I felt my body shutting down. I was scared of the black void I was in, but found I was able to breathe. Then I felt calm. But I was brought back. I was angry about having to come back, because I had never felt that kind of joy while I was alive.
Date NDE Occurred: July 4 2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I committed suicide. I slashed my wrists and overdosed.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Just before the doctors brought me back.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just before the doctors brought me back.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I had a sense of unconditional love and joy. I felt as if I had no body.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was in a void, where emotion was my sight.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I felt emotions, and through them, I was able to communicate.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain There was a black void drawing me in. I was feeling a sensation of floating in liquid.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes There was communication through emotion.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The blackness brought. Me comfort I am not afraid of the dark and not afraid to die
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? At first I felt scared. Then when I accepted that I was dying, I calmed down and felt no pain, just joy. I felt secure and loved.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Sometimes I feel as if I brought something back with me. I am able to understand the emotions of both evil people and good people. I sense when danger is coming, or the opposite. I see things before they happen, or feel the effects of past events that have happened in certain places, such as where an awful event happened - or a good event. For example, one day in 2005, I walked into a place that I had previously never been in and I sensed a tragedy that had happened there. My head hurt and I had to go into the bathroom to vomit. I never want to feel that way again. Later, by looking it up in archives, I verified that a stabbing had occurred there.
When that happened, I stopped reading the paper and watching TV. It's mainly the news and current events that I am avoiding.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain I felt as if I were without a body. I felt as though I were gravitating toward becoming one with the void.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal not confined to one religion try to learn about all religion I read about
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Now I try to learn about religions and beliefs, all the way back to the ancient religions. I find that I can relate to the ancient beliefs better than to the religions people follow now.
What is your religion now? Liberal Examine ancient beliefs to Christian beliefs.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Now I try to learn about religions and beliefs, all the way back to the ancient religions. I find that I can relate to the ancient beliefs better than to the religions people follow now.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I felt bliss.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes When my aunt was alive, she got upset, because a year before her husband died; the thought of what I had experienced frightened her and caused her to question her belief system.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain The dark void felt like floating in liquid, and it was scary. I felt like I was going to drown. Then the floating-in-liquid feeling became peaceful.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can see, through emotion, if a person is going to do something bad. I feel their hate, or if they are going to do a good thing, I feel their love. I don't read about current issues because my reactions just confirm the way my life has changed. When I go into a place, I see images of long ago, hear, and feel things that happened back then. I don't believe in this stuff, but it believes in me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The black void - it was so unexpected.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes When I tell them, people get weirded out and sometimes stop talking to me. Like, I'll tell them about my experience and then I'll also tell them something like that their sister is going to die of low blood pressure, and then that night, or two days later, she does.
I used to always tell everything to my ex-wife and I still do. She's the only one who doesn't think I'm crazy, because she has always been a witness to these strange occurrences.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Dreams, visions of things like the World Trade Center, the Oklahoma City bombing. Sometimes it's just a feeling and I become obsessed with the subject. That's why I don't have a TV. I discovered that not knowing is better. For example, I knew my wife was going to divorce me but chose to ignore the warnings. By choosing not to see it, my happiness was extended for longer. That's why I don't try to see my future.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I always saw the experience as 'definitely real,' because in the black void I was fully aware of what was happening to me.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I still see the experience as 'definitely real.' I live with it every day. It is a feeling I can never fully explain. I try, but I just sound crazy and I lose friends.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? None.