Robert N NDE

Experience Description 6712

In 2005 I had the typical symptoms of a heart attack but I didn't realize it at that time. I collapsed on the bathroom floor. My girlfriend and her father arrived within minutes, found me and called 911. She came into the room and told me that paramedics were on the way. I said to her ‘good I am tired. I am going to sleep now’, and then my transition to Heaven began. I was in a cloud-like tunnel, which was surrounded by what I first described as ‘shadowed tree branches’. Once I reached the other side, I realized the branches were the arms of my loved ones welcoming back home. The feelings were non-earthly. The warmth was perfect. Not too hot, not too cold - it was as though I was wrapped in a warm blanket. The love was so intense it simply can't be described in earthly words. The best I can describe it is if you remember the first time you saw your child, or that first time feeling of love, and then multiply by 10,000. That is the love of GOD. There was the peace and calmness, which was so engulfing and amazing. They were all there welcoming me home, all of those that have passed before me and some faces I feel I knew in another life. They were all as if they were in their 20s or early 30s. I felt content and safe, and felt that I was truly home in the care and love of GOD. The feeling ended immediately as I felt myself being pulled back out of the tunnel and into the arms of a paramedic, who put me on a gurney and into an ambulance. I remember being in the ambulance and I remember the call to the hospital. I do not recall arriving at the hospital or being rushed into the emergency room. I do remember being in a corner of the room looking down as the staff frantically worked on my body. I remember watching and then I felt the urge to re-enter the tunnel, and once again returned to the place I was pulled from. Suddenly I was back on Earth and I woke in a hospital room. I asked my girlfriend what had happened. She looked at me as if she had seen a ghost and rushed out of the room, only to return with numerous nurses and doctors. I was told I was in a coma for four days.

The second transition happened 1 year ago today as I write this. I entered the hospital with numbness and a T.I.A. (mini stroke). I began passing out in full syncope episodes for the next week. At 3 am on April 29 2012, I woke up and suddenly and violently vomited and passed out. I woke again and vomited blood and was rushed into a Critical Care Unit. The physician’s assistant from my cardiology team was there and realized that I was bleeding internally. The hemoglobin test came back at a rate of 4.9 (13.8 to 17 is normal for a male). Once he realized, it was too late. He called for the crash cart. I looked into my wife's eyes as the nurse was counting down my blood pressure and my heart rate. She was doing the countdown of my life. The PA was frantically working on me. I heard the nurse stating 10-9-8-7-6-5 etc. I was still looking into my wife's eyes as the machine went to flat line and everything went black. I had died again. My transition happened again but this time was different. The tunnel was brighter and warmer. The shadows were not there this time, and I arrived to the other side and was met by souls I did not know. They were there to ensure I was OK and comforted me more. I felt strange but I wasn't afraid. I knew I was safe. The feelings of warmth were more intense, and the peace, calmness and love was a greater than the last time. I felt I was in a great hall with nooks in the walls with what appeared to be other souls wrapped gently in blankets. I felt I arrived at a place for unexpected traumatic deaths and my soul was not due in Heaven, and that these souls were there to help ensure my transition was as peaceful as possible. There were no words exchanged and I felt safe but confused. Suddenly the pull back through the tunnel happened again and I recall struggling to remain where I was but I could not hold on. I was conscious again and on a gurney rushed into an emergency room prep room, where they inserted tubes to pump the blood from my stomach. They inserted a urinary catheter and a groin IV where they attached 4 pints of blood flowing into me at once. It was a terrible experience, but I was stabilized and rushed into emergency surgery. They closed the gaping hole in my esophagus. I spent 4 days in intensive care with a 103 fever. I finally pulled out of it on the 5th day. I wrote a book about these experiences and it will go to print in a few weeks.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: August 15 2005 and April 29 2012

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack both were clinical death Other both were clinical death In August 2005 I had a heart attack. In April 2012 I had a bleed out, and it took 11 pints of blood to keep me alive.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No Life on earth was gone. I had no memories of it or the people left behind. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Once I passed over the threshold of life on earth.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was blurred initially and then normal.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was more intense.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Extreme calmness, and peace. Intense love of GOD and warmth, perfect warmth.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists┬

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I am more understanding and yet more fearful. I am still working through the emotional aspects of the experience.

After the NDE:


How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I wrote a book called ‘Two Trips To Heaven’, which will be published in 4 weeks. I just completed the final read through. I have also spoken with friends and family about it, and have spoken at a few churches in Detroit.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real



Experience Description 7869

(Excerpts from my book, which is in revision)

I was living in Arizona in 2001 when I received a phone call from my cousin Tim that his Dad, my Godfather, had taken a turn for the worse. I immediately booked a flight to Chicago for the next day. In the Italian heritage, a Godfather is well respected as he takes the place of one's Father in the event of the Father's death. Uncle Sam was my second Father and meant the world to me. I arrived into Chicago’s Midway airport about 7:00 PM. My cousin Tim picked me up and took me straight to the hospital. My Aunt Theresa was there; my Mother was there as well as my Uncle’s other son Sam, his wife and their children. I went into the room to see Uncle Sam. He looked frail, and struggling to breathe. It was if you could feel death circling, just waiting for its turn. I went back into the waiting room, and I said my hello’s to all who were there. The waiting room was across from his room and the nurse’s station. In true Italian fashion, the waiting room was like an Italian restaurant. It was filled with food: Italian Beef, Italian Sausage, Rigatoni, Mostacholi, salad and bread. No matter how bad things are, Italian’s always have food available. It eases our pain. We also want to take care of the staff, not because we feel they will care for our loved one any better, but out of respect, since Italians have a habit of taking over a large area. We also respect the job the hospital staff does and we know it is difficult and often a thankless job. As the night wore on, we could see my Aunt and my Mother were getting tired from their all day vigil and my cousin’s children were getting anxious. About 11 PM, they all went home to get some rest and Tim and I decided to spend the night at the hospital. We were going to sleep in the waiting room. Tim and I talked for a while more, we ate a little more, we checked on Uncle Sam two or three more times. It was very quiet on the floor. The midnight shift was on duty, there were two nurses at the nursing station. The halls were deafly silent and there was no activity at all. Even the vampires were not trolling the halls. (That is: the phlebotomists who draw blood at all hours of the day and night.) We decided to try to get some sleep on the most uncomfortable vinyl sofa’s that were ever produced. I was having difficulty sleeping. I looked over at Tim and he was fast asleep, how? I do not know, even the dead couldn’t be comfortable on these sofas. It was going on 2 A.M. as I began drifting in and out of sleep. Suddenly I heard this powerful yet soothing voice. It was controlling yet loving, it was authoritative and at the same time, compassionate. The words were loud and clear. The voice said; ‘Sam, come home.’ I will never forget the sound of that voice and the way that voice made me feel. It startled me but I wasn’t afraid. It was strange to me but known to me at the same time. It was forceful but I felt the love in its tone. Never have I heard nor felt the command that voice proclaimed. It wasn’t as if in the movies when the voice echoes. It was just a voice, albeit powerful. I sat straight up and immediately looked about. I thought this was a horrible joke someone was playing. I stood and looked down the hallways. All the hallways were empty there was no activity. I looked at Tim and he was asleep. I looked for the nurses and both of them were still in their seats at the nurses’ station apparently on the computers. I thought to myself that I was dreaming but the voice was too powerful and strong. I sat there staring blankly at the wall. Had I just heard the voice of GOD? It was now about 4 A.M. I didn’t know if I should wake Tim or not. I decided to let him sleep. I went to check on my uncle and I sat there for a bit looking at him. I was never overly religious. I was a Catholic, I went to Catholic schools, I was an Altar Boy, and I have been down that road and frankly, it was a bit overwhelming. I did believe in GOD but that was just faith. I was in this highly confusing situation. I know the mind is a complicated computer but I did not think I needed to reboot my brain. I was young and in good health. I had all of my senses about me. I was driven and fairly successful. Life, overall, was treating me well. Then this happened. I was afraid to go back to sleep, I didn’t know what would happen. Every possible explanation ran through my mind and back again. As I evaluated each possibility I came to the same conclusion, there was no reasonable explanation for what just occurred. I knew at that moment that I did in fact hear what I thought and I knew he was preparing Uncle Sam for his trip home. It was truly the voice of GOD.

~~~~~~~~~~

I started work about eight am, and it was about eight PM when my shift ended. I wasn’t feeling well and I was in a bit of a foul mood. I called her and told her I was going back to the apartment and that I didn’t feel well. I thought I ate something bad at lunch but told her I would relax a bit, change and come over by her parent’s house. Her parents lived about three miles from where we lived. It was August 15, 2005 at 8:45 PM, when my life took a drastic and highly unexpected turn. I arrived home and changed into a T-Shirt and shorts. I had what I thought was the worst case of heartburn I have ever felt. I just couldn’t get rid of that feeling. I suddenly started to have shortness of breath. I called her and told her she needed to get home, I didn’t know what was wrong but something was not right. She said for me to call 911 but I didn’t feel that was necessary and boy, was I wrong. I kept tugging on the collar of my T-Shirt to try to breathe easier. It was getting worse and now I felt nausea coming on. It was all evolving so quickly. I put the cell phone on the coffee table, and I rushed into the bathroom and where I vomited, it was clear bile. I thought that was peculiar. Once again, clear bile came rushing out, over and over, nothing but clear bile. Then it hit full force, I got weak, felt pain on my left side and collapsed on the floor. I was unable to move, my cellular phone wasn’t close to me and I knew at that moment what was happening. I was having a heart attack. I was lying there on the bathroom floor staring at the toilet and hoping she took me seriously enough to be on her way to the home. I was in serious trouble, I didn’t have any control of my destiny and I was at the mercy of GOD’s will. I suppose that in every tragedy there always is a little comedy. As I lay there, I kept saying to myself that I wasn’t going to die looking at a toilet. I suppose we go into a survival mode at that time to find anything that can help us sustain ourselves, until help arrives or life ends. I could only imagine my Father dying in the same fashion. He went into the bathroom in 1977 and never came out alive. Did he say the same thing? This was a strange coincidence; my Father died in the bathroom and now will I? I am 47 and my Father had his first heart attack at 47; he was 58 when he passed. If I survive, do I win? Is there a prize? I thought looking at a toilet, of all things, is a strange way to die. I realize these are obscure things to be thinking about when you are having a heart attack, but the mind is a complicated computer. As I lay there with bile spilling out of my mouth I kept repeating to myself that I am not going to die looking at a toilet, I am not going to die looking at a toilet, I am not going to die looking at a toilet. Donna and her father Steve arrived, and Steve found me on the bathroom floor and she called 911. When she walked into the bathroom she told me the paramedics were on the way, I remember looking at her and saying ‘good you’re here, I am tired, and I am going to sleep now.’ There is a reason for everything as I mentioned earlier. Perhaps if I were in Florida instead of Michigan, I would not have made it. What I thought was sleep was something completely different. My transition was starting for my journey to the other-side; it was my time to go home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Transition to the Afterlife

When I passed over the first time and began my journey to Heaven, I remember entering a cloud-like tunnel. The tunnel wasn’t going straight up; it was more like going into a parallel universe. I was slowly moving through the tunnel and it was bright but it appeared that there were shadows such as that of tree branches surrounding the tunnel. The feelings I experienced were not exactly earthly and they were much more intense. I was moving through the portal to the other side, to Heaven and home to GOD. The transition did not feel odd in anyway. I must admit there was some apprehension because of the unknown but that slowly passed, too. An intensity of different feeling began to rush over me all at once. The first feeling was a feeling of intense peace. It was so calm and serene with an incredible amount of tranquility. Never on earth had I had anything at all feel so incredible with calmness and peace. The intensity of these feelings was so intense that you realize that they are not from life on earth in any form. All of my earthly worries, thoughts, fears, opinions, were gone. It was as if my entire 47 plus years on earth did not exist. The intensity of the tranquility was so incredible and overwhelming that you were willing to give your soul to GOD and accept the transition to Heaven without questioning a single thing. This is what the love of GOD can portray; complete and total release of your soul and you will put your soul into the hands of GOD without question. There was no fear in what I was experiencing and no fear on where I was going and what to expect when I arrived there. I knew it would all be just fine when I arrived at my final destination. The feelings I was having were not happening in any chronological order but happening in sync, but it wasn’t overwhelming. Then there was warmth. It was, as if, I was wrapped in a blanket that came out of an oven. It wasn’t too hot or too cold, it was simply perfect. It was so incredible and comforting that any anxiety that may have been remaining in your soul was being expelled out of you; and it was as if you were being held in the loving arms of an Angel with their wings wrapped