Here is an excerpt of my story, from the night of my heart attack:
I realized that the moment I had been praying, there was something really different about the level of connection of my prayer. I didn’t feel like I was away from my body. From the time I knew I had arrested, I felt that I had a very powerful sense of awareness collectively. I was in what I assumed was the triage room or the cardiac emergency room, since the helicopter had landed. They knew my condition and situation, so I still need to confer with the doctor as to where they actually took me when the helicopter landed. There were a lot of people waiting there. It turned out that the doctor and team who treated me were getting ready to call it a night when the call came in about my case. They stayed just to take care of me. The Doctor started to tell the process of what they were going to do, and I could feel the tears start to drip down my cheek. I wanted to know my family was there. I wanted to feel their presence nearby. I wanted my mom. I wanted her close; I wanted her there. I wanted to tell my son I loved him. After the blurr of words, it was getting dark again. The feeling was coming back. The feeling like 'I am in really bad trouble' came back. I wanted to sleep. I just wanted to close my eyes. I thought, 'This stuff he is telling me was going to hurt and I don’t want to feel it, ok?' I wanted to take nap and, hopefully, wake up and it would all be over.
'Doctor, I am going to close my eyes now, I am tired. This sounds like it is going to hurt, is that ok?'
He looked down at me and held my face, 'Ok, Scott, just relax, we’re going to take care of you.' I knew he meant it.
'Doctor', I asked. 'Yes’. 'Please don’t let me die. I know I am in trouble here and it’s really bad. Please don’t let my body die'.
'Ok, rest now Scott. Just rest and by the way, I don’t do requests, it’s too much pressure'. He smiled at me and I tried to smile back.
'Please tell them I love them?' I said.
He responded, 'I will let you tell your family you love them.'
It was strange that I could feel them still on their way or maybe they had just become distant. I closed my eyes and for the first time, I felt everything was going to be ok. I stopped fighting and darkness came to me. I felt a soft jolt and then darkness surrounded me. I felt like I was moving in a hallway. What was that? I tried to open my eyes. They were shut, I couldn’t open them. My first thought was, 'Wow, that was fast. Those doctors fixed me fast.' I could sense my family was close to the hospital maybe even there now, yet I couldn’t see them. I saw only what seemed like a dimly lit room. I thought I was in a recovery area or room. I felt alone and cold. I remember having a thought, 'Those guys need to cover me up.'
I kept hearing a thought in my mind, 'Dude, your eyes are shut!' I remember telling the doctor. I was going to take a nap. 'I’m outta here, night!' I had, so I kept telling myself, ' I must still be sleeping.' I kept trying to look around, something was different. This is all wrong and I wondered was I dead? I said, 'Naw, I am dreaming.'
I drifted through a void or space, unable to land on anything. At first it seemed like there was no 'ground' and not a cloud in the sky. There was an aura, a light, dimmed, warm, golden and radiant. Then my 'senses' shifted and I was standing on a spot in what appeared to be a huge rolling plain. It was there, it appeared to be real, and I was on it too. But, I felt like I was floating. I felt cold, alone and scared. More details emerged; I saw the huge grass plains, blowing gently in a sweet breeze. It was not a strong wind, but just a sweet warm breeze. I could almost hear the rustle of the grass blades was like music and I could watch their dance as if they were speaking. I could feel the music and the responses they were getting back. I looked around. In the distance, appeared fuzzy, hazy silhouettes. They looked like low, distant mountain ranges when you’re driving towards them. It is like you see that low darker horizon, but as you get closer they seem to grow. This was almost the same, but they weren’t just far away, they were all around me. This was beautiful, like a picture perfect painting or photo. It was like they had cleared this place for me. I felt like I was in a field I used to walk in, when I was troubled and needed comfort. I didn’t understand, but I started to feel safe, warm and comfortable.
