After the surgery, I was angry at being revived but was able to spontaneously reconnect with where I had been and had a more in-depth experience.
My NDE in 1990 happened while in the hospital being treated for liver failure. Fluid had accumulated in my abdomen and it was causing respiratory problems. I had been in there a few weeks and had not responded to any of the treatment thus far. The scans showed a mass that blocked the flow of fluid in the liver.
A procedure for draining the fluid was attempted. It involved using a tube inserted in my throat and putting me on a respirator to clear the lungs. In addition, a drain from the abdomen directly was also planned. An anesthetic was administered and I drifted, floating in a silvery bath.
I heard someone say 'hemorrhage' and then the illusion of the bath disintegrated into blackness. All the pressure in my upper torso and head seemed to release and flow down and out of me. I recall thinking, 'This can't be really happening, it must be an hallucination.'
There was a pinpoint of light in the distance and I was attracted to it. It was very comfortable where I was and it felt better the closer I drew to the light. I began to perceive some activity around the light and was curious about it.
Suddenly, I was yanked back from the light and I was confused about what was happening now. There was another yank and I heard someone say 'One hundred jewels'.
I was confused again. Then it happened once more and I heard 'One hundred ten jewels.' I had worked with high powered lasers and their energy is measured in 'Joules', so I thought they might be using lasers.
The feeling was like being pulled up through the center of the earth back to the surface.
That was the only tunnel-like experience I had and it was not pleasant.
Now I was back in my body but I couldn't move or feel anything, only hear.
An injection of 'Atropine' was administered then 'Sodium Carbonate'. These revived my body further. I could sense activity restoring cells to life throughout my body. I had learned in the military that Atropine was used as an antidote for nerve gas but I was confused as to why it was used on me. It is used as a heart stimulant and for the respiratory problems.
I came to later back in my bed angry that I had been so close and had been saved. There was still a sense of connection with that wonderful place I had just been and I took a risk and initiated a reconnection.
This time I was challenged to make an accounting of myself before I could proceed. I was defiant, angry, and only wanted oblivion. In spite of this, I was then given a choice of what my future existence would be. I chose to return and complete any unfinished business I still had with those dependent on me (my family mostly).
As this was considered a worthwhile task, I was guided toward the light by one of the feathery entities that were active around the light. Some sort of healing process then took place and I returned to my body feeling both wonderful and sad at having to let go of that love and acceptance in the light.
Next to my bed was one of those machines with the paddles that are used to revive cardiac arrests. I pulled the monitors and IV's out of me and started to leave the hospital to tell everyone the wonderful news. I got as far as the main lobby on the first floor before a guard stopped me and I was returned to my room.
The cause of my liver problems had been acute alcoholism. As a result of the experience the addiction to alcohol was gone. I was almost catatonic but I could sense what was happening around me, unable to respond. Sometime shortly afterwards a nurse came over to me and said, 'Usually, there's some sort of message when this happens.'
Somehow, the liver began to function from that point on. The hospital staff was somewhat daunted by my recovery and didn't dare any further treatment. They did perform a biopsy to determine if the mass that blocked the liver was malignant but the results were negative, no cancer, no cirrhosis scarring. The cause of the blockage had mysteriously vanished.
Months later, after asking my doctor about it, he said that several people at the hospital were asking about my health and he said, 'You're a very, very lucky man and there's no brain damage.'
I have some memories, not associated with the core experience of the light and feathery entities, of being instructed or prepared for my return. I knew there would be difficulties but just knowing a little about them gave me the faith to prevail.
Depending on what choices I made, the overall directions my life could take were outlined.
Just to validate my experience, a few details came back with me. One was that Mich'l Landon would die of the same condition I had been saved from. About a year later, his condition was made public and later he passed. Another was something concerning the Kennedys and there was indeed a scandal shortly afterwards, but they are so controversial that's not much of a prediction.
Date NDE Occurred: Sept, 1990
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Complications during surgery required reviving.
I was on a respirator for a surgical procedure. There were two parts to the experience, one during surgery, one after. (See main narrative.)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was floating, the other entities appeared to be feathery and I presume I was the same.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During surgery, under anesthesia. Afterwards, I'm not sure. My condition was very low.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time or duration does not exist in that state.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain The tunnel experience was on my return. The initial part was very fast.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Feathery entities that helped each other towards the light. As the filaments of the feathers responded to the flow of warmth from the light vibrations transferred from one to another accelerated the motion of both.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A pinpoint at first, it grew and resolved into a warm glow attracting feathery entities towards it.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Only the attracting light.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Well-being, acceptance.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe It consists of things we all 'know' deep inside. We are just too focused in the reality we experience every day to access this knowledge.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control One of these feathery entities transferred vibrations to me that were to be a form of values I would need to live by in my future life.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Several scenarios of how my life could develop were given to me. Apparently, I have the choice of which one to follow.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was given a choice of how I wanted to participate in the universe. I decided that there were too many loose ends regarding my past life to just leave it, so I opted to return to clear those up.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I developed a more positive attitude towards life. I began to participate more fully, in whatever enterprise I felt I could contribute to. I became ready to put more of myself into life rather than trying just to get as much out of life as I could.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes This type of experience/understanding transcends language
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I felt I did at first. Being a skeptic, I minimized and ignored those thoughts until they went away. I don't think I could manage my life by giving that sort of thing much acknowledgement.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Best: Letting go of fear. Worst: Seeing how folks are wasting their efforts and energy on things that are not that important.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Besides IANDS folks, I only tell those who seem to need to know about this sort of thing to deal with some current crisis or difficulty they are having.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I composed an image on my computer to describe my experience of the light. It has been printed in the book 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Near-Death Experiences' by PMH Atwater and David Morgan.