that those on the other side can see and hear us, but we can't see and hear them.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw him and stood with him as we spoke to each other and waited as the doctors and nurses tried to revive my body.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I wasn't raised in a religious home. I didn't know who I met.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I will always believe that He does. I am not sure who it was I met, but after much investigation and spiritual searching, I believe it was Yeshua/Jesus, the son of God.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I know there was more to my NDE, but I wasn't allowed to retain that memory. I can't say yes, and I can't say no.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I know there was more to my NDE, but I wasn't allowed to retain that memory. I can't say yes, and I can't say no.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There is no way there could not be. I was out of my body and was in no need of it. I am positive there is life after life.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain I know there was more to my NDE, but I wasn't allowed to retain that memory. I can't say yes, and I can't say no.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes The being that was radiating so much love and filling my spirit with it, it was amazing.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I have never feared death after the NDE. I was a vegan vegetarian for over 27 years and still lean greatly that way. I believe in truth, honesty, love, compassion, faith, empathy, consideration and kindness.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain I was 4 1/2 years old. Not sure how I was before it.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Some parts were difficult to express. There are just no adequate words to express some of it. There was such love that radiated from the being on my right. The feeling of going through the barrier between this world and the next that I could only say I was WHOOSHED through the ceiling. And a few other things.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It's memory has not faded and although I have never particularly remembered much about being 3, 4 or 5, that memory has stood out clearly and vividly for all these years.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I experience paranormal events, I have telepathy at times, I experience clairvoyance at times, I experience deja vu often, I experience premonitions and premonition dreams, I have dreams were I visit other places, am taught things there.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The incredible love I experienced.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it immediately with my mom. She thought it was ether induced. When we went back to the doctor for my check up, he said there was no ether given and that I was absolutely correct when I mentioned every medication and tool they asked for and the way I relayed what they were doing and where they were standing. He was shocked that I could recall all of that while I was flat lined.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I have always been concretely sure it was absolutely real.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have never changed my mind as to the validity of that experience. It is rock solid in my mind.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes In my dreams I seem to be able to allow my soul to leave my body and travel to far distant places.