Experience Description

In my first experience I was in a strange place emotionally. I was also not where I said I was going to be that day. It is strange after years of studying astrology, part of my chart indicates that it is very important I go where I commit to going if I don't the consequences could be dire. It also indicates that I will be lucky in accidents, which I was.

I was supposed to go water skiing with friends, I was twenty-one and was supposed to have blind date with a very successful salesman who was forty and I just couldn't go. I couldn't make myself go, so I went with Clyde a friend of mine that I had spent the previous night with. Because I didn't go home first, I didn't have any clean underwear and I remember getting dressed that morning and asking Clyde if I could borrow some of his bikini style underwear. It was the thought of what my mother had always said to me, 'Remember to wear clean underwear, you might be in an accident.' Yes, there it was that omen.

Just a few days before that I remember asking my mother, if she thought it was okay to ride a motorcycle. I had funny feelings about it like it wasn't lady-like or something. I didn't know but I felt uneasy. I had only been on a motorcycle a couple of times before, both times that summer. So we headed up to Virginia City from Reno. It was a beautiful day. We did some window shopping and dropped off the posters Clyde had brought with him that needed to be delivered for the man he worked for in the head shop. Clyde was a Taurus, like my father. He took me to lunch at a tea room in old Virginia City. It was my first trip there. The lunch was something I'd not experienced since my father used to take my sisters to the tea room in Newbury England when I was ages six to ten. I remember that the day seemed too good to be true. Like some huge cloud had lifted from my emotions. We decided to go back to Reno the long way and go down through Carson City and then head north to Reno rather than go back the way we'd come. It would be a longer ride and different scenery and the day was beautiful, clear, warm, actually a bit hot. It was July 15, 1973. I was twenty-one, I had all my life ahead of me and I was just beginning to get my autonomy.

I only had on sandals a halter top, a windbreaker, hip hugger jeans, Clyde's underwear, my long braids and thank God a motor cycle helmet. A strange thing happened then. All of a sudden, I felt this sharp sting in my leg and I jerked. I had gotten stung on the inside of my left thigh by a bumble bee. What is strange is how high up on the inside of my thigh it was. I always have wondered if the venom from the bee actually started my immune system working.

Clyde felt the jerk and asked what was wrong. He pulled the motorcycle over to the side of the road. There on the side of the four lane divided highway, in front of God and everyone, I peeled down my jeans and found the stinger. I got off and hiked my jeans down, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this, please be patient, it is the connectedness of everything that happens. Instead of getting all bent out of shape about me dropping my trousers on the side of the road, which took me years to figure out why I thought he would get angry, he helped me pull the stinger out and was very considerate and caring. Years later, about a month after the poetry began, I was stung by a wasp and a man who I miraculously met and only saw one time drove an hour to come see me and bring me dinner in spite of how nauseas I felt after being stung by a wasp in the stomach. He was a lay pastor and believed in and performed healings. He prayed over me and I envisioned the poison becoming non-toxic and working positive things in me. I didn't have the least bit of swelling from the wasp sting until three days later when it was slightly red around the edges. It never even itched. Well that night after the man who helped me with the stomach wasp sting listened in poetry my emotions opened up and I learned the source of why I was so amazed at Clyde's behavior. When I was two years old, I kept getting in trouble for taking off my clothes outside. I only know this because I have heard that much related by my dad. We lived in Waco, dad was military, he would come home and find me outside naked and be so pissed, and I would be spanked. Well one day he went to work and mom was in the other room bathing the baby, and I at two made my first real autonomous choice. I was hot, I was itchy I had the chicken pox and dad had mom had failed to latch the door behind dad when he left to go back to training. I still remember looking up and seeing the old fashioned screen door wasn't latched at the top and deciding to push the door open. Voila, I was independent and I was outside.

