Prior to the event, I had presented at the emergency room with symptoms of anaphylaxis shock from being allergic to fish. I had to be intubated and was put on a ventilator. Then, I was flown to a larger hospital. They gave me medication to keep me in a coma for three days. My experience occurred during that three-day time frame. I have no concept of what days or times, as in the ‘other’ place, time does not exist. Everything is all at once but without chaos.
My experience is as follows:
So I am in the coma. It's very dark, a void. It’s so dark. There is intense pressure pushing all around and on me. I am alone. It's so, so dark, then I am asleep and unaware. I wake up in the void again. I struggle so hard to move through the space in the void. It's exhausting and I frequently go back to the deep sleep. I am not sure of how long, as in this other place there is no time as we understand it here, but one time everything exists all at once. It isn't chaos because it's as it should be.
I am on the other side of what I can best describe as a membrane. It is like a picture being under the ice in a frozen lake. It's not cold, but this image works. I float beneath the membrane, and I become aware that the room that my body is in is on the other side of this membrane. I can hear people talking. My daughter is standing to my right, a bit behind me and in front of the ventilator. She is wearing a red, button-up shirt. She says nothing. She is decidedly concerned and is hiding it. I see myself. I am trying to wake my body up, but I lay there in the bed so still. I am still under the membrane and not in the room. I can just see it, like through the ice. I felt profoundly sad for my family, but indifferent about my body and its condition.
Then I am back in the dark place, the void, with all the pressure, then the deep sleep. The deep sleep is not at all restful. It is nothingness and induced beyond my control. I fight falling into it when I feel it coming.
Then I am in this light, but light isn’t the right word. It's white and rich with vibration but not unpleasant. It is all around me, on me, in me, and through me. It is safe. I don't see anyone else there but I am keenly aware that everyone is there; all whom I know and don't know; everyone who has ever existed. We are all connected although I don’t see anyone. I have only light for clothing. I don't really have a definable physical form like a body; I am just bright light. Other people wear clothes, some wear robes, I am aware that people are dressed according to their preconceived notions of what they would wear here, what they thought they would wear in heaven when they were still alive.
I ‘see’ these people but not in a physical sense, it is difficult to describe. I used the word ‘alive’. That is a misnomer as it implies that there is ‘death’. There is no death. There is a state in which we can choose to occupy a body, but leaving it does not in any way mean death. Energy can’t be created or destroyed. It only changes form. I am told this, though not with words, the knowledge is just there. I know that I learned this when I was in my body, as a young girl. It is a truth here in the now and in the other places.
I am a very bright light in this place, and beings that are very bright lights are in danger. The thieves that live in the void all work together to try to extinguish bright lights. I am aware that the thieves have attempted this both in the physical world also known as the now, and in this spirit place. There is no religion here. NONE. There is spirit. There is knowledge, light, and awareness. Knowledge is given as it is needed. It’s not like a collection of facts either. It is given and then you don't have to remember it, it imprints and then its bulk is gone. The imprint is all that is needed to retain it.
I did not see any loved ones, or specific people. I did not look for anyone. I just enjoyed the white light and the vibrations that went through me, very contented and without any conflict at all. Then I am sucked backward, so forcefully, back into the dark place, the void. Then, I am back near the membrane between the void and the now. I feel myself pop through it. I see myself lying in the bed. I am over me, though not floating. I wish I could describe this.
My existence is in what would be the ceiling area of the room. I see me and the monitors, the ventilator. My best friend Megan is there and she and my son David are both crying. The nurses rush in, respiratory people rush in, there are alarms, flashing numbers, but I do not feel afraid. I am absolutely indifferent. I see my body in the bed and it is very still. My friends, Megan and David, are now in another waiting room area. I am omnipresent both with myself in my hospital room and in the waiting room. David and Megan are discussing that if I survive this, I need to have a person that can make my medical decisions if I cannot. This conversation and the location of it have been confirmed.
