I found myself in a dark room. I was moving but not walking. I began to see pictures of people in my life, like in a slide show. Click, click, next picture. I saw my friend's faces, my family, and then I saw my kid's faces. I made myself stop moving. I suddenly became aware of my situation. I saw ahead of me, a white light that was so bright. I remember thinking, 'Oh no! I can't go there, that will be the end of my life. My energy, my life force will leave me. I need to get back to my kids’. I realized I was in this dark hallway or tunnel that lacked walls.
Then I saw hands, hundreds of hands and arms reaching for me trying to touch me or grab me. I was now aware I had arms and legs again. I tucked my arms into my chest so they couldn't reach me. I was scared. 'Why did they want me?' I thought. 'I need to get back, but how?' I concentrated trying to use my senses to find a way back. I searched for something onto which I could mentally grab. Then I heard something like a voice. I thought, 'I need to concentrate on that sound, what was that sound?' I tried so hard to hear it again, but it was so far away. 'What was it saying?' Then I heard buzzing like a thousand bees buzzing at the same time. It was drowning out the sound and voice. But I kept concentrating and then I heard the sound clear as day, 'SANDY!' It was my name being called.
I immediately became conscious, sat straight up and threw up all over the kitchen floor.
Date NDE Occurred: aug 1987
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes CPR given. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function).
I had a history of fainting or blacking out for unknown reasons. I was at a friend’s house, and had just finished dinner. We smoked pot after dinner, and were walking across the room to go outside. The last thing I remember is saying, 'OMG, I don't feel good I'm going to pass out.' My friend later told me that I fell off his back deck. He caught me in midair and sat me down on his kitchen floor. I was unconscious, so I fell backward hitting my head on the floor. He said I began what looked like a grand-mal seizure that lasted a couple of minutes. Then my body went totally limp and I stayed unconscious.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I became panicked when I realized I was leaving and may not make it back to take care of my children.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I realized I had kids left behind that needed me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I lost awareness of time or feeling or life.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was sitting eating dinner with a friend then walking in the kitchen. In my experience I was alone in a pitch dark room my body just moving. I had no feeling of body or weight or pain, no memory of anything or where I was at the time, like in another world.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was sitting eating dinner with a friend then walking in the kitchen. In my experience I was alone in a pitch dark room my body just moving. I had no feeling of body or weight or pain, no memory of anything or where I was at the time, like in another world.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was floating through a tunnel-like, extremely dark room.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I don't know who they were. I just saw their arms and hands trying to reach me in the dark tunnel: like trapped souls.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes An extremely white light but it didn't hurt your eyes.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? At first I was just calm, floating weightless, and then I became panicked, scared and resolute on coming back.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I became aware that the light at the end of the tunnel meant my life as I know it would be over, and my life force would be taken from my body and I would become one with the energy/white light and join all the other souls.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control My past flashed before me, out of my control. I saw faces of friends and family.
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I realized if I went further I couldn't come back and I stopped moving.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I saw my children's faces in the slide show of seeing my past life and gasped ‘oh no my kids I can’t leave them behind’.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I was unsure about my faith questioning my faith
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Slightly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I do not believe in a god at all. I think people feel like they need to believe because its what they were taught and fear of not believing what would happen..
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I wasnt sure what I believed in. I was raised catholic and had been a church goer until age 21. I stopped going after my dad died.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I valued other people’s feelings more after the event.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain life force energy being taken from our human form
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I feel that there is something there definitely but I wasnt ready to go
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God does not exist
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain I felt the light was life forces of other people who crossed the line
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I feel connections with people, my intuitiveness became more heightened. I could sense things. I have dreams where I make connections with people who have passed on and talk to them. I feel like I am being guided in a way but not towards a meaningful purpose, like every time I get into difficult situations someone is pulling me out at the last minute. Moderate changes in my life. I feel connections with people, my intuitiveness became more heightened. I could sense things. I have dreams where I make connections with people who have passed on and talk to them. I feel like I am being guided in a way but not towards a meaningful purpose, like every time I get into difficult situations someone is pulling me out at the last minute.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I feel closer to some and not to others. I stopped letting a lot of people’s opinions worry me or bother me. I just don't feel the need to have turmoil in my life. I just want to do what I like to do, see what I want to see and go where I want to go. But first I know I have to get my children set in their path first. This life I'm living is lived once, I may get recycled but I won't remember it so just enjoy what you have and love those that deserve it and not to worry about the small stuff.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can think about someone and then look at my phone and they call me, I know immediately if someone near me is about to get hurt and I immediately avert it. When I don't, the accident happens and I always say, ‘Why didn't I trust my feelings?’ I have vivid conversations with my dad, who passed, have dreamed plane crashes that happened. The list continues.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The fact that I could make a choice: stay or go back. The hands and arms I saw reaching for me has been brain-wracking for me, are they trapped souls trying to come back with me? Are they evil? What were they?
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only a few people. I was afraid to tell people. Everyone I knew was religious and I was afraid they would make fun of me. Tell me I was dreaming. I know I wasn't. But when I finally told people they listened and we discussed an alien connection and life after death. We discussed we are recycled souls that get put into earthly bodies. Maybe some female souls get put into men's bodies and vice versa and always having that feeling they were in the wrong body.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read about a bright light and they saw God.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was afraid of it. Like a secret you can't share about yourself. I feared the hands and arms I saw? Was that hell? What did this all mean? I had to sort through my feelings and deal with this mentally so I could get on with my life. Did life mean anything? Are we guinea pigs put into different bodies to see how we do this time around?
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real If it was a dream I would of forgotten details by now...it is just as vivid I can still feel the emotions.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am calm about death, I just don't want to go before I am ready, until I have completed my tasks by making sure my children are set in their path in life. I am very careful now not to do anything too risky that could hasten my time: I may not have a choice next time. I may not have a reason to come back.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? None that I can think of right now.