I was also feeling else. I didn’t think I deserved to be there. I knew my story and I thought I knew what was true about heaven, hell and the afterlife. I was starting to get overwhelmed from the experience. What seemed to be the sky was more than just the lamination or layer upon layer of light in vivid colors. It was like the sun is just before sunset. The warmth radiating from it started to make me feel safe and comfortable. I have never felt that before this time in my life. I kept struggling with my feeling of not deserving or belonging there. As each time I felt that struggle, I would realize that each of these things was not just things I was 'seeing', they were a part of me, and I a part of them. The more I surrendered, the more I could feel a hum and this vibration going through my body. For the first time, I noticed my body wasn’t my body. It looked like it, but I was not in the same form. It shimmered. Although it seemed like it was my body from earth, it wasn’t. Although it seemed like I still had my senses, they seemed bigger, deeper and different.
The vibration was gentle but always present. At times, it would sound like voices, instruments, and oddly like birds and other sounds I couldn’t identify. I remember having a thought, 'I can see why people think they hear angels singing.' It kept shifting between all things and it was beyond what I could comprehend as music. By themselves, the sounds were just pitches and tones. But together, I could flow with it and it flowed through me. Or at least that’s what I thought it sounded like and seemed like. I felt so at peace, I felt so serene. The only words I can use are total completeness and acceptance.
As I stood there with my arms out wide, I realized I wasn’t alone anymore. I knew I was in the presence of the Creator. The Light had started to get a little brighter and less radiant. I felt the presence of something, something that was way bigger than me. I was in awe of it and the fear I felt was my own shame. I kept telling myself, 'I know I didn’t believe; I KNOW I WASN'T worthy.' YET, I felt that The Presence was honored that I was there. Whatever it was that I could feel, experience and see we were all connected. I was home. I was back. It was strange that I felt sad because I didn’t get to say good-bye to my family. I felt sadness and anger. I felt guilt and shame amidst the beauty I saw and felt.
From the distance, I saw a silhouette of someone coming towards me. I felt like I knew this person very well and it knew me very well, too well. I remember questioning, 'Could it be real?', but I couldn’t hold back my doubt. It was only a short time and she was before me. She was dressed in what looked like a bright but beautiful, loud flower-patterned dress wrapped around her. When she got closer, I thought, 'What, who, that’s Grandma and she’s wearing a MUMU.' She was very pretty and had an orchid in her hair. She was younger, much younger than I remembered her, and so was my Grandfather who was next to her. He was wearing a white shirt, cream-colored pants and a fedora hat that was pulled down a bit over his eyes. I thought, 'Yeah, this is them.' I laughed at the irony of the situation. I remembered her always talking about her trips to Hawaii and loving the clothes. Grandpa, was always a sharp dresser. She let go of his hand as she stretched out her arms for me. We seemed to laugh, cry and I really can’t describe the range of emotions that all seemed to flow through us. All I knew and felt was a sense of connection I had never known existed from both of them. My Grandparents and I had been very close through most of my younger life. He went home many years before she did, yet her love for him never stopped. I had lost touch with her during her last years here when I moved to the Midwest. We stood there what seemed like for a long time hugging. It seemed like I was crying, for joy and for sadness. I could feel my Grandfather's presence again and then he seemed to be more as a silent observer than a participant. I stepped back and looked at her and said 'I died, didn’t I?' She smiled and swung her arm down. I followed her hand.
I could see the emergency room, then we were floating above the room. I could see the medical team working on me. There was someone near my head and my head was pulled back. They were pushing something down my throat, later I found out I had been intubated. There was another person, down my by waist, doing something with needles. I didn’t’ want to see that. I later found out that it was the nurse putting IVs in my arm. There were two people at each leg, sticking things up, in near my groin. I would later find out this was the cardio angioplasty and the catheters for the stints. 'Ok, still hate needles, nope, not going to watch that one.' There was someone on top of me, doing CPR calling out my name. 'Come on Scott, Come on!' I stopped watching.
I looked at Grandma and said, 'I’m screwed, Ok. I’ve seen enough.' I felt so sad and sorry that my family was on their way and would have to come to this. I could see them as I floated past the emergency room, past the roof of the hospital, on a dark road. My ex-wife and children were calling out to me, telling me to hold on and wait for them. I said I’d be ok and I’d be waiting for them. They were saying they loved me. I felt so sad that I wasn’t going to be able to be a part of my son’s life. I didn’t get to say good-bye. This can’t be happening. I was angry for several reasons for a moment, but it seemed to melt away.
