Listening to music in my living room. Children asleep in their beds. Distant pain in my chest. Pain grew steadily stronger. Unbearable. Suddenly 'knew' that I was about to die. Remember moaning 'Oh, no,' as I thought of my children. Then a sudden 'release' of all pain and any sense of having a body. A feeling of comfort and joy was immediate with the feeling of being 'welcomed' Home.
It was I, and yet, I was everyone else at the same time. I knew instantly where I was and understood that this reality (Home) was where I had come from and had now returned. There came sensations of boundless love and boundless understanding. I was everywhere and everything in the universe, yet I was somewhere in particular (everywhere IS somewhere). The present, the past, and the future (all sense of time as we understand time) was combined into something I call, 'the Eternal Now'. In that eternal instant, a wave of love seemed to wash through me. Then came the Light. I was in it, part of it, and I understood it completely.
The next sensation was of returning back into my body. I didn't want to leave Home. I would have stayed there if I could. Then I brushed a tear from my cheek and realized that I was in my living room - smiling.
Date NDE Occurred: 'September 28, 1978'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Other: 1st Heart Attack (first of 5)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Sense of expanded consciousness was immediate. Full expansion and understanding followed within an eternal instant.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time, as we understand time, does not exist at Home. All is in the Eternal Now.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It wasn't what I saw - but rather all that I became. I was part of every atom in the universe.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing is a sense associated with the physical. The experience was metaphysical.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I became as one with all souls - even with those souls inhabiting the physical world.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I entered and became as one with the Light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was EVERYWHERE
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Absolute and boundless JOY.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Still have not fully unwrapped the 'gift' that was given me to give.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Non practicing Episcopalian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Faith may be described as an absence, more so than a presence. An absence of doubt. All doubt was removed by the experience.
What is your religion now? Liberal Spiritual
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Faith may be described as an absence, more so than a presence. An absence of doubt. All doubt was removed by the experience.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes A couple of Highlights:
Man has been interfacing with this 'Home' for thousands of years. Some men have sought great spiritual power for their own ends. Some have sought to 'Harvest the holy field'. The problem was pointed out in Genesis with the Tree of Knowledge - the 'serpent' lurks there.
Some have visited the 'Garden' to partake of the Tree, only to return with a complete misunderstanding - a twisting - of the Truth. And sense their understanding is believed to have come directly from Allah, they have absolutely no doubt of its validity. Paul called this Man's 'thorn of the flesh'. Odd to think that the only man, who truly conveyed the Truth, was crowned with 'thorns' as he was crucified.
Some men have sought to interface with Home by the use of drugs and potions - thousands of them - I call this the 'Fool's Gate'. The results of such exploration have devastated our society more than once.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Everything is completely different.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes For many years it was difficult to express. While 'Home' (during the experience) I had freely understood the mysteries of the universe. Upon my return, my consciousness was no longer expanded boundlessly. It was as though a small desktop computer (me) had downloaded the entire contents of a super computer. I had a gnosis without really knowing what I knew. The entire download acted as a Rubik's Cube in my unconscious. Solving this puzzle became my life's work.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain My poor consciousness was fragged by the download. I had been 'tetched' (touched) by the spirit and the experience fractured reality. After several years of solving the Rubik's Cube puzzle in my consciousness, I began to see more clearly what had happened and who I was not.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes About ten years after the experience I began to share. Met with mixed and even hostile responses. I learned to keep it to myself.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Although I had no idea of what it was that I newly understood, I felt to have been given a gift of understanding. A gift that was given to me to give.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have passed through the 'storm of silent wind' and I am now at peace with it all.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No The Gate of Fools.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? There is much to learn about ourselves.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Make it shorter.