In the nightmare I had experienced for over forty years, until I related the story to this man, I just remember looking up at the latch going outside, taking off the hot and itchy and going to look for the big kids to play with. I remembered in the dream seeing the high chain link fence of the playground and walking by it, but there were no kids. I climbed to the top of the highest slide and was coming down or just getting ready to come down and then terror. That is when I'd wake up frightened covered in sweat petrified. Dad spanked me all the way home. I was hysterical. Mom related, when I told her about remembering the source of the dream, 'He spanked you too hard.' She was in tears. There is more, but not related to this. Clyde's reaction to my almost bare butt in public evoked a huge wave of love in me. I think because I was already comparing him to my dad and his reaction was so obtuse from what dad's had been. By now, I was euphoric. I remember when we got back on the motorcycle thinking and praying, God if this is love, I want to know your love and all of it. The waves of positive feelings and vibrations unlocked from years of being suppressed by grief and self-loathing washed over me. I'd not felt that good since my first holy communion. I settled back against the sissy bar and almost dozed off. It was warm and I felt good, except for a bit of a sting on my leg. I felt Clyde slow down the bike almost coming to a stop. My eyes were still closed. We were at the flashing yellow light at the intersection where the highway that ran from Virginia City to Tahoe and the one from Carson City to Reno met. We were heading north.

Then I felt the intense jerk, which caused me to open my eyes. There she was in this big old car, heading south from Reno making a wide sweeping turn, she only had a yellow flashing light and in her, she didn't see me, I could see her eyes and she didn't see us at all. I had two simultaneous things happen one from my emotions, which screamed with everything in me, 'Dear God help me.' I don't think I had time for it to even be audible. She was less than a foot from us when I looked up. Clyde had popped a huge wheelie trying to get out of her path, which spared him impact, but my leg was right at her the front left of the car. The impact sent me over sixty feet tumbling down the highway. The people who witnessed the accident and phoned it in reported me dead. I hit so hard on my head that it cracked the motorcycle helmet. I lay in a pool of blood screaming, though I have no conscious memory of this part. The timing was impeccable. A car sitting at the intersection coming from Tahoe, with a red flashing light, immediately drove to me, and the young man who got to me was a medical student. He put a tourniquet on my leg and stayed with me the twenty minutes it took the ambulance to get to me and rode to the hospital with me relieving the pressure so the limb wouldn't die. It was very badly broken. Five breaks. They thought I had broken both arms, both legs and my neck. I lost over four and half pints of blood. It was three days later before I came to. The breaks were all in my left leg, the same leg I repeatedly injured all of my childhood. All of the bones broken in the top of my foot from a horse that bucked me off then stomped on it, falling so bad skiing that I landed face down in the snow with my boot and ski tip pointed straight up, twists, torn ligaments. I've spent over three and a half years of my life on crutches. I wonder what that is all about. I digress, again. :)

I've often wondered if what happened next would have happened if I'd been in a different place emotionally and mentally. If I hadn't asked to experience God's love and all of it. I remember a comforting presence, I wasn't in my body. My life was reviewed and in the same measure as I'd judged others I was judged. But I felt no condemnation outside of my own thoughts. It was like truth was shown in each event after it was reviewed. Those events, and things that made a positive difference, would ripple into more enlightenment and love were somehow captured and were mine to have for eternity. Those deeds, actions, and thoughts that didn't make a positive difference were just burned away like the separation of the wheat from the chaff. It took me several years to go back to people I had hurt and say I was sorry, in some cases it was not possible. There was no shame, there was no condemnation, there was remorse, however. Only later in the experience did I feel a sadness, not for what I did that I thought was wrong, but that I hadn't done more good. I passed through into the light.

I did not see anything or anyone except my own life review. I did though feel what I think is called the comforter, or just this profound sense of understanding and compassion, gently holding me as my life was reviewed. I did not see a tunnel other than my life review, which was movement through time, and the tunnels of my memory. When the review was over, I know something else happened and I've read it from someone else's NDE, but right now it escapes me.

The light was not like the light we see with our eyes. It is like the light you experience when you have an idea that is right-on, and you know you've hit on what something needs to be, or the breakthrough that leads you in the right direction, light bulb in the head, but magnify it to an infinite measure for there is no measure of truth's brilliance. There was nothing but illumination, knowledge of the age's future, past, all that will be and has been. Altogether, all at peace, all magnificently whole. It reminds me of the 'Aha' I had as a little girl when in the third or fourth grade we were presented with the idea of Null. The teacher had drawn a number line with zero in the middle. All of the positive numbers on the right side (of course what we call the good side) and the negative numbers on the left side. She asked the class what we thought zero was and I raised my hand and said (amazing the memory I have been given, maybe just so I could relate this, who knows). I said, 'Null or Zero it is all the positive numbers and all of the negative numbers put together in the perfect nothingness.' How did I know that at such a young age? How did I perceive that, did I already bring something here that was touching this idea. The perfect nothingness, no matter, no problem, no thing, just perfection, unity so whole that nothing existed but truth. That is what is was like. There is no good or bad there just 'is'. I felt so loved, so comfortable; there was no emotional pain, no rejection, no separation, not even a drop in the ocean, but the ocean. Yet I was aware of some kind of identity, yet no body, nothing that kept any thought I had as separate or isolated, I guess what you would call being aware of the akashic record and your life's thoughts within it and everyone else's that ever was - but I was still holding on to something separate, I must have been.