My attention shifted back in the room. The conversation in the waiting room between my friend and son, and what is what is happening in the intensive care unit, are happening all at once but I am able to shift my attention between the two. There is no time here, though the events are in proper chronology.
My attention is now back to the room. The medical staff in the room are focused and hurried. The doctor arrives, the crash cart is opened, and medications are put in my IV line. There is expectant waiting, then more medications, then the nurse with the blonde hair rubbing my sternum hard with her fist. It looks as though it might be painful if I could feel it. This event is confirmed. I am then forcefully sucked back into the darkness, the void. There is so much pressure, pushing so hard on my chest. It takes all of my effort to breathe, though I feel no breath or the need to fill my lungs, it’s as though I must do this work for the outside me that is in my body Then, the deep sleep. I’m moving through the dark space, with more physical effort than I have ever felt. I am working so hard, trying to find the membrane, or the light. Then back to the deep sleep, then in the light. I move into the center of the white light and then it becomes my clothing, though I have no body.
I press myself further in, as though, like it might feel if you were lying on your bed and pressing your back into the mattress. I am pressing myself into the light. I press into this part of existence, like digging in my heels so that I am secure. I don't want to be sucked back into the void, into the now, and then back to the void. There is darkness is all around me, not just the lack of light, but the presence of what could be described as bad spirits, though that seems a very hollow and inadequate description. They are all around me, moving in on me, violating my space, as though they mean me harm. I am very weak, and I am losing strength fast.
Then suddenly a tall woman, definitely female, but standing like a warrior, adorned in the bright white light, I am drawn to her with great force and drawn close into what would be her chest. She puts out her fist, thrusts it out forcefully to punch and lands the blow on what would be the head of this evil entity. It is dark and I can only see her, but I know in my core that this is happening. The evil entity explodes and is cast away in many pieces. I am with her, the bright spirit, very close, and safe and warm. I feel her presence surrounding me, around me, on my skin, inside and through me. It is like we are sand in a spinning funnel, it is difficult to know where she ends and I begin, yet she somehow maintains her appearance as a tall strong woman that is adorned in light and is a bold spirit and my protector. I do not want to leave her, but somehow, I make a decision that I cannot stay right now. I must go back and be in my body in the now, although I prefer it not be so. I feel quite indifferent about everyone, the kids; however, I am settled with this decision and come back to my body.
Ever since, I am different. I meet people and I know things about them that I could not possibly know. I told a nurse had a new granddaughter what the child’s name was. I told her and that the woman had laid the baby in her lap and had pulled the blanket back from her and had put her hands on the child’s chest and stroked down her torso and down her legs ending as she pulled her fingers over and past the child’s toes. I recounted this to a nurse that we met after I got out of the hospital. I had never met her and she had never been involved in my care and worked in a different hospital in a different town. I knew that she and her husband had purchased a house and that was why she had chosen not to retire so they could pay this mortgage. I told her straight away that the decision was wrong, and that she and her husband had become consumed with themselves and their comfort rather than using their resources to locate to the state where their grandchildren were and to carry on in a way that would enrich the lives of their family.
I have many experiences like this now. I can even recreate where I am not in my body, I am out, and I can travel, near the light and to other places, as I desire. I have no fear of death at all, as there is no ‘death’ only in that the body becomes useless to us and is cast off. I miss the other place and look forward to going back and not being encumbered by this body and all that comes with it. I am having quite a bit of trouble acclimating to my body and my mind. I have speech, occupational, and physical therapy each week for troubles with balance. Though I have not been diagnosed with stroke, there are issues with some receptive and expressive aphasia like knowing how to behave appropriately in public. For example, when I get a strong sense about someone, I walk up to them and tell them things, especially things that will benefit their future or bring them comfort. I am always right about the details of their lives and when I tell them whatever it is, they always are thankful and feel that this information was ‘right on the nose.’ Have you ever opened a package and taken out the contents only to have to put them back in the box? The item never fits back in quite right. That’s how I feel now, like I don’t fit back into this box of body and mind. It isn't quite the same anymore.
