The memory starts with my staring at the pink and blue animals on my undershirt. I liked it and was touching them on the shirt. I looked up and was staring at these big steel bars in front of me. The next thing was that I was feeling so cold; so very, very cold. I was shivering and not liking it.
Then I was looking through a short hall with a closed door at the end. I heard footsteps getting closer and closer to the door on the other side. I was frightened of it because I didn't know who was on the other side. When the footsteps stopped, I was in front of the door and not down the little hall. But I had never moved. I was not standing or sitting, I just was staring at the door. I wasn't afraid. Then a man's voice said, 'If you want to leave, all you have do is open the door and step through. If you want to, you can.' I said without baby talk, maybe it was thinking my answers but I responded, 'No, I want to stay.' I did not take long in knowing this and that it was the right thing to do. I had something to do, though I did not know what it was and I did not wonder about it.
I should tell you how I know this was not a dream. It was real since no one would talk with me about it. For all my first 20 years I thought it was just a dream. My mother and I were shopping for baby clothes for my first born, who was due soon. I saw an undershirt with pink and blue animals on it and I touched them saying 'I wore one just like this when I was a baby.' My mother said looking at it, 'Yes exactly like it. How did you know that?' I told her I dreamt it and proceeded to tell her this dream. When finished, she had the look of shock and bewilderment. I asked, 'What?' She said, 'It was not a dream, but how could you possibly remember that? You were only a baby.' I didn't know what she was talking about, so I asked. She said that while in the hospital at about 18 months old, I did wear a undershirt with pink and blue animals on it. Back then the cribs the babies stayed in were big with steel bars. Of course, hospitals kept it very cold. I think because I had a fever. I began dehydrating to the point they admitted me and had no idea why it was happening. She said at one point they were worried that I would die because over a two week stay, I became progressively worse. Then one day, I recovered as fast as I had become ill. She said the difference was like night and day. The doctors were never able to explain it and she never did have a diagnosis. The doctors were amazed but everyone was just happy I was well again. That's how I know I crossed over and I could have left earth if I wanted. I know this much, I did not make a choice to remain because of any person. It was something else. I wasn't thinking about my parents or anyone just that I should stay.
Date NDE Occurred: 1963
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I knew I could end the life if I chose and I knew I did not want to. I made an adult choice. I was not thinking like a baby.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Entire time. From feeling cold to the small hallway.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
No awareness of time.
Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Amplified. Not LOUD LOUD, but I heard very clear the footsteps getting close. I heard his voice and mine were in conversation. I heard clearly in spite of the door between us. We talked in normal voices.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain. It was like a short hall with a door at the end. I didn't perceive a tunnel but it could have been one that I perceived it as a hall.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an Unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I was not home or in the hospital. I knew I was somewhere else. Not a place, I did not question it.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear of the footsteps because I couldn't see the man and I knew it was a man. Then calm when he spoke. Clear understanding.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I did not feel like a baby. I knew what I wanted to do. I was completely focused on the question.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a Boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes A door I was given the choice to go through
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. There was a reason but I don't know what, nor did I question it. There was a reason to stay but not related to a person. I thought of no one.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? No comment I was a baby. Impossible to have a religion preference.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain was a baby
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I am not religious. I believe in Christ and the bible. That's it. I also believe in reincarnation but not new age philosophy.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I was 18 months old. There was no believe system
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. A man behind the door asked me a question and gave me permission either way but unless I opened the door I would not see the man and I knew this. My guess is once the door opened, I would enter the area of light and would stay. Therefore he could not allow me exposed to it so I could make a decision without influences.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I was conscious of everything. I am aware there is no death only going through a door, only existence.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I spoke to one from that place separated by a door, like passing from one room to the next
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I knew I should stay to complete something. The decision was based on purpose
Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I new what the question meant. So I knew there was life beyond the door.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Unknown I don't know since I thought it was a dream and I was just a baby
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I was a baby. Maybe subconsciously
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I had no memory of life's experience at that time I remember the NDE
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I sense things and I'm usually correct. I knew many things I should not have as a child. Most about my own children to come into my future. Proven correct.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? One stands out now. Baby's on the other side think like adults, they can make important decisions. I don't think heaven has any babies. We are all adults until we come here.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Whenever the topic comes up. No changes in others lives I can see. Family acts like it didn't happen so I don't talk about it with them. Haven't for many years. Only friends and acquaintances.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real But again I was a baby. I don't remember.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I was a baby, do not recall
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Not sure what you mean
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was real. I don't know the whole truth on why and never will. I truly have a gift of detachment and do not feel anyone really loves me when they say and I always feel things can end without warning. These things I believe are a direct result of my mother's actions and life situations prior to becoming ill and entering death at its door. I am not sure this was the life intended for me. I think something changed that allowed for me to have the option of withdrawing from the earthly experience. I have always felt I did not belong...anywhere.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Maybe one thing. What if someone had more than one NDE? Maybe have them compare experiences.
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