I walked towards the orchard, it was silvery white and beautiful. I saw those I knew but had never met in this life, I was light and felt no pain, up until then my arm was in shreds and I was in pain. As I neared the beautiful orchard, I came to a cold stream. I knew, as if being told, I can never come back if I cross this stream. I didn't like my life so far, so I battled against it but couldn't cross it. Bang! I was back in my body with headache pain and heaviness, it hurt so much, but I was alive again.
In my parents’ house, I turned the fire up as I was freezing. I put all my clothes in the bath, I ran cold water into it and the bath was red with blood. As I slept my heartbeat got shallower and shallower and faster, at some point, the beats were so shallow and fast they became just one spasm.
I popped out and saw the colors coming from my parents’ bodies as they slept. I saw through walls and I passed through them. I lit up everything around me as if giving off white light. I shot off and the mountainous hills were like molehills. I soared at full speed through a black or dark space. I eventually saw a small prick of light that became bigger and as if playing music; it started to envelope me with love. It was alive! It spoke to me; it worshiped me and everything about me! I said prayers about St Augustine and it wasn't interested, it didn't want to know how many Hail Marys’ I had said. ‘How much love was in your heart?’ it wanted to know. It mentioned something about Lazarus and how Jesus wept for his friend, ‘the Holy Spirit weeps for its children’.
It made comments about when I would be 52 years old. I remember them now but just after the experience, I couldn't. I would fall in love and have my heart broken, and feel I would never recover and I should not try to commit suicide. The Light asked if I wanted to see all the times, I had been ‘one with it’. I said it would make me egoistic because that would have been what my religion taught; I failed here. I wish I had taken his gift. The light was 1000 times brighter than the Sun, but never burned. You felt you were the only one that mattered. It was. The only description is pure love.
When I tried to write a booklet it was impossible because words are such a dim reflection of this being. There was a flash of light and I was back in my hurting body, instantly. I couldn't move and hurt all over, so I prayed. The De Profundis [Editor’s Note: Psalm 129.] or something like that. I moved my right finger, then my hand then my arm, when I made the sign of the cross I was able to move again.
For a week or two, I could see in the dark. I had the light talking to me and I could read the thoughts of people around me. The first thing the light said was to keep it quiet because if I didn't, I would be locked up. Gradually the light became less and less. I told people and the doctor tried putting me on anti-psychotic medication. That's not mad, right? Nuclear bombs and war are madness, seeing something beautiful and being at peace isn't madness, right?
Date NDE Occurred: 17/04/79
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I climbed over a hedge and slipped; I tried to catch the barbed wire in my hand and missed. The barb tore a long ways up my forearm, blood gushed. I fell. I saw a beautiful orchard and beings. I believe I had another NDE, in my parents’ house that night. I lost a lot of blood.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Speaking to the Light, I knew all sorts of things, the light gave me insights and when I was out of the body I simply knew more: reincarnation and beings that I know personally who I never met in this life.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Many more colors.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Things made music; the orchard sang its song to me.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It was like a tunnel but I saw it as space: outer space. Between the Earth and wherever it was we went to was outer space.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw my mum’s and dad’s auras, as they slept. I saw beings near the borderline orchard experience, who I knew. I knew them, but had never met them in this life. They could have been angels; or friends from past lives.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A white light 1000s times brighter than the Sun. This Light was pure love and indescribable, it didn't judge right from wrong (amoral) it just reflected on my actions. This is what happens. It loves us all so much; it would worship us if that were possible!