around you to keep you warm and to insure you are secure. The love of GOD is far reaching and his love is warmth and that is what you feel. You are the child of GOD coming home and home should be a warm and welcoming place, which Heaven is. There was the desire to be there, home, not at my earthly house but home in Heaven. It was overwhelming. The desire to be home with all of my loved ones and with GOD was like a massive force pulling you toward it and you can’t get away even if you wanted to, which I guarantee you did not. You wanted to go and be in the glory of GOD and to be with all those that have passed before you. There was a level of excitement to see those that you have loved so many years beforehand; and to have the chance to see them once again was an excitement that was greater than any excitement felt on earth. You knew that when you arrived home that your life in Heaven would be supreme. You can travel to all areas of heaven with just a desire to be there. You can enjoy the climates to which you are attracted. You can visit whom you like and you can see the greatness of the musicians and artist that passed before you and who are now in Heaven. Imagine being able to learn the nuances of Pablo Picasso’s painting style, or perhaps Van Gogh’s unique style being done in front of you. If painting isn’t your thing can you imagine being able to sit and listen to Stevie Ray Vaughn and B.B. King play guitar together. Perhaps you rather listen to an Italian operatic tenor, Luciano Pavarotti. Could you ever imagine you would be able to sit with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin and listen to them just break into song? In Heaven, it is all possible and that is the love of Heaven and what the grace of GOD provides. Then there was the love. This is a very difficult feeling to describe. Try to remember the first time you saw your child or met your significant other. You know what I am talking about, that feeling of first time love that is so positive and so powerful. Now take that feeling and multiply it thousands of times over. It is a love that you can never imagine being possible on Earth. This is difficult to explain, but I suppose the best way to explain it would be that GOD took your soul and held you close to his bosom and gently brushed his hand over you and said in a soft, soothing, yet powerful voice, ‘you are safe, I have you and you are home with me. Welcome home, my child.’ I was on the way home to where I belong and from where I came. My soul was now free from this earthly bond and traveling back from this journey of knowledge here on earth. The intensity of the feelings was overflowing. It is hard to describe the magnitude of it all, but your faith and your belief in GOD just takes over your soul. You are happy to let it happen, you are in GOD’s care. I came to realize that this was the power of GOD that I was feeling; and the love, warmth, peace and tranquility was caused by the shadows that were surrounding the tunnel. What I thought were tree branches, were not tree branches at all. They were the ones that I loved that have passed on before me. They were surrounding the tunnel, holding me, guiding me, and welcoming me back home. These souls played an important part in my journey on earth and helped to mold me and make my journey to earth and the lessons I was sent to accomplish more possible.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then in one moment, it all stopped and I felt as if someone had grabbed me and was pulling me backwards out of the tunnel. I felt as if I was fighting to stop myself from being pulled out and I wanted to continue forward but that wasn’t meant to be. It didn’t matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t continue on, now fear set in. There was mass confusion; I couldn’t stop what was happening to my soul. I wanted to go back to the warmth but all the feelings I had were leaving me. They were being drained from me. It all disappeared and it was painful to be pulled back to earth. The Royal Oak Fire Department Paramedics arrived on scene and resuscitated me. I remember lying there with pain in my chest. Then I recall being in the arms of a fireman and being rushed to the ambulance. I was lying on the gurney in the back of the ambulance staring at the light on the ceiling. I felt the IVs going into my veins and I hear the call to the hospital. ‘Forty year old male, myocardial infarction, with resuscitation, ETA (estimated time of arrival) 3 minutes.’ I don’t remember much from that point. I don’t remember arriving at the hospital or being wheeled into the hospital emergency room. I do not remember the staff working on me. What I do recall is being in the upper corner of the emergency room suite looking down upon my body as approximately twenty people were diligently working to save my life. I don’t remember seeing the faces of the emergency room personnel; I just saw their scrubs and white coats. I recall looking down for a while as they frantically worked to revive me. Suddenly, I just knew it was time to go and I turned away. I immediately returned to the tunnel with its warmth and glory and peace and calmness. GOD was calling me home. The light was getting brighter the closer I got to Heaven. All the intense feelings were returning and I was once again bathed in warmth, love, calmness, tranquility and peace. I remember reaching the end of the tunnel and immediately being embraced with a tremendous feeling of security and safety. My vision was blurred from the light, there was some confusion but there wasn’t anything to worry about, there were no fears. The smells were the first of the senses to kick in; I was surrounded by fragrantly sweet scents. It was like the scents of all varieties of all the flowers, all in one place. The intensity of the scents was amazing and it was calming. A gentle warm breeze was flowing over me it was shear perfection. I was still warm and tranquil as I transitioned home. As my vision began to clear, I saw numerous faces all happy and smiling. It felt as if I was being held by so many different souls. Each of which were welcoming me back home. It was difficult to recognize who they were; they were all young as if in their twenties’ or early thirties’. But, their faces started to become familiar once again. I began to recognize them, I knew who they were, and the level of happiness that was felt can’t be explained in earthly terms. There is no possible way to explain this and how it felt. I saw my aunts and uncles that passed on before me. I saw my grandparents and others I knew that went before I did. I knew I was safe and I was meant to be there. Then I saw my Father and we made the connection that so many years on earth have taken away. It was as if it was yesterday and not over 38 earthly years since his death. My Grandparents were there and Grandma Lucia had that same smile of love and harmony that she always had. Grandpa Pete was younger and more resilient. They all were younger than my memories held. They all appeared to be in their late 20’s or 30’s. Does it have something to do about that age as being in the ‘prime’ of our lives? As I looked around to familiar myself with Heaven, off in the near distance I saw incredible towers and buildings all glistening with inviting and incredible colors. The skies were brilliant with various colors from blues to purples. The grass fields were vast and the trees were magnificent. It is GOD's creation and it is all in perfect harmony. All the areas of earth seem to be in Heaven but it isn’t like, earth it is better and it is as perfect as GOD originally created it. There was so much to explore and to see and so many other souls to meet and talk to. I wanted to familiarize myself with Heaven (home) once again, move freely from place to place, explore its great halls, and draw in its knowledge. I felt content where I was and in no hurry to explore. I was with those that had meant the most to me on earth and I wanted to stay in their presence for as long as I needed. We were all one in GOD's design and our souls were there to reconnect.