Date NDE Occurred: August 2014
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock and induced coma with mechanical ventilation. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes The facts have been checked out.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal This one is tough to put words on as words are self-limiting. I was in the light, and I knew things without asking, I learned things without searching, I knew my design and the definition of my existence. I knew that all is as it should be, even when it seems to the contrary. I knew that all things exist at once. I knew that I had been alive in the now many times before this and that I would choose to inhabit a body on this earth many times more. I knew that connections to people here on earth do not end. Nothing is lost. Consciousness is not in the brain, it cannot be confined by a structure or the body. It is and always was. We are all connected to everything. I once traveled to a place, in the spirit, and there were flowers, and grass, I was in a valley. The sounds, colors, and smells they are indefinable to you. The flower was brightly adorned with light that was a color like none here. Everything there on the other side has vibration, that is how it is here, but few are able to sense it. There is so much more to say here that I could go on for volumes, but I will stop.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in the light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
It is just as you have stated it. Time as defined here does not exist there, though there was a clear chronology of events. Meaning, this happened first, then this, then that. I have no idea how long I was in the other places, only that I was in a coma for three days. I do know that at one time when I passed through the membrane to the ‘now’ it was on the third day when my sister had arrived.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was entirely different than ‘seeing’ as you would define it. ‘Seeing’ there is in entirety. The images were created in my knowing through great vibrations, all energy expressing itself through different frequencies. Light was used to send thoughts into me, which then formed images, but not before my eyes, in my mind as though I had seen it.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. That one is tough. Hearing here is limited as we are aware only of the sounds and not each fine vibration and frequency. The sound there is similar to what you might experience if you put your hand on a speaker: feeling the vibrations of the sounds in your hand, and if you turned it up very loud, through your arm, into your bones and louder still into your core. As far as how information is relayed, it is understood as words that are not spoken; they are given internally and imprinted.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Not in the sense you might think. I was just suddenly aware that I was in a dark void. Then when I was able to be in the now, I felt a physical and audible popping sensation as I moved through the membrane from there to here. When I was drawn into the light, I was unaware of anything like walls around me as one would see in a tunnel, just a strong pulling sensation into the bright angel and into her arms. When I was pulled back from her back into the now, it was as though I was being sucked back through a violent tornado, but thankfully that was brief. When going into the light I was always moving forward. When coming back to the now I was pulled backward and facing backward. When going back and forth into the void I moved both directions.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I am trying to think of how to express this. I experienced others in a collective sense, like a shared consciousness. I was connected to all things. I knew this in my knower, though I did not see anyone specific. The issue with dead or alive is a bit of a sticking point because no one dies: in that, no one stops existing. Physical bodies are shed, but everything else keeps going.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was as I have described: bright, full of vibration that penetrated me down to my smallest nerve and cell. It carried a physical sensation that was strong and pleasing. Seeing is not only a visual experience there it involves all senses and is spiritual and mental.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm There were 5 identifiable places through and in which I could move my existence. 1. The now, which then was a hospital room in the ICU. I was also multi-present in the now, in that I was able to be in my room in the ICU and also with family members in the waiting room, and I was aware of their movement in the halls. 2. The void. This dark place was often very oppressive. 3. The deep sleep: A place where I could feel that I was going, but once there, I was completely unconscious. 4. The membrane, a place that seemed to be in a part of the ‘void’. This was like a window through which I could see the now, and sometimes pass through to the now. 5. The bright light: A place of brilliant white light that was on me, in me, and through me.