Bathed in wonder, awe and bliss.

Supremely loved, and gently kissed.

Known for all I had done or would do.

Yet loved completely, yet what had I missed?

Enveloped, caressed, warm, and cool.

Just right, just perfect it would make you drool.

No color, just brilliance, no doubt, no shame,

I didn't want to come back, who could blame?

The time sped past yet never moved.

It couldn't wouldn't didn't have to it proved.

For I was the one who moved, but the truth just was it was still.

Calm and awesome, truly fulfilled.

Peace and no sound, yet I could hear.

All around me there was a presence, but no fear.

In my emotions I had come home.

I was whole and healed I would not roam.

Yet something called me asked me time and again.

Do you want to come back, go back, be back in your body? Be what we call alive. I didn't want to come back. It was so safe and peaceful there was no pain, yet it was emotional pain I thought of, not physical pain. It was the peace of the spirit not the flesh that enticed me to stay. But the question persisted like something singing sweetly do you want to be back, come back? Strange we call it coming back, like it is a backwards step. I had a choice, a clear choice and I knew I had had a choice before I was born as Sharon and I would continue to have choices through eternity, that it had always been my choice was I willing, would I go, would I stay, would I choose the experience of going to the playground and the consequences. I remember that morning the strange feeling I had, that it wasn't quite right but the enticement to play with the big kids was overwhelming and I was jealous of the attention my mom gave the baby. The baby didn't have the chicken pox, I did.

It clung to me when I saw it, how little I had helped this magnificent brilliant truth to shine and be known. It was there constantly then quietly but not maliciously just this still voice that kept questioning or offering me a choice. Then I wanted to be more, to bring more to the light, to have the positives outweigh the negatives to tip the scale, if it could be tipped, to help others - I knew that we would not any of us be at peace until we all would be. I could be part of making that happen. I wanted to be of help. If you are astrologically knowledgeable, I have Pisces in my mid-heaven. Perfect fit. I questioned could I be more valuable in a body than the state I was in. I knew somehow deep in me that I wanted to make a positive difference and I wanted to help others, I wanted to share with them and let them know they are loved beyond measure. That there is not right or wrong that it all works together perfectly. The process is perfect.

I didn't want to leave, it felt safe and nurturing, loving, cradled yet not so much as the slightest pressure. Soft, warm, luscious. I was still struck by the lack of color, color comes from separation and there was none. I also keep thinking since then that it is the desire to be unique that brings this experience. At the time, this was happening my sisters were together a thousand miles away in Parker, Colorado. They both felt it very strong and knew something was wrong. They went to our dad's home and within hours, they heard from my mother that I had been in an accident.

When I could see I looked down and I was very high up in the atmosphere looking down over the top of a range of high peaked mountains. Was this the Rockies where my sisters were, or the Sierras, which is where my body was. I don't know, but it was like those ranges, the colors were magnificent. So much intensity, nothing I've ever seen with my human eyes, it didn't last long, the vision of the mountains, and I felt this rush of energy and this grounding back to my body like a huge vacuum cleaner had sucked me in. Then the heavy weight and a voice saying 'Wiggle her toes.' At that moment, I thought I was unconscious and would be for a couple more days. The doctor was standing at the foot of my bed in my intensive care unit room saying we won't know how bad the nerve damage is until we can see if she can wiggle her toes. My toes wiggled and both of them saw it.

When I did regain consciousness, I couldn't see anything but this brilliant light. It took three days to get the ophthalmologist to come into examine me and by then my eyesight was back to 20/10 even though my left eye had been badly damaged and the lids bottom and top had to be repaired to hold the eye in place. It wasn't right at first, I remembered it was several days later that the experience was percolating up, I was on narcotics for the pain. I had a huge gaping hole in my leg and two compound fractures where the bone had come out of the tissue, broken knee, broken knee cap, severed artery, shattered ankle. I never once got an infection though it took them four and half hours to pull glass, dirt, lead paint, and gravel out of my leg. Not even a fever. I was in the hospital for seven weeks and in a cast for eighteen months.

