I am now severely paralyzed in my dominate hand and it's very difficult to write. I found myself in a field in compete darkness. Heartbroken I felt my soul shatter like glass and the shards scattered across the grass. I was in a clearing surrounded by tall grass. Big flat rocks were in the clearing; they were boulders, but mostly they were flush with the ground. I lie down and felt the sharp rocks (and when I woke, there were scratches and bruises). I asked God to take me. I was in such emotional pain. I heard rustling through the grass and knew it was not God coming for me, something else was. I closed my eyes in fear and when I opened them, a huge deer was standing over me. It was so close, I reached up and the deer brought its nose to my hand. At that moment, I watched a movie of my life, every tiny detail. So quickly it passed, but it took forever. I saw everything I had done right, every wrong, how each of those actions affected others and I saw when I should have done things and didn't; those were the worst, I understood. Then just like that, I knew I was forgiven. The deer had moved away and was walking off. I turned my head to see it and it stopped and looked back at me. It was then I noticed that the deer was in front of the most beautiful warm glowing light I had ever seen. I looked back towards the sky and all was blackness. I got up, started walking and came to a road. I knew I had to go back. The moment I placed my foot onto the pavement I knew I was too early. I hit the pavement just a split second before I was supposed to. The shards of my soul had not all returned to me and now they were in one place and I another. I could not return to the field and I was missing parts of me. I awoke in the hospital. Some of my soul has found its way back; others are still on different journeys, searching. My life has gone from bad to worse ever since. Not one single good thing has happened and so very much bad. But I find parts of me now and then and when I do I gain another insight, an understanding of who we are and how we connect because of the journey my shattered soul has taken.
Date NDE Occurred: July 13, 2011
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose. I do not know if clinical death occurred, but I believe if it did not I was very close Other I do not know if clinical death occurred, but I believe if it did not I was very close
I was severely dehydrated and weakened in body and spirit. I took overdose trying to 'save' myself.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I heard the ambulance person tell my husband to say something to me now, or never, and I heard someone say, 'her hands are getting cold.'
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I do not know. The awareness came back to me gradually of my experience over days and weeks and even now.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time at all, and since then I have no sense of time; days, hours, even seasons are meaningless.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see every single hair on the deer and the color of each as it changed from root to tip.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no sound after the rustling.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Glowing bright not harsh, warm and welcoming.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place A field.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Sadness.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others We are all connected but I'm too tired to elaborate on the ripples.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No I did not know I was not actually in the field until I awoke and even now I still feel as if I were really there. I did not know I was dead.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths spiritual, but not religious. Raised strict southern christian.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I do not believe it has a name
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin My deer.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I believe the deer represented someone
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain During or later? I saw how we connect and our actions conect
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes see above
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes We are God. Our spirits are one. We are all parts of the whole.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes We are all part of the same. Love is what we are supposed to be.
I saw how we evolve to a higher consciousness over time and times on earth. We are not here to suffer. Our mistakes and others cause the ripples that are felt by all. Only right cancels out bad ripples, wrong ones may come together sometimes and that is where the suffering originates. Once we all see this and stop the ripples all will be well.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes We are here to learn, grow and help each other so our next journey here is easier. If we don't learn we come back to the same.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No definately. But the awareness came later as my shattered sioul returned
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain the worst we do is when we do nothing at all.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain too tired now. This is very detailed. I saw how we evolve to a higher consciesness over time and times on earth. We are not here to suffer. Our mistakes and others cause the ripples that are felt by all. Oly right cancels out bad rippples, wrong oes make
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain We are all part of the same. Love is what we are supposed to be.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life My life is hell. I lost my job. My loving adult daughter betrayed and abandoned me. My teenage daughter changed and I don't recognize her. My ex-husband is suing for custody 6 years after the divorce. My heath has deteriorated to the point that I am disabled. I am broke and broken. My friends disappeared. I am labeled as a Psychiatric patient so healthcare was delayed until I was paralyzed. My husband is still with me but we are so disconnected we are on different planets. Only my service dog shares my feelings and emotions. And that dog, though she saved my life 3 times, is as retarded as they come.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Totally disconnected.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes First with my adult children and then with my husband in the hospital.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Deer in the back yard.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I apologize. It's just too hard to type paralyzed.
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