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The buildings are places of learning and reflection. Each one had its own meaning and they all were great and inviting. In Heaven, we try to expand ourselves to learn and grow our souls. One building is for all of the written records of humankind. From the great scrolls, to every recorded item ever written that may have been destroyed or lost forever. The vast knowledge that it contains is magnificent and one can learn and grow from its vastness. Another is a hall of reconciliation when we face our mission on earth and all the things we have done and must answer for what we’ve done. It is a formidable building but without fear. Another is for souls that were lost and came back unexpectedly. This is a solemn place and a place that you do not visit. This is a hall of healing and it needs to maintain a quiet and soothing atmosphere. The populous of Heaven is our souls, all of us that have come to earth to learn and find our objectives. We incarnate at our own will to learn another lesson on earth. We can go when we want and we will be advised and spoken to about our objective and its difficulties. We will speak with our guides and our guardian angels and determine if the objective is too stressful at this point in our spiritual evolution or if the time is right that we may succeed and advance our spiritual soul. The discussion is based on GOD’s love for us, each of us to gain and advance our spirituality. In Heaven, there are the Angels. Angels are a separate entity and they are not like us. Angels have risen to a level of Godliness that we can only dream of obtaining. They are special in Heaven, they are our protectors, our guides, and our teachers but they are separate from the regular souls. Angels have been formed by GOD as separate beings to care for his flock. They are given different functions and objectives. The levels of Angels do vary, such as an Arch Angel or a Cherub. But they are always there to help GODs souls either by order of GOD or they take the initiative themselves and intervene if it is needed. We often ask for GODs help while on earth. At times GOD may answer and send an Angel to help us if GOD deems that is the correct thing to do. Other times he leaves us to find our own path through our problems and issues. It is not that GOD does not love us or care what we are going through. He has his direction for each of us and he often leaves us to our own free will to falter or to learn. Perhaps the struggle we are facing is the pinnacle to accomplish the lesson we set for ourselves before we came to earth. We do not remember on earth the reason we chose to come back. That is the magic of Heaven and the advancement of our souls. Never doubt GOD's love for you. I can truly say that when it is your time to go home you will know with unprecedented resolve that GOD is truly amazing and his love for us is immense.

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There is no need to hurry in Heaven. There is no understanding of earthly time in Heaven. You are just there in an infinite zone to move as you please when you please. I was just glad to be home and surrounded by my loved ones. It felt so right and so normal. I had so many questions and wanted to be reacquainted but that wasn’t necessary. They knew what and who I was on earth. They knew what I did and they all were at peace and told me that in due time we will meet and talk more in depth. There was a slight bit of confusion and I believe that was caused by the transition. Your soul was leaving your earthly surroundings and now you were in Heaven, in the glory of GOD. Those two worlds are never meant to be combined. It felt as if my soul needed to go through a process of orientation back into Heaven. That was the next step to answer for our actions on earth, to review our objective and to see how we completed it or how we did not complete our objective and need to learn from our trip to earth. It was a time to look at your journey on earth and to view all that you have done and to see if you completed the task you were sent to do. You are then taken to a great hall where a video (which is the only way to explain it) is shown and you must answer for your actions. It is a solemn event as you see the mistakes and the damage you caused others on earth. Your soul goes into a state sorrow and remorse for your actions. We are sent to earth to learn and overcome and to bring us closer to GOD. The simplest tasks are so very difficult. Learning kindness, love, humility, patience, giving and other basic tasks so often fall short on earth. It is the danger of free will that hurts our mission of knowledge on earth. When you arrive back in Heaven, you must repent for your actions on earth and we all fail on earth. It is how we react to the free will, and the choices we make, that help direct our path to accomplishing the goal we were sent back to earth to accomplish. When this was complete, I was free to transition to anywhere in Heaven and spend the time with those that meant so much to me on earth. My Father was the first one, the first soul I had to see and sit with and learn. He left me when I was 19 and although I always knew he was there, I didn’t have his earthly contact that all young men need from their fathers. Since there is no time or concept of time, I do not know how long we spent together. We relived our time on earth and talked about our actions there. I had many questions, which he tried to explain and give me the best heavenly answers to about things that occurred on earth. I had a quest to understand certain things. My time with my Father was fulfilling and I know I miss him even more since I am back on earth yet I know we will meet once again when it is my final time and GOD will accept me back into Heaven. In Heaven, the reality is simple, if another hurt your soul on earth, you do not automatically forget that pain and it simply goes away in heaven and we all sing ‘kum ba yah’ together. Some souls do not mesh in heaven as they do not mesh here on earth. There is no anger in heaven, there is no hate, there is no violence, but that does not mean there are no misunderstandings. Does that mean that that particular soul does not want to see you or talk to you? No, not at all, you can have the opportunity to sit with that soul and other higher level Angels to find a solution to the challenges you two may have. You can discuss and ask questions about why they may have done certain things that affected you in a dramatic way. Perhaps there is an explanation we did not see on earth that would make sense now that we are in heaven again. This may sound strange but you must remember we are not perfect and we must grow our souls to become close to GOD and to achieve a high status in Heaven. We have lifetimes upon lifetimes to learn and to grow. Unfortunately, there are times when we are not able to secure this meeting since the other soul has chosen to return to earth to relearn or learn a new task. There is no specific time in Heaven, there will be the opportunity to meet that soul again, and patience is a virtue in Heaven as well as on earth. I once again felt the pull back out of Heaven. I felt that I was fighting hard not to leave this glorious place in which I was. I fought but to no avail, I was returning to earth but I wanted to know why I had to leave and why I couldn’t stay, but I received no answers. The next thing that happened was even stranger. I suddenly sat up. My girlfriend was in a chair next to the bed; her head was resting on the mattress. I woke her and asked what was happening and where we were, and what time it was. She looked at me as if she saw a ghost and ran out of the room. She returned with a nurse, and a doctor arrived shortly thereafter and they began to check me over. It all seemed like a blur. So many people were converging on me at once. After things calmed down in my room, I asked about what all the commotion was. I found out that I was in a coma for four days!