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I went up to the stream in the orchard and tried to cross it, it was heavenly. The orchard was full of light and nice beings.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Ecstasy, Love, overwhelming love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe For a time I could read people’s thoughts and I had a light with me so I could see in the dark; this light spoke to me for 2-3 weeks. I knew everything at 17; all my thoughts were wrong all of a sudden. I knew the truth, everything had been turned upside down: good was now bad, bad was now good, and I had to relearn everything, even how to walk.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I wrote on a valentine’s card: ‘That God would have wept over the beauty he created!’ The girl went out with me years later we fell out. In the NDE the Light said that when this happens to remember his light because I would want to give up. ‘The Holy Spirit weeps over his children’. The key I was given was that ‘Jesus wept’ over ‘Lazarus’ and then I forgot this part of my NDE until this year when I was 52. The girl wrote me an angry letter and I had to get over it. ‘Leave my sister alone; leave my family alone, LEAVE ME ALONE!!’ She broke my heart. Recovering, I tried to remember the Lazarus messages, and eventually it all made sense. I felt loved by the light once more.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes It was a stream, leading to a lovely orchard. I was shown I could never come back if I crossed it. I battled to get across, I couldn't!
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I was catholic, now am not impressed with Ave Marias and chanting; only with the being of light. Who loves everyone and never judges.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths The light was not interested in religion, didn't approve of it. I am now more interested in the Light than in religion.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I asked if St Augustine could pray for me, and can I say the "Hail Mary" The reply was "Do you want to see all the times you were one with me?" and "How much love was in your heart at that time?" I soon learned the light does not like religion. Only how much love there is in your heart.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I had to reevaluate, I had to re-learn everything my whole World had been; and now it’s the right way. I was only 17, and I remember thinking what I used to call good was really bad, and what I used to call badly was really good.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin ‘Let me show you all the times when you were one with me.’ It was thought transference, as I didn't hear audibly; just the same, it spoke to me in my mind. I knew exactly what it was saying.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I met beings that I knew really well, but I have never met them! Not in my current life. Imagine meeting an old griend and all the feelings you get, then realising in this earthly life you have never met them.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes It wanted to show me "all the times I was one with it". It was this light, whether you call it mystical or connection. It doesnt even seemed to KNOW right from wrong in the way that it never judges us, only says whether something will make our lives harde
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The being wanted to show me all the times I had been one with it. I clearly remember thinking you are God! and an explosion of light and I was flung back into my painful body. To begin with I was a being of tremendous light. I started to work out THIS IS GOD!
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The Light said ‘Do you want to see all the times you were one with me?’ This made me feel close to the light.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I had predictions about a hard time I would have with someone. I would have my heart broken into a million pieces. I must remember "The Holy Spirit weeps over his children" Just as Jesus wept for Lazarus. In all likelyhood I would commit suicide.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was out of my body and I said to one of the beings I am dead aren't I? I didnt FEEL dead, and the being sort of smiled, by not saying anything I then knew I was dead, and that there is no "death" just a continuation of our consciousness.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I had predictions about a hard time I would have with someone. I would have my heart broken into a million pieces. I must remember "The Holy Spirit weeps over his children" Just as Jesus wept for Lazarus. In all likelyhood I would commit suicide.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain I was shown I would have my heart broken. I was to recover and try to remember how the light loves me, and not to lose hope.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Unknown It's not that I was afraid to die, after the experience I could see I was afraid to live. In this brush with death I lost my fear of death and my fear of life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes If you saw the most beautiful girl in the world and started to tell people about her how could words do it? I tried to write it in a pamphlet, but I found it hard to describe in words. I have even made a website with my story in English and Spanish.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I knew what people were thinking. I heard the voice of the light for a couple weeks. I shone like the light and I could see in the dark.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being close to that love and that light. It's where we all belong! Like being in your lover’s arms!
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes From 1979, I shared it in 1986 with a boss who gave me Ray Moody's ‘Life after life’ book; then with a small publisher who got me to write it down, he later published it.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I had planned ‘To see God’, I never thought all this would happen. It blew me apart. As it was far more real than this muddled life, I have never doubted it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Now I have met others who have had a similar experience. I have read books. I now know the World is mad and I am sane.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I now have a website: www.heavenandhellnde.co.uk It has Spanish and English and Spanish and English Ebooks (pdf format)