Prior to my experience, I was in the hospital. I had come in at 5pm the previous night so they could induce labor. I wasn't allowed to eat for several hours before this. Once there, I was told I was going into labor on my own, although I knew I wasn't. They kept me overnight. I still had had no food and could only suck on ice. They gave me a sleeping pill. The next morning I was absolutely famished and they induced labor. After several hours of contractions, it was time to push the baby out. After two hours of pushing, I was entirely spent, weak, and starved, so my doctor ordered a cesarean section. After the anesthesia, I could still feel my doctor as he began cutting, so I was administered ketamine. It knocked me out.
Eventually I began to see or sense someone with me. They looked like living things that moved and breathed. They were bright blue and bright red. They seemed two-dimensional: having height, width, but no depth. I felt I was dead at this point. I can't explain how, but I knew this was a bizarre place and I must be dead to be here. It wasn't dream-like at all: it was very real. I was very scared, because I did not know what would come next. I didn't like these beings because they were nothing like anything I'd ever seen. Perhaps simultaneously I heard talking; I assumed it was the doctors, although I didn't understand what they were saying. It seemed as though I could hear miniscule sounds like fabric rubbing against other fabric. Things people can't hear. It could have been these beings talking. I'm not sure. I had very little sense of self-awareness: like who I was or where I was.
After this, I found myself in a black void. I felt nothing, thought nothing, knew nothing. I had forgotten all about life and earth and anything I'd ever known. This wasn't necessarily unpleasant, it was neutral. It felt like I was there a very long time: or, in a timeless type of way. It felt like I'd always been here and would always be here. I did not possess a mind it seemed. Then, suddenly and far off, as if it could barely be heard, I heard the cries of my newborn baby and all at once, I remembered everything and returned to my body at once. Once back, I felt strange and unreal, like I'd been gone for eons of time.
Date NDE Occurred: 9/30/2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related. Childbirth. Drug or medication overdose Possible ketamine induced NDE. Unsure if I experienced clinical death. I don't know for certain whether or not I was in mortal peril. I was administered a high dose of ketamine, during my cesarean section, because the anesthesia they administered had only numbed one side of my body. I know ketamine causes NDEs. However, I had lost a huge amount of blood and was very weak at the time. I'm unsure if I had actually died, or if it was the result of the ketamine. I've read that doctors administer a sedative with ketamine, to prevent people from feeling that they've died, I'm unsure as to whether I was administered this sedative.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I heard talking, but cannot be sure if it was coming from the physical world or was a manifestation of the place I was in. I didn't understand, or did not compute the words. They may have been in English even, but it was the way a newborn hears people speak and doesn't understand or follow what is said.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I could hear things like fabric brushing on fabric: sort of the static that all things create.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the first stage of the experience, when I was with these bright otherworldly beings. I knew I was somebody, maybe not who exactly. I felt I had died from my physical body and was alive in this place.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
It is hard to articulate. I remember things happening in an order, but they could have been happening to different 'parts' of me all at once. Also the sense of timelessness, once I came out of it and back into my body, it seemed I was in there (seemed I was dead) for forever. It's like I could have been in that void for eons and eons and eons.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Colors were brighter during the experience.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had incredibly enhanced hearing. I wish I could remember more, there were 'thrummings,' and words that sounded as if they were spoken into the most finely tuned microphone. Hearing was something like the sound of a person swallowing, for example.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I may have gone into a tunnel on my way to the void. I cannot remember.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The beings I met were definitely alive, but were unlike any living thing I'd ever seen.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No Not that I remember, but there was so much that I do not remember.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place I would say the realm where these beings were, was some type of world.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear. I knew I was dead and was afraid, because I did not choose to die. It felt like an accident. I thought that I obviously had no control over the situation and did not know what was coming next. I was terrified of that.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic At this time I was not a practicing Catholic. I didn't believe in the devil or hell.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am devoted to uncovering more and more of myself. I meditate daily. I feel a 'oneness' with all things and a deep love of life.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age I would say I'm spiritual, but not religious. I believe in energy, love and joy ebing the strongest forces in the universe.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had always believed our soul lives on after death. I imagined in heaven, but I was not sure. My experience corroborated with my idea that we continue to live on, but not necessarily in a utopian heaven.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Everything has more value to me now. A tree, a bird, the rain, the moon: all of these things fill me with wonder.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Yes, strange beings mentioned above. They did not seem angelic, and I'm unsure as to whether or not I interacted with them.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I knew I was dead but that I was still alive somehow, someplace.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Too many to list them all. I will forget many. Here are a few: more vivid dreams, more real-feeling dreams; much better memory of my dreams; much more pleasant dreams; hardly ever a nightmare. Precognitive dreams (dreaming of something, and having some odd/specific aspect manifest in the next few days. I have a feeling of telepathic communication with others who are deceased. I have a telepathic communication with possible extra-terrestrials. Abhorring violence and refusing to watch violent programs.