'What is this place Grandma?' She said, 'Son, this is where we all go when we die.' I looked around I was so at peace. I could hear music. I could see the mountains in the background, the sky was a series of washed Alizarin crimson then faded to Prussian blues and then a beautiful darkness. Other than the Warm Golden light, the sky was the most beautiful 'sunset' I’ve ever seen. Behind me was darkness. It was night time and like space darkness. The ironic thing was that I felt like I was part of all of it and it was connected to me. I felt no fear. This was Heaven. I knew I had worked hard on changing my life. Years before, I had found faith in a power greater than me. I felt this feeling; I can only call love that knows no boundary of time, space or consciousness. It covers everything that has been, is and will be. I’ve read it, I’ve heard it, I have intellectualized it and believed. But never have I felt it in my soul, until then. Not because we can bribe love, by our acts or control it with penance or faith. It’s just because we ARE and It loves us all no matter what.
I looked at Grandma and asked her, 'What about those who have committed horrible acts against children and other humans?' I continued, 'What about those who are evil at heart lie, steal, cheat and what is it that they deserve, the same thing as those who try to be good people?' (I had some personal issues I was dealing with and there were headlines in the news of acts of people like Osama Bin Laden and other stuff). I said to the light as if it would answer, 'What is the point then, what would people do if we knew this?' My grandmother was devout in her faith. She was faithful to our church; we belonged to the same church. My family was heavily involved in our church. My father was a minister and rector of our congregation. One of my immediate family members was always doing some service activity for the church or our congregation. I was even on the path of entering the ministry. Even though I had turned from this path many years before, the core values were still there. She wouldn’t lie to me. I trusted this woman and believed would tell me the truth. She was the only one of a few people in my entire life, I had no resentment to, had done no harm to me my entire life. Grandma always loved me unconditionally and all I felt from her was love. I had some personal pain issues, resentments about other illusions needing to be released.
I leaned closer to her and whispered, like no one could us. 'Is this or are we here Grandma because of our church? Or the way we believed or our Faith?' She looked at me and smiled, and said so sweetly, 'Son, it’s not about this place. There is only one time we have in our presence, in our reality, in our time. This is the only time, you are you. We suffer for what we do, while we are here. We have our consequences for what we DO while we live. We are loved. We don’t get judged here. We don’t suffer here. Our time was a gift.' I ask, 'Grandma, then where is everyone?'
Just as I was finishing my words, the sight that I thought was the Distance Mountains came closer. As it closed in on me I could suddenly feel an overwhelming presence of others. They had no shape at first, I could only feel them. Then I could see shimmering forms of what looked like bodies. I could make out faces, people but I didn’t know them. There was no physical or emotional bond. Yet I still felt like I was part of them and they a part of me. They weaved in and around me like they were saying, 'Hello, welcome home.' They shifted, from these shimmering forms, to light, strings of light. Each spirit was an individual string and each string stretched beyond my conscious sight stretching out beyond time and space. Each string moved around and thru me and swayed in like a soft breeze. Then the sky filled with light strings. I could see inside them, through them and each of them carried a long thin strand that looked like a DNA helix. From within each Helix were memories, from the time of its conception, when the atoms became one, to the time when we became human. Each one had its own reality, consciousness, time and space. In some point of their path, they had met with another string of light and created new strings and new strings were created with other strings, each with their own consciousness, reality and time. Each a memory but it was coded within the DNA. It was all a kind of memory, past, present and future. All at once and each in its own time had its own truth, and its own reality. Yet somehow, each was connected to someone who was alive here. I was connected to my Grandma and she flowed into a string and came back to the form I could see her. Then she reached out her hand to me. We started to follow the strings then I became one of the strings of light.
As we moved, there was no sense of travel, yet I knew we were moving, very fast. Yet as we moved, I could see behind me, around me, and in front of me. We were time. As I looked back, I could see the planet had all these strings from all living things emanating from it, even from the planet itself. As we starting to move out, I could see our earth, spinning in its orbit in its natural time. The solar system, galaxies, we passed a star blowing up, watched a star being born in a nebul', each event in its real time. All reaching out to space all connected to the light. It was alive, creating new forms, life, experiences and realities all in love. One existence can’t become a new one until it’s completed the course it’s on. Once that is done, it can move on to its next reality. And so on and so on. It wasn’t like a trip when we get start getting the 'When are we getting there?' or 'Are we there yet?' feeling. On the contrary there was just no sense of time for us per say, we just moved at will. We would pass points when light was behind us and we were in a space, time and reality.