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Saturday, April 21, and I had to go into the office for about four hours. I was sitting at my desk and all of a sudden, I got quite dizzy. I thought it was lack of food, so I completed what I had to do, I stopped and grabbed a burger, and I felt better. I then went to Nauti Time to work on her that she needed prior to launching. After I was done, I was driving home on the highway when what I thought was a T.I.A. (Transient Ischemic Attack) hit. I went numb on the left side of my body. My left leg and arm went weak and I called my wife and had her stay on the phone with me until I got home. Once I returned home, I tried to eat, I took a shower but I wasn’t feeling any better and we made the decision that we should go to the hospital. What I thought would be a day or two of tests, as it always had been, turned into a 17-day odyssey that would once again alter my life forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was admitted into the hospital on April 21, 2012 with symptoms of a Transient Ischemic Attack. On Sunday, the 22nd, right after dinner I went to the restroom and I passed out in the restroom of my hospital room for an unknown reason and badly bruised the right side of my face. My wife thought a piece of hospital equipment fell until she realized it was my head that she heard hitting the floor. My right eye swelled shut and I had a wound on my forehead that resembled the pattern of the floor tile. Once they stabilized me and stopped the bleeding from my forehead, they rushed me in for blood tests, Cat Scans, MRI’s. The lab reports showed hemoglobin of 13.8, the CAT scan and MRI’s were normal. The next morning I woke and was assisted to the restroom and placed in a chair so I could brush my teeth and wash my face while the nurse assisted my roommate. When she returned I was passed out with my head in the sink. Over the next few days the syncope episodes continued. My Cardiologist, my Physician Assistant and General Practitioner were perplexed on this sudden turn of new events. My Cardiology team called in another Cardiology team to confer on these symptoms. On Wednesday, April 25th, they performed what is called a T.E.E procedure [Trans Esophageal Echocardiogram] to view the backside of my heart. This procedure was done under anesthesia and no labs were pulled for this procedure. On April 26, the electro-cardiologist, with my Cardiology Team, scheduled a surgery to implant a heart-recording device into my chest right above my heart that recorded my heart’s activities and lock in abnormal rhythms within certain ranges specified by cardiology. The surgery was to take place at approximately 12:30 PM on Friday April 27. At 8:45 AM on the morning of the 27th, the lab report stated my hemoglobin had dropped to 10.7. This was the first hemoglobin check since April 22nd. The 3.1 drop in Hemoglobin in four days, which is clearly marked ‘LOW’ on the lab report in bold, was overlooked, and not considered an issue per hospital guidelines. The surgery to implant the loop recorder proceeded. There was no hemoglobin check post-surgery and none on the 28th of April (Saturday) the following day. I asked my general practitioner to release me on Saturday so I can recuperate at home. He was not comfortable with releasing me and said if all were good on Sunday, then he would send me home. I apologize in advance for some of the graphic detail, but to be fully conscience for this is truly an experience that does not occur often and although it was a horrible experience to live through and face first hand, it was unique all unto itself. I anticipated I would return home and recover from the heart recorder surgery on Sunday but those best laid plans were put to rest at approximately 3:00 AM on Sunday morning. I woke and reached just a few inches for the urinal on the table next to the bed and I suddenly vomited violently then became light headed. It was dark in the room and the bile was just as black. I rang the nurse button and they arrived as I violently vomited again and passed out once again. Once I blacked out, they called the rapid response team. They brought me back from the darkness, and found my heart rate in the thirties. They stabilized me and decided to move me to a cardiac care room about 5:00 AM. I was vomiting blood and I needed immediate attention. We were able to get Lisa (my wife) to the hospital at about 6:30 AM or 6:45 AM. Life as I knew it went down from there. My blood pressure was volatile and dropping. Per the lab reports, my hemoglobin was at a level of 4.9 at 4:00 AM before they moved me to critical care. They used an IV that I had in my right arm and replaced a fluid bag with a pint of B+ blood. This wasn't enough. The Physician’s Assistant who was on duty and who works for my cardiology team was working on me, and he finally realized I was bleeding out internally and then everything went into high gear. My heart rate and blood pressure was falling. He ordered the two nurses at my bedside to get additional IVs started because they needed to get more blood into me stat. My veins were all collapsing there wasn't a vein that could be used due to the lack of fluid and blood in my body. The Physician's Assistant refused to give up. At that moment, my wife walked into the room to see how I was doing, she said I was shaking and I was grey in color. We heard someone yell for the crash cart. My mind was racing at this point because this is the first time I realized I was in serious trouble. I recall telling the Physician’s Assistant, ‘I am done, I am going’ and he responded ‘You aren't going anywhere today’. It was approximately 7:30 AM. When I saw the tunnel that I had been in before, open behind him, I knew then, I was close. The room was frantic with action. The Physician’s Assistant had my right hand and was frantically sticking a needle into the top of my hand trying desperately to find a vein so he could add another pint of blood to my body. I could not be medicated to relieve the pain or the stress because my vitals were too weak. I was helpless and at the mercy of GOD and the skills of the Physician’s Assistant.