I am kinder to all people. I see the wonder and magnificence of all people. I feel that day to day activities are very rich. I prefer to be left alone and in silence a lot. I set off electronic devices, especially when I am upset. I'm much more sentimental, easily touched. I used to hate some people, after the experience, I find it impossible to hate anybody. I feel compassion for those who, before my incident, I would have hated. I feel I can see right through people. Many people dislike me because I am almost always pleasant and happy.
I can see that they dislike me, even if they are acting nicely on the outside. I trust my intuition on all things. I'm a light sleeper; I wake often and wander around. I find my physique much slimmer than before the NDE. My eyes are terribly light sensitive. I do not try to placate others. I am not manipulated by others.
I believe life is meant to be joyful; I only do what brings me joy. I do not seek to eradicate the evils in the world. I give as much as I can to charities, but I know a perfect world is impossible, and would mean the disintegration of the human experience. Dichotomies are important: good/ bad, dark/light, funny/austere. They are what allow us to have an experience. I believe God is all things, physical and non-physical. I believe we can tap into God's mind, on every subject, because we are God: God being the collective of all energy. I often have sleep paralysis and see people or non-humans in my room at night. These experiences are often long and complex but I remember little about them. I believe love and appreciation are the best tools we have for living life. Many people who were my friends before the experience have since left. They find me too weird or too happy and I annoy them. Many people close to me have expressed a certain fear in regards to my psychic abilities. They don't want to know about them. Large changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Many unhealthy relationships have fallen away. Some unhealthy relationships have become healthy. I don't require many friends and loved ones around me all the time. My friendships are very loving and supportive.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was very difficult. Although there seemed to be a sequence about it, there also seems a timelessness, which would make it all happen simultaneously. It's hard to describe, because I cannot remember or put into words the strange feelings and sensations. I feel that there may have been other worlds, or phases I went through that I just instantly forgot.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience less accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It's all terribly hard to remember and even harder to put into words. Probably because it was such a combination of feeling, seeing, sensing things that are completely alien to our way of thinking when we are alive. Like we are using different senses and a different brain to process them.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Pre-cognitive dreams, knowing what someone will say before they say it, de-ja- vu, mind reading, seeing, hearing and/or sensing people in other realities, including the dead and extra-terrestrials; seeing animals that aren't there (especially cats); the ability to see UFO's. Wanting something and being given it the next day. I have the ability to see people's motivations. Knowing where I need to be, but not knowing why, but then arriving and experiencing something wonderful.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Not really. I think what was most significant are the parts I don't remember. They are full of experience, that has no doubt changed me, but I cannot remember all that was there.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I first shared it right away with a few relatives and friends. I said 'I felt like I died'. No one really understood why, me included. As I began reciting it in depth, I find that many find it revolting. Upset maybe, that I didn't go right into some type of heaven, or maybe because I saw bizarre beings, or perhaps, they think it was all in my mind. All in all, I think it has positively affected many close to me. I began meditating and reading a lot on spirituality and my joyful demeanor, often causes joy in others.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Very little, like the idea of a person going into the light. That's about it.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was very out of sorts for months after. I had no idea what to make of reality anymore. All of my beliefs were crumbling down and I would even doubt things such as my own existence. I felt forever changed, scarred almost, by strangeness, and a wonder that I could never have before imagined.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Yes it was real. Did it happen in my mind (mind here being used as something that exists apart from the body)? Yes, everything is happening in our mind. Physical reality happens in our minds. If something can change you, if it can affect you or touch you, it is real. It has its own existence and its own reality.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Giving blood, I passed out in the chair. I entered the void again. Same experience with it, me being completely unaware of myself. It was much shorter this time. When I came to, many people were standing around to revive me. For a few seconds I did not know WHAT they were. I did not recognize humans! I was terrified of them and didn't know what they wanted. Once they started talking I immediately remembered where I was and who I was.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I knew I was dead but that I was still alive somehow, someplace. I had always believed our soul lives after death. I imagined in heaven, but I was not sure. My experience corroborated with my idea that we continue to live on, but not necessarily in a Utopian heaven. It's all terribly hard to remember and even harder to put into words. Probably because it was such a combination of feeling, seeing, sensing things that are completely alien to our way of thinking when we are alive. It's as though we are using different senses and a different brain to process them.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No, I found it entirely thorough!