I did feel consciousness forming but not like we know or understand. It was just doing its task. It was doing what it’s supposed to do and that’s all it knew. Then it became clear all of it, all things knew what it was supposed to do. Something was directing it. I could tell, even though it had consciousness, it seemed as though it had surrendered its Will and accepted it’s truth to the Creator. Then my Grandma reached for me and took my hand as we started back. The universe was full, absolutely full of strings of light and energy. They were pulsing, they were moving, and we were in it, part of it and it a part of us. DNA stretched for eons; memories, connected, intertwined but all moving according to the Light. I could see molecules, atoms connecting, intersecting, building and becoming new life forms and consciousnesses. Galaxies, stars, fish, trees, air, water, man are all patterned forms, built from all over the universe. Then we were back in the field, but it didn’t stop there. I looked at my Grandmother and the Light. Everything opened up, illumination poured through me, out of me and in me. It can’t be changed, or threatened. It can’t be manipulated, or colored. There are no Illusions or fairy tales about it. It’s here. Each is at its own time, in its own evolution, doing its own reality, living its own consciousness. We are part of it and it a part of us. We truly have nothing to fear, we are really loved. There is a power so great, that it can only be called God.
What intelligence is directing this? It was like this whole thing is alive. We are a part of this creation that is so magnificent; we have no words in our language to express it. She looked at me and said, 'We suffer for how we are being here, when we separated our Being or Spirit from the one Truth and created a False Reality we feel pain. We separate our connection to this power. Our pain is directly proportionate to the level of separation of our Spirit from here, son.' 'We all have it and we all are built with it.' The spirits started to surround me again, and the vibrations started to grow so strong. Then visions of my life and others who appeared of how we separated or cut off our lives, love and our only one time we have here in this time and space. I saw how we’ve wasted it with petty crap, hatred, war, abuse of control and power, lies, and hurting others. We have spent that time, being so separated from love and our truth that we have taken it from others, because we can’t stand that they may have it and we don’t. I saw that we have created false truths and realities because we loathe what we think is the truth. We have nearly, if not completely, ruined our lives, hearts, minds, and souls to keep feeding the illusions. We keep this false love and realty alive, just to do it. We have given our bodies away for validation and approval, and our soul just to feel better. If we can’t heal and return to love here where it counts, when we don’t own and atone for our mistakes, we keep the separation going and the pain we feel gets worse and the more desperate we become to cover it up.
Yet, I saw that for me, for us to return to that source, love, to the place where it all began, we had to do just that; Face the truth of where it all began. We need to see the trail that was behind what we thought was the truth. I saw how we fear; so much fear. As I did, I felt the sun behind my grandmother get warmer, brighter and stronger. I could feel a love and comfort I can’t put to words radiating from it. I felt a humbleness and honor that I don’t know how to express radiate from this source, I was forgiven. All the strings of light began to move toward this light again and it became radiant, so much so I couldn’t look at it any longer. The brighter it got, the more I could feel pulled toward it. I knew that on the other side of that light, was the next form, the next experience that awaited me. Home was there. I could feel others there but they weren’t. They were experiencing their new reality. I could feel myself letting go of my family. I knew I could watch my son. I knew we were still connected. They weren’t ready to let me go. I wanted to go.
Then she stood in front of me and said, 'Son, you must go back, it’s not your time.' I said, 'No Grandma, I want to stay with you, I miss you, this is home. I am home.' She smiled. 'My Son, you will have some crosses to carry yet. You will have some things you will have to suffer.' I could feel her sadness for this. I was shown some things, some having to do with my health. 'You, Son, are not able leave yet. It’s not your time.' I tried to push past her, but she stood there with her arms crossed so I wrapped my arms around my Grandmother and told her I missed her. 'I know Son', she said. 'We miss you too, but we will see each other again.' At that time, my grandfather reappeared. He had his arms around both of us. I realized then we can take our bonds with us. I was so moved at the strength of their love still for each other and for me. I looked into the light as best I could and it radiated with such intensity, I could look at it no longer. I turned slightly away.