It was twenty-four years later that I said the prayer that gave me the gift of psalms. I had asked for the words and the way to tell my children of my near death experience.

I would love to tell you more, but it is late and I have a date with my daughter tomorrow to celebrate her thirty-second birthday. I do believe in miracles and we are them.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 'July 15, 1973 and March 2, 1977'

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Childbirth 2 different NDEs one due to an accident and the other during complicated childbirth Other 'It took 20 minutes for the ambulance to arrive, I had been phoned in as dead due to the severity of the accident. My left leg was almost severed from my body. I lost over 4 1/2 pints of blood and had a severed artery which did have a tourniquet applied. In the first experience my left leg was broken in five places by a car/motorcycle accident. The center section of my tibia came out of my leg. The first person to me at the accident was a young man studying to be a medical doctor. He is the one that put a tourniquet on me and rode in the ambulance to the hospital with me, not that I remember I was unconscious for three days and blinded by the light when I came to. The second NDE involved the birth of my son; he was placenta previa meaning the placenta was trying to come through the birth canal first. They had induced labor without realizing the baby was in this condition. I had told the doctor months earlier, I had lost a lot of blood and he didn't really believe me so he had them induce labor. The resident who checked me is the one who found it, but it was too late to get the pills back up that I had swallowed. I was told if I pushed the baby would be still-born. I saw the light and remembered how to get there when it happened.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal In the light, I knew everything that had ever happened or would ever happen; I touched all that will ever be.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In the light, I knew everything that had ever happened or would ever happen; I touched all that will ever be.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no sense of time after the life review.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did your vision differ in any way from normal? The mountains I saw were vivid, I wasn't seeing them with human eyes. It was the spirit of me seeing the spirit of them and they are as alive as I am, just moving very slowly, listening and doing what they are asked to do, Be still and know that I am God. Mountains do that so much better than humans. Rocks still speak to me.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I could hear telepathically.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No Please see above. I experienced going through the exposure of my life the tunnel of my memories, but I did not see a physical tunnel I experienced it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No I was being communicated with and I did feel the presence of comfort when my life was examined or reviewed.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Incredible. The light bulb 'Aha' light magnified beyond measure. Right-on, truth.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm the light and the spiritual vision of the mountains

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Please see above. If you want more detail feel free to contact me.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future All that is going to ever be is in the light of truth all was revealed.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist 'I was raised Catholic but had not attended church since returning from England at age 10. I was angry at the church. Right before the accident occurred I had been feeling as if I was capable of being loved and feeling love for the first time since my parents divorce when I was 13, 8 years earlier. This was due to several events that opened me up and allowed me to feel loved very simple acts that I would later come to understand and figure out were associated with early childhood trauma. I had prayed for the first time in years asking God that if what I felt was love, I wanted to know God's love and all of it. Within 10 minutes I did experience that love through the NDE.'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I have no doubts about life after death, no doubt that there is anything I can do that will separate me from the love of God. I have huge faith, understand the connectedness of all that is or will ever be. The ripple effect of each act and how everything that happens is interlaced to make a perfect whole. How much we all need each other. How important being alive and being able to touch others' lives is. Yes, I pray often and seek to do good, I do not believe in religion it only serves to separate us. I read something a wise woman from India wrote: 'Religion is like seeking the ocean by going to a river that flows into the ocean. Why would I go the river to seek the ocean when I know where the ocean is?'

What is your religion now? Liberal 'I am not religious, I am spiritual have some psychic abilities now. I am consider mystical by my friends and have gifts I received as a result of the NDE. I can feel others pain and see how their current behavior was developed through their wounds. I have a strong faith in Abba that which loved created and nurtures us. I also believe we are helping manifest our reality. There is no time, it is an illusion, and we are really all one. I have discovered several ways to channel various forms of art, poetry, with the past year two souls that have passed over.'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have no doubts about life after death, no doubt that there is anything I can do that will separate me from the love of God. I have huge faith, understand the connectedness of all that is or will ever be. The ripple effect of each act and how everything that happens is interlaced to make a perfect whole. How much we all need each other. How important being alive and being able to touch others' lives is. Yes, I pray often and seek to do good, I do not believe in religion it only serves to separate us. I read something a wise woman from India wrote: 'Religion is like seeking the ocean by going to a river that flows into the ocean. Why would I go the river to seek the ocean when I know where the ocean is?'

