I did write a poem several months following the experience so I would not forget. It follows:
LIFE LEAVING THE BODY
ENTERING INTO A ROARING VACUUM
BRILLIANT COLORS WHIRLING
FEELINGS OF PEACE AND SERENITY
SADNESS AT LEAVING FAMILY MEMBERS
DARKNESS FOR A TIME
HEART SHOCKED BY A DOCTOR
LIFE BEGINS AGAIN
WHY DOES ONE LIVE WHILE ANOTHER DOES NOT
POSSIBLY TO LEARN
FOR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW WHO TURNED FIVE
SONS INTO FAMILY MEN
FOR BRIGHT HEALTHY AND HAPPY GRANDCHILDREN
FOR GRANDBABIES YET TO BE
FOR THE YEARLY SEVEN COUSINS REUNION
WHERE MEMORIES AND LOVE ARE SHARED
FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE
Date NDE Occurred: 06-30-95
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes 2 months after heart attack, went into atrial fibrillation. Clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? While seeing all the beautiful colors whirling around above me, I felt inside a vacuum - I do not feel I was in my body.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I remember bits and pieces of the two hours I was worked on at Harvard hospital. I was in and out of consciousness.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was in the vacuum, at the bottom looking up. I did not feel my body was there.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. He was roaring, I could faintly hear a nurse calling my name but I was not able to form words to answer her, then the roaring overrode her. I came to at one point and asked my doctor if I was dying. She stated no, I was not going to die. I was not aware of being shocked back the first time but felt the shock the second time. I actually felt my heart jump and felt my blood sloshing. It hurt and I told them to stop. I was transported to Rockford by helicopter.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The vacuum was in a tunnel.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I saw many beautiful colors but not one bright light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, serenity, awe, not afraid, realizing I was dying. Then I felt sadness at not seeing my children (my husband had died several months before) and I didn't want to leave them though they were adults.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I felt sadness at not seeing my children again; otherwise I would have wanted to go on with the colors.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am no longer afraid of death. I wonder about the purpose of the rest of my life. If I was saved for something special, I have not yet found it.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The worst part is not knowing why God saved me - I keep thinking he will show me why but so far I haven't figured it out. It has also made me more aware of all the things that can go wrong but everything had gone right for me. My cardiologist was also on call when I was taken by helicopter to Rockford.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes People were interested in hearing about my experience but life goes on. I did have a five year "celebration of life" this past thirtieth of June.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I guess I do feel special.