My wife was standing there staring in shock as to what was happening in front of her. I looked at Lisa and I remember the fear in her eyes and can only imagine the terror she felt. We hear the nurse stating my heart rate and my blood pressure readings and they were dropping quickly. The nurse then started the countdown of my life. ‘Heart rate falling, 12-11-10-9-8…BP 30 over zero…5-4, we are losing him’. Another nurse stepped in and grabbed my wife by the arm and started pulling her out of the room. Our eyes met for what I thought was the very last time as we heard my heart monitor begin the sound of ‘flat line’. All went black, I took my last breath. I had died.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Transition to a Different Place

Once I passed on, my transition to the other-side started again. The amazing thing about this space between life and death and the transition to the other side is there is no aspect of time as I mentioned earlier. Time is an earthly action. We wake when the sun comes up and we know it is getting late when the sun goes down. We fight time to get to work on schedule and to get home in the evening. We cherish time, it tells us when our children’s birthdays are and when it is the holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter. Time tells us when our favorite television show is on or when our home team is playing. Time tells us how long we have been married or how long we have been divorced. Time tells us that twelve million years ago dinosaurs’ roamed the earth. But, when you cross that threshold from the living to the deceased, time becomes non-existent and irrelevant. Back on earth, the hospital staff still may be working diligently to resuscitate you. But even the diligent hospital staff, after a set amount of ‘time’, will forego their efforts and let you stay in the realm of the deceased. Since I passed through this threshold before, I knew what I should have expected. I didn’t expect this transition would be different but I must admit that I did not expect where my final destination would be. I had two totally different experiences. The same thing happened. I was alive and then I wasn’t. I ended up in Heaven but in different places with different greetings. At the time of my death, I was married to a wonderful woman; I had great friends and my life was on a great path. About 6 months earlier, my cousin Tim and I were able to bring our extended family together for the first family reunion in over twenty years. Through e-mails, Facebook, contact with cousins gathering email addresses and phone numbers we were able to put together a family reunion that went from a small golf outing to a reunion that covered four generations. We ended up with over eighty-five people with some coming from Nebraska, Michigan, Tennessee, California, Arizona and Indiana. It was an incredible event. Standing there speaking that evening with Tim standing next to me, well, we were both overwhelmed that, in a very short amount of time we were able to make this event happen. We brought our family back together and everyone made the effort to be there and make it happen. That was a very powerful evening. Life in general was coming full circle to the time when our large Italian family would get together. When it happened this time, I was fighting more to stay here on earth. I remember my apprehension to enter the tunnel. Although I was fighting, my soul knew that the right thing to do was enter the tunnel. The tunnel was different this time; the shadows surrounding the tunnel weren’t there. It was also brighter this time and I seemed to be moving faster to the next realm. It was warmer, seemed even more comforting, and definitely had a more calming effect. I once again returned to the other side and the peace and calmness was overwhelming. The feel of GOD's love took over, my earthly memories were once again a thing of the past, and I was happy to be home in Heaven. I had the same warmth and the same scents were there. But I wasn’t in the same place and this journey was different. This time I found myself in a large hall with angels around me and they seemed to be attempting to ease my pain and trying to make me feel warm, welcome and comfortable. But it was all without words. I remember the love and compassion in their eyes and the concern they had for my soul. The hall was a large room with what looked like nooks in the walls. I wasn’t sure for what they were used. The lighting was dim and calming. It was quiet and peaceful without any quick movements or actions. The nooks had what appeared to be other souls wrapped in blankets. I wasn’t sure where I was and why I was there but I wasn’t concerned because it still felt safe. It felt as if I was there to be debriefed and helped through the transition back home, but no one was saying a word. It was if they were just there to insure I was OK and to ensure my transition would go smoothly. I knew that it would all be OK, I just didn’t know when or how. I didn’t know what to feel this time since the transition was so different from the last times. In 2005 when I had the cardiac arrest, my body collapsed and when death came, it came quickly. When I transitioned in 2005, I was welcomed by family and loved ones and I think that was the time I was supposed to go home. But the skills of the emergency team found a way save me and bring me back to this world. If that was the case then why did GOD give the medical staff the power to save me? The questions are very deep and are still unanswered. There is no possible way I can explain this and I can only guess and give an opinion on what happened to me this time. This time death came much slower. Death didn’t come in minutes it came over hours. This death came with much more pain and suffering during this process of death than the last one. Is it possible my soul wasn’t ready to leave earth this time? As I struggled to remain here, did my death become more distressful to my soul? Maybe this is what happens when people die unexpectedly in a traumatic situation or are murdered or killed in an accident. Their soul wasn’t ready or wasn’t called back at that time and the soul was in shock. The transition to the other side become traumatic to the soul and the soul needed to be comforted and calmed before the full transition can be continued. I believe this group of Angels, who were there to console and care for my soul, were there to insure the transition is as painless as possible. Maybe the other souls I saw in the nooks were in some sort of hibernation state that they were placed in to ease a traumatic transition. Maybe those souls need to heal from its trauma and will eventually be blessed with GOD's mercy and glory. I did not see the outer wonders of heaven on this trip. I did not see the magical colors and the great halls of Heaven; I didn’t see my Father or my Grandparents. I didn’t feel the warm breeze on my face. This was not a cold, dark, dank place. On the contrary, it was warm and inviting with neutral peaceful and soothing colors. It was very comforting and caring. I can only speculate why it was this way and, perhaps, when I do make my final journey home I will understand it more. I had more to lose than the first time and therefore I fought harder to remain on earth. I don’t know if this is the proper way to decipher this, but it is all I can think of for some sort of explanation. Is there a proper way to make the journey to the afterlife? No one can answer that question with any certainty. Those of us that have made that journey and are still here to speak of it, or willing to speak of it, are the only ones to know how their individual transition occurred. Each transition is an individual experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then once again, I felt the all too sad rush backwards as I was being returned to earth yet again. There was no warning that it was going to happen, no knowledge of why I had to return, not a word was said and I was just being sent back. Once again, the medical team at the hospital found a way to resuscitate me. I reached out to hold onto one of the Angels so I could stay in Heaven but it was impossible to do. I don’t know how long it took to bring me back, but the next thing I remember I was on a gurney in the hallway outside the hospital room. I remember being wheeled past my wife and some of our friends and the Hospital Chaplin who was there to give me the last rites. The fear in their eyes and their reactions affirmed the critical condition in which I was. They tried to talk to me and touch me but the staff moved them away. The nurses told them that we had to move and move fast as they took off in a trot down the hallway. They rushed me to another floor and into an intensive care unit to prep me for emergency surgery. This was not an easy situation to be conscious for while it was occurring. I had severe pain in my stomach and I begged for medication but they wouldn’t give me anything for the pain nor put me to sleep while they prepped me. My vital signs were still all over the board and medications could have certainly caused my death.