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It is all here, just like then, truth and light, the question is can we get our own ideas and perceptions of our limitations out of the way so we can tap into it. I have occasionally.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Until I asked God for the words and the way to tell my children about my near death experience in 1997, twenty-four years after the accident, and then miraculously I was given the gift of psalms and now I speak in the most beautiful poetry about many things including the experience. It is still not easy, but the more I, my ego/personality, step out of the way the easier it is. It has recently allowed me to help two people connect with those who are not present physically due to passing over to what our culture calls death. I didn't know I could do this, but I was nudged so hard to do it, I allowed them to speak through me. Not channeling so much but speaking in poetry what I was being told or communicated to tell the other person. The confirmation I've had from these experiences has made me realize how much more connected I am than others that have not had this experience. It took almost nine years from the time the poetry began for me to be healed enough to do this. The experiences were profound for me and for the person receiving the message. It was truly a confirmation for me that I have retained a connectedness to the realm we cannot see with our eyes, but that we feel with our spirit. I have actually had two near death experiences.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Twenty-four years after the accident I was in a very strange place emotionally again. There were many synchronistic events that lead up to this. But what ultimately happened is I opened my emotions to the good and was in a very grateful state. My son had asked me about God and Jesus and I could help him with the God question but not the other. I said a very deep heartfelt prayer, again with everything in me, 'God, please give me the words and the way to tell my children of my near death experience.' I knew I was being given a gift, I also knew it would be the gift of psalms. It had to do with the same gift that King David possessed. I was also told I would be like John the Baptist. I am not a religious person so this seemed strange to me that I was receiving a gift I perceived had to do with the God of the old testament, but there is only one Abba, that which loves created and nurtures us. Why not.

I later went to Camp Chesterfield through yet another strong set of synchronistic events, didn't know I was going, had never even heard of the place. I actually just realized that was the first time I ever channeled a deceased person, I'd forgotten about the experience. Anyway, at the service on Sunday at the camp, they have psychics in training - I had no less than four messages come through for me. One, which I was stunned by and no one else claimed, it was so overwhelming and felt so pompous to claim, because of what it meant, but I knew it was for me. Samuel the prophet that anointed King David, was proud of me. I had accepted the gift in the face of my worst fear. I had stood the test just as Abraham had with Isaac I had trusted the path God laid before me in spite of the fear, my biggest fear which stole over my heart as quickly after I knew I was being offered the gift as if it had been waiting in secret for just such a moment. My fear is I will never be happily married. The message from the fear was looming, dark, and frightening that if I accepted the gift I would never know this heart's desire. I did not hesitate I choose the gift, the peace, the light. I was in awe as I began speaking poetry. I'd only read a few poems in my life and had only written a few in high school and the poetry poured out of me. Sometimes silly, sometimes prophetic, other times with a G'lic lilt. I was off work for nine months, I couldn't work. I was healing and doing a lot of inner work. I was blessed with a full paycheck the entire time and was lead to many wonderful experiences. I was also told that because of my quick mind, it was also the gift of tongues but I was able to translate it.

This was confirmed the one day I was led to a church of God service and though I don't normally attend that church or any other, I went that day and when someone spoke in tongues no one claimed the message for a bit. I had understood it telepathically, I didn't speak up because I thought how could I interpret this, I must be mistaken, then someone stood up and gave the interpretation, it was what I had received.

I've had many psychic experiences since then and continue to have the gift. I struggle a bit with how to use it wisely but allowing it to come when it is needed for healing.