This Light, it vibrated through me. I felt loved and at peace. I said, 'I know who you are. I do love you with all my heart. I have missed you in my life. My life is yours.' I heard a voice from the Light, 'My son, do not fear, you will not be alone and I will take care of you.' I felt wave after wave of light flow through me, like arms wrapping around me and through me; not pulling me in, but letting me go. My Grandparents faded away. I felt like I was falling. I remember getting a glimpse of the top of the hospital roof and trees outside of the building.
I woke up in a hospital room, 5 hours later. I was on complete life support; I had a pump in my heart because it couldn’t pump on its own. I had tubes down my throat and stomach, because I couldn’t breathe and wasn’t getting any oxygen in my blood, bottles of IVs hanging everywhere. I was awake and very aware of my surroundings. The nurse ran out of the room and then came back with the doctor. I knew him, I had seen him put the tubes in my throat, and I remembered him from the emergency room the night before. He put his stethoscope up to my chest, then at my neck. He told me to, 'Blink once for yes and twice for no.' He asked me some questions. I asked him for something to write with. After some insistence, I drew out a stick figure. I drew a stick figure and put an X by head position and pointed to him, then the tubes, then to him again. Then I drew X’s where I saw people and what they were doing to me. As I was going over this, he just stood there with his mouth open. Then tears started running down our cheeks. He looked at me and asked me how did I know all this? I wrote 'I watched them doing it'. I wrote in big letters, 'THANK YOU for working SO hard to save me.' He said it wasn’t him who saved me. It was a team effort and the captain of the team, had something important for me to do to save me from the heart attack he did. 'No one survives those Scott. No one.' he said. I was in the hospital for 12 days and back to work in 8 weeks. Today I am on a heart transplant list, I have had some ups and downs, but the blessings I’ve received have been amazing. I radiate and vibrate such energy. I am drawn to people who need healing, I get visits from spirits, I see spirits, and I can pick up others vibrations very quickly. I can’t wear watches, I can’t wear jewelry.
Date NDE Occurred: 7/23/2007
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack. CPR given. traumatic intubation.. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I had a traumatic acute myocardial infarction with complications, the LAD and the entire branch system was blocked. I arrested three times, during intubation, for 8 minutes in the emergency room. While in the Catheter laboratory, my heart was in arrest during the time the device was being placed, until the blockage was opened and stints were placed, it took about 18 minutes in which they were doing CPR and bagging me the entire time. I had no pulse when I arrived and barely a pulse when completed. After the Catheter laboratory, for approximately 2 minutes I was coding in the recovery room from the heart muscle collapsing. The device was what was keeping the blood moving, my heart wasn't doing it. I have medical records.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes The facts have been checked out
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Beyond words. Like in the meadow, I had this thought, I had a religious upbringing, I was a preacher’s kid, we learned about angels playing harps. I thought, 'Man, I can see why we were taught this.' There was this humming, this vibration, it was coming from space, it was space, it was the vibration of time, light and existence. The blade of grass moving in and with the breeze, I could feel the breeze, I was the breeze, I could see from the perspective of the breeze or its consciousness. I could feel the green grass, smell the flowers on the grass, I would see from the flowers and the grass's consciousness and perspective and move with it and sense it's communion with the breeze and the music of the vibrations they created: was them communicating.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the moment I knew I was dead; I was in tune to all things; vibrating in, within and along with; a part of all things.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time became a sense of consciousness of light. As my grandmother and I traveled, we moved at will; but I knew enough of space that the time it would take for us to have traveled the distances we did in light time was beyond belief, and for a moment, I was time, but yet had no concept of effect of time. It's just the distance of space, not a feeling; I was able to see space and time from a planet being created, while we know it takes billions of years, and its millions of light years away, for the planet. Its sense of time isn't relative to our perception of time. Just like a baby in a womb; it doesn't know time, only when it's time to be born; It was like being at a point, then have a 180 degree telescope and a 180 degree microscope; down to the atomic level.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I can't compare it to anything. The experience with time and space, where I met the event horizon of when light can no longer travel, it begins a new time/space consciousness, and there is also a new light form. I couldn't ever imagine that prior to this experience, or vibrations of particle physics, atomic matter or string theory.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was vibration; I know literally, that's what we hear anyways, but during my experience, I experienced the literal vibrations of sounds. I could become and feel the sounds, not merely hear them.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My Paternal Grandmother and Grandfather.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes At first, it looked like a golden radiant orb, low in the horizon; later in my experience, it was close, very close and extremely warm, brighter than my sight could stand; I didn't have a defined circle proximity to it, it just shined.