I don't remember the accident; it was on the afternoon of a rainy day. I just have a very clear memory of being unconscious. There was wide blackness above me and I was going away from it, below it, as if I was falling. I wasn't sure where I was or what was happening. I remember the physical sensation of shrinking, and talking to myself. I thought it was like being in a funnel and I was going down, by the time I was in the very tip of the funnel I was quite small. I even said, ' I am the size of a pea now. Wow, I must be dying. This is really easy, it's so easy to die. You die in the blink of an eye; you can die without even knowing it.'
Then I realized that I couldn't die but why was I dying? Then sounds and words from above the void came to me, such as, 'Internal injuries.' When I heard that, I remembered my daughter (five years old), niece (six years old) were in the car with me, and I couldn't die without knowing if they were ok. As I thought to force myself back up a blinding white light was below me. I had to struggle to get away from it and fight to get through the blackness. Then I got to the top, my eyes flew open and a man's face was above me. I demanded to know, 'What is happening?' He said, 'You have been in an auto accident and have internal injuries, we are taking you to the trauma center.' Then I started giving out cell phone numbers of my husband, brother, sister-in-law to him. I reached over and held my daughter's hand, then I passed out several more times but I never went back to the void.
I got over all my injuries just fine and have only an enormous scar to show for it.
Date NDE Occurred: 1/1995
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident I had a ruptured diaphragm and all my internal organs were pushed up into my lungs. My surgeon in intensive care told me I was very lucky. Life threatening event, but not clinical death I probably stopped breathing for a very short time as CPR was applied.Auto accident, I suffered internal injuries. Broken pelvis and ruptured diaphragm, internal organs pushed up into my lungs.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes See main narrative.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Unconscious.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There didn't seem to be time, as if it wasn't there anymore.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Only above me when I realized (or told myself) I was dying. Then I could focus on some critical words that brought me up.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It seemed like a funnel and like I was going down it.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was extremely bright and white.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I had to get 'back up' to find out if the children were ok.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I've always been very happy and positive and I am even more so now, but now I am more scared of the variables all around. It makes me more observant, cautious, and nervous. Before the accident, I was always happy go lucky, felt very young for my age, sort of invincible, and totally oblivious to dangers. Now, I also feel the urge to tell people that it is ok to die? Whenever I know that someone is mortally ill I want to comfort them. Why I don't know because it was only a feeling not a place or an angel or anything like that.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Exactly a year later I had vivid ghastly nightmares about my being in auto accidents that lasted a short time. In my dreams, I had out of body experiences. I had not had any dreams right after the accident or the whole year following and have not since. But they were so bad that I clenched my jaw and chipped the base of my teeth in my sleep. The pressure was that great, and I couldn't open my mouth in the morning. I had to see a psychiatrist. The dreams only lasted a week or two I think. They've never come back.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I survived, and I am glad I know what it feels like to 'die'. I am very curious about what would have happened if I went deeper or into the white light? It feels like there is another side to go to.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Just kind of interested. I had a dear friend die of bone cancer and he would ask me often to tell him how I felt when I thought I was dying. It comforted him a lot. I wish I could have told him more or that I had a vision of angels or some such, but just the fact that I felt calm during the event offered him much peace.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Oddly enough. Three years later, I had another 'near death' incident where a car almost hit me and a group of eighty schoolchildren down on a steep mountain road/highway late at night. The headlights were right behind me and I saw the car coming (fast, and on the wrong side of the road). I said to myself, 'Oh my god, people are going to die, please let it be me.' I was the only parent who saw the car coming (maybe I was naturally much more observant from the previous accident).
At any rate, somehow I had amazing reaction, speed and tremendous strength, so I started screaming to warn everyone. Then I literally pushed and threw seven children (including my daughter) out of the path of the car while running as fast as I ever had. I was not hit and neither was anyone else. But the next day my neck was terribly injured, in such horrible pain. Shortly later, my arm became paralyzed. I had to have major surgery to repair the severe damage. But my neurosurgeon made a great incision and the scar on my neck is hardly visible. Right afterwards the parents ran up to me, hugged me, kissed, and called me a hero. To this day one of the little girls (now a teenager) when she sees me thanks me for 'saving her life'. The reason I mention this incident is that the headlights from the car later reminded me of the light from the other accident. It is also strange that my 'prayer' was answered. It was I, not any of the children, but I didn't die. People asked me later if I wasn't bitter and angry (I suffered in extreme pain for two months before the doctors realized I had spinal cord damage). I felt the opposite, as if in the deal I got off light, because in the 'deal' I made I was willing to forfeit my life. Now I am fine with an arm that now works with no pain, a small scar and a neck that moves normally but just differently and less than before.
I know this seems unrelated to the previous accident but there is something indefinable about what happened. About looking in those headlights and facing death again, as if I had been making a prayer or trade with some force or something. It seems so much like the previous incident when I was at the tip of the funnel and saw the white light. It's eerie to me. I wonder, there might be something divine in this world, or on the other side of it?