Now I'm led to Reiki which is also not a gift but rather something we all have, but it is unfolding just as the skill to paint murals in oil. Though never being trained, sculpting, awesome gardens, a green thumb despite my lack of true gardening skills, gourmet cooking with no training, it is like I've tapped into a bottomless well of gifts. Could I have had some of these just unknown before? Probably, but the experience of honoring my true nature, that I am a child of the truth, the light and all that is hopeful has allowed me to have courage in the face of daunting life issues. I also believe it stirred the ability to forgive. I hold no malice towards the woman that didn't see us. She was doing the best she knew how. God love her for allowing me to experience this. I have great pain in my ankle from the old injury, yet the faith and the courage to know all that I need I will be provided with keeps me moving forward one step at a time and grateful for each step I can take - even if someday those steps will be only with my heart.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The most meaningful to me was that I had a choice and by my choices I could make a difference and that even if I choose the path that didn't lead to what we call good it would all be okay, that in the end it was the process not the destination, because the there is no destination we are already there. It is remembering we are connected, we are one, what I do to you affects everyone including me. The vision of the mountains and their magnificent purples, blues, deep rich reds and so colorful has inspired me to create sculpted landscaping, paint, so much. The comfort I felt during the life review and the lack of condemning judgment. It was the first time in my life I felt I was lovable, worth loving capable of receiving love.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The first time I shared it was in the hospital, but not with the first two or three Clerics that came to see me. It was the Christian minister that I spoke to of the light and what had happened. He encouraged me to write it down, but I didn't. I wish I had. There was so much more that only when I read that other's NDE experiences did it nudge those items forward and I knew I had those happen as well. The minister was a very spiritual man; he was very accepting and had no problem believing me. I believe he felt confirmation of his own beliefs.

Others I have shared the poetry with are always in awe; it comes as fast as I can type or speak and is usually just what someone needs to hear. It still amazes me at times how profound and right-on it is when I get out of the way and allow that which is bigger than me to come through. People tingle, deep emotions surface of course they are curious. I don't think I've ever spoken to anyone that felt skeptical about what I was saying. But I may not speak to those that I know are not open, I can sense if they are not open, I cannot give them the gift of poetry when that happens and sometimes when I do if they are truly connected souls themselves I am so humbled by being the bearer of the message to them. Connecting the individuals with a message from the other side has been a bit frightening. The first time I just shook and so did the others present when the message came through, it wasn't until I felt the presence subside that I stopped shaking and so did the others present. Afterwards the mother who had been skeptical that is was really her son was amazed and it wasn't until I paused and got my head out of the way that it happened. She related that the message she knew was from him and that at his funeral, this is a young man who was killed violently and abruptly in Iraq, the Tiffany lamp at the end of his coffin shook, it was obvious to many who attended the funeral. I again experienced this man, and this time I was with a woman, a friend who was just becoming aware of her own psychic abilities, strange several people I've begun associating with get this gift after knowing me and hearing of my experience, they become aware profoundly of their own gift. Anyway, we were in this young man's room. The only time I've ever been in his mother's home. His presence was so strong; I doubt I would have gone in the room if Jean hadn't summoned me. I just sat and I spoke to Robert and talked about my NDE, we felt his spirit shift and come to a better place, less worry, less clinging to here. It also happened that his mother is an artist and she had a painting she wanted to explain to the others, I asked if I could see it and give her my impression of it first, she agreed. I am a skeptic about reincarnation, yet in the message that came for Robert and in the painting, it was all about reincarnation. The painting was stark a white background with gray branches of a tree with black birds sitting in the tree and I knew this was the souls of those waiting to re-enter a body. I am amazed at what I learn from the poetry and the gift. Things I never knew or at least could not remember. Maybe residue from the NDE.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I don't remember talking about or reading about NDE before, but I may have heard others had them. I didn't have an opinion one way or the other, just never really thought about it.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was several days before I related the experience and it was so real yet I was on so many narcotics. It was actually the conversation with the minister about the experience and the discussion of all the pain, he encouraged me to ask them to stop the narcotics, we did and I was free of the spasms and pain. I also stopped the day-mares. I was seeing things, people with hatchets cutting skin off my leg, the pain was horrible. When we stopped the narcotics I stopped being weird and the pain subsided. I have not doubted the experience since the first time I related it, I don't think I doubted it in my heart before but my head was having a terrible time with it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. So much about who I am changed, my faith which is unshakable. The gifts I've been given because of it. The affect it has had on others. Very real, long lasting and the source of much to be grateful for. I am not special; I am just someone who got to taste the cake before it was completely frosted.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes When I delivered my son, he wasn't making it. I felt like afterwards I pulled him back from the other side, I experienced the light and at the time I remembered how we get there, it has to do with letting go of control, but I cannot duplicate it now. It was the light and the peace, but no life review.