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I feel so inadequate in my skills to define this. Putting words to all of this often seems wrong, as I know that they are woefully lacking. I experienced complete love: all the types at once, paternal, maternal, Eros, friendship all of it. Erotic love is there in the sense that the sensations of love are felt as pleasurable like just after orgasm, but with the same intensity. Many will balk at that, but to deny it or omit it would be to steal from it. It's not only erotic as that would be hollow love: it is paternal, protective, comforting, maternal, wrapped around me and comforting me within, it is loyal and unending, providing complete safety. In being loved in this way, my freedom of expression was unleashed. I felt fear. When I was in the void, I felt threatened by the dark thieves. I knew there was peril, and I felt much as one would here who was being threatened. I knew in my knower their intent. When the bright female spirit came to my rescue, I felt intense relief and peace. My skin tingled from the vibrations there. I felt excitement in every sense of the word. I felt oppressed and weighed down when I was in the void and that felt crushing both physically and spiritually.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I understood everything that I needed to understand. I was not given knowledge of specific events or people. I understood that the universe is in harmony. All of it and its inhabitants whether they be human, animals, rocks, or trees. I knew there was a creator a being or entity that set all that is in motion. I knew that nothing existed outside of this entity. I understood completely that everything is always as it should be.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The membrane between there and the now is the clearest boundary as there was: a popping sense and I went through it or back.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I became aware, in my knowing (knowing and knower are to mean: knowing something in a sense that is complete, not just academic. Knowing it in completeness and in all levels of being), that I was going back. I resigned myself to the fact that this was indeed the thing to do now. I was sucked forcefully back into my body and the now, though it was my willingness that caused it to be so. I felt quite indifferent to the idea that anyone here in the now might need or miss me. That was not in any way part of my decision to come back. I just knew in my being that it was the next step.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I attend a Christian church. However, I know that my spirituality is independent and not connected to any faith. Especially since my NDE
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Primarily, that there is no religion in the spiritual realm. There is one ‘God’ who is the author and creator of all that is. We live more than one life here on earth. That all that we ‘know’ and perceive actually exists outside of our physical form and is held in the universe somehow, as it is not extinguished by bodily death. That life here on earth is but a very, very small part of our existence. We are eternal. That we are all connected to each other and everything and therefore all that we do has an effect on the rest. That each person's existence is self- defined yet God is in every part of it. That love and harmony are the most important values. Also that all discord has at its heart the word ‘me’ or ‘I’. I attend a Christian church. However, I know that my spirituality is independent and not connected to any faith: Especially since my NDE. I feel spirits near. I am able to relate to people information that spirits give me for them. I have had one experience where I felt overpoweringly compelled to pick up a pencil and paper. When I did, I fell into a trance-like state and wrote three pages. When I read them back, they were not in my handwriting...it was completely different, on the last page the words were in a circle. The message was an assurance of the existence of God.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I attend a Christian church. However, I know that my spirituality is independent and not connected to any faith. Especially since NDE.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Primarily, that there is no religion in the spiritual realm. There is one "God" who is the author and creator of all that is. That we live more than one life here on earth. That all that we "know" and perceive actually exists outside of our physical form and is held in the universe somehow, as it is not extinguished by bodily death. That life here on earth is but a very very small part of our existence. That we are eternal. That we are all connected to each other and everything and therefore all that we do has an effect on the rest. That each person's existence is self defined yet God is in every part of it. And that love and harmony are the most important values. Also that all discord has at its heart the word "me" or "I".
