The story begins about four months before my NDE when I developed a hatred of a person over them attempting to control my family and future wedding to my then girlfriend. I began to develop a high level of anxiety. I did not know what was causing it at the time, as I had always been a calm and care free person and found the anxiety difficult to cope it. I could not identify what was causing it, but over the next few months, it got worse and worse. I began to take medication, but it had little or no effect. Eventually it caused me to take sick leave from work. I saw more and more doctors, but they just gave me mild anti-depressants. There was little they could do.
About a week before the NDE, I began to lose touch with reality. I became very confused about who I was, what I was doing and where I was going. I eventually admitted myself to a medical hospital, where I was given more drugs and released a few hours later. The next few days are a blur to me, but I remember I was at home with my family around me.
Early one morning, still completely confused and delusional and not in control of myself, I stabbed myself in the chest and punctured a lung. I then opened my bedroom window, climbed out onto the roof, shut the window behind me and jumped off the thirty feet roof head first thinking I could fly and everything would be okay.
I don't remember falling or hitting the ground. The next thing I remember is in vivid detail like it happened yesterday...
Unlike the previous four months, my mind was suddenly at peace. There was no anxiety. There was no confusion, just peace. I was floating about fifteen feet above my house looking around. I could do whatever I wanted to, I didn't have to turn to look at something; I just had to be curious about it. I remember looking at the window I had climbed out of and hearing people inside talking about me. They couldn't find me. They did not think I had climbed out of the window because the window was shut. I could hear every word they said. I did not see or care about my own body on the ground. It did not feel it was part of me.
The next thing I remember is everything went black. There was nothing, but I did not feel concerned. I then became aware of the presence of two beings. I could not see them or recognize them, but I got the feeling they knew me. I remember little of what they said, but a conversation did take place. The conversation was not in words, but in instant knowledge and understanding as if, it had been directly planted into you. I do remember thinking and telling the beings that there was more I wanted to do on earth and knew I should go back. The beings seemed to offer me little guidance as I already knew what to do, but were there as support for me.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the garden of our next-door neighbor in huge pain at the side of the house unable to move. I cannot remember a thing of how I managed to walk around the house to the front door, but on arrival there was an ambulance crew waiting, who had been called by my family. Dazed and confused, I got into the ambulance and passed out. Later I found out the knife missed my heart by quarter of an inch and I only sustained cuts and bruises from the fall.
It has been about five years since that day and although the memories leading to the NDE have become faded and confused, I can be certain of my NDE. Something happened to my soul during that encounter. Over time, I have been aware that I have been changing for the better. As a direct result of this, I have learned to challenge my negative feelings and explore my soul rather than my head to find solutions to problems. I am now a much kinder, more forgiving, charitable and loving person. I no longer have any hate for anyone or anything. I look around, see beauty in simple things, and as a result have little interest in material wealth. All of my anxiety is gone and has been replaced with a warm loving glow that resides within me wherever I go. Sometimes it is stronger than others are. It seems to know when I need it. I have found peace and love within myself. It had been within me all the time, but I just needed to learn how to find it. I try to share what I have learnt with others. I don't preach, but try to be there for loved ones when I'm needed and offer help to those I see suffering.
I have often thought about what happened to me, and challenged my thinking, explaining the situation away to the drugs or mental illness, but in myself, I know what is real. I think we are all here to learn something about ourselves. I don't know if our lives are guided or if we make all our own choices, but either way, I feel I have developed as intended.
As a side note, I used to get regular dreams where I would die. Since this event, I have not had any.
Oh, by the way, in case you think I am still suffering from mental illness, I now take no drugs at all, have a lovely home, dog and new girlfriend. I left my old job shortly after the event and am a company director for two companies, one of which I set up myself in the last eighteen months.
Date NDE Occurred: Aug 2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Suicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
I had fallen at least thirty feet head first causing me to have a punctured lung.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As I was floating above my house.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As I was floating above my house.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no concept of time. No hurry or timescale. I don't know how long the event lasted.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Greater clarity, instant choice of where to look, vivid colors.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could hear people in the house, through the walls and windows at a distance normal hearing would be lost.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes There were two spirits with me. I did not see them or feel I knew them, but they seemed to know me.
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, tranquility and total freedom.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I was never very religious, but kind of believed in the Bible. I now realize no religion really has it right, and that religions can be twisted to do bad things. Deep down we all know what it is to be 'good' we just need to listen and trust more.
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I was never very religious, but kind of believed in the Bible. I now realize no religion really has it right, and that religions can be twisted to do bad things. Deep down we all know what it is to be 'good' we just need to listen and trust more.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes At the time I did not feel any sense of special knowledge. I felt very empty of knowledge, only over time since the event have I felt a special knowledge. I feel on earth we are only given knowledge in small amounts that we can handle at any one time.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I used to only pick girls based on their looks. I was shallow. Since the event, I see more in people. I have found my soul mate, who I love dearly. I am also closer to friends, family and animals (Both wild and pets).
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The event was unearthly and therefore difficult to describe in earthly terms.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I feel more in tune with the world around me and as a result can feel people's and animal's emotions personally, and can therefore help them more easily.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It has changed my life. I don't really know if there is a single part that is more significant, it is as if the experience touched my soul for eternity.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only briefly. This is the most open I have been about it. Most people knew what I was going through at that time and I feel they will put it down to my mental state at that time.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Only heard of people going through tunnels.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real At first my mind was a mess and I doubted everything. As my physical and psychological wounds healed my mind cleared, but this event stood out and is still vivid with me today.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I think about it at some point every day. It seems to give my strength and reminds me of who I really am.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No