I remember waking up absolutely furious that I was still alive, yet very appreciative of the beautiful day outside. Over the next few months, the experience came back in bits and pieces. The tunnel, the light, the being that told me that this was not the first time I had opted out of this lifetime. Twice before I had come to learn the lessons I had chosen, but ran from them in suicide. I was told that they would accept me with love, but if I was smart I would go back and learn those lessons! I chose to come back, I guess. I'm here forty three years later. I have had two out-of-body experiences besides the near death experience, neither life-threatening. One as a child while being abused by an entire school in Switzerland. I was looking down at the abuse and wondering whom the poor soul was that was undergoing such torture. The other was a gift of the experience of the love on the other side. No words. I remember I ran from this incredible love because I didn't feel I deserved it. Part of the lesson I came back to learn? How to love myself.
Date NDE Occurred: 1970
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
I took lots of pills and alcohol.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness As the experiences came back, the pieces were quite clear but my depression made them hard to bear. So much personal responsibility was involved and I felt I wasn't up to it. I didn't then understand. The ‘love’ experience came in 1986, many years later.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When the being was telling me of my past lives.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no 'time.'
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I think suicides are a little different than the average near death experience. Things were cloudy and not very clear as I was fighting more battles than I can count, including dying and coming back. Talk about confusions.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The conversation was quite clear. I remember feeling quite surprised about the past-life explanation, but recognizing it as truth. If there was love there, I must have rejected it as not feeling worthy as I don't remember it. That may be why I was given the gift at a later date. It was just before I had both a spontaneous abortion and then had to go take care of my dying mother at home (cancer).
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Well, it was certainly bright. The being that I spoke to was part of the light, but distinct.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I just went home.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I remember I felt safe. Perhaps for the first time in my life.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I think they knew I would go back. There wasn't an actual boundary, but I know this was as far as I was going.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? No comment I have always known from birth that I was being watched over and protected which is why my Father (Mormon) and Mother (Science of Mind) had no effect on me, as far as passing on their beliefs. As a child, if it didn't make sense, I objected to it on the bounds that the Universe makes ultimate sense.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? No comment I find all organized religions to be unfaithful to truth (altho' those who practice are where they are supposed to be). "Religion" is a personal thing and as individual as fingerprints or DNA and cannot be found in following the teachings of just one person or persons. In the 43 years of my search, I have read, heard, spoken to, and felt so many different openings that my truth is mine; I have found very few who are even close.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I remember that I was very aware of the truth of what was going on and none of it surprised me. When the only friends you have ever had were on the other side, nothing truly surprises you.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I was told of my opting out of this lifetime lesson(s) twice and to go back and finish the job.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Again, I have always known I wasn't alone, at least not out there. Here is another story....
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain Not specific, no. Just that I had work to do. Other than learning to love myself (the most difficult thing in the Universe) I still have no idea.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I have always known I wasn't alone, so I wasn't surprised at the experience. I just remember how angry I was when I woke up, that I still had to be here in the earth-suit.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain I remember a sense of confusion/rejection of the responsibility. Again, I think suicides are a little different as to circumstances.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain I don't remember any but I may have rejected it as totally unworthy of it.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Yes Trust has always been an issue with me. I tend to opt out before they can hurt me so no one really gets that close. I still am surprised at those who stick by me and am still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes As the experience came back to me in pieces over several months, and I didn't want to deal with it at the time, I rejected the responsibility involved. I had no trouble knowing that there was more to my renting the 'earth-suit.' It was the post-traumatic stress disorder (unknown at the time) and having to deal with just surviving. It did eventually create a curiosity that started me on my journey.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time I was in such emotional pain that life was a blur. Moment stick out, but mostly I wanted it to all go away. I just wanted to go home.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My life has been all of a piece even though it has felt splintered at times. In retrospect, it all flows together (with large gaps of stubbornness in between!)
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It took me years. I had to put it all together first. Then, because I never learned how to make friends, I was averse to letting others know what a nut I was. I knew things they didn't which made me an out-caste. Eventually I no longer cared what people thought so, when the subject came up, I told my story.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real There is no death and I knew this, so wasn't surprised at the experience. Only at the message and not really surprised at that; just depressed!
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I just knew there was no death. Over the years I've found that at birth I brought in an incredible gift; the knowledge that I have lived since the dawn of time and I will live into infinity. I just rented the earth-suit for the duration of this lifetime for the lessons my soul needed to experience so it could grow.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It's been a rough ride. I look forward to death. My recent fear is the manner of my going. I'm working on that fear! I am rereading Anita Moorjani's book as she has many positive reinforcements that I want to work on. Thank her for me.
Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain Good questionnaire. Lots of room to expand. Thanks.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I don't think so. Do you have a spot where I could add later if I come up with any?