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes That everything is as it should be. We are able to live multiple lives. That time exists all at once allowing people, who are able, to move about between realms.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered the bright female spirit who was assigned to be my protector. I ‘heard’ nothing in the sense that one ‘hears’ here in the now. I just gained all information effortlessly in my being.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes It was given into my knowing that I had lived many lives and would live many more. It was clear that this was true of all of us, that we have the choice to come back and live and experience life in a physical body as we so choose. It was given into my k
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Oh yes. I was made aware that EVERYTHING is connected. All people, all things, all life that exist are connected. All of our thoughts are connected and they together influence the direction of the world and the universe. We are connected both in the n
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I simply knew and understood this to be true. I was given words recently that were made present in my knowing re: God and his existence. If there is an opportunity anywhere in this format I will share it.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That I am a ‘bright light’ and that as a ‘bright light’ I am given the gift of talking to others and sharing my experiences in a way that will be most helpful to them. That by relating my experience many will gain an understanding that will give them much needed peace.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Yes. It was given into my knowing that the reason for our existence on earth is so that we may learn who we are and who God is in us. We are here to express God..through our actions, thoughts, deeds...to the rest of the world. It takes us many lives her
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Yes. I knew this because it was given into my knowing. I could not definitively say by whom, in the sense that there was not a person standing before me. Certain things are just given into your knowing there by the energy that is the creation of all, b
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Only in that it all adds to the rich complexity of our experience here. That both the good and the bad, the sour and the sweet, they are gifted to us so that we can have the fullest experience possible here. Now, whether we choose to see it that way or
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That to enjoy it to its fullest we must learn to express and accept it in all its facets. Maternal, paternal, erotic, friendship etc. That it is wonderful and as it should be that a woman would express maternal love for her mate and that her mate would
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I just feel greatly at peace most all of the time. I am not upset or affected by other people's expressions of anger or frustration at the issues in their lives and I feel great understanding and compassion for them. I am no Large changes in my life I just feel greatly at peace most all of the time. I am not upset or affected by other people's expressions of anger or frustration at the issues in their lives and I feel great understanding and compassion for them. I am now keenly attuned with the spiritual and matters concerning the spiritual. I am now able to know things about other people's lives...especially people whom I have just met. I have had God compel me to write down information that he wants me to have and to share that information with others. I am greatly affected by vibration, audible frequencies. Some that are high pitched cause me immediate pain; others with a lower pitch put me almost immediately into a trance-like state. I can taste food not only with my tongue but with the insides of my cheeks. I now love hot and spicy things and hate things I once loved and craved as far as food. I now can put on, for example, a tuning fork healing meditation on YouTube, and leave my body and travel elsewhere. I am able to focus my energy on people and they seem to sense it and become calm. There are so many changes: I could go on and on.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes People seem to sense that I am peaceful. People, who did not come to me for comfort, or for whom it would be out of character, come to me now. I feel much more compassion for people in my life. I feel far more patient. I also know that negative emotions and the expression of them by others are ok and is their way of working through the confusion of this life.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words are too confining. I feel if I were an artist, I could draw it, and then write the words, and if I could sing, I could add the song and the music, the cadence. If I could touch you, I feel I could put it into your knowing. It would take all art, and all senses, and my touch given to you in a way that you could receive. But alas, I cannot sing, nor am I an artist, nor can I write a symphony that would tell it to your ears as it was. My touch would fall painfully short, and I could send the information through my fingers into your body, but you would have no idea how to interpret it.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am able to know things about people I do not know. I can sense things that have deep emotional connection or significance in people that I do not know, for example: a waitress at a restaurant where we were eating...I looked at her and said, ’you have a strong connection to the water, to the ocean specifically on the East coast.’ She was stunned. I told her ‘Your spirit and you will benefit greatly by your moving closer to the water’. She had no question that this was true.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of them.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Within hours of coming out of the coma I related to my fiancé that I had seen myself lying in the bed when I was in the coma and on the ventilator, that my daughter was standing in the room to my right and a bit back, and was wearing a red button up shirt. I remembered the experience very soon after waking, within hours, but my speech was such that I could not express it. Also, I was very weak and slept a great deal for approximately four days. Interestingly on the day that I came out of the coma and off the ventilator, I went back and forth between the now and the void. I wrote this experience down within about a month after being out of the hospital. I have been out of the hospital for about a month now.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had a near death experience in the past. I am unsure as to whether or not it affected this one, though it was different in that I remained in the room, above me watching the events in the room. I never went on to another realm. Though afterward, I had one out of body experience where I traveled to a spiritual place and spent time there.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I just knew that it was true. I was anxious to get my speech and my words back so that I could relate it to others.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I simply have no doubts that it was real. It was a wonderful experience and one that I look forward to returning to: not the void, which was decidedly an awful place.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I am able to travel outside my body and into the spiritual realm. Certain frequencies of sounds, like Tibetan bowls, tuning fork frequencies can put me into trance and I am able to travel out of body.