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The place where I started seemed familiar in only that it reminded me of a meadow I go walk in, but much smaller, when I'm troubled, it's a comfort place. But it wasn't the same: at all; then when I saw all the Soul Spirits turn to light and go into the Source Light, it was like it became a conduit to our next experience or consciousness. Where I was, was home, where our spirit begins, not ends.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Complete serenity, acceptance and honor, I felt a oneness that I can't describe; I peacefulness, I was home.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I understood why we were disconnected, why and how atoms combine, how they communicate, how a star is born and how particles communicate, why humans are here, all life is an expression of BEING. Humans aren't the only reason of life. Life is the only reason of BEING. We are here to exist, not dominate, but we have created this reality.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events I remembered many past events. I had already worked on my life past events, but I had some current life events that were occurring. (One of the things I didn't put in my story is that my grandmother told me to get well and leave my wife, there were things about my marriage that came true and which I found out later were true.) There were things about my past life that were shared with me, but there was also others involved in this. People I didn't know, as a group gathered, it was shown to me why we have become disconnected with ourselves, the light and our universal connection.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I was shown situations with my health, I would be sick, in hospitals, I would have problems; I would or could be better, but nothing specific. I was shown my ex: she would kill me by poison. She ended up tampering with my meds. The toxicity of our relationship almost killed me as well; it caused so much stress, it was creating more damage to my heart. After I left her, I got better, I even started healing. I tried reconciling with her, and ended up on the transplant list: how's that for coming true?
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Native American religion
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Stronger boundaries, more faith in my values, ideals and path.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Native American religion
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Well, since I had a religious background, when I was told I would have crosses to carry, I knew it meant I would have challenges.. so that would to be be consistent with what I was taught, not so much what I believed.. And with the language expressions, were consistent to what I was taught, no so much with how I believed growing up..
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I was told it wasn't my time, I had to go back; quote ‘It's not your time and you must go back. My son, do not fear, you will not be alone and I will take care of you'.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I experienced in our Light, the DNA Helix.. which is memory.. We are a completion of memories of past lives, our genetics.. I have not lived before, rather my dna has.. All of that has been combined, and together they have created me today.. Some of the memory that was needed to create the highest expression of BE, is was is created in me.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes OH Yes.. At one point, all I encountered all souls, who then turned to light.. As all forms of life turned to light, they all came from sources deep in the cosmos, then here on earth, then to the source, the entire cosmos is filled like a fabric, vibrating, all interconnected, points of light, memory, mirrored, new consciousness, new experiences, vibrating it's wisdom, knowledge and experience throughout space and time.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes What I call God, is the Loving Creative Light. To define it, seems to do it disservice and be dishonor. It's not the God we have been taught in religion, it's not male or female, it is true to what I have been taught as a Great Spirit. This is the power of all powers, the truth, the illumination of wisdom and the Highest Love.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes There are things we do have live with, we do have to survive, learn, evolve, we don't have to disconnect. We have to heal our connection to each other, in order to evolve to our true highest level. We can still co-evolve with others and co-create, but we must heal.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes We will have a new consciousness and awareness. we are so used to this one we have and it's the only time we will have and be US. We won't know or be in this form or existence in the next experience.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Is this or are we here Grandma because of our church? Or the way we believed or our Faith?” She looked at me and smiled, and said so sweetly, “Son, it’s not about this place. There is only one time we have in our presence, in our reality, in our time. This is the only time, you are you. We suffer for what we do, while we are here. We have our consequences for what we DO while we live
