I'd first like to highlight the fact that English is not my native language.
I don't know what happened. I was a healthy, 15 year old girl and had a quite typical teenage life. I have never had any major health troubles' although I had some emotionally traumatic events in my life. My twin sister died in the prenatal period, and then my father died when I was age 6. My family wasn't the best but I wasn't very unhappy. My beliefs were simple. I was a Christian going to Church every Sunday, and praying in school and that's it.
The day it happened must have been boring because I don't remember it at all. I only know that it was in the middle of the week because the next day I had to go to school. I went to bed as usual and had no dreams worth remembering. Suddenly I realized that I was not breathing. I was aware of that but my body didn't react. I felt burning in my lungs but it wasn't very painful. I didn't react at all, as if I was completely fine with what was about to happen. Suddenly I died. At least that's what I thought. The only thought I had was, 'oh, my mom will be sad finding my body in bed tomorrow morning.' I felt sorry for her but not for myself.
I felt my spirit quitting my body. It was a feeling, which I can't describe with any words. I knew my body was now below me but I didn't see it because I was facing the ceiling. I saw my room and the walls moving; or rather, it was I moving aloft, toward the sky.
Next thing I saw wasn't my room. It was a place, which again, I can't describe. It wasn't a place limited with any walls because it seemed to be infinite. It was very bright. I call it white but it's not the color we know. It's the brightest light you can imagine but it doesn't hurt your eyes; it's warm but not hot. I loved this place and it loved me. It was extremely pleasant to be there, as though nothing better can happen to you, pure happiness. This place, as I mentioned, was infinite but in front of me, I noticed a sort of tunnel, even brighter than the surroundings. Right in the middle there was a figure.
The Being I saw was incredible. There are no words that can describe even one aspect of him/her. I'll call it 'It' or the 'Being' because it had no gender. It was both woman and man at the same time. I don't know if that was God or not. At that moment, I didn't think of that. I couldn't specify any feature of It because It didn't have any features. It was even brighter than the place I was in, but again not glaring. The Being was the personalization of happiness, love, bliss, maternal feelings toward child; it was everything you want at the same time. I can't describe how good I felt there. Even now, when I think of that I have tears in my eyes, because it was incredible. I forgot about everything I had left and wanted to be there where the Being was. I knew it would be the end of all my fears, I would never be sad again, I would never cry, and I would never be worried. I knew this would be the end of everything.
I was quite far from the Being and I wanted to move and get closer but I couldn't. Then I heard the voice. The voice didn't belong to a woman or man and it didn't speak in any language. I didn't see the Being opening Its mouth (if it had any); I somehow heard it in my head. This voice was so soothing, calming, and sweet. It said only two words, 'Not now.' I asked why and ensured the Being that I wanted to stay. I really, really, really did want to stay! The disappointment I felt was enormous. I didn't care what would happen on earth; I wanted to be there with the Being. But it repeated with such a love, 'not now.' I felt myself moving away from this bright place. I felt a little cold on my skin and fell down back to my body. I literally had the feeling of falling down from a small distance.
The next thing I knew I was taking a deep and extremely painful breath. I knew I didn't breath for a long time and my mouth was dry and my chest felt like it was about to explode. Worse than that, was the feeling of being in my body and away from the pure love and light I just saw. It felt like I was too big for my body, like wearing shoes that are too small. I knew somewhere inside I have a soul which is bigger than my flesh and simply doesn't fit.
It was the middle of the night when I woke up. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down because my body was begging for more and more oxygen. When I became calm and started breathing regularly, I simply felt asleep again.
The very next morning I didn't know what to think. I never heard of the Near Death Experience and thought that clinical death happens only to those who survived plane crashes or big fires. I am not even sure if I ever believed in that at all. Since then, whenever someone asks me if I believe in God I always answer, 'I don't believe, I saw It.' I described this story to my closest friends. They never laughed at me but they never understood. How could they if they never saw that light?
Later on I found a few other stories similar to mine and that's how I became familiar with NDE. Was it an NDE or maybe just a very realistic dream? I don't know and what's killing me is that I won't be sure until I hear the voice say, 'It's now.' I can't wait!
Date NDE Occurred: 2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Other: I was completely fine
I was sleeping in my bed. I have never had difficulties with breathing but this night was different. In my dreams, I knew I had stopped breathing. I was aware of the events but still had my eyes closed. I felt my lungs burning.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No I was in room alone and it was middle of the night, there was no noise and no one around me.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I think I was most aware during the time I was leaving my body. However, for the entire time I was aware of the events taking place.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time didn't matter
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I am not sure what you mean by 'vision.' If you mean sight I think it was quite normal.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had no hearing troubles and I didn't hear any unusual noises, apart from hearing the voice of the Being in my head (which was extraordinary.)
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I had no relationship with the Being, yet it was everything at once and loved me. I felt like I knew it but it wasn't anyone I've met before.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw an amazingly bright but not glaring light which was pure positive emotions.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was an infinite, incredibly bright light.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt indescribable love, peace, calmness, warmth, brightness, motherly love, happiness, joy and more.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain I don't know what it was but it was definitely unreal.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I was Christian, not fanatic but going to church almost every Sunday.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Slightly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic After the experience I said to myself "I don't believe, I know". Now I know nothing, I don't understand what I saw and I'm looking for answers.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was just a child, I was told that God exist but I never really felt it. I heard about clinical death but never though if it's true or just a tale.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain There was someone but I can't say if that was Jesus, Buddha or Mr. Bean
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? I am uncertain if God exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Unknown
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? No changes in my life I know for some people it's a life changing experience. For me it didn't work well. I became sad because I felt that something so good was taken away from me. For a long time, I was going early to bed and praying for a repetition of the experience. Many years later I suffered from depression and had an emotional breakdown but it wasn't linked with the experience.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes How I can explain in words why the experience is difficult to explain in words? Simply, there are NO words to describe it.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience My visual memories are little blurred (it was quite some time ago) but I remember feelings and sensations very well.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Coming back to my body was especially meaningful because it was a very sad and disappointing moment.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I don't remember when the first time I shared but mostly people try to understand or are a little scared.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Right after I came back to my body I knew it was real. I tried to force myself to think differently but I don't believe my brain, or any brain, would be able to create it all in the form of a dream.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No