This is going to be quite graphic

I was conscience for this event and I must say that I do not wish this on any one. This was so intense and so painful and I had no option but to survive through it. My savior in the surgical ICU prep room was a nurse by the name of Mary. She told me what they were going to do. They had to put a tube down my nose into my stomach to pump out the blood. I told her I did not want this and she told me point blank, ‘If we don’t do this you will die’. She told me I had to swallow in order to get the tube down into the stomach since I was conscious. Mary told me to look into her eyes and that she wasn't going to lose me today. I had my doubts, I already went once, now the pain is worse, and I am hanging on to life by a thread. While they were trying to push a tube into my nose and down into my stomach another nurse was putting in a urinary catheter. As she was doing that, a third nurse was putting in an I.V. into the artery in my groin. The I.V. had numerous leads in order to pump in large quantities of blood at one time. All I could see was the tube running past my right eye as the blood was being pulled from my stomach. Mary kept telling me not to look at the tube, but to look into her eyes and she assured me once again that she had me. I looked away from her and saw four pints of blood on the IV holder flowing into the leads that were flowing into the artery in my groin. They removed the blood pack from the IV in my arm and replaced that with a bag of antibiotic fluid. I had no idea if all those in the waiting room had any idea of what was happening and I am so glad, at that moment that they did not. This was a horrible experience for which to be conscious. It was very hard to keep that tube down and since I was awake, my body was automatically fighting that which was unnatural. I kept gagging on the tube and fighting the pain and the discomfort. The gagging was causing me to throw up, but all that was left was blood and lots of it. As the bags of blood are being pushed into my system through the IV, the tube in my nose is pumping out the blood that is flowing into my stomach and the blood was spewing out of my mouth all over Mary and me. But she never faltered, she never looked away from me, she never let go of my hand. She never stopped telling me that she had me and I wasn’t going anywhere today. They were able to pump out the blood that was causing the intense pain enough to where I could calm down a bit and that helped me to stop vomiting. All through this, Mary never left my side; she truly was an angel of mercy. The blood was still being pumped in and coming out the tube because of the tear in my esophagus. They got me stable enough to give me a shot of medication to relax me in order to move me into surgery. I asked Mary to tell my wife Lisa something for me and she said you tell her yourself. I said no, she can't see me this way, she said 'we will clean you up' and I will get her. They cleaned me up, cleaned the area and the bed up and Mary (I am sure she changed her scrubs) was prepping my wife and the others in the waiting room about my condition and what my wife will see. I was attached to machines, numerous tubes, IVs were attached to me, and my color was still grey because death was pulling me one way and the hospital staff was pulling me the other way, trying to save me. Then Mary walked Lisa into the room. My heart hurt for what she had to see and endure and I was amazed at how strong she was. I am blessed in more ways than one to have her in my life. Once Lisa left the room, they moved me to surgery to repair the damage to my esophagus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I lost all of my blood, my heart rate was not stable and it took two clamps to stop the bleeding in my esophagus. It took 12 pints of blood to keep me alive and to get my hemoglobin back to a minimum level of 8.9 to allow my body to start to produce its own hemoglobin. I was moved to a room on the fourth floor intensive care unit after surgery. I was in critical condition; and they still were not sure I would make it through the night. I had a fever of 103. I overheard the nurses tell my wife that if I could break this fever I would have a good chance of surviving. As I lay there going in and out of consciousness, some of our other close friends came in to, possibly, say their last goodbyes. Lisa and the others had called them and told them to get to the hospital and that it may be the last time they would see me alive. The following morning my fever broke and it looked like I was going to pull through. Over the next couple of days, many of my friends came to ICU to visit. This was still a critical time and you know the value of friendship in a time like this. You learn to appreciate these people and hold them close in your heart. Love is the best prescription for healing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was August 2014 when I woke in the morning and realized I was bleeding internally again. I called my gastroenterologist and I was told to go to the emergency room. They started an IV collage of a variety of drugs to control and stop the bleeding. Thankfully, it worked and I was out of danger. He performed another EDG (my 11th overall) and found the main ulcer had doubled in size and gotten deeper and it had three new friends. We discussed the options available to control this situation since it was painful and getting dangerous with bleeding ulcers. At this point in time, we were out of options. We had tried all the drugs available, we have tried natural alternatives, we tried controlled diets and nothing improved my situation. He advised me to seek the opinion of a surgeon. I scheduled an appointment and I went in for surgical advice. This was the second time I met with this surgeon. He was well recommended and very experienced. We discussed the recent findings and we concluded that we had no alternative and surgery was the final option. I was in chronic stomach pain and discomfort and it had to come to an end. My quality of life was declining and my spirits were also falling. He told me he would make an approximate 12-inch incision across my abdomen, and then cut my stomach muscle to enter my internal organ area. He would only remove the part of the stomach that contained the ulcers and then he would dissect the Vagus nerve and cut the ones that produced the excessive stomach acid. After which he would need to redirect the flow of my stomach since it would not be operating normally any longer. This was not the path I wanted to take, but there was nothing else we could do after 2 years of alternatives and failures. I did not want to risk another major bleed-out that occurred in 2012 so we scheduled the procedure for October 29, 2014. The procedure was a few weeks out and my nerves were getting worse. I counted the number of times in my life that I had been put under anesthesia; this one would be number 20. I was not a new comer to surgery and I did not fear it, but for some reason this one was bothering me deeply. It bothered me so much I actually wrote my will. I put my living will together and my medical power of attorney in case this time was the final one. I brought the living will and power of attorney to my in-laws and had them witness my signature. I had my final wishes already laid out and I placed all of it into a nice large manila envelope for my wife. Of course, she was in denial, she thought I was being insecure and that I was over reacting. She was at the surgeon with me and heard what I heard. This is an easy procedure. It will take about four hours but it is safe and we will be in good hands. If I waited, and I started to bleed again and if I was lucky enough to make it to the hospital, I don’t know who would be doing the surgery. At least I know this surgeon would be doing the surgery and he is the best. So, we went forward with the procedure. In the days leading up to the surgery, I kept telling my wife I didn’t feel good about this one. My cousins would call and I told them the same thing. I remember talking to my cousin Charlie and telling him that I didn’t feel good about this one. I had a bad feeling inside and I couldn’t explain it. Was my guardian angel talking to me? I don’t know, but the message was loud and clear. Do not go through with the surgery! The day of the surgery came and we were told to be at the hospital at 6:00 am for an 8:00 am start time. I didn’t sleep much, I was on edge, and I awoke at 5 am to prepare for the ride to the hospital. (It was the same hospital as the issues previously written about in this book.) I gave my wife some of my personal belongings and I began to tell her where all my important things were in the house. She stopped me; she wouldn’t listen and thought I was acting silly. We got in the car for the 20-minute drive to the hospital. I handed her the envelope with the will, and medical power of attorney and explained what they were and what to show the medical staff if something went wrong. I sealed my will in a separate envelope that was to be opened only upon my death. In the envelope was a letter that told her where everything was and who to contact if I died. As we drove, she was upbeat, and did her best to keep me level until she saw the tears flowing down my cheeks. I told her I was scared and I wasn’t sure this was the right thing to do. This was a life altering decision that would affect me for the rest of my life. My eating habits would be changed forever, and I wasn’t ready for the pain I was expecting. She kept me going until we got to the hospital and we registered at the surgical unit. At this hospital when you register, your next of kin gets a buzzer like the ones you get in a restaurant while you are waiting for a table. The desk personnel told us the procedure would take about four hours, when the surgery was about to be completed the buzzer would light up, and my wife would know the surgeon would be out to speak with her. We had a seat and waited for them to call me when it was time to be prepped for surgery. After I was prepped, the surgeon came in, I told him of my fears and that I wasn’t feeling good about this surgery. He assured my wife and me that it would be fine, it was a standard operation and he began to tell me about what to expect when it was completed. This did not comfort me but I got myself together, I faced what I had to do and I was ready to go. I could only say a small prayer for GOD to watch over me and guide my surgeon’s hand. It was time and I actually made a sign and held it up for a photo before I was taken into the operating room. It said:

I have reached a new personal Best!