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes We have spent that time, being so separated from love and our truth that we have taken it from others, because we can’t stand that they may have it and we don’t. We have created false truths and realities because we loathe what we think are the truth. We have nearly if not completely ruined our lives, hearts, minds, and souls to keep feeding the illusions to keep this false love and realty alive, just to do it. We have given our bodies away for validation and approval, our soul just to feel better. If we can’t heal and return to love here where it counts, when we don’t own and atone, for our mistakes, we keep the separation going and the pain we feel gets worse and the more desperate we become to cover it up. Yet, I saw that for me, for us to return to that source, love, to the place where it all began, we had to do just that. Face the truth of where it all began.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes We have spent that time, being so separated from love and our truth that we have taken it from others, because we can’t stand that they may have it and we don’t. We have created false truths and realities because we loathe what we think are the truth. We have nearly if not completely ruined our lives, hearts, minds, and souls to keep feeding the illusions to keep this false love and realty alive, just to do it. We have given our bodies away for validation and approval, our soul just to feel better. If we can’t heal and return to love here where it counts, when we don’t own and atone, for our mistakes, we keep the separation going and the pain we feel gets worse and the more desperate we become to cover it up. Yet, I saw that for me, for us to return to that source, love, to the place where it all began, we had to do just that. Face the truth of where it all began.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I am highly in tune with others; I have a greater capacity for empathy, compassion and feel the need for other’s healing. It seems I can sense or feel others emotions clearer than before, almost like I can hear their thoughts. I have a profound ability to meditate; prayer seems like conduit, I’m very intuitive now. I seem to attract people, (not sexually) I mean just attract people for spiritual needs. I can sense and see spirits if I allow it. I seem to know things are going to happen before they do, I'm not sure I like this much. Large changes in my life. I am highly in tune with others; I have a greater capacity for empathy, compassion and feel the need for other’s healing. It seems I can sense or feel others emotions clearer than before, almost like I can hear their thoughts. I have a profound ability to meditate; prayer seems like conduit, I’m very intuitive now. I seem to attract people, (not sexually) I mean just attract people for spiritual needs. I can sense and see spirits if I allow it. I seem to know things are going to happen before they do, I'm not sure I like this much.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I divorced my EX; I currently remain single, I work on relationship with life, myself, my son and granddaughter, family and Great Spirit: especially my own spirituality.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Like the Creative Loving Light, God. There was no form; it was a collective intelligence, wisdom, knowledge, consciousness and pure radiant love: there was nothing like it here. It's behind all that is, will be and was, yet radiates, rather than forces its light. It's a conduit, end and beginning.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can see events before they happen, see spirits, meditations; healing prayers for others seem more potent; more intuitive about others.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? When I experienced time, space and the cosmos, to watch a star and be the star, to see a star implode and become one again with the universe, like us, but the Nebula was just breath-taking. To watch our galaxy spin in its natural real time, was beyond words; to see matter form; become a star, then the star become a solar system, and on and on; to see life form on the planets; all mirrored from other systems. We are so, so not alone.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I first shared it with my Ex, she scoffed at me. Months later, I shared it with others at work, my recovery group. I don't think they knew how to respond other than, ‘ok; that’s cool’. Some of the religious people I shared with, were great with it, until I got to the physics and recovery part of my experience, then they started rejecting it. I found a local IANDS group but it closed; then I just shut up. As long as I kept it just to a point, they were happy. To hear the entire experience, was too much.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I tried to disprove it while it was happening. The more I tried to disprove it, the stronger it was proven to me. Then the records showed me, there's no way I could have been able to have had this on my own; I didn't have the consciousness to have it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have been researching other experiences and sharing with other experiencers and realized I am truly not alone. I didn't need their validation, per se, it's just the amazement and beauty of sharing the experience and emotion that is so wonderful. That's what makes it so much more than real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Whenever I want: especially during meditation, healing prayer and sharing. I just open my mind, let the Light fill my mind and I can feel it's radiating warmth fill me, warm me. When the congestive heart failure hits, I pray, I close my eyes and allow myself to transcend time and return to space. I travel out and see the nebula again. The pain and discomfort goes away and I return.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Sometimes, I feel guilt for having it. Three weeks after my experience, each week a person died from a Widow-maker heart attack: a guy from work, a guy from the church I attended and an old friend of mine. I had to wonder, ‘why me’. Why was I made to come back, when I was home? I don't believe it was Karma, or bad reasons. Since I've been put on disability I've had time to work on my experience and what it has meant. I am inspired by the depth of the spirituality I have now. I really didn't fully appreciate what I know today.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No, and Thank YOU!!!