XX

(20) Surgical Procedures

This One is a Bad One Though

What is Scarier Than That?

Today is October 29th…

It is what would have been my

Mother’s 95th Birthday!

I had my wife post it on my Facebook page and then the surgical staff came and brought me into the operating room. I think I counted backwards and got to ‘8’ and before I knew it, I was in the ozone and the procedure had begun. From this point on, I can only tell you what I was told by my wife and later on by the surgeon(s). It was going on 8:40 am when my wife’s buzzer went off. She went to the registration desk to tell them they made a mistake and rang the wrong buzzer. They confirmed my name, date of birth, and told her that the surgeon is just finishing up and would be out shortly. My wife said ‘that cannot be right, the surgery was scheduled to take four hours and it has only been 40 minutes’. She was told to collect her belongings and to go into a small private family waiting room behind the registration area.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cannot imagine what was going through her mind at that time. A four-hour surgery stopped in 40 minutes? It couldn’t be good. My wife told me that within a few minutes the surgeon came into the room pulled up a chair leaned forward and said he had to abort the surgery. He continued; he is OK, but we went in and as we were checking his internal organs, his blood pressure dropped and we lost his heartbeat. I had to do chest compressions and my assistant surgeon did open heart massage. He was only gone for a short amount of time before we were able to bring him back. My wife said she was in shock at that moment. He continued, we did not feel comfortable with his chances to survive so continuing wasn’t an option. We closed him up. He is in recovery and will be moved to the intensive care unit. I have called in his cardiologist to confer with me. Once I meet with them, I will be up there early this evening to review what we know and what options we have. He then had a nurse take my wife to the recovery area. Even as I write this it still breaks my heart to imagine what she must have gone through for those minutes sitting in that room by herself. It is an experience I never want to have. We have been married 5 years as of May 30, 2014. In that short amount of time she has had her husband go clinically dead twice and the first one she actually witnessed. She is a strong and amazing woman to be able to handle this level of stress.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This voyage was short. The cloud tunnel was calling me; I heard it and I wanted to go. I knew the feeling of complete contentment and I knew the joy and happiness I could have once again. I spent years trying to understand why I couldn’t stay in Heaven and why I had to return to earth. Maybe this was the time, my time for my final glorious transition. Perhaps this would be my time to remain in the grace of GOD and enjoy the tranquility of being home. Alas, I was wrong. I only saw the tunnel entrance as it opened for me to enter, but I never entered. The surgeons worked diligently and quickly in-sync with anesthesiology to bring me back to the earthly side. I have no other details on this death, other than that. Once I woke in recovery, I was still in a very hazing state. I was on heavy pain medication due to the large incision in my abdomen. They moved me to the fourth floor ICU (intensive care unit) where I had spent recovering from a previous lifesaving surgery after a subsequent death. Once the nursing staff got me situated, my wife was allowed to see me. When she came to the bedside, I could see distress in her face and her eyes. The nursing staff was buzzing around and I asked how the surgery went. There was a moment of silence as the nurses looked at my wife and my wife looked at them as they were all working to see who should explain what had occurred. The nurse told me the surgery was not completed. They ran into an issue once they were in my abdomen. She told me that I flat-lined on the table and the Doctor would be in later to talk to me, but I needed to rest. I was in shock. All I could do is look at my wife and say, ‘Not again? What does GOD want from me?’, then I drifted off to sleep.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 8-15-2005, 4-29-2012, 10-29-2014

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Surgery-related. Heart attack. While under general anesthesia Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) In 2005, it was a cardiac arrest...in 2012 it was a Mallory Weiss tear with internal bleed out, and it took 11 pints of blood to keep me alive; in 2014, I was in surgery and I died on the operating room table. [Editor's Notation: Mallory Weiss syndrome refers to a laceration in the mucosa at the junction of the stomach and esophagus.]

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Life on earth was gone. I had no memories of it or the people left behind. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It seems your senses are more alert.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Highly alert, once I passed over the threshold of life on earth.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There are no time constraints in heaven.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Initially, vision was blurred but cleared shortly after arrival to the other side.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was more intense.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes See the story above....

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Family members

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Extremely bright, warm and inviting light

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Excitement, apprehension, extreme happiness, extreme peace, extreme calmness, intense love of GOD and warmth, perfect warmth

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic believe in GOD but not religious or overly religious

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I am a believer but not religious or a church goer. I think we all question GOD at some point in our lives. What I experienced was both consistent and inconsistent with my beliefs.. How can you believe what heaven is if you have not experienced it from an earthly state?

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I value death. Death is easy; it is living that is hard.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The Voice of GOD in 2003 and in the second death I saw the angels.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes it was a parallel tunnel to the other side

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes GOD does exist... The magnificence of the other side can only be a product of GOD

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes arrived in heaven and I know here is life after death.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Unknown

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes you felt the love of GOD in an intensity that cannot be explained in earthly terms

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I appreciate my wife much more. I know my time is limited and I can go any day. So I enjoy life and my relationships with others more intensely. I am more understanding and yet more fearful. I am still working through the emotional aspects of the experience.

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Initially, it was. It took eight years to write my initial book from the first experience in 2005.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the ex I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the ex

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes After 2005, it was 2 years until I saw a therapist to work through the issues I was having. I wasn't questioning death; I was questioning why I had to come back to earth because Heaven was so magnificent. I wrote a book called Two Trips to Heaven, which will be published in 4 weeks. I just completed the final read through. I also spoke of it with friends and family; and have spoken at a few churches in Detroit.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was life and belief altering.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real After three times, I am